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MammaMia 28-02-2009 03:03 AM

*sends snuggles to all*

Am so bloody hyper, just what I *really* need when I need to be up at 6.30-6.45am and it's already 3am :( Been talking to my boyfriend for nearly 8 hours staight which makes me happy. But I know he's not had the best of evenings and that makes me sad too espically as it was due to a topic that affects up both deeply, it affects him because he lost someone to it and is scared a little to dicuss it with me because he doesnt want to lose me to it aswell, and affects me because I've done it and struggling not to right now...(od)

Damnation. 28-02-2009 05:23 AM

Can't. Stop. Feeling. Triggered.

Nothing works.

No distraction.

Giving in doesn't help. LKDHKSDJFKGFHXGKUHSKGJHS

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 05:49 AM

Firstly *hugs to all* and thanks to everyone for the support I received when I was IP.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to be fairly selfish right now and only comment on myself, however, I do want everyone to know that I have read your messages.

I'm not going to go into any great detail about why I went IP or anything like that in here, I'll do that in my thread when I'm good and ready, but both the lack of treatment that I received in there and certain situations that have occurred since have not made for an overly good time. I was basically told when I finally got to see the doctor that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and that I did not need any medication at all and was told that he was happy to keep me overnight but was intending to discharge me in the morning .... I then (after calming myself down a bit) used my rights as a voluntary patient to discharge myself and of course am now dealing with a whole lot of .... not so pleasant circumstances. The end of result of which is that I am no longer in contact with my parental units in any way shape or form, and have lost access to my private psychiatrist. My GP is attempting to "step up to the plate" and has prescribed a medication which meant that last night I slept for something like 10 hours ... the longest I have slept in several months, perhaps even years.

Anyway, so that I don't bore or stress anyone .... the medication has calmed me down a little so that I am able to (for the time being) cope with my other symptoms, and my GP is going to see what the next step should be and will be keeping a close eye on me.

Seriously though, I want to thank all of you for your kind wishes, thoughts and support while I was IP.

*hugs everyone who is able to accept hugs*

Damnation. 28-02-2009 05:52 AM

Sorry, I didn't have the concentration to read all of that, but I read some, and it's good to have you back, Kahlia <3

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 06:10 AM

:) Dayna, it is good to be back. Don't stress at all about not reading it all .... you can always find it again if you need to. lol *hugs you*

Damnation. 28-02-2009 06:10 AM

...I don't know who I am any more. I don't feel like me, like Däyna. I'm just a shadow of my former self.

I'm sitting here with blood all over my hands, my leg bloodied up, scratched, stained, cut, my ankle 'bandaged'. I have a tissue that's so bloody that there is literally no white left, and I have another, less messed tissue in my pocket.

THIS ISN'T ME.

I still want to cut and cut and cut and cut. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD HELP, IF HE ****ING CARED, IS IGNORING ME. ****ING ****.

Kahliayoupostcutmeomg!

Yeah, I'll try and read it tomorrow. I won't have the concentration tonight *hugs back*

Kahlia1981 28-02-2009 09:02 AM

Dayna : My sincerest apologies. Don't stress over it darl. I just hope that you can find someone to help you ... even if that is just a non-judgemental listening ear. *snuggles you*

wildly insane 28-02-2009 09:59 AM

*hugs Kahlia* Good luck with everything am so glad your GP is doing her best and am so sorry to hear about your parental units, I hope things get better soon.

*hugs Dayna* hope you are okay, is Dayna Dayna again? sorry words fail *hugs*

shadowedsoul 28-02-2009 11:27 AM

thanks wildly insane for the hug. hugs you back. hmm....iam doing reallly badly right now, it just seam to be one blow after another. was in a really stuiped mood last night, really wanted to just end it. had enough, cant keep going pretending everthing is allright when it isnt, meh

MammaMia 28-02-2009 07:32 PM

*squishes Kahlia* I'm glad your GP is helping you lots

*squishes all* Hope everyone's doing okay.

Omg today....just wow. I went to choir rehersal and actually really enjoyed it. Then got a lift into town which helped save time and then went my nans. Really enjoyed it. Got to see my baby cousin Grace again and as always she melted my heart and made me grin like an idoit. I swear she's an advanced child already!! She looked like she wanted to read this book my nan has had for years, all her children have read it and annd their children and now Grace & Freya (my other baby cousin) are gonna be next hehe!!!!! I told Grace today I'll be telling her in the future to be good (or something along the those lines) and she grinned at me haha. Better stay strong hey? She might need me sometime in that future ;)

Eclectica 28-02-2009 08:16 PM

Pleaqse pass please pass please pass PLEASE JUST ****ING PASS. We are so sick of feeling so damned angry. No release for it. SH ain't working **** anymore. Nothing can rid of this ****ing shitty **** anger rage hate. I HATE HIM. Bad day.

Eclectica 28-02-2009 11:13 PM

I'm so ****ing desparate for medication to clear this damned anger, yet not to kill my splits off.

This anger needs to go. NEEDS to go. I'm ranting for no reason at people. I hate people so much I want to HARM them.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
I want to scream, to SH. I want to punch, kick, bite, scratch, cut, OD, hold my breath, get drunk, beat myself up, all sorts of ****.


BUT NOTHING ****ING WELL WORKS. No matter how bad.

I want rid of this anger and hatred. Please.

Mary Anne 01-03-2009 12:25 AM

*holds Kat tight* hope it passes soon

*hugs Helen* really glad you had a good time

*hugs Dayna*

*hugs Kahlia* happy to have you back but sad you did not get the help you needed, you are not being selfish, you need to look after yourself more than anything.

*hugs shadowedsoul, Wildy Insane, englishgirl123, Nicole, Jade, Voice, Ravyn and anyone else who is around*

I had a reassuring day, the only child I have had contact with during my life was he-devil's son and I just could not get along with him, and I thought that all children must hate me but I spent the day with a friend and her 4 children who range from 3 weeks to 10 years old and I got on so well with them, played with them, talked to them and even held the baby (first time ever!), maybe I am not so horrible after all. Eating was good last week too :)
Still unhappy on my own but Fraggle is happy not to share me.

Kahlia1981 01-03-2009 09:01 AM

*offers hugs to all*

It has been a long and trying day and I'm emotionally and physically tired right now so I am unable to comment on too much. Just want to wish everyone a good day or night (depending on your time zone). Peace to all.

Damnation. 02-03-2009 02:33 AM

So. Very. Very. Triggered.

Again ;-;. This is happening on a daily basis now. The very strong urges. Starts off small, and gets worse and worse. xdfjkdhgjkhsgouhwrioye5iouyerioju75eio

MammaMia 02-03-2009 02:47 AM

*squishes*

9 months xD

Damnation. 02-03-2009 02:48 AM

*Squishes back* Congratulations! <3

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 04:14 AM

Helen ~ Yay!! Congratulations. *hugs you tightly*

Dayna ~ *big squishes and holds you safe and tight*

Damnation. 02-03-2009 04:15 AM

*Hugs Kahlia tightly back*

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 04:22 AM

*holds Dayna and removes any dangerous items from within reach*

Damnation. 02-03-2009 04:41 AM

*Clings to*

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 06:53 AM

*continues holding Dayna*

Sorry it took so long to respond, things haven't been brilliant here ....

Damnation. 02-03-2009 06:55 AM

Tis alright *hugs back*. I'd stay around to talk with you a bit more, but I have to go in five mins x_O

Kahlia1981 02-03-2009 07:00 AM

Dayna, I just hope that you are feeling a little better, and if not, that you are able to find a way of feeling a bit better. *hugs you tightly*

shadowedsoul 02-03-2009 07:46 AM

hmm..........curls into a tight ball in the corner of the room, puts a blanket over my head. hmm not coming out of here. cant do this really cant. too much pressure. crys my eyes out.

mouse in darkness 02-03-2009 11:45 AM

Hi everyone *Hugs all*

Welll today was realy fun (not). I was discharged for the psyc unit and then stuffed around by social security. I had a major panic attack at school tonight. That wasn't fun. The hard part was was that my head was coming up with new ways to SI with the art tools we were using. I new it was eithr give up and leave or so somthing stupid. So I ended up leaving early and getting one of my classmates to drop me home. I am soooo tired.

While I was one the ward I didn't inform my family as they react wierd. Like the illness is theres. Well they can have it if they want. When my mum found out she cracked a mickey at me. I realy didn't ned that. But she gave me a lift to the local shopping centre to get my medication. I find it so hard to talk about my illness with them as they always change the subject. It seems there is no pleasing them.

Sorry bout the rant just needed it out, although it hasn't changed my mood.

Hope everyone is good or atleast things are improving to your favour.

*Hugs and chocolate biscuits for all*

Mary Anne 02-03-2009 12:45 PM

*hugs everyone*

Nicole - I know what you mean about telling your parents, mine only know about half the story and we have never ever spoken about si or my previous suicide attempts. I am always here if you need an ear to bend *hugs*

*cuddles Kahlia and Danya* how you both doing now?

*hugs Helen* excellent news on making it to nine months

*hugs shadowedsoul*

I'm in my usual I hate Mondays mood but I am 2 weeks free today and working on keeping it that way. Soooo tired today.

*leaves hugs and mini eggs for everyone*

~*Rainbow*~ 02-03-2009 01:03 PM

Giving up now - had enough now-
loan still hasnt come through
being made homeless on wednesday
have no job
no money
nothing

I have two choices
live on the streets
or
go back to scotland

if i got back to scotland i lose my partner for good, not only that but i will lose everything i have fought(sp?) for down here like my freedom and getting finally clear of everything!!!

But i have no house
no where to stay
no friends to stay with
no money to get anywhere to stay
the council wont help me because i have no connections to the area!
i dont know what to do!!!
im scared and alone
and all i want to do is cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spirit of an Angel 02-03-2009 06:00 PM

hugs to every one in here.
so very tired and washed out need to lay down in here for a bit.

Eclectica 02-03-2009 08:08 PM

Nearly in tears when I eat. I don't like eating. But I'm too weak not to.

I'm cold, uncaring, selfish, horrible, sarcastic, and all sorts like this. And I don't care. I only feel anger and hatred. I don't feel love or caring. My name was taken by an alter and I've lost my identity. My dreams told me I'm called Ratchet now.

Katie died back when I was young, back when Kat became to exist. Katie is dead. Dead and stone cold, lying in the abyss of my mind.

Kat became, I became Kat. Now I am no one, but nicknamed Ratchet.

Katie fell, Kat lived, Kat stole, this person split.

Eclectica 02-03-2009 10:37 PM

Oh for ****s sake please no.

THAT feeling is back... The feeling that makes me go to deep. That puts me in hospital. I want stitches, to suffer. I just have to wait a while until I can.

I hate this feeling. I don't want to. But my minds made up. No no no no NO.

wildly insane 03-03-2009 08:43 AM

*hugs Kat* how are you?

*hugs Dayna" are you feeling any better?

*hugs FreeSpirit**hugs MaryAnne**hugs Helen*

*hugs Nicole* I can't tell my parents anything, they don't understand, hope you're feeling less triggered though

*hugs Nikki* good luck finding somewhere to stay, doesn't your boyfriend have some friends you could stay with? sorry probably not helpful, hope you are ok

*hugs Shadowed Soul* remember if you ever want to chat feel free to send me a message

*hugs Jade if she's around* and everybody else who's hiding in the corners.

late for work...

wildly insane 03-03-2009 08:46 AM

sorry that sounds particularly rubbish *big hugs and squishes to everybody* I hope a ray of sunshine isn't far away, please keep fighting. *leaves a vast array of dvds and pizza and cake and tea*

zowie 03-03-2009 09:39 AM

*Big hugs for Helen* Congratulations on making it to nine months hun, that's a huge acheivment!!

*Hugs Nicole, Dayna, Kahlia, Kat, Mary Anne, Nikki, wildly insane (sorry babe, forgot your name again! I really do suck at names, takes me ages to remember them!)*
*Hugs anyone else that I've missed*
Hope the people who haven't checked in recently are okay. And hope everyone is keeping up the good fight. xxxx

zowie 03-03-2009 09:43 AM

Oh, and I'm 132 hours free of smoking :D x

Jetforce 03-03-2009 10:00 AM

Congrats arwen

Keep it up!!!

~*Rainbow*~ 03-03-2009 10:30 AM

still no loan still no credit card!!!
i have got a job interview tomorrow in birmingham but that doesnt help becasue i might not have anywhere to stay!!!

Help i dont know what to do anymore!!!

My partners mates all live with their folks so its hard to find somewhere!!!! eeep!!!1

zowie 03-03-2009 11:51 AM

Thanks Jem :) It's pretty hard, but I'm really trying!

MammaMia 03-03-2009 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .Poisonous.Cyanide. (Post 1458652)
*Squishes back* Congratulations! <3

Thank you sweetie, hope you're staying strong :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1458711)
Helen ~ Yay!! Congratulations. *hugs you tightly*

Thank you babe :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Anne (Post 1459140)
*hugs Helen* excellent news on making it to nine months

*hugs Mary Anne* Thank you sweetie and congratulations on your two weeks :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1461022)
*Big hugs for Helen* Congratulations on making it to nine months hun, that's a huge acheivment!!

*big hugs for Arwen* Thank you babe!!!!! Almost double number months ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1461030)
Oh, and I'm 132 hours free of smoking :D x

YAAAAAAY although you're much more than this now..

Quote:

Originally Posted by *~Nikki*Sixx~* (Post 1461106)
still no loan still no credit card!!!
i have got a job interview tomorrow in birmingham but that doesnt help becasue i might not have anywhere to stay!!!

Help i dont know what to do anymore!!!

My partners mates all live with their folks so its hard to find somewhere!!!! eeep!!!1

I don't know how to help other than massive squishes *massive squishes for you*

~*Rainbow*~ 03-03-2009 12:40 PM

*hold on tight to Helens Squishes* Thanks Helen - i've been down to my Chruch and im hoping they still believe in the Sanctuary thingy - im hoping my credit card will be through tomorrow cause at least then i can put myself up in a hotel!!!!

MammaMia 03-03-2009 12:47 PM

Fingers crossed babe *squishes some more* :)

Tears of Solitude 03-03-2009 01:01 PM

Wildly Yay I am here sorry for being quiet of late. Ive been busy

:::::::::::::::::::::::: Hugs everyone ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

so many names to mention, Dayna, Helen, Zowie, Katrica, Nikki and everyone else .

Ive missed everyone. How is everyone today?????

Well done for not smoking Zowie xxx

Love ya all Jade xxx

~*Rainbow*~ 03-03-2009 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 1461261)
Fingers crossed babe *squishes some more* :)


yay i love your squishes they make everything feel better!!!!!!

*hugs* to everyone thats feeling a bit MEH

MammaMia 03-03-2009 01:31 PM

Awwww thank you Gil :)

~*Rainbow*~ 03-03-2009 01:33 PM

Thats okay Sweetie :)

Meh still no luck with finding somewhere!! but i am not giving up yet

~*Rainbow*~ 03-03-2009 02:04 PM

wooo i may have a lone through tomorrow wooooo

MammaMia 03-03-2009 02:28 PM

YAAAAAAAAAAY

Snuffles 03-03-2009 02:33 PM

Just wanted to say hi :)

Eclectica 03-03-2009 04:16 PM

Bleeh, ended up in hospital with SH again (alter did it AGAIN) and had a panic attack after telling mum I'd be best put away...

It was horrible and I'm scared of him doing it again.

Damnation. 03-03-2009 04:50 PM

*Hugs all muchly*

Bleh, I say. Bleh =D


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