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Pomegranate 23-12-2008 03:22 AM

I won't patronise you or anything but I hope you manage to keep yourself safe. Would going and spending some time with your housemate distract you at all?

Damnation. 23-12-2008 03:35 AM

Emma: Heh, she's in the next room which is the bathroom. Getting ready for bed.

But even when she's toddled off, I won't be completely alone, 'cause I have a friend I'm talking to online

Pomegranate 23-12-2008 03:36 AM

I don't really now how to reply tonight but I am glad you are not completely alone. Please try and take care.

ravynsoul 23-12-2008 03:39 AM

My night's turned out better than I thought.. the urges have subsided for now.. I made some traditional christmas food and brought it over to my friends house and they were quite happy [and I was quite thrilled to share]. So that helped alot.

G'Night Hells.

Hope the triggeringness passes soon Dayna.

Hope you're doing somewhat better now Emma.

ravynsoul 23-12-2008 03:41 AM

*lots of safe hugs for everyone*

Sorry, all, I'm exhausted and need to go to bed... I hope everyone has a safe night.

take care, I'll check-in in the morning

Damnation. 23-12-2008 03:44 AM

Emma: I'll do my best

Ravyn: Glad your night's improved, and see you tomorrow

Kahlia1981 23-12-2008 04:05 AM

*sticks head out from denial tent*

Wow .... *hugs everyone*

I got a letter from QUT regarding enrolment procedures and the like. Now I'm not quite sure what to do. I was hoping to defer for 12 months ... but I'm not sure whether that is going to happen. Now I'm half excited, half scared about what to do regarding my uni. Thankfully QUT didn't go with eStudent - which doesn't really do anything for Australian uni students. I'm just ....

Anyway, I'm up at my parents place "grandparent-sitting". Well not really, but spending some quality time with mum's parental units and my dog. I really want to do myself some serious damage. If I can last 2 more hours than I've reached 4 months. It all just seems kind of .... I don't know ... not worth it ??

Thanks to everyone for the support they've offerred me, whether by reading (listening) or by replying with support of any kind. I hope you all are doing okay.

Damnation. 23-12-2008 04:11 AM

Well, think of it this way, Kahlia. If you can hold on and hit the four month point, then you'll know that while it's hard, it is possible, and if you decide to give up again - for good - then you'll know that if you've done it once, then you can do it again.

That's how I view my own old attempt at recovery. When I feel ready enough to try and give up again, I'll know that at the very least, I'll be able to go three months, if not more. Because I've already done it once

mouse in darkness 23-12-2008 06:15 AM

*Triggering* SI/Suicide
I am feeling very alone at the moment and a little {very} lost. All I want to is SI or end my own life. I can't explain why I am feeling this way or what has set it off. But the urges are out of control.

I don't know how or if I should ask my housemate for help as she is unwell at the moment to. I am concerned for her and am unsure how to help her. It is getting a little over whealming.
I also have the added pressure to be miss normal on christmas day. Only to be paraded infront of my mum's boyfriends family... ugh.. How I am going to hold up I don't know. But if I don't act I will be the usual outcast {frowned apon ignored and told off} that I am now and if they find out Im acting sh*t hits the fan. It like to act or not to act and begging them to make up there mind just doesn't help either.

Im going on a trip with a community oureach group tomorrow. They are going swimming and I don't want them to find out I have been SIing or they will report it. If I dont go they report it too, so I have to go. I just don't know how to hid the marks.

Sorry for the long speal.

"offers hugs to anyone who wants them and hids in the corner"

ravynsoul 23-12-2008 11:38 AM

*steps out of denial tent* Good morning everyone.

Kahlia - how did your night end up going? How are you doing now with the urges? Thanks for the update regarding your studies.. I hope things get straightened out for you soon. Keep us posted. :)

Dayna - How are you doing now? How did your night turn out? Hope you have a better day today. I liked your wise words about recovery and how it means you know you can make it at least that far again. I will try to keep that in mind when I decide I want to try recovering.

Mouse - thanks for the hugs *hugs back* I don't have much to say advice-wise... I know how much pretending sucks! Do you think for swimming maybe you could wear a shirt over your bathing suit -- claim you don't want to get a sunburn for Christmas? Don't apologize for letting out your feelings... we're all in this together. Try and stay safe.

*offers lots of hugs*

I had a decent sleep for once, so that was nice, now I'm off to do chores then go to work. I am feeling quite clear-headed this morning so that is good, I'm hoping this will last all day [i hate my afternoon emotional crashes]. Take care!

Kahlia1981 23-12-2008 12:35 PM

*peeps out of denial tent*
Hello all. *offers hugs to everyone along with a plate of cookies and some coffee/cocoa*

Ravyn - actually due to the time differences it's nighttime here now. 10:28pm to be exact by my laptop's timer. I survived the day and made my 4 month stint. I'm still urging badly. Oh, and thankyou for the wishes regarding my studies. I too hope that it works out soon...

I went for a walk/jog with Nicole [mouse in darkness] and Rusty (the dog) tonight and my brain is working at something approaching full speed .... which is both good and bad. Good because I feel like studying all night long and bad because ... well I want to engage in dangerous behaviours. I am presently in control however, even if I don't want to be.

I'm considering just throwing caution to the wind and enrolling in my subjects at QUT for next year. I know that this would be a dangerous move, but part of me is willing to take the risk. So far I've been lucky and have made friends with students in all my computer science subjects at JCU - even if they were really only for one semester. I can't help but wonder if this would be the same if I went down to BrisVegas. Meh .... I don't know. I'm a little ... confused I think is the best word ... regarding what I want to do.

Gee whiz I'm talking way too much. My apologies to all.

*goes around to everyone and offers them a hug then crawls all the way back into the denial tent*

mouse in darkness 23-12-2008 12:44 PM

Thank you Ravynsoul. My name is Nicole {if it makes life a little easier}. I can wear a shirt the only problem is that the SI's are on my legs and board shorts don't reach that far down. I have tried. And at the moment it is really hot in Australia so long pants look odd.
Glad you had a decent sleep and feel clear-headed. Am hoping it stays with you all day. By the way I love your picture of Tulips and of the beautiful horse. I love them! Is the horse yours?

mouse in darkness 23-12-2008 12:48 PM

"Offers hugs to those who want them and an icy pole to those who have summer and hot chocolate to those who are enjoying winter"

zowie 23-12-2008 05:25 PM

Enjoying winter??
I'm freezing my tits off!

MammaMia 23-12-2008 07:14 PM

LOL Zowie- that made me chuckle, thank you :D

Hope everyone's ok xx

Congratulations Kahlia <3

Kahlia1981 23-12-2008 07:47 PM

Zowie : send some of the cold this way :p

Helen : thanks muchly

Nicole : just sending you some virtual hugs


An update on my studies : I got an email from QUT and know what I have to do to apply for deferral. They require me to do the paperwork as soon as physically possible - not by yesterday at 10:00 am. So it looks like I'll be okay to apply to defer. The only problem now is that I don't see my pdoc until about the 20th of January.

As it is Christmas Eve here I shall wish everyone a safe Christmas now just in case I don't get back online. ----- Nicole stop laughing ... I know I can barely spend 10 minutes away from my laptop and the internet... I'm addicted to technology. I wonder if there is a support group for that ??

*offers hugs to everyone*

Mary Anne 23-12-2008 07:50 PM

Hi all,

been hiding out under the duvet in real life as well as virtual life!
feeling pretty low, 2 members of my family have passed away in the last 6 months and the person I thought would always be there for me left :(
This time of year makes it all worse, everywhere I look I see people looking blissfully happy and wonder what is so wrong with me that I cannot have that.

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself, it won't get me anywhere.

Hope everyone is okay today


Damnation. 23-12-2008 08:32 PM

Ravyn: A little better thanks. Still on the low side, very sleepy today, and I think I've yet again followed my own little pre-Christmas tradition of coming done with something, lol. And I'm glad what I said about recovery helped you some ^__^

Mary Anne: Ohh, I'm really sorry to hear that D: *hugs tightly*

Kahlia: Lol, I think I'm with you on the whole technology addiction xD. I go spare when we run out of electricity for a couple of days

My mind's kind of turning to jelly here, so sorry to those who I didn't reply to *hugs all*

MammaMia 23-12-2008 10:30 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Would you like me to stop sharing my excitement? :)

Damnation. 23-12-2008 10:31 PM

Not in the slightest, I think it's good when someone has something positive to post <3

Kahlia1981 24-12-2008 12:42 AM

I agree with Dayna. Helen, keep the positivity coming.

Oh and Dayna - a couple of days without electricity .... does that mean that the world is ending ... or just the world as I know it. LMAO. It sounds like cause for a breakdown.

Maybe I should form a group for technology addicts. We can all type "Hi I'm [insert name here] and I'm a technology addict" into our laptops. :p And try to help each other through periods without technology.

Damnation. 24-12-2008 12:43 AM

NOOOO! Don't make me go to technology rehab! Lmao! *Clings to her computer*

ravynsoul 24-12-2008 12:50 AM

Hi All;

oops, I forgot about the time difference.. so i guess now it would be good morning to some of you? hmm... maybe i'll just stick with hi, it's easier *nods, yup definitely easier*

thanks for the compliments Nicole, the horse is one of mine, yup.. his name is Hulk.. I absolutely adore him :) How did things go with your swimming? I hope you figured something out.

Good news about your option to defer, Kahlia - glad to hear things are working in your favour. Hope that you have a wonderful Christmas... it's still Christmas eve's eve here ;)

Thanks for the laugh Zowie! It's quite chilly here.. and we have lots of snow.. looks like it's gonna be a white Christmas for sure. Hope you warm up soon.

*hugs Mary Anne* Sorry to hear things are hard right now; don't have any advice to offer; just hoping things will pass soon for you and things will get easier.

Dayna, glad to hear you are feeling a little better today. Hope that whatever bug you're fighting passes soon... definitely not fun being sick. :S *offers some hot tea and soup to make you feel better*

Helen, please keep up with your positive updates! It's nice to hear them :) How are things going today?

I had a fairly good day at work today; but now i'm done and exhausted, and it's not even 20:00. :S. I wanted to be more helpful and supportive, but I just don't have the energy tonite... sorry! Think I'm going to make it an early night before I don't have the strength to fight my urges.. Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm really sorry if I missed a response :S...
*accepts the offered hugs and cuddles and leaves lots of them for everyone*

Damnation. 24-12-2008 12:53 AM

Ravyn: Well, if I am catching something, it's not as bad as other years, so I can't complain too much about that, lol.

Glad you had a good work day today, but yeah, if you're really knackered, best you go and get some sleep <3 *hugs back*

ravynsoul 24-12-2008 12:54 AM

LMAO!! Thanks for the laughs Kahlia and Dayna, I especially liked


Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1305867)
Maybe I should form a group for technology addicts. We can all type "Hi I'm [insert name here] and I'm a technology addict" into our laptops. :p And try to help each other through periods without technology.

I would definitely have to join the group... I already freak out when someone else in my family wants to use the computer... and when the internet is down i'm like: :crazy: and :wow!:

Damnation. 24-12-2008 12:55 AM

XDD You're welcome! Technoholics Anonymous, or something <__<;;

Kahlia1981 24-12-2008 12:56 AM

Dayna : I agree ... no technology rehab for either of us :p

Ravyn : I'm a bit over christmas tbh. But I guess you get that. Enjoy your christmas too if I don't get a chance to say hi before then.

*offers hugs and cuddles to all*

Before I forget : Technoholics Anonymous sounds great. :p Anyone else care to join lol.

Damnation. 24-12-2008 12:57 AM

Kahlia: Huzzah! *Runs rampant across the internet*

ravynsoul 24-12-2008 01:00 AM

Yeah for technoholics anonymous!

Kahlia - ya, i'm not into the christmas mood this year.. trying to smile for the family.. but really can't wait for it and new years to be over..
ok.. i'm off to bed.. *hugs to all*

*climbs under duvet in denial tent*

Damnation. 24-12-2008 01:02 AM

Nighty night, Ravyn. Sleep well *hugs again*

MammaMia 24-12-2008 01:59 AM


I'm going to be so so so so busy today, so if I don't get to say this before, have a lovely lovely Christmas, each & every one of you. I know it's a hard time of eyar for some and everyone expects you to be happy happy happy, but just pretend you're in the denial tent and then plaster a huge fake smile? Might help? It's helped me through other situations, like when I was in college and really struggling and whatnot.

Anyway am going to be so busy :] Firstly got to be awake in 7 hours or so, have a shower, then my bets friend is coming over to swap presents, then I've got to attempt to tidy my room. About 12.30 or so, I've got to brave town (nooooooooo!) and buy some small food items for my eldest sister and possibly mum. Then I've got to head over to the hospital and watch my sister & hospital staff in their carol service and my sister is doing a reading :] She's nervous, so hopefully having my support & presence will help. I know Mum wants to be there but is stuck at smelly old work!! Then I've got to go home & if my other sister is still there then we're going to my nans to drop some presents. If not, I'll just coutimue tidying up or something. Then later on in the evening, me & mum have got to go pick my sister (well a different one) up :D :D :D :D and then put all the presents underneath the tree & get some sleeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!

Today is just going to be pure manic isn't it :P

fallenshadows 24-12-2008 05:24 AM

-sigh, checks in-
I really do dislike the holidays sometimes. I hate knowing the fact that I should be happy around those that I love when inside I just feel so depressed.
Then after the holidays Ill return to work and a extremely complicated situation which I can bare to deal with anymore.
Sorta need a hug and don't have anyone in my day to da life that understands that I struggle from time to time.

mouse in darkness 24-12-2008 07:29 AM

"Hugs" Life at times can realy suck. I can understand why you feel the way you do. I do all the time especially when it comes to holidays. I hope the situation at work improves for you

IcarusDrowning 24-12-2008 08:24 AM

fallenshadows-I hope it gets vaguely better for you. I think most people here can relate to the extreme isolation 'holiday cheer' can bring. Let alone the joy after the supposedly *restful* time.

All the best with it.

MammaMia- that sounds intense. Good Luck with it all.

*sighs* I really wish RYL wasn't the only place I feel real and connected on Christmas Eve, could be worse places I guess.

kind of needing a hug too if anyone has one going?

ravynsoul 24-12-2008 11:26 AM

*looks out of denial tent* Hugs? I can do that! *nods* :)

*hugs Icarus* *hugs Fallenshadows* *leaves lots of hugs for everyone*

Helen - sounds like you have quite the day ahead of you! Have fun! Let us know how it goes :) Merry Christmas to you too! I like your idea of pretending we're in the denial tent at get-togethers, definitely going to try.

How are you doing Nicole and Dayna and Kahlia? Hope you all are doing ok!

Well, I did end up having a good sleep, and have a half day of work ahead of me so that's not too bad. We have our family get-together tonite... even though it's Christmas eve it does not feel at all like Christmas. I think my whole family might not be in the mood for it.. my grandma died a couple months ago, and I'm starting to think everyone is going thru the motions here.

Anyways, I hope everyone has a good day/night.


mouse in darkness 24-12-2008 11:29 AM

*Triggering* SI
"Hugs" IcarusDrowning sorry I realy don't have anything supportive to say:sad:

I had a chat with my Uncle in WA {Western Australia} and accidently scared him. I feel realy guilt now that I told him honestly how I have been feeling as he asked for the truth. I can't lie to people except if I m acting and I can't act infront of him. It was so hard I just hope he doesn't ring my dad. He has recently reveiled alot from my past that I realy don't remember{Family secrets. I have filled him in on a few too}. It is stuff he thinks that has mad me 'ill' as he would put it.

mouse in darkness 24-12-2008 11:44 AM

Hello Ravynsoul. Hope you have a wonderful short day at work and enjoy spending time with your family. Im still not well so to speak. But I been speaking with my Uncle over the last 4 hours and went for a walk with Coralie (Kahlia) and our landlords dog rusty, I feel a little safer in my own company. If that sounds right.
Hope all have a wonderful christmas eve "Hugs to those who want them. Offers hot chocolate and marshmellows to everyone and a cookie"

ravynsoul 24-12-2008 11:58 AM

Hey Nicole, thanks for the well wishes!
I think I understand what you mean about feeling safer now in your own company. I hope your day gets better *hugs* Thanks for the hot chocolate, cookie, and hugs!! mmm...

I guess I'm realizing that I never did tell people my name, lol, feel free to call me ravyn [i like that name] or if you want you could also call me shell.

Anyways *hugs all around*

Mary Anne 24-12-2008 11:59 AM

Hi all,

It is now midday Christams Eve here, at work just now but we finish up in an hour or so.
I am having a quiet night with my cat this evening, no excitment for me and then just lunch with mum and dad tomorrow, nothing over the top.
Will be glad when it is all over and it is January.

*hugs everyone*


ravynsoul 24-12-2008 12:05 PM

Hi Mary Anne,
Have a good last hour at work. I'm with you on looking forward to January.
Enjoy snuggling with your cat! [what's it's name?]
Thanks for the hugs! *hugs back*

Snuffles 24-12-2008 12:51 PM

just thought id pop in and wish everyone a merry christmas.. 10 more minutes here and then its xmas! Haha.. hope your all doing well.. miss coming in here :(
*cuddles* Take care xx

zowie 24-12-2008 01:41 PM

Merry Christmas to those in Australia!

I am meeting an old childhood friend at the pub in an hour. I'm a little nervous as I haven't sen him in years, but also excited!

Bad news: Today is exactly one year since I started hearing voices. Feels weird that they've been with me for so long.

Jetforce 24-12-2008 01:52 PM

Merry xmas all :-)

it's 1am here on xmas day hehe...tc all

MammaMia 24-12-2008 03:09 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I've done loads today and still got some stuff to do woop woop :D Hope everyone's doing okay!!!

Bet the Aussies etc are having fun, though I guess they're not meant to be awake yet ;)

Mary Anne 24-12-2008 06:32 PM

Merry Christmas to those on the cozy side of the world (it actaully isn't too cold here today, about 7 degress c. still got the heating and a duvet on the couch tho).

Ravyn - my cat is called Fraggle, just like me she has her problems, comes with being second-hand in her case (I have had her 4 1/2 years so about half her life now, she is incredibly special to me)

I am avoiding all things festive with a DVD (TV only had Christmas films on)

He-devil was round to collect something, said I had put on weight, that was nice of him, not, he knows how sensitive I am about it.

*hugs for everyone*

Mary Anne 24-12-2008 09:15 PM

Time for me to sign off for the night, tomorrow is just Thursday with presents for me (presents are always good).

Hope everyone enjoys tomorrow as much as they can.


MammaMia 24-12-2008 09:23 PM

Enjoy tomorrow hunni pie. xx

Damnation. 24-12-2008 10:04 PM

*Sneaks in*

I've already forgotten most of what I was gonna say to people ._.;;.

Ravyn: Started off okay, slumped down a bit again though now x_o.

I'll respond better when my mind starts working again *hugs all*

MammaMia 25-12-2008 01:10 AM

Before I head to bed....I just wanted to share this text with you, it's made me pure cry already :P

"You're very much in my thoughts Helen. Christmas is such a hard time for so many of us. Do hope you find some of the peace of Christmas. Emma x" (shes my notetaker at uni)

Damnation. 25-12-2008 01:12 AM

Oh, that's really nice of her!

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