Thanks Lindsay *Hugs* How are you?

well done mark that takes a lot of courage.

*hugs all who want hugs*

I'm all moved into my new flat and its really nice, I have lots of space.
The crisis team came to see me yesterday, they said we hae a kind of contract where I don't OD while I'm with them, sort of gives me more pressure, but I have a plan to OD next week when I am home from my parents house.

I still don't have internet in my flat yet, I'm in uni atm, but shall be sorting it ASAP.

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Louise*

*Spots and Hugs Laura*

cuddles all, curls up into a ball.

*hugs mark back*

*hugs everyone else*

*Squishes Jill Hard*

*Massive Hugs Laura*

How are you girls?

*sits in the corner and picks at bits of paper*

I have been fantasizing pushing blades right into me for a few days I worked up the nerve , lost the plot last night and tried it twice , :( I Told my Social worker and now am waiting on a cancellation to meet the Psych....

*Hugs Crimson* Whats up hun?

I haven't been at the point of bothering to shave in a week or so... Figured it'd be fine to go to this "black tie" party at work in a black suit w/ a silver shirt and black and silver tie... noooooo they want to have us dressed up (an attorney is dressing us up in dresses). i am self conscious enough as is without having to wear a dress and i dunno if i can talk t into letting me just wear what I planned to...
Thought picking apart paper was a constructive-ish outlet for the moment.

Go In a suit Crimson hun , I shave every so often and know how hard it can be and how triggering to run blades across yourself *Squishes*

squishes mark back. hmm im feeling really stressed out of other. i had some really stuiped thoughts today when i went out, wanted to run in front of a train, or jump off a high building. my head is so fu!ked up today its scaring me.

*Hugs Jill* I know that stuff , tbh I am there right now too, I hope you stay safe hun :)

*super squishes Mark*
Thank the Gods! They misspoke... T is covering us in "tissue paper dresses"... ugly but not terrifying.

*Hugs Crimson* Yey!! They sound ............weird lol but Yey at any rate!

hugs mark, you too hon. crimson that sound kind of cool, and fun. hope you have fun hon

The thoughts are coming back, I can't seem to stop entertaining them, in some fashion it is calming to think about, stops the anxiety, or at least pushes it back a little. I don't know what to do with these thoughts, I know how dangerous it can be to let them sit in my head and simmer, but I also know how painful it is without this comfort. I definitely belong in the ward when I am feeling this way, it is the only safe place, protect me from myself. Sorry to be a blight on the festive mood, I just don't know what to do anymore, don't think these thoughts are right, but they are so strong.

*Hugs Jeff*

*Hugs my wardies night*

*hugs Jill, Mark and Jeff*
The "dress" was atrocious... If they email us the pics they took I'll have to share in here. I think I pulled off sane and happy in them. I won the "Where's Waldo?" Gold Star Award for finding next to impossible to find files LOL :) It was fun. Complete with the attorneys serving us a 3 course meal, rolls and drinks (soda, water and sparkling apple cider rather than champagne).
On a sad note I found out at the end of the party (when she was leaving for the day) that a coworker that I worked closely with when I volunteered before I was hired (known her for 5 yrs now) has a brain tumor and they're operating soon so no one knows if she'll survive it let alone be back to work...

Have you tried writing it all down Jeff? Kind of a way of putting it all outside of yourself?

Good night Mark!