*hugs Laura* - I hope the group and work go well though I'm sorry to hear you are feeling spent. I hope you manage to get a bit of "me" time at some point as you sound like you've been working yourself pretty hard lately.

Oliver - That charity walk sounds great! I'm glad you managed to find two charities so close to your heart. It must feel good to be able to do something towards them. I felt a bit like I was doing something when I used to participate in the "40 hour Famine". I wish you and your friend the best of luck. *offers hugs*

*hugs Sarah* - That situation with the lecturer sounds frustrating and I can understand why you are angry about it. Sadly though it doesn't change anything. Is there anything you can do - for those modules - to make the situation more survivable?

Sorry for just doing individuals from this page, I kept getting myself confused and decided that it would mean the least people getting accidentally left out or mixed up. I am thinking of you all however.
@->--

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Laura*I hope last night went okay for you .

*Hugs Oliver* It is so grat you are doing stuff for charitys you care about:)

*Hugs Sarah*I'm sorry you have a tutor who you don't like :(

*Hugs Kahlia*

I just about managed to pull myself out of bed late this morning , Depression and the Numbing effects of meds make it hard to get up some days . Anyway, now I'm up . I hope everyone is doing okay .

Goodness, it's been a bit quiet...

*cuddles all*

Once again, no individuals... damn it, am I just getting lazy? :'( I do want to reply to you guys but I just have no "energy"... yet I have "energy" to blather on and on about myself? UGH. :'(

Anyway. Jarrod's got his job stuff sorted and will be going back to work on Monday. So that's a good thing. No backpay though, which kind of bites - 3 weeks (+3 months of furlough) where we basically got no money at all (well, the 3 months we got unemployment, so that was something at least, but these past 3 weeks we've gotten nothing at all :-S). But... no more worries 'cause he's back at work soon. WHEW!!! He's on a LCA (last chance agreement) which means that if he's caught doing whatever safety gaffe they thought he was doing before (he wasn't, it was the other guy involved that was doing the stuff wrong) or doing ANYTHING badly safety-wise then he's going to be "terminated" (i.e., fired). BLAH. So he's going to be damned careful... :-/ I'm a little scared about the LCA as it really is bullshit but oh well... he said he accepted it because he just wanted to get back to work. Makes sense I guess... but still, bullshit.

Anyway.

That's all of my news, really. Except I found out when my training for my job will be, so you can expect me to be scarce about here from 11-15 October and 25-29 October. Blah. I don't really want to go but at the same time I do... and I'm also rather quite terrified about the whole ordeal. I have no idea if I'm the one that's supposed to see about getting a room at the hotel we'll be staying at, or if the place I'm working for will see to that... no idea who's paying for it... no idea what I'm supposed to wear, even. I have basically been given NO DETAILS. All I know is when and where it is, and what hotel they THINK I will be staying in. :( But at least I know that much.

Okay, I'll shut up now. :-/

*Hugs April* I'm glad Jarrod got his job again but it sucks that he is on a LCA.
I hope your training goes well , can you ring them up and find out about the hotel stuff?

Cuddles aLl erm keep having panic attacks today, and can't seam to calm myself down. That and muppets drivers that drive to fast and don't look were there going. So erm yeah having a great day so far. Woohoo

*cuddles all who can accept && waves at everyone else*

*huggles Mark* - How are you going? Are you doing any better after struggling to get out of bed?

*gently hugs April* - Sorry to hear about Jarrod and the LCA. I hope things go well. I also hope your training goes well. Like Mark asked, can you phone and ask about the details? Don't fash (stress) yourself about not having the energy to do individual replies hun there's a lot of people and the ward can move fast at times. Just please keep writing and keeping us in the know.

*glomps Jill* - Sorry to hear you are having panic attacks, and dealing with crazy drivers is never fun. I hope that your day improves. *crosses fingers*

*sigh* It's been a long day and my brain doesn't think it's over yet. I had a GP visit that went well and several other things and I'm still alive and functioning. My psychiatrist is in for a shock when I see him next though ... I'm going to tell him that he's going to take me off a medication. Our goal was to reduce my medication and instead we've increased it. Really not happy. And since he wrote to me GP that my entire mental state is completely "in remission" he shouldn't mind. Meh. Depressed and suicidal but in remission.

you's not lazy april <3
*hugs everyone that wants*
will be back later... class til 11:50

funny story of how tired i am... i got coffee from starbucks... aaaand almost left when i got my change without remembering to wait for the drink til i got to the door >.>

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm glad your GP appoinment went well and that you are still alive and functioning . Are you going to go onto a different med after you stop this one , be careful coming off it , Pysch meds have withdrawel symtoms sometimes , don't just stop cold turkey , let your pdoc taper it off for you I reckon.

*Hugs Heather* Heh glad you got your coffee in the end :) I've Never ever been in a Starbucks.

I tried to nap but just lay there all awake and thinking for an hour :(

Hi,

I was just wondering if I could check in for a little while. I'm going through a rough patch at the moment and not always feeling very safe. Although I've turned down the day hospital locally an online version seems a bit more comfortable.

I'm new to the forums generally so none of you know much about me. I've written a short bit on the intro board but just to summarise that, I've self injured since I was 20, I stopped for several years and then started again earlier this year. I have been feeling very suicidal but that seems to be getting better, the medication seems to be helping with that. However it does seem that as the suicidal thoughts become more under control the self harm thought seem to take over. Last week I took an overdose (not trying to kill myself) and I'm not even sure why.

Well that's enough about me. A big hello to you all. I hope I can be of help to others on here, as much as I think that this will be of help to me.

Hi Life-hurts , welcome to the ward , I'm Mark :) I'll just pop along to the intros board and read your post :)

Hi Life-hurts! I'm Felicia. :)

I hope everyone's better than I am. I don't see how I'm going to ever make it out of this depressed stage. *sigh*

*Hugs Felicia* You will absolutley get out of this depressed stage , It will happen , meds may help if you are on them but if you're not on meds that doesn't mean your mood won't lift . My nurse expained it to me as people with depression have peaks and troughs in their mood and it sounds to me that you are in a trough but you will get a peak soon , sometimes ( Speaking from personal experiance) my mood just platues(Sp?) , It won't always be this crap :)

Thanks. I'm just getting really sick of being so down that I don't care about anything.
I did go to an interest meeting for the local sorority last night. It was cool. I still miss being in a national, though, which makes me worse cause I can't go on facebook without seeing some Delta Zeta bragging about how they love their new sisters. We see how much they loved me, right? Mhm. It's rather painful.

Hmmm could you delete those Delta Zeta's from your facebook account? You don't need that shoved in your face as soon as you log on :S

Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!, curls up hits head on wall.

i agree with mark felicia <3 kinda how i feel seeing all my uni friends and how much fun they're having in senior year whilst im stuck here at home [community college but still]

*turns wall to bouncy material so cant hurt head* <3

i spies lia :)

*hugs everyone*

*hugs heather* lol i'm glad you remembered you coffee. sorry i havent been around much of fb, uni and work are keeping me busy

*hugs life hurts* welcome! I'm Laura. Sorry that you are having a rough time right now. We are here to listen if you need to chat.

*hugs claire* how r u today?

*hugs mark* im sorry that you didnt get a nap in. How else are you feeling today?

*hugs felicia* Mark is probably right, or you could at least hide them from popping up on your news feed if you don't want to delete them completely. Also, you will get out of this low state. It just takes time and patience... but it will happen.

*hugs kahlia* I hope that the doctors appointments go well. And is it okay to go off your meds while you are depressed and suicidal? (i hope that didn't come out wrong... i dont mean to be condescending or anything.. just worried.)

*hugs sarah* im sorry you are stuck with a bad lecturer. I would be really frustrated too. I've had some really bad professors at uni that treat everyone like little kids and think they are the best thing that ever happened to their field, so i can understand where you are coming from. Sorry I dont have much advice.. i've always just dealt with situations like that and kept my mouth shut so.. yea lol.

*hugs oliver* that does sound great about the charity walk! I hope that it goes well and you are able to raise lots of money... but even if you don't, raising awareness is always good :-) plus its awesome that you are doing something to support things that are close to you.

*hugs jill* what happened hun?

*hugs april* Hope that you are feeling less tired today. how else are you doing?

*looks around for helen* Hope you are okay.

*Hugs Claire* How are you ?

*Hugs Heather* Please be kind to yourself .

*Hugs Jill* Whats going on Jill?

*Hugs Laura* How are you doing with being so busy?

I'm feeling pretty good today. Had a nice day.

Cool Claire :) What did you get up to today?

I spent some time in an old second-hand bookshop. Then I went and saw my old supervisor at uni, we had a nice walk and a coffee and a chat. It was good.

Have you been up to much Mark?

That sounds absolutely LOVELY, Claire. :D Secondhand bookshops + coffee with a person with whom it sounds you get along well... mmm nice!!! :) Glad it was a good day for you.

*cuddles all*

It was very nice, it was a good day.

*hugs for everyone*

Had a bad day, people were pretty mean to me and I broke down crying, curled in a ball on my fiance's sofa :( Got money worries and uni problems with things I have to print, 50+ pages and thats only 1 of 5. Feeling kinda hopeless.

I've not been up to much Claire some days I have no appointments some days I have one zillion appointments!! Well 3 or 4 heh .
To be honest I've NOT been feeling too good , just a little low I guess , sorry :S

I know the feeling of having loads of appointments one day and nothing the next. You don't need to apologise for feeling low though *hugs*

Sarah (? Sorry, I'm rubbish at names!) that does sound quite stressful for you. I suggest talking to the uni and letting them know how you are feeling, if they don't already know.

I got my medical records today. Pissed off.

Yeah Claire its Sarah, most of my lecturers know my situation from last year, but I'll make sure my tutor knows, can't talk to head of maths because he won't let anyone have any abscences, his attitude hasn't helped anything, I'm in a bit of a panic. Got to pay for my counselor and things. Going to a voulenteer meeting to go work Saturdays with kitties, hopefully I'll be able to. Its odd of after a year in my degree I still haven't crushed the dream of working with animals, not sure what to do after this degree but I do kinda want to go work with animals, though no idea what doing, animals just make me happier than people do.

I've finished my degree and I still don't know what I want to do! Part of my still wants to hold on to the PhD -> academia route, but another wants to get a career with a bit more stability in it. Academia really does not offer that.

If you let your tutor know they might be able to offer you some flexibility? I only know how my department works really. I think the volunteering thing sounds like it would be good for you.

What about your medical records has pissed you off Lindsay ? *Hugs*

THankyou Mark and Felicia for your welcome messages.

Felicia I am sorry to hear your struggling at the mo. it is hard when you feel out of step with everyone else.I hope you have a better day tomorrow

Claire I'm glad to hear you had a good day!

Sarah -sorry to hear that you did not have such a good day. I'm struggling with my Ou course at the moment. I'm working really hard to not let it get me down. I always seem to f*** up anything academic. Not because I can't do it just because I struggle to not self destruct :blush: Hope you get your uni and money problems sorted soon. Is there a money adviser at your Uni that may be able to help?
Lindsay- What pissed you off that was in your medical records? Were they innacurate or something or just made stupid assumptions?

I've thought about requesting my medical records but I guess I'm scared I'd be too pissed off and not want to use mental health services and at the moment I really feel I need the support. On the other hand I hate the idea of my records being innacurate! No win either way I suppose. I believe that you can ask for them to be changed or annotated if their are innacuracies though.

To everyone who I've not said hi to, hello! Hope you all had an Ok day and I look forward to getting to know you all.

If you want you can use my first name Hannah.

I don't know, I'm only just starting back but I'm driving myself crazy with it. I guess I'm more anxious about restarting than I thought I would be. :(

Still slowly catching up with posts.

*hugs ward*

I'm so angry :@

Hannah , thats such a cool name . My Sister is named Hannah and so is my Best Friend :) I collect Hannahs ! heh *Hugs if okay*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Helen* Why are you so angry ?

Mum had a go at me this morning because I haven't been showering or washing my hair as often as I used to, or wearing my contact lenses. Truth is I have to set my alarm 30 minutes before I'm due to get up so I can work up some motivation to get out of bed. Some days its too much effort to take pain meds for my gallbladder or have a drink of water. Feel almost like I'm stuck in a rut.

*Hugs Sarah* That sounds so much like my Depression it's scary , sorry I know that doesn't help but know that you're not alone , I really can empathise with you .

Does help me Mark. I now know someone who knows how I feel, which is comforting, its not just me

Welcome, by the way, Hannah!! :) I'm April and I used to post more, usually just lurk now and post every now and then. But I'll try to get back to posting more frequently... hehe. *hugs if okay?*

Sarah, I'm sorry that you've had a crappy day. Wish I could help you feel better. :( *cuddles* I also agree that the volunteering should be good for you. Kitties = <3. :)

Claire, I agree with you in that I also don't know what I want to do with my life!!! I mean, kind of like Sarah, animals make me happier than people do and I REALLY LOVE horses/cats/dogs/goats/sheep (those are my favorites :P)... but... at the same time, I want to make a difference in the world in a good way (don't a lot of/most people?) so working with people would, in that way, be more fulfilling. Especially because I could "pass on my legacy" (which is I don't know what just yet, hah) since Jarrod and I probably won't be having a family. Biologically almost definitely not. Adoption is a possibility but I really don't want to be a mum. :-X Anyway, that was totally a tangent. ;) I have kind of thought of getting my PhD and going into academia as well, following my dad's footsteps (and mum's too at that)... here in the States I think it may be a little more stable? as my dad's been at the same university for going on 19 years, and it's not uncommon to see people staying at the same uni for their entire careers. Anyway. :) *cuddles*

Mark, sorry you're not feeling too well. I also know the feeling of having a zillion appointments to make it to in one day. This coming week is going to be hellish for me (sorry, I know it's NOT all about me, just trying to relate!!) because I have therapy on Monday then nutritionist and NP on Wednesday. Urk. Not happy about that. But anyway... I take it that you're rather triggered? :-S *cuddles*

Hels, what are you so angry about?? *cuddles*

Lindsay, what's pissed you off about your medical records? *hugs*

I've just gotten reinspired to write in my paper journal by this site: http://www.journalingsaves.com. It's an AMAZING site so if you're at all interested in journaling (beginner journaler or not) it's FASCINATING!!! :D I spent over an hour perusing the articles that are up there. So awesome. :P I know, I know, I'm a nerd, but I think we all knew that already. Hehe.

I'm feeling kind of low today but meh. I'm happy that Jarrod's going back to work... it's a HUGE relief when it comes to finances. :) So that's good. I'm just worried about the LCA... but I'm sure that he'll be careful enough to avoid getting "terminated" (hah, that sounds so scary... like the Terminator... :P).

Anywho. I'm gonna read some more of the Journaling Saves articles nao. :D

*sits invisibly*

I'm feeling a little burnt out.

*Hugs all, extra hard hugs to Laura.*

I can feel myself falling into that dark place. It's not good there. I do stupid things.

*cuddles Laura and Lia*
*glomps Lia 'cause I spy her!!!*

Laura, hon, I'm sorry that you're feeling burnt out. I'm also sorry that it might've seemed as though I ignored your post. :-/ Didn't do so intentionally but in retrospect I can see where you may have gotten that impression. What's up, though? just feel like you're doing too much? :( *extra cuddles*

Lia, is there anything I/we can do to help?? :( *gentle hugs*

cuddles all, had a really sh&t day at work. just feel numb and completely out of it, very spacey. really want to drink and feel numb and shut out the world rright now even if its for one night. meh.

I just need to keep busy. I'm writing and in a waiting room for a hotline. Writing's keeping me sane right now. I think it's kept me sane for a long while now.

*Hugs April.* I missed you.

*Hugs Jill* try not to do anything stupid honey. Talk to us on here, distract yourself with something.

*cuddles Lia* I've missed you too. <3 I'm glad that writing is keeping you sane. That journaling website I mentioned earlier might be a good place for you to go to as it's very interesting and rather funny. :) Not Christian but meh, it doesn't really matter when you're talking about journaling. And it was a very good distraction for me (and offers some very good journaling tips :D). Anyway, just a thought. I thought I recalled that you were also a journaler so maybe it would help distract you, I dunno. Sorry if I am totally off track. *extra cuddles*

I'm really tired. But no nap(s) today!!! That is an accomplishment for me. Just like SI, I think I am going to cut naps out of my life. ;) (Speaking of SI - coming up on 12 weeks free, without slip ups!!!... hopefully I don't jinx myself... :-S) Meh. This afternoon has kinda been blah, I don't know. Haven't played WoW for awhile, I think I'm kind of on hiatus, I really don't know. I wish I understood what was up with that. :-/

I really need to talk with my bestie. Even though she's a flake (and readily admits it, and knows that I think she is), or rather, can be flaky, hehe, she's a lovely person and I love her very much as a friend and sister (in Christ). And I miss being able to talk with her every week or even every other week. I mean yeah, we have phones, but somehow it's difficult to arrange a time to talk. But she's coming "home" (i.e., back to this area) this weekend which means I'll get to see her. ^_^ This makes me happy. I hope that we can hang out some this weekend as well... *crosses fingers*

Mmmmrrraarrghhhh................... :'(

Oh & Jill, honey, I (and probably others here) am (are) noticing a trend... you're turning to alcohol more and more. You said it would be just that one time... but it's not. Please try to be careful with that, okay, sweetie? And no, I am not condemning you for turning to it, I can totally understand wanting to shut out the world for a time - even though I've never drunk or gotten drunk - but I do understand the desire. Just... please don't let it become an addiction. :-S *cuddles* And please, please don't do anything stupid. We would all miss you here, I can promise you that.

cuddles both april and lia. dont worry you two, probley no point in saying this, but ah well, im okay even if i dont sound it. thanks you both.

Jill, I don't think you really are. I convince myself that I am sometimes too. And like April said, don't let this turn into an addiction. I understand why you want to. I know why you would want to just to anything to block it all out because you can't handle the pain and need to be rid of it, just free for a few moments. But it will only add to your problems. We're always here for you.

I agree with Lia, Jill, sweetie - I don't think that you really are okay. Like Lia, sometimes I try to "convince" myself that I'm okay by telling myself that I am - or telling others that I am, in the hopes that it will convince me - but it rarely works. What's up? You know that you can talk to us... we're here for you. :) *cuddles gently*