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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 08-08-2010 09:52 PM

I'm Numb, I'm sorry I keep saying but it's a constant mood . I'm not tired but I am going to bed soon , so sick of this *Sigh* Sorry .

nicole94 08-08-2010 09:59 PM

*huggles everyone. i dont know what to do.....

shadowedsoul 08-08-2010 10:08 PM

Hugs all. Curls up and crys quietly.

Doikers 08-08-2010 10:10 PM

I think you should hmmm....... go along to your meeting tomorrow , probably text her tomorrow morning :) But don't worry about it Nicole .Sorry if thats of no help .

nicole94 08-08-2010 10:12 PM

yeah.....i dunno. im just getting fed up of everything.... i know i get really paranoid anyways, but this isnt helping.

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 12:05 AM

*cuddles all*

I know I said I'd do individuals later but my brain just isn't working... :(

My head is messing me up. I don't know how to explain it really. I just want to cry and kick and scream... and I don't usually get in that type of mood. I don't know anymore. Nothing's happened to cause me to feel this way. I just feel penned up, caged, and it's awful. :(

I have a "lead" on a job I'm going to call about tomorrow. It has to do with mental health and my parents said "it sounds like it has April's NAME on it!!" so I really hope it works out. Thing is, while it's only parttime, I think I would be "on call" evenings and weekends... although "on call" for what I have no idea!! as the ad in the paper didn't give a whole lot of details. :-/ But I'm going to call about it tomorrow, if I can get up the courage. :-S

*hides in the warren and repeatedly punches a pillow* :'(

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 12:28 AM

Updated my r/v... geez, it's quiet in here right now. *feels alone* :(

SoMuchMore 09-08-2010 12:43 AM

*hugs april* it is quiet in here today...

Kahlia1981 09-08-2010 01:00 AM

*huggles all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies, there's just a couple of things I wanted to comment on in the last few pages that have passed since I was last on:

Nicole: Have you tried blocking that "friend" on FB - not just removing connections but fully removing connections? I don't know if that's an option you want to take but it means that she won't have any access to anything related to you on FB. The information is in the FAQS here. Maybe let your other friends know that this "friend" could be contacting them and they are "suspect"? I don't know, but I've had a similar thing happen to me.

April: That job sounds interesting - I hope you manage to get up the courage to give them a call!!


I'm still anxious and definitely getting over it. Just got to keep going, one step at a time . . . *sigh*

*leaves cuddles and safe love and care packages on the table*

misskitty112 09-08-2010 02:23 AM

April, I'll go read it in a minute.
Kahlia, *hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling anxious.

Gahhhh... There is pain radiating from my recent SI down my leg... all the flippin way down. I don't think I like this.
I also don't like the stress I feel to get packed up and ready for uni.

risenfromperdition 09-08-2010 03:59 AM

*squishes laura <3*
here if you want to chat. im tired of everything too ><

and yeh... bbq's are stoopid =\ ick. had sooooo much food. badbadbad. *sigh*

im sleepy =[ boooo.

one_step_closer 09-08-2010 04:14 AM

I really want to overdose :/

misskitty112 09-08-2010 04:24 AM

*hugs Lindsay* please keep safe. I'm just a PM away if you need someone to listen (I'm a crap advice giver, but I'll try.)

SoMuchMore 09-08-2010 05:45 AM

*hugs lindsay* please don't overdose hun. We're here for you.

*hugs felicia* how r u doing? are you taking care of your recent SI wound. It sounds pretty painful.

*hugs heather* sorry that you are tired of everything too. You are not bad.

*hugs kahlia* I wish that this anxiety would go away for you :-/ Hang in there.

*hugs nicole* sorry that your friend was being so horrible to you. Try to not let her get to you like others have said. Hope that you have fun tomorrow (which is probably today for you already lol)

*hugs mark, jill, and helen*

*hugs april* I read your r/v. Sorry not many words right now... good luck with that job though!

Feeling ignored, alone, low, useless... I should just go to bed but im not sleepy now of course because its night time and why would anyone want to sleep at night? Stupid me.

taz35 09-08-2010 05:54 AM

*hugs everyone*
*sneaks out the back door before she can be seen*

SoMuchMore 09-08-2010 06:14 AM

*sees taz sneaking out, gives her a hug, and reminds her she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to*

risenfromperdition 09-08-2010 06:31 AM

im here if you want hun, i know its not the same as a 'real' person being there but.

agh. only allowed on til the battery goes... so like 20 minutes. freaking stupid.

shadowedsoul 09-08-2010 09:19 AM

Cuddles everbody. curls up and crys, why do I get treated like ****. What the hell did I do to deserve this.

Doikers 09-08-2010 11:16 AM

*Hugs Lindsay* I hope you didn't OD , Please try and be safe .

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Taz* I missed you!

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs April* Good luck ringing up for the job :)

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you're so anxious :S

*Hugs Everyone else*

nicole94 09-08-2010 11:28 AM

*hugs everyone.* so emily text, she had fallen asleep. but she is still asleep now and her train was due half an hour ago so i dunno if we're meeting today or not.
*hides in the corner.*

nicole94 09-08-2010 12:48 PM

oooh. my friend just asked me if i wanted to go to hers and sunbathe and drink cider but i have therapy :( so unfair lol

Doikers 09-08-2010 12:52 PM

Awwh nuts Nicole!

nicole94 09-08-2010 12:55 PM

its not fair! i hate therapy but have to go!

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 01:01 PM

Hrm I spot a Mark!! *glomps*

I have therapy today too. Urf. And I haven't yet done the homework for it... am a little scared to do it but I can't let fear get in my way, and there's no way that I'll be lying to her about doing it, and I also don't want to tell her that I didn't do it when I said I would. I'm trying to do my "best" in therapy "this time around," so... yeah. >_< Not sure how that's going to work. Maybe I'll just use my LiveJournal to do it (it was a journaling assignment)... blah. :(

*deep sigh*

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 09-08-2010 01:06 PM

*cuddles april.* i havent been filling in my diary cards either, will have to do that before i go. wish i could just do group sessions and not individuals.

Doikers 09-08-2010 01:06 PM

Oh Hi April! *Hugs*

Good luck to both of you with your therapy :)

I think it's ok to use LJ to do journaling homework April :)

nicole94 09-08-2010 01:12 PM

*hugs april and mark* ok so my plan for the afternoon is-lunch, therapy, then get the bus to didcot and sunbathe and drink cider :D sounds like a good idea.

Doikers 09-08-2010 01:24 PM

OOhh have fun at your friends Nicole :)

nicole94 09-08-2010 01:26 PM

thanks mark, she just text me and said shes in her garden in her bikini, so unfair cause she probs wont be in it when i go over and she is HOT XD

misskitty112 09-08-2010 02:55 PM

Oooh Nicole, have fun and good luck in therapy!
April, I think it's personally fine to use LJ for homework. Good luck!
Mark! *Hugs* how are you doing today?

Soooo... It's 10 AM and I'm actually awake. I am amazed. But this is a good thing cause my therapy is at 10 on Thursday, and I was afraid I would never be able to wake up in time for it so this gives me a shred of hope.
Oh... and there is still pain radiating down my leg from my SI. This has gone from comforting to annoying. I don't want anything to touch it, but I have to hide it... my grandparents think I haven't SIed since December of 2008, and I really don't want to hurt them again...

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 04:56 PM

*cuddles all* Sorry, no individuals again... :( Bad wardie is April.

I'm terrified to call about this job, even though it would just be to get more information. :( I suck.

*hides in a hole & cries*

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 04:57 PM

Oh, and another reason why I feel like I suck - therapy was at 9:30 today and I totally thought it was 10:30am, so my therapist called me at 9:40am and was like, "Where are you?" .............. :( Stupid me. Yuck. I hate it when I make mistakes like that. :'(

Louise 09-08-2010 04:58 PM

Hi everyone

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 05:00 PM

Hey Louise, how are you? *gentle hugs*

Doikers 09-08-2010 05:04 PM

Met with my nurse this afternoon . Was REALLY full on .She is pushing me to "Get out there" and meet people which scares me a lot , she Insisted I ring Becky from the befriending people with severe mental health issues agency , , I was shaking when I rang her :S But I did it so yey me ! I guess . Then we disscusse WHY I am having alcohol craving so badly latley , what thoughts I'm having , the fact that I haven't acheived what people I know my age have acheived and I should've , My S.I. Scars , My weight ( Which I am getting increasingly upset about) and my meds , the sheer amount of them and being on them so long term .

I've had to take a Diaz , I'm so triggered by having to face all these thoughts , My mind is "High Pitched" if that makes sense ? Please someone tell me if that makes sense because it's the only way I can think of to descibe it.

She said I was ambivilent not Numb and we can work with that... :S

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry your leg hurts , is the wound okay?

Doikers 09-08-2010 05:06 PM

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs April* We are human , we make mistakes , don't beat yourself up over it lil Sister :)

Louise 09-08-2010 05:09 PM

I could be better not had a great day

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 09-08-2010 05:26 PM

*Hugs Louise*

Louise 09-08-2010 05:55 PM

*hugs Mark* i'm sorry things were not great for you today.

shadowedsoul 09-08-2010 06:20 PM

Cuddles everbody. Cheers April for the pm it helped alot, just to get out the thoughts that were running through my head. Thank you. And no sorry needed I know you have alot going on at the sec so no worries. Big bear hug.

one_step_closer 09-08-2010 06:54 PM

Do you want to talk about it, Louise?

Doikers 09-08-2010 06:56 PM

Hey Lindsay :) *Hugs* How are you this evening ?

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 07:21 PM

Mark, love, all of what you said makes sense to me. :) And thanks for the reassurance, you're right, we all do make mistakes 'cause we are human & therefore aren't perfect. I just felt/feel really dumb for making that mistake. :( Oh well. I'm sorry that you're so triggered and numb/ambivalent... *gentle cuddles* Is there anything I/we can do to help you feel better?

Jill, glad that the PM helped some. *hugs* I totally understand what you mean about it helping to get the thoughts out there. :)

What's up, Louise, sweetie? *huggles* I'm here if you need to talk, PM inbox is always open. :) Or anyone else here would probably be glad to talk with you via PM as well, or you can just post on here, that's fine too. Or not post at all, up to you. :) You have choice. (That's something I learnt today in therapy... may seem simple but it is not something that feels like it's simple!!)

Lindsay, how are you doing? *hugs gently* Feeling any better than the other evening?

I rang up about the job but it sounded like I called a fax machine, not a phone number (?). So yeah. I tried twice and will try again in a bit, but that was really kind of a letdown after I got myself alllll keyed up. :( Oh well. :(

Sounds like Jarrod & I may be going to the county fair sometime this evening, which would be nice, I guess - get to see a lot of old friends from 4-H and current friends as well - like my bestie. :D I'm looking forward to it, although am a little scared for people to see how FAT I am now. :'(

Anyway. :-S

*extra cuddles to all*

Scarletdreamer 09-08-2010 07:36 PM

Oh, & this is a VERY pretty song you all might enjoy... it's from the WoW soundtrack... but even if you're against WoW-the-game, give the song a listen. :)

I love it, personally. XD And not just because it's from the game's soundtrack. It's so pretty, haunting and mournful, I don't know... just so very pretty.

Am exhausted. Wish I could take a nap but that would make my contacts dry out even more, and yes, I could take 'em out and then put them back in later, but I'm too lazy to even do that. >_<


Oh, and I did text my NP. No response yet.

Doikers 09-08-2010 08:13 PM

Nice song , Probably not in the mindset to appreciate it atm but thanks for sharing April :)

SO.... I cut , deep enough to leave an ugly scar , Another one , Not suprised it happened , all my emotions are up in the air after meeting my nurse , I took a Diaz earlier but it must have worn off , went for a walk , came back to my flat , there was no more putting it off :S Sorry ......

misskitty112 09-08-2010 08:43 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry today was so rough. Take care of your wound, okay?

April, the song is really really hauntingly beautiful. I love it. :)

*hugs Louise* you wanna talk about it? My PM box is always open to anyone on here.

Lindsay, how are you?

I'm pretty much done with life, guys. I can't do this. My own mother hasn't talked to me in a week, then we she does call me, she gets mad that I have to move into uni on Sunday, and she's going to the state fair on Saturday. I told her I could go as long as I was back Saturday night to finish up packing. Then she got all pissed at me again and said that was okay, she has my stepsister who is so much better than me and who is everything she wanted me to be.
Then... my friend/ roommate for uni texted me and she is completely going off on me because I want a say in what our room looks like. Then she has the decency to ask how I'm doing with SI, and I tell her and her reply is: "Felicia, I am ****ing sick of this cutting obsession of yours. How ****ing hard is it to not carve yourself up like a turkey. It's ****ing dangerous."
Ummm... really? I didn't know that, I mean come on I'm only the person who's been in the hospital more than once for my SI. </sarcasm>
So... I cut again. Sorry. And I really really really want to burn too... Like, so badly.

Doikers 09-08-2010 08:51 PM

*Hugs Felicia* People can be mean , I'm sorry you are having a tough time , I'm not so good at the advice , I hope you are looking after the wound well and please try not to burn :( Stay safe :)

misskitty112 09-08-2010 08:54 PM

I'm trying. I keep putting it off for 5 minutes... then 5 more... and I'm hoping the urge will pass once I calm down some.

Doikers 09-08-2010 08:55 PM

Also Felicia , maybe she re-acted like that because she is genuinally concerned for you and doesn't understand S.I. all that well . She might really care .

misskitty112 09-08-2010 09:07 PM

I know she cares. I know that's why she reacted that way, but she's just done nothing today but bitch me out, and her text was not worded nicely. And it just pisses me off that she thinks she knows everything about it, when I'm the one who's lived it for 12 freakin' years.

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