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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

nicole94 15-07-2010 05:02 PM

argh im so angry right now!

MammaMia 15-07-2010 05:11 PM

Why Nicole?

nicole94 15-07-2010 05:16 PM

because ive spent6 months thinking im a complete freak because im suicidal and self harming and all the proffesionals are saying theres nothing wrong with me, and then my mum just let slip that actually i was diagnosed with BPD in march and everyone else knew. i know i should be happy that ive finally got a diagnosis, and i am dont get me wrog, but im so pissed off that theyve let me think im a complete freak for so long! ive been going over and over it wondering what the **** is wrong with me, and they all knew!

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 05:29 PM

*hugs helen* you are right, nobody is useless. I know that i'm guilty of calling myself that in here too... but we all should really stop. In no way is that healthy for us to continue saying. Also, I'm so sorry about last night. I agree that you should try to ignore them, although I know that is way easier said than done. you're not invisible to me though.

*hugs april* How are you?

*hugs nicole* whats wrong?

*hugs jess* good luck at your appointment.

*hugs lia* how r u doing today? and I spy you!

*hugs mark* that was very brave of you to tell about your plan. I think that you should tell your SW too. Maybe then you could get some extra help/support. You never know until you try at least.

I'll update about myself later. Kind of ran out of steam right now.

nicole94 15-07-2010 05:36 PM

^^ look at my last post, i cant be botherd to write it all again

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 05:47 PM

*hugs nicole* oops sry i was typing my post while you responded. Whether or not you have an actual diagnosis, you are NOT a freak. I know that you are angry right now that this was kept from you, but maybe after awhile it will give you some peace of mind about things. And many times MH workers dont like to tell diagnoses because they feel it might impede in the recovery process. I'm sure it wasn't anything intended to be malicious. Also, personality disorders, like bpd, take a long time to truly diagnose, so maybe they were waiting to make sure that is what was actually going on with you.

nicole94 15-07-2010 05:50 PM

nah, ive been properly diagnosed since march, and im not so annoyed that she kept it from me, im more annoyed that my mum knew and that she kept it from me, apparently its very rare to be diagnosed with BPD under 18 years old though :/

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 05:54 PM

Yea that was another thing i was going to mention, but I'm in the US so i thought maybe things were different there. They probably had to be very cautious with the diagnosis because of that. So maybe its another reason that you were kept in the dark for so long. *hugs*

nicole94 15-07-2010 05:59 PM

*hugs* yeah, basically, they said they only diagnose under 18s when its serious, i suppose the fact that i was making suicide attempts all over the place helped.

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 06:02 PM

:-/ well maybe since it was diagnosed early they will be able to make a better treatment plan for you. I can understand why you are upset about not knowing before now though. Just don't think you are a freak or anything like that hun b/c you are not.

nicole94 15-07-2010 06:05 PM

to be honest, im not completley sure what it is :/

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 06:11 PM

I don't know what to do, I'm drowing in my grief and the only one who can save me is the one I'm greiving for. I can't even cry and I just want to scream. I don't even know what good posting this will do. Nothing can help.

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 06:14 PM

http://www.bpdworld.org/what-is-bpd This might help Nicole.

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 06:14 PM

*hugs nicole* Maybe you could ask some of the MH people that you work with for more information about it since you now have a name for it. You can also do research online, but you have to be careful obviously b/c not everything is accurate.

*hugs lia* You wanna talk about it hun? Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 06:40 PM

Thanks Laura *Returns Hugs*

I have no motivation to do anything. I'm watching TV, but not seeing it. Not taking anything in. I tried to write earlier, I managed, but it took me ages and I wasn't getting the same enjoyment out of it as I normally do. I can't even read, I started a chapter this morning and have gotten through about two pages since. I don't even know what I've done with my day.

I actually cried at 64 zoo lane earlier because it reminded me of her. (Which is why I was watching it in the first place. Don't even ask about the story behind that.)

So sorry for being uselss. I'll try for individual replies, see if I can at least be motivated to do that.


PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 06:43 PM


So sorry for being uselss. I'll try for individual replies, see if I can at least be motivated to do that.
1- See Helen's above statement on useless.
2- Struggling and being useless are very different things
3- *cuddles you*

one_step_closer 15-07-2010 06:58 PM

I feel so low, i'm sorry I can't reply to anyone. I had work experience in a charity shop today and I struggled a bit, i've got to go back in Tuesday to Thursday next week.

Can someone reply to my thread in serious? I really need some advice.

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 07:03 PM

OK, sorry for not being too helpful right now. That any better? *Smiles gently*

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 07:08 PM

*Hugs Lindsey.* I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. I read your thread but I really don't know what to say. If they won't admit you, I don't know what to suggest. Are you on any meds for personality disorders? I have a friend with depression who often talks about 'voices' she says they control her and make her do things,but I don't think they are actual people, just the voices. I'm really sorry I can't be more helpful right now, but just to let you know I did hear you and you're not invisible. I know how important it can be just to be heard sometimes.


one_step_closer 15-07-2010 07:14 PM

Thanks. I am on antipsychotics but they're not helping. I have just had the dose increased today but i've been on that dose before and it didn't do anything for me.

How are you doing?

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 07:28 PM

Not amazingly. Greif. Killing me today.

PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 07:31 PM

Yes that is better, Lia.

Lindsay, I read it too but I have no advice to give. I'm sorry.

*hugs everyone and goes back to being invisible*

MammaMia 15-07-2010 07:46 PM

*cuddles all*

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 07:57 PM

I totally cannot do this.

Doikers 15-07-2010 08:20 PM

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia* You CAN get through this, Here have a smile .... :-)

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 08:47 PM

Thanks Mark, that actually did make me smile :)

The thing is, people say it'll be ok, but it won't. She's gone and nothing will ever be ok again.

katnovia 15-07-2010 08:58 PM

*sneaks in* *cuddles all stealthily so no-one sees her* *hides self in warren*

Doikers 15-07-2010 09:03 PM

*Huggles Kat* How are you ? :)

PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 09:03 PM

Who's gone?
Sorry, I feel dense but I don't know who it is and am guessing on the variety of gone and I'd usually say it takes time but it'll be ok but then I don't know what's going on...

I've been following things from my hidey hole and now I'm confuzzled.

PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 09:04 PM

*tackle hugs Mark*

katnovia 15-07-2010 09:07 PM

meep. They're going to take my daughter. I know it.

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 09:10 PM

The only person who gave me hope. The one who made me feel better. The woman who I made me feel like everything would be ok. The woman I love. That's who's gone.

PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 09:13 PM

why would they do that Kat?

Lia, honey, have you tried to see in yourself what she saw in you? And just because she's gone that doesn't mean the difference she made in your life has to be.

Doikers 15-07-2010 09:14 PM

Kat , I'm sure they'll not take her from you , what makes you say that ?

katnovia 15-07-2010 09:17 PM

I told the HV on wednesday that I was afraid shadow might hurt Hazel... child services came today.. and i'm not allowed to be alone with her. We had to sign a written agreement that 24 hours a day i'd have supervision... and that's a temporary agreement until i've finished being assessed by MH

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 09:17 PM

Kat- everyone's said what makes you say that, so I won't parrot them, but I'll offer my support and cuddles. I don't know the situation, so I can't do a lot of advice and reassurance right now. Sorry *cuddles*

Crimson, I was nothing to her. I was just...well I wasn't even 'just'. She's everything to me, but I never meant anything to her and never will.

PoisonedApple 15-07-2010 09:25 PM

sorry Lia... not so good at helping today.
*goes back to hiding and being invisible*

shadowedsoul 15-07-2010 09:31 PM

Hmm hugs lia and Kat tightly. Curls up in corner.

I'mJustMe 15-07-2010 09:47 PM

Hey Jill *hugs* You alright?


katnovia 15-07-2010 09:50 PM

I just feel useless. And monthly is making everything so much worse. really struggling with keeping Shadow under control.

Kahlia1981 15-07-2010 09:57 PM

*hugs/waves at everybody*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - 4 pages of posts since I was in here last night.

Feeling a lot like a broken doll at the moment.
Anxiety = high
Mood = low
Suicidal urges/ideation = high ++ increasing
SI urges = high
ED urges = high

Guess I'm doing okay though. I haven't given in to the urges and I haven't got any psychotic signs. Just really wish it was all over. *sigh*

Doikers 15-07-2010 10:16 PM

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Spots Luke , Helen and what the? and Hugs them too*

SoMuchMore 15-07-2010 10:49 PM

^ epic reply luke!

*hugs* try not ot do anything harmful, its not worth it hun. I'm glad that you and your psychologist seem to get along well. Hope that the new treatment is helpful and nothing happens to your kidneys. Don't stay in your house 24/7.. isolating isn't usually a very healthy thing.

*hugs everyone else* will try to do more individuals later

frenchhorn 15-07-2010 11:54 PM

wow its been a stressful day, my bf came out to his dad, who sort of had a none reaction and he came out to so many on fb and stuff. He did exactly the opposite to me and came out to most in one day, whereas it took me months, but he is different, its just been stressful and I am knackered, sorry all.

*cuddles all, then curls up in corner, feeling guilty for feeling depressed when I should be feeling happy for him*

MammaMia 16-07-2010 12:01 AM

As I said to my best friend earlier....this day gets better and better (i.e. sarcasm...it's getting worse)

Roll on tomorrow when I start my weekend away.

Sorry for no individual replies.

shadowedsoul 16-07-2010 12:31 AM

Sorry lia I wasn't ignoureing you I fell asleep somthing I being doing a lot of lately. Iam hmm nevermind I'm okay.

I'mJustMe 16-07-2010 12:44 AM

Spies April and Kahlia *Glomps before April can get in there.*

How are you April? Haven't heard a lot from you today. *Hugs to all who want them and extra glomps for April in vengence*

'tis ok Jill, I didn't think you were ignoring me. You shouldn't bottle things up,although I have no right to talk, I can tell you how much it hurts to be so alone. To eventually want someone there but look and realise there's no one and that's all your fault because you pushed them all away. But I also know what you mean about not wanting to get hurt, it's why I won't open up I tried to last night but...well no one heard me. I'm always just a PM away if you want to though sweet.


shadowedsoul 16-07-2010 12:59 AM

Hmm thanks Hun. Urgh screw it can't win really can't win.

MammaMia 16-07-2010 01:01 AM

Hey guys, I'm not sure if I'll be back in tonight as it's getting on now, being 1am & all. I won't be around from today (in a few hours) til Sunday evening. I'm going to London :D

Please try to keep safe & keep going everyone. I know we're all going through rough times at the moment. I care about you all. Try have a good weekend =)

PoisonedApple 16-07-2010 01:03 AM

*sits in her own little corner and cries*

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