Hi Jill * Hugs* Good Hmm or Bad Hmm?

*Hugs Jill* You alright sweetie?

xx

Thanks mark it's a bad hmm. Hugs lia back no not really (shrugs shoulders) don't know how to explain. to much stuff going around my head.

Explain on your own terms. You don't have to at all if you don't want, but we're all here for you sweet.
xx

Thanks Hun. Just feel very low today, kind of want to give up. Hmm =\ it's 2.30 here and I'm still inky pj don't really feel like going for a shower,just want to go back to bed and just stay there.

Well you're not allowed I'm afraid. We'd all miss you here and you must have something to hold on for as you have done all this time. If you give up now, everything you have done so far would be for nothing. So please hold on Jill, we're all here and you'll never be alone. *Hugs*

x

Thanks you very much Hun.

I don't know what else to say right now. Is there anything you want to talk about? You can PM me if you don't want to post it.

xx

Thanks lia I'm not even sure what to say or explain what's going on. Sorry I know that's annoying. =(

Don't worry, I'm the same. Ice Queen, that's me. But if you ever find the words, I'm only a message away. :)

Hugs for now, and I'll leave a TARDIS full of them. A little compact one so you can carry around in your pocket, but it's huge on the inside just bursting with all differnt kinds of hugs. Sorry, I'm weird.

x

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you feeling today ?

*hugs to everybody*

I am super stressed. I don't know why I thought being in a play plus planning a wedding would be a good thing to do. Also, I got kicked out of my sorority yesterday for having a 2.48 GPA instead of a 2.50, stupid? I think so, but whatever.

I feel disposable.

Hug Mark, Lindsey and MissKitty* How's things?

You're not disposable MissKitty, we would all miss you here and you make much more of an inpact on people's lives than you think. *Hugs*

I wonder what would happen to my mood if I died? Would someone come on here and change it?

Want to sleep, but it's too early.

xx

You're NOT disposible, Felicia ( right? ) *Hugs*

Ditto^^^^

Hehe Re your mood Lia :) *Hugs*

Right, my name's Felicia =)

And I echo the wanting to sleep. However, I just woke up about 3 hours ago lol.

Ah yes, I do believe I knew that. I just have a crap memory. Sorry :)

It's all good =)

Curls up into a ball. Feel low still wish this would go away

*walks in bleeding* I really need a hug :(

*HUGS Pomeranian* you okay ?

*Hugs Jill*

Thanks Doikers - just feeling pretty mixed up and depressed and what not from a session with my therapist today. Feel a bit sick now as I thought I'd cut an artery but am just sort of in between the 'high' of cutting and the low of my depressive mood :( - If that makes sense :S

*hugs back*

Sorry I've not been about much lately... *sigh* I don't really know why I haven't either. I've missed you guys.

I don't know how I'm feeling. STILL. Guhhhh... :-X

Today's been a quiet day.

*spies Mark, Jill, & Felicia, & glomps* :D

Pomeranian , please look after your wound , keep it clean okay? you're making sense yes :).

Hey April *Glomps back*

Glomps April back, hehe =p hugs pomeranian hopes your okay Hun.

*hugs april, mark, jill, lia, felicia, and pomeranian*

Sorry its not more today.

Rehearsal time almost!
*sprinkles everyone with magical fairy dust*

I shall be back in about 5-6 hours. :-)

hmm need to walk away, why the hell can't I walk away, I keep coming back for more of everything. =( *sits and rocks*

So ****ing anxious!!!!

*sits, rocks, & cries*

Sorry no individuals, I'll try to do some later tonight or tomorrow. :(

Hey Jill, I know you won't talk, but we're all here for you if you ever do want to. *Wipes away tears and cuddles gently.* You still have my TARDIS hugs don't forget.

April- What's making you so anxious sweet? *Hugs and hands tissue. Sits with*

I don't know what to do. There is something there and I am so SCARED. I wish I hadn't had that conversation with that girl. Oh life.

x

So much is going on right now... :'( ...I might have to talk to the parent(s) of one of the girls I've been "mentoring" at my church... my r/v has more about it, the whole "Sunday thing" ... but the problem is, Sunday is fast approaching. :-X

And then I found out that one of my mail-order prescriptions was "expired" - it was ONLY a month old - so now I have less than a week's worth of a NEEDED medication (my anti-anxiety med, how funny.................), and no word from my NP whether or not she'll call in some for me. :'( I feel so ****ing stupid.

I can't even focus on WoW for a long period of time. :'( And they're making me feel like **** anyway, not on purpose but still.

I just want to go die somewhere quietly... *cries softly*

Updated r/v...

*hides & keeps crying* :'(

*hides* I'm scared sorry, dont know what we are meant to do, its horrible, so ****ing horrible

*sits with you if you like*

thank you

*sits with* how are you?
I may try to sleep soon, 3.45 am

I don't have the words for individuals but it looks like everyone's having a bad night so *hugs and cuddles for everyone*

Also, Michelle, I like your Virginia Woolf quote in your sig. I love Woolf.

So... I wish I could make my brain quit. I haven't even finished Midsummer for this summer and I'm already thinking about the possibility of performing Macbeth next summer and what role I want. And I am stressing myself out over said role. And I just want it to stop.

I'm well enough thankyou, is the horrible feeling passing at all?
I'm in the UK too, so same time here, probably should sleep soon too I guess.
Reckon some sleep will help? x

*hugs misskitty (Felicia I believe??)

you do a lot of acting then, i see you keep mentioning rehearsals and I'm guessing its that.
I know what long rehearsals are like, I'm a classical musician.
*hugs* hope your brain stops stressing out soon

Thanks!

*hugs back* Sorry I can't offer more, I hope your brain does quit soon.

oh yeah sorry, just saw your uk too.
no its still here, sleep would stop it for now, but then it would make the morning come quicker and that is scary too, was a horrible day, dont want morning to come so we dont have to face him

Yes it's Felicia =)
I'm an actress in a starting Shakespeare company during the summer, we perform A Midsummer Night's Dream next week, and I got word that the play for next summer is Macbeth. I'm a perfectionist, and I know if I don't get the part I want it's going to be super super hard on me. (Even though I just want to play one of the witches... cause they are awesome!)
Yes, I'm sure you do know long rehearsals. I'm a trained vocalist and to be honest, my music rehearsals kill me far worse than any theatre rehearsal I have had.
Thanks though, I hope my brain stops soon too. I need to focus on this week and let next summer take care of itself.

I know what you mean about sleep making whatever you're dreading come quicker, but rest would hopefully give you a little more energy to deal with whatever it is you're fearing.

*hug* Keeping you in my thoughts and hope tomorrow is ok for you

wow thats cool, but stressful. I hope midsummer goes well next week and good luck for getting the part you want in macbeth, i agree the witches are cool.
yeah music rehearsals can be utter hell.
yeah focus on next week that is important and then worry about next summer for macbeth when it come to it

thanks, yeah sleep would give me some more energy i guess, its not even me who will have to face most of it, it will be my bf, I just hope once we go to the friends it will be better.
basically my bf came out to his dad the other night and while in the car with him earlier, he screamed at him, tolded him he was only being trans cos it was the only way i could love him, cos I'm trans, nearly hit him and nearly crashed, now he is just ignoring us and not talking to us, so we are going to stay with a friends of his, then I have to go home on tuesday, its been horrible, especially for my bf, I'm just trying to be there for him, but I'm also getting shouted at by his dad, because I have turned him trans apparently

Gosh, I can understand why that would be very scary.
Is your bf's dad not too educated about this stuff if he thinks your bf has been turned trans by you? Not making excuses for his behaviour at all but I hope that with a little bit of education and time he can be more accepting.

When do you get to stay at your friends? You sound like you're being wonderfully supportive and he is lucky to have you!

Wishing you strength

we are going to the friends in the morning.
His dad really isnt educated and has gone very scary, saying he wont be his gurantor for his flat, as he doesnt know anyone called alex, so he wont have anywhere to live. at the moment he is too angry and doesnt talk or screams so we havnt tried to talk to him and try to educate him or give him some useful resources

thank you

That is so upsetting to hear. The transphobia and ignorance would be bad enough but withdrawing financial help is just...... I have no words. I am upset and angry on your behalf.

I can understand why you are scared for tomorrow to come but I hope it will at least provide the two of you with some peace for a while.

Will you let me know how it goes?

Yeah its horrible for him and I can't help with finances, we're both students. I just hope he comes to his senses.

Yeah I hope getting away will give us a break, i go home on tuesday and Alex, my bf, is doing an orchestral course, which his dad had planned to drive the harp to, I really hope he still will do that, there is no other way to get a harp into Edinburgh.

Yes I will let you know how it goes, I'm not sure if I'll have internet at this friends house, so it may not be until late tues/early weds morning, unless I can get into an internet cafe, or there is internet access.

thanks for your support

Morning all wardies.

Hope it all goes well for you Oliver and everything's ok. I'm sorry, I'm too tired to say much more right now.

Had the worst night's sleep last night. Finally dropped off at past 3 in the morning then woke again at 5.20 where I stayed awake for about 20 minutes before falling asleep again and waking for good at half 7, which bring me here at this bright and early hour. Still, going to London today and didn't have any nightmare so that's cool.

Igore my post from yesterday (not that anyone actually responded anyway, but in case someone was planning to) because I was talking rubbish and there's nothing I've forgotten, nothing pushed to the back, nothing to be scared of. I was being stupid. I hope everyone's feeling a little better this morning.

*Hugs and tea to all*

xx

*Hugs Oliver* I hope you got some sleep there and I hope Alex's Dad comes around soon :S

*Hugs Felicia* Oh I hope you get to be a witch !

*Hugs Lia* I'm sorry your sleep suffered last night , have fun in London !!

*Hugs Ward-mates*