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Sugar and Spice 16-05-2008 04:01 PM

hello, how are you doing>

youngatheart 16-05-2008 04:07 PM

Hi carole, Im fine thanks, how are you doing?

BoundNoMore 16-05-2008 04:15 PM

*sits in a corner and rocks -crying* omg omg omg.... WHY ARE MY GUMS BLEEDING?!?!?!!!!!

youngatheart 16-05-2008 04:16 PM

hey Amanda, would you like a hug? are you ok sweetie?

BoundNoMore 16-05-2008 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crystalheart (Post 765770)
hey Amanda, would you like a hug? are you ok sweetie?

Hugs are great, but they can't make my gums stop bleeding!!! :cry: WHY ARE THEY BLEEDING?!?!

Sugar and Spice 16-05-2008 04:20 PM

I'm not okay. Angry, upset, hurt, ashamed.

*hugs Amanda* Sorry, don't know why. Is it just in places or all of the gum?

BoundNoMore 16-05-2008 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carole (Post 765777)
s it just in places or all of the gum?

The whole thing... my entire gum on the bottom.

Sugar and Spice 16-05-2008 04:30 PM

Amanda, I'm sorry but I don't know what to say. Try to book an appointment with your dentist or doctor, that is your best bet tbh x

youngatheart 16-05-2008 05:26 PM

not sure why youre gums are bleeding Amanda, hope theyve stopped now.
Carole, Im just read what happened with the guy(is it your boyfriend?) maybe he just needs some time but sorry about the tickets, when are tehy for?

Sugar and Spice 16-05-2008 05:38 PM

Yes, it is my bf. Cut a long story short, he's coming to the theatre with me. The show is Monty Python's Spamalot and is on Monday (his birthday).

I feel like a failure

youngatheart 16-05-2008 06:07 PM

are you pleased about that? the show sounds good! why do you feel a failure?

MammaMia 16-05-2008 06:09 PM

Gosh. I feel like I've been so bitchy. I really do. I'm so incredibly emotional at the moment. It's not ****ing fair :crying:

Well today's been eventful, pretty crap at times though. Might as well start from the top, well I'm seriously worried about Emma (lil-princess), just need to know she's okay.

Anyway, I went to college, got there a couple of minutes late but that was alright. Somehow didn't cry in the first lesson and had a bit of a giggle with Tina. I feel guilty that I'm not going to miss her as much as Jess :blush: But then again, I have known Jess much longer and she's done more than Tina ever did hehe.

Went to my second lesson with feelings of dread....and worked as much as I could. Was struggling a bit and was trying not to cry. But I half cried because of the work....but it wasn't a proper cry dammit. Also was crying because it was mine & Jess' last lesson together. Did she even notice? Again, the answer was no. Who cares, it's over :crying:

So then break came around, so I went to find Jane. But couldn't find her and she hadn't replied to my email so was worried that she wasn't in after all (turns out she was elsewhere and on the way back). Abbi turned up to meet me so I spent the entire break with Abbi :hop: Had a really goood chat about stuffs. :tongue2: So break was over, and I decided I really had to go see my counsellor about yesterday.

Fortnately she didn't mind me doing that even though our weekly appointment isn't until Monday. But anyway, we had a really good chat about yesterday which helped me :) I told about the whole situation of the appointment, my last lesson, the alcohol, wanting to cut and whatever else I mentioned. LOL she made me smile because she wants to talk about my birth (oh dear- I put that idea into her head) and I think it'll be related to the fact she said we'll talk about my abdoanment issues, ahhh fun times. Should be fun >.< and interesting yay!

I decided I'd had enough of college for one week so sodded off home. Came home to 3 letters (that excited me!) but yeah one was off my counselling (well the ones who I rang yday). Also two letters from the college librairy asking me to return my psychology textbooks that everyone got out in September =\ Which is fine, will hand them over next week!!!

I went upstairs and I was still being nagged in my head to check my email. I just had a freaky supiscion that I should have checked at college before going home. But I ignored that and it made me wonder if Jane had emailed. Which she had bless her :) Turns out when I went to see her earlier she was either in an exam invigulating or somewhere else lol :hehe: She told me I could see her before 1.40....so I ran off to the bus stop (after checking bus times/changing jeans & socks and shoving lunch in my bag....)

Managed to get there just on 1.40, and she told me she'd see me within 15 mins if her student didnt turn up....was just about to bawl when she said give me ive mins and then I'm all yours (bless her!) and so I spoke to her from 1.55-3.15 which I was grateful for. It was much needed. I thought I'd have to leave at 2.50 as she teaches Psychology but completly forgot they're an AS class so would be on study leave & in the exam as we spoke....it felt werid knowing I wasnt sitting that exam!!! :laugh:

After all that drama, I decided to go shopping :thumbup: Got some presents, cards and some stuff for me. Meant I did spend nearly all of my money, ooops! I'm meant to be saving for my holiday aswell.....(and uni!) opppps! Now I'm at home trying to cry meh :( I feel ****. I nearly broke down in clintons, felt like this shop assistant was consantly watching me as I was hanging around the me2you bears stuff (couldnt make my mind up for ages)....and that annoyed me and then like I saw looked thru father day cards and didn't want to get any. I feel ashamed for that....but I just don't feel any of those words this year about my dad. I don't feel he's the best....or whatever it said. That really hurt and nearly made me break down...but managed to hold it in. Not the best move but I don't care.

Glad to be home, even if I feel increadibly ****. Can't wait for tomorrow!!!! :) Seeing my nan and I believe my sister is coming then or is it tonight??? Ah well.

Supossed to be seeing my dad on Sunday but not sure right now if I can be bothered with. But I'm going through a stage of really missing him at night and not being able to cuddle him whenever I like. I miss him being at home with us...even though when he was here I didnt always get on with him and whatever.....funny how you REALLY don't know what you've got until it's gone....I think I am angry still with him, but its not so strong. I can't even talk to him about missing him...well he knows I does. But every time I talk to him about it (when it's the upset peroid)....he just gives me the same bullshit over and over "if it could be any other way" welll it CANT because it's this way. He needs to be confronted yet again and start dealing with it for me in a better way...... or something.

I'm going to be so glad when I hand prep folder of work on Monday :) By 1.40 it hopefully will be over, if not before!!!! Fingers crossed anyway. I can see my counsellor and then go home and relax for nearly two weeks (I hope). Well that's if I dont get called back in during that week (cus then the second week will be half term). I know I'll be seeing Jane on Thursday, I think I might pluck up the courage to ask if I can touch her bump. Silly me was too shy to ask earlier hehe, thought I'd feel her bump when I gave her a hug. Gave her a side hug tho lol, well I think thats partly down to Jane aswell....heeh don't want to squash Pud now ;)

youngatheart 16-05-2008 06:34 PM

what an eventful day! made me tired readin it ;)
Im glad you managed to see Jane, how spooky that you had such a need as such to check your email! I hope whatever you decide concerning your Dad makes you happy.
Im sure Jane wont mind you at all asking to touch her bump..and she will probably be pleased you asked instead of doing what a lot of people did to me and just touched it anyway when I was pregnant!

~*forever_broken*~ 16-05-2008 06:47 PM

Hmm Amanda, I don't know why that would be happening... have you rung the dentist office? Maybe they could tell you.

Carole, I am glad the BF is going to the theatre with you. Sounded like a raw deal when you thought he wasn't going to be able to.

Helen, wow hun, full day. I'm sorry you're feeling so **** atm *snuggles* remember... still hugging ;-)

Crystalheart (so sorry, I don't know your name :blush:) how are you doing? Looks to me like you're asking after everyone else but not sharing about yourself. Everything going ok?

Me? As morbid as it sounds (and this is going to sound morbid) I had the idea this morning (maybe it was last night) that... (I don't even want to write this)... that, out of all of us, even those who have been hospitalized (I have narrowly escaped that twice) I'll be the one to... well, to kill myself:crying: I don't know why but I just feel it... I'm sorry..

*curls up in her corner and cries*

MammaMia 16-05-2008 06:53 PM

Bless you hun. I don't blame you ^_^

I'm so so so glad I saw Jane, she's an amaizng support. I told her the truth about feeling guilty about putting so much on her in the last couple of months. Espically as she's pregnant, though I made her laugh. Because I said I'd feel less guilty if she hadn't been. She did say "if it makes you feel any better, it's okay Hells"

I'm deffo gonna ask her, I would hate if I was pregnant and people just went for my bump lol. I need to kinda have my pic taken with her at some point too, so maybe I should do tht soon. I asked her if she was okay with us just having our lessons in one room, cus like she's now in her third stage (well from tomorrow) and it's slowly taking it out of her and she's sooooo tired bless.

zowie 16-05-2008 07:20 PM

I WANT TO DIE

Sugar and Spice 16-05-2008 07:21 PM

*hugs all round*

Ally, I am sorry that you feel like this. You can get through this. You don't know that you'll end up like that. You can beat this.

Helen, things with your dad will calm down. I promise.

Zowie, please don't give in hun.

I have issues with s*x and I feel like I fail my bf when I can't do it. He doesn't see it like that but I can't help it.
I want to bleed.

chocostashchick 16-05-2008 07:25 PM

nobody here is dying i forbid it and so does the Denial Tent tis against the rules

zowie 16-05-2008 07:36 PM

Carole, I know what you mean about having difficulties with sex. Can you talk to your partner about it?

I have to die. The OD I took earlier didn't work, now I feel like a failure.
Beth is telling me to go buy a knife and stab someone, I'm so scared.
My dad's drunk off his face, so he can't help me. He's been critisising me for ODing instead of helping.

*Crawls out of the denial tent* I want to die.

MammaMia 16-05-2008 07:40 PM

PLEASE don't listen to Beth Zowie.

If you stab someone, it's more trouble than it's worth :(


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