i'm sick :(
and supposed to be studying but my heads all fuzzy.
and i got really average marks on my chem and molecular bio exams :(

*hugs chloe*

at least u passed ;-) i would of failed miserable ;-S

But yeah, hope u feel better soon hon xxx

yeh, i passed, i duno if i did well enough to get into honours tho. which is important, cos my degree is often the only thing i can work towards - "get my degree, do well and everything else will magically sort itself out :S"
how are u jeremy?

Errh, not feeling too flash atm :-(

Oh well...*sings to himself lalalala that's life*

Yaaaaaaaay for me ^_^

2 days free =]

Managed to talk about both of my violent exs :) Which is gooooood for me.

Plus I've managed to get half of my last unit of work done yaaaaaaay!

can i sit and hide in here for a while. i'm slightly drugged up today the crisis team caught up with my last night, after they ended up ringing the police because i became un-contactable. they came looking for me and and then i went up to see them at the hospital, with the company of the police :( i was given meds to help me sleep last night (or rathr knock me out!) was ther was ok making sure i'd sty at home i think. then they came out first thing this morning and then later on they came out again with a nurse from the duty team where my CPN is based (but shes off at the minute) to see what they can do right now for me and over the weekend i've got a relapse plan in place at the minute so now too good. i have to ring them if i start wanting to hurt myself in anyway. :crying: not sure how liekly thats going to be. but theyr bringing me extra meds out tonight, and have taken my normal meds off me for now.

Hi Katey Lou - hide away - but chat if you need to, I will be back to listen. I really hope that they give you some good help - not just meds but a chance to really chat and try and sort a few things out. Hugs to you.

*hugs everyone* I'm sorry so many of our lovely VETS and psych ward members are struggling atm. I don't have much for any of you at the moment but I am still thinking of you all.

*throws self into corner and hides under duvet, hopefully forever*

Everything is so messed up at the moment. I currently hate my family apart from my Grandma. I will write more about it, but for now I am about to drive back up to Wales again, lol then back home to berkshire tomorrow morning and then back to warwick sunday and back to wales monday. I think I have now managed to freeze my emotions.

Woah my head is spinning with where you're going Emma. Hope you're doing okay sweetie, did you get my text the other day??? :) Lovvvvve yoou! xxxx

Katey, I'll be in and out all night but if you wanna talk we're here to listen xxx

Hi guys...how are you all?

I'm...slightly annoyed coz I thought I was FINALLY starting to feel better-managed to eat properly for the first time in days without crying in pain...then i just got a horrible painful twinge again ><

I went for my blood tests...*sits nervously and waits*

I was so close to kissing him today...I wanted to so badly....but this STUPID sore throat >.<

I sneezed before and my ear started to bleed:blink:

Im SO gonna fail my exams...

And I had a really scary experience last night...I need something to help me sleep...but I doubt my doctor will give me anything...but it scared me so much :crying:

*squishes alexx*

gives u some tamazpam so u can sleep well tonite

Im meh atm...haven't had much sleep tonite, oh well haha

Hi in here - hope you feeling more peaceful than I am - I'm feeling really churned up and am scarred at the moment. Please let it be OK

*hugs Emma and Helen and Jem and Alexx and Chloe and Ally and Katey Lou and Susan and Katch and all the other lovelies in here*

have been very much hiding and full of weirdness but i am thinking of you all and i <3 you all and ummm Alexx honey ears bleeding is very scary and very not normal so hun i hope you told your docs? could be a bad ear infection and if those get bad enough you can have hearing loss and other things so pls be careful

*goes back to hiding under a duvet in the denial tent*

Thankyou Jeremy ^_^

:blink: hearing loss?
I have an appointment on Tuesday so I'll mention it then.
I really want him to give me something to give me something to make me sleep. Last night was scary coz I woke up thinking I was someone else and got really violent...sleeping pills probably wouldnt help but...I hate waking up all the time >.<
oh well *sigh* :/

*tucks Emma in and gives her a teddybear*

I'm sorry for everyone who is hurting or havi ng ahard time - I've got to go - I'm hoping i can make up a feasible excuse to get out of the house - just for a while - go for a drive just get away - i need to. Take care everyone and hugs to you all. Sorry to just pop in and out like this - I'm so restless.

Hey callie *squishes u* u okies hon?.

I hope ur okies Katch...do tc htere *hugs*

aww Jeremy thanks. i think i am probably actually not but i dont care anymore so i'm fine really - have had an epiphany and now realise that none of it matters so i am going to do whatever i want. it's a very nice epiphany. it probably will be replaced by another epiphany in the next day or so in which i realise that i do have to care and deal with things but as for right now i don't care.

Katch take care of yourself and do what you need to and take a break and go for that drive - i love driving it is the best therapy ever and way better than talking to psychotherapists i should market driving therapy to the drug companies and medical companies and make millions

Alexx feel better and if the bleeding ear happens again before tuesday dont wait for your appt call your doc or the hosp or something and tell them all about it because they may want to see you sooner

Jeremy look after yourself too honey *squishes you back*

Hi everyone i've come to join you cos its crap here tbh
*hugs everyone tight*
sorry everyones having such a shitty time
i'm going to hide over in the corner now xxxx

I have hearing loss lool.

Ahhhh I'm far too hyper hehe :) xxx

Sirry I'm still not really supporting people, I hope you're okay :D

I went for a short drive - would like to have gone to the other end of the world (if there was an end) trying to decide if it's best to sit in here or sit alone but I don't want to be alone right now - I'm scared of me and I'm scared of being on my own. I feel like I am falling apart - my heart is beating so fast. I'm sorry for going on about myself but I'm normally good at responding to others but right now I can't. I want someone to help me but I don't have anyo ne to ask. i dont know what to do.

Hi katch
have you tried deep breathing? like really really deep and slow
if you do it long enough your heart will slow down
whats making you feel so bad?

Jo xx

I am trying to but i dont feel too good - i wan t it to stop but i cant think of how to make it - it seems so loud. i feel so ashamed about the stuff i wrote and so dissapointed -i want to wrtie it all - i want to tell someone the stuff that hrts me so much but how can i when i feel so bad for writing the bits that i have written. it seemed a good idea but now i feel so bad I shouldn't have done it. it's such a secret what if they know, what if they see me panic. i'm trying to breathe deeply but it seems really fast

don't feel bad, its ok to write these things down, its good if it helps you.
how will they know?
Keep breathing deeply and slowly, try counting as many in and out as you can.
i have to go to bed now, nurses give me meds that knock me out but pm me if you want to talk about anything xxxx

i fooled them!! they thought i'd taken my meds, how stupid!!!!!!!

sorry i'm not great tonight and i'm in the house on my own all night!

Hi there Katey-lou, where's everyone gone

*nervously checks in*
:ermm: I don't wanna be here, but the "sane" part of me says I need to be. :crying:

*hugs everyone*
Sounds like y'all could use some hugs.
*sigh*
Me too. Mostly because I'm just so damn FLAT... these meds, I can't really feel much of anything :-( But what I do isn't good... And I'm still thinking about killing myself... this time I think partly to get away from not feeling... and besides, I don't know what I'm going to do after I finish uni... Where I'm going to live, where I'm going to work... It doesn't look good and it feels rather hopeless and if it's hopeless then why continue living:crying:?

Sorry, y'all don't need my drama to add to your problems...

hi, the hugs are really welcome - and you can feel free to chat about anything you want - I'm just not good at replying tonight. I can hug you back though

mum gone out to her school leavers prom. sisters staying at her friends all night mum staying out too.

Hey Amanda, welcome.
None of us really want to be here but after a while it becomes home
*hands you tea tray with tea, coffee, cakes and biscuts*

Alexx, get your ear checked out immediately! I do have hearing loss from ear infections and it is a chore.

Ally, something will come up.

Katch, I've heard that you are only as sick as your secrets. This is a safe place to tell your story. So many of us have been though the same thing or something similar.

Katey-Lou, I'm worried about you. Please do as you're advised so you're here another day.

My vision is swimming. My husband is working, wait, he is dozing in fromt of his computer.

My husband says that once Bozo cat and Sage tortoise and I his blondie bear are settled in the motel room, he'll go home for a bit and open up the windows so our place can air out overnight. Our next door neighbor may do it if he gets home first. Tomorrow I want to at least wash a set of sheets so we don't have bad allergies or anything when we sleep.

I was a slightly bad girl today. I stopped at a quilt shop between having lunch with others from my morning meeting and coming to my husband's office. One of the little old ladies I was with spilled water all over her table, why do I end up cleaning up this stuff? I get tired of caring for others.

I have a wall hanging I want to do for our bedroom, a design pre printed onto fabric to stitch for a quilt or something, this one is 40 x 40 inches. Decided the colors of thread I'd picked out weren't the right ones for our bedroom so got three new spools, $8 per spool, Eguptian cotton, why don't they use California pima cotton? Hmmm

If this fog doesn't lift i'm going to go nuts. Never mind, it won't lift much until July 1. Never mind again, i am nuts.

i ****ing hate having exams.
why do i have to get sick NOW??

i'm sorry i dont mean to worry you. i dont mean to worry anyone. i just dont liek them trying to stop me. i wanna b left. :crying: why wont they just leave me be

Blondiebear - would that be hazel nut or walnut? your not nuts and good luck with the wall hanging - you will have totake a picture of it to let us see the finished work - I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Katey Lou - do you mind being in on your own - Hope you are OK with it - I know I'd prefer it (unless I could choose the people to be here) but we are all different. Just please look after yourself - I am sure meds have their bad sides but they must have good as well.

Ally, there is a purpose - for one we need you here - who else is going to hand out the coffee and biscuits. Something will turn up for after uni but you may need to do a bit of digging around and work out what you would like to turn up - then fight for it - as low as we all feel we are all fighters.

and Alexx - Yep I agree your ear needs looking at - you don't need that adding to your problems. Good luck

You are all amazing and I really need to be around some amazing people right now. Thank you

oops i think i scared all the amazing peope away. that's how i feel in life in general - hope some of you come back - could do with some company

*hugs everybody*

I'm here and still being ignored and beginning to feel slightly sad, might go to sleep and then wake up happy =D xxx

how are you

I edited my post lol at same time as you posting I think?

I'm feeling a bit deflated from my happiness :( Might just need to go bed and will feel better in the morning....

i'm stil here i was just getting a drink, i do like being on my own sumtimes i dont though. i think i'm just used to it. right now i dont mind it at all.

does that going to sleep and waking up happy work?

Sorry my internet connection keeps going down.
I'm not sure whether the sleep thing works but maybe we should try it sometime - you just reminded me of something though - "how can you wake up with a smile on your face everyday?


GO TO SLEEP WITH A PLATE IN YOUR MOUTH!!!
Probably not that funny but i know it made me laugh once in the past.

yeah i imagine it did make you laugh once, but its so true lol!! hmm yeah sleep might help except yeah it doesnt seem to happen at the minute without medication, but then wen i sleep i have nightamres so i dont wanna sleep. unless right now i dnt wake up from it

well we can just hang around here then - I've got to take my dogs out on the field for a minute but I will be back - if you are still around. If not catch you soon

I have woke up in the past and felt happy once I got going :S Not often tho....u kinda have to have been happy a bit at least the previous day or the sun to be really shining

well - the suns been doing it's part so I guess it'sdown to us. oops my dogs are pulling me to the door. catch you later

yeah i think that the being slightly happy may have to come into it somewhere. the sun bits true aswell i think but then yeah u can start the day of well but i struggle to keep that up if that happens .
i feel like going for a long run!

it's a bit dark and late to go for a run - if you do go take care

shoot - I want to stay here as I know sleep isn't going to come tonight - but i've been told I have to turn the internet connection off. I don't want to... thank you for making me feel a bit better though - my heart isn't going as fast as it was. still not sure saying everything was the right thing to do but I'm glad I have given it a go - I do still want to write the rest as my mind is so full of it and it seems to be absorbing my whole mind at the moment. Thank you to you both for listening - i'm really glad i found this site - it's the first thing i think about every day and the last thing i do every night - lus it's the first thing i've ever told this much to. thanks xxx

i'm going to go am getting a headache, bnot going to run gna go listen 2 sum msuci and see if that thing called sleep happens.

*cries*

I shouldn't have gone to sleep......had the WORST nightmare in a long time =[ Panic attack going on atm =[

Aww, Helen, I'm sorry*snuggles* I hope things get better soon...