*cuddles Laura* I'm sorry that you're so stressed... is there anything that we can do to help? And maybe you could take out some time for yourself tonight, have a good soak in a tub with salts or bubles or a long hot shower with special shampoo or shower gel? Maybe do your nails, or take some time to read a fun book. Just little "destressers" that you can do inexpensively. I hate seeing you as stressed as I am (lol) if not more *gasp* heh... so please try & take care of yourself!! *more cuddles*

*squishes Helen* Yes, good luck with the job interviews (sorry I didn't say that earlier!!)... you're not a loser, I think everyone would be scared with 2 job interviews coming up. When are they and what jobs are they for? I'm sure that you will do fine... just remember to breathe deeply if you get too scared - hyperventilating only makes the anxiety worse. *gentle hugs* You'll be fine. :)

Thanks for reading my thread, girls... yeh it was very upsetting, might be beneficial in the long run but I really don't know. I'm really upset/angry at my therapist right now... want to text her to let her know that but I don't want to sound like a whinging three-year-old. :( She said she expects a lot of texts this coming week about how I want to cut/purge or how many times I've cut/purged, so I am ****ing DETERMINED to not text her - or anyone, if I can help it - when I am struggling. If I'm not sick, then I obviously don't need support.

**** THIS. *angry*

*cuddles*

Must ignore my brain. Must ignore my brain. MUST IGNORE MY GODAMM BRAIN. I WON'T LET IT DO THIS. I WON'T I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN.

*cries*

*cuddles Mamma* Awwwrrr sweetie. What's wrong?

Jut stuipd feelings, I can't let them win this time, I can't.

*more hugs if OK* I'm a PM away if you need to vent, ok? Cheer up honey.

Thanks xx

*holds everyone*

stupid day.
hafta meet with nutritionist person [am on and eated lunch.. gonna weigh even more :/]
woke up at 9:30 [class at 8 that had paper due for that meant to wake up at 6 for... heh.]
and now have to write that paper/do all the incomplete stuff at latest by tonight :/

*more hugs*
what's the paper about? Maybe I can help?
In any case, big hugs and cheers your way.

BTW: so totally not stalking you. Really.

lol =]
eh is on a project so cant help but thanks

right am off :/

*cuddles*

'Bout time for me to go to my next class, am thinking I'll get a white hot chocolate for it, dunno though... :-X

Talked with my husband about the therapy appt as I was very upset (& still am) and he thinks I really am on the brink of recovery. I am not half as excited as he is. I don't want to be better. I'm TERRIFIED of being better!!! :crying:

and april- *cuddles*
i can understand how what your psych said would be upsetting- i prolly woulda thought same as you... so annoyingly have no advice, but pm if wanna chat. loveee x

know how you feel ><

walk in leans againt wall, hugs knees and rocks. i feel very numb, i should feel angery, all i feel is sorry for him. i shouldnt tho. argh screw it.

*cuddles shadowed*

in other news... im loads more than i thought :/ ew. :(

*cuddles everyone*

Brief pop-in between classes, just wanted to say HI and that I'm a bit calmer now, although still frazzled & really stressed out. :(

Heather, I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are. Anyway - remember - the number on the scale DOES NOT MATTER. (easy to say hard to believe >_<) It may be muscle not fat. *hugs*

Helen, LauraStar, how're you?

Jill, what's going on, love? *huggles*

*runs off to Intro to Soc*

*walks in - runs to corner* - anyone got any spare drink - think i need it

I HATE MATES who pretend and ditch - think a tour about in a car might help

*cuddles rainbow*

doubt is muscle but meh. i dunno... i'll live.
hows you

*cuddles everyone*

Rainbow, what happened with your friends? if you care to talk about it, that is. :) We're here to listen.

Heather, when do/did you see your nutritionist? Hopefully it went/goes okay.

I'm still miffed about my therapy session. *growls* I think I need to get my mind off it & uni as they are both causing me extreme stress... :(

Didn't get the white hot chocolate... oh well. Soc was boring.

*hides*

I need to get drunk. Then can pretend it's not happening. :'(

*hugs everyone*

heather - i echo what april said earlier about you probably not being as bad as u think... everyone sees themselves more negatively then others do.

rainbow - u okay? wanna talk about what happened with your friends?

april - its understandable that you are still upset. Try doing something distracting like watch a funny movie or something..

helen - unfortunately getting drunk does not always work... I know its tempting though.

*hides in a dark corner and tries to turn off the bad parts of my brain*

It is tempting.
*curls up, cries and then hides in denial tent*

thanks for the cuddles guys. feeling very numb, just found out my granda in hospital. we havnt spoken in ages.had a massive arument ages ago,not spoken since. not sure how i should feel sad, angery. all i feel is numb, he has a bad heart as well. all i feel is angery and sorry for him. man i sound like a **** person. =/

cant say numbers on here but... is so much :/ and saw nutritionist earlier today ><

i;m so dunrk. and i shouldnt be. and i texted him....argh. :( and he still doesnt want me :'( why does it hurt so much?
*cries in the corner*

*hugs to everyone*

*Hugs Imaginary_friend* Wish I could get a drink then perhaps I could actually get some sleep.

If this guy doesn't want you that's his problem and he can't be worth your time. Sorry I can't be of much hope other than a hug and horribly generic sounding advice but the sentiment is certainly sincere. Hang in there

*cuddles Helen*


*hugs laurafriend* yea I know its generic advice, but I agree w/ brndedhearo… its probably his problem that he doesn’t want you. Try not to let it get u know, I know its hard..

*hugs brndedhero* hope you manage to get some sleep.

*hugs jill* im so sorry about your grandpa.

*cuddles heather*

I talked to my friend tonight. It was nice to have someone that is on my side of some issues. Guess i didnt have to be worried.

*walks in crumples into a heap and cries*
why is it the more i help people the more i get screwed over? all little things but they pile up and swallow me whole.
and why do people like to make **** up? someone keeps telling my husband that i'm upset about this or that and this bothers me or that... and some stuff does bother or upset me but none of the things they have said are the things that bother me. so they're telling him things to mess with my relationship... even the things that do upset me i haven't told anyone so wtf? and i don't know who's saying it and he won't say... and right now all i want to do is run and lock myself in the bathroom and hurt till the pain, and frustration is gone...

thank you *hugs everyone*
my friend had a massive go at me last night...well, not a go. she told me that she's really worried about me, and she cried herself to sleep the other night because of me. she said she wasn't going to tell me because she didn't want to stress me out.....but she did. and now i feel even worse because she's worried about me. and i can't do anything about it. it's not like i'm doing it on purpose.
*lies down and wishes to sleep forever*

*peeks in*

So many posts... sorry can't respond right now as have to ring my parents up, but I will try to do so later. Thinking of & sending love to you all!! ♥

really need help, dealing with some serious custody issues and really can't handle this right now, please if there someone who can help, pm me, i cant cope

Arrrgh :(

What's up, Helen? *cuddes*

And downunder, I'm here if you need to talk... but I don't know much of anything at all about custody issues, sorry. :(

I'm feeling "meh." Went on a "spending spree" in WoW this morning (in-game gold) and now feel bad about it... oh well. :( I'll re-earn the gold doing quests & dailies, so I guess I oughtn't worry about it. Heh. It's just a game, after all. But it does reflect me IRL I guess... I've been spending a lot lately and I don't know how to control it, easily anyway. :(

I don't know HOW to feel actually, **** it all, because if I'm not sick, as my therapist said, then how am I supposed to feel? Jarrod said that I can feel not well but not sick at the same time... which didn't make that much sense to me...

I think I'm going to go write in my venting spot. :-(

Oh my, so much!

I can't catch up properly. I feel drunk but i've not even had half a drinkl lol. I think its just my mood (apathetic) so i apolagise for spellings and typos.

*hugs to everyone* I'm sorry so much is happeniog in everyones lifes :(

I've been searchuing for a cause to my depression for so long and i think ive found it. I think its because my dad was an alcoholic. he wasnt abusive but it affected me anyway.
Anyhoo this is a break through but i still feel sh*t and nwo idk.

I want to get off my face tonight

Ive got to see my son first then im gna take him back and get bladdered and escape.

Oh thats the other thing, me and my cousellor discovered a theme of escapism through my life.... food for thought


love u all, welcome newbies (if there are any)

talk soonx x x x

i wanna cry. and i can't. i actually physically can't. i'm absolutely shattered and i've ruined everything. again. i'm such an idiot and i hate myself. i want to sleep. i want to be sedated and i don't want to feel like this.
*curls up in a corner to cry*

Really dont feel well :(

*cuddles LauraFriend, Helen, & Joc*

Wish I could help you, loves... :( ...but I'm feeling pretty **** myself.

I'm going onto Depakote soon - have the script, just need to drop it off at the pharmacy - starting at 500mg. Anyone have any experience with it? (divalproex sodium) Also will be increasing my Abilify from 20mg to 30mg... because of the white noise that's been in my head off & on. Yey for being psychotic... :(

And I still feel **** because of that therapist thing. I did text her today & ask her if she intentionally wanted to make me angry, but she replied & said that she was just trying to challenge some of my cognitive distortions. GAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

*hides*

*finds april and squishes*

*squishes Joc back*

Am off to bed I think... before tonight gets much worse. :(

:crying:

*cuddles everyone lots*

*hugs for everyone* I hope everyone feels at least a little better soon.

Looks like it's yet another night of not sleeping, I have things that need to be done tomorrow as well, though I have had things that have needed to be done for a while but I keep putting them off. Oh well.

Any tips on how to get some sleep, or at least something I can keep myself occupied with whilst I can't sleep.

*curls up in corner*

wont be on from thurs-sun btw, am doing a service trip w/ uni- but my email's on here [or fb if you have it] if you lot need me.
love you guys

enjoy your trip :)

Good morning everyone...

I am really struggling with a uni assignment that's due today... ugh. It's scoring a bunch of assessments about myself (like the Beck Depression inventory - I scored a 49, and anything above 40 indicates extreme depression) and I don't know how to score some of them. :( I feel really stupid. And as I said, it's due today so... I am going to have to SOMEHOW get it done before half past noon, when it's due. :(

And I feel like purging... stupid me... I hate myself so much. :(

Try not to purge sweetie and those tests are stuipd. Just don't think about it maybe when choosing your answers?? *cuddles* I usually score 'severe depression' when I do similar ones online, doesn't mean I *do* have it!! Although I did one or two for my doctor and got moderate anxiety/minor depresion or was it the other round and he didn't do anything *shrugs* This is turning into a pointless post, so big cuddles.

*cuddles Helen* How're you doing today? Yeh, I know the tests are kinda stupid, but I have to write a 1-2 page paper on how I scored & one of them I can't find in my packet!! I scored all the rest of them but the SF-26 I can't find, and I don't know if my packet is missing it or if I am missing something... :( feel so stupid!!

I need to escape into a book or WoW or something... but I can't, I need to do schoolwork, damn it all!!!!

*hugs* the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI) is only a scale used by health professional, mainly psychologists to give them a guide to level where to start treatment. It is also used in trying to see whether there is any differences after therapy, hopefully an improvement.

Anyway, u need a health professional to assess u and come up with a diganosis, which does not happen in just one session, rather numerous sessions with that health professional. On another note, depression is just merely a label to give the health professional an idea of what types of treatment may benefit u.

Anyway, enuf about the lecture. Go see somebody, a health professional and seek assistance. Hopefully, he or she may help u feel less depressed.
Take care there :-)

*cuddles April* Jem has very good points there :)

I'm feeling okay, I think. Going out in a few minutes, so I have to be really...

I know that it's used by health professionals & all, and I'm not using it as a diagnostic tool - I've already got diagnoses, plenty of them, don't need or want any more!! heh. It's an assignment - I've got to do the BDI as well as a bunch of others then discuss in a paper how I scored on them, what my psychological/social weaknesses/strengths are. It's kind of an interesting assignment but kind of stupid at the same time, I dunno. :(

I'm so exhausted!!

Helen, where're you going out to? :) *hugs*

*hugs all*

I'm so triggered right now. I don't want anything except self destruction :-(

I might have a nap to try to take my mind off it but I really want to ruin myself right now. I've just had enough and want to crumble completely :-(