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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

frenchhorn 05-07-2010 09:04 PM

pops in quickly
Sorry I havn't been around much this past week. Been very stressed with trying to find somewhere to live, it all got too much on thursday and I had a breakdown in the middle of a street.
I don't really know how I feel at the moment, somethings are going ok, things with my gf are really good, btw thanks to all who gave advice when I last mentioned her. My sister apologised for being a bitch and said she realised she was **** and is going to try to be less **** and she asked for my new email address, so is emailing me lots. She is still far from there and doesn't call me a name yet and probably still see's me as her sister, but its a massive improvement.
But the same old **** is going on in my head, the depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, I wish it would all go away, but I don't know how to get rid of it. I am becoming more open, my counsellor commented on that today, but its so much easier when you are not trying to hide such a big secret as your gender issues, because I always knew if I opened up it would come round to that.

Sorry for lack of replies, its been many, many pages since I last posted, read through most of it though and I'm sorry so many of you are struggling.
*big cuddles to all who can accept and waves to all the others*
I also notice some new people *waves hi to them* I'm Oliver
Not sure how much I will be on in the next two weeks as staying with my gf in Edinburgh, but hopefully will be on a bit, anyway I'm off to practice now and I will catch up with you all after that.

risenfromperdition 05-07-2010 09:48 PM

hey oliver :)

risenfromperdition 05-07-2010 09:48 PM

*offers hugs to becca [and anyone else who wants] :)*

I'mJustMe 05-07-2010 11:15 PM

*Huge hugs to all.*

So sorry for lack of individual replies right now, but I have a question.

How do you completly erase someone from your life who's been your everything for two years if you don't want them gone? Even though it hurts so much to think of them.


Scarletdreamer 05-07-2010 11:29 PM

updated r/v again... sorry for the lack of individual replies and lia, sorry, but i don't have an answer to your question - at the moment anyway, let me try and think about it.

*cuddles all who want*

Kahlia1981 05-07-2010 11:44 PM

*huggles/waves at all*

just dropped in quickly to catch up.
about to write an email to my psychiatrist in preparation for the appointment tomorrow.

*leaves hugs and safe care packages on the table for everyone*

shadowedsoul 06-07-2010 12:08 AM

I really want to do something stuiped right now, if I did not sure I would chicken out this time, only problem is I have got hardly any engery to get of my bed and get myself into my pjs and head to bed right now. Thinking of just sleeping in what I got on as I can't move right now. =[

MammaMia 06-07-2010 12:13 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Tonight's been the happiest I've felt in a while. Even if I've been upset and stuff aswell. Just had a period where I felt happy & at peace. Was talking about seeing my best friend, so that helped.

Dreading Thursday (well part of it). Excited about tomorrow (going to Alton Towers) & Thursday (best friend's birthday). Today's going to be okayish I think.

*offers cuddles to all*

SoMuchMore 06-07-2010 12:42 AM

^ so glad that you are feeling happy hun! You definitely deserve some peace. *hugs*

Sorry about the lack of other replies.

*hides away forever*

MammaMia 06-07-2010 12:44 AM

Thanks darling. Not sure it'll last long but holding onto it tightly all the same. *hugs back tight*

You can't hide away forever honey, what's wrong?? PM me if you'd prefer?

Kahlia1981 06-07-2010 03:11 AM

*hugs/waves at every ward mate*

just went downstairs to get my washing off the line. now my heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest. i could really do with a smoke to calm down, but that would mean sitting outside . . . kind of like a catch 22.

sorry for the lack of individual replies - i just wanted to say:

hels - i'm so glad you got some well deserved happiness and peace sweetheart. worry not about what the 'morrow will bring, just enjoy the feelings for what they are. it's these moments in life that we need to enjoy and remember when the bad times come. i am so happy for you *big huggles*

*glomps anyone who doesn't mind being glomped*
*huggles those who don't mind being huggled*
*cuddles those who want or need a cuddle*
*leaves safe care packages and stuffed animals on the table*
*steals out into the garden to play with puppy sinclair*

SoMuchMore 06-07-2010 04:32 AM

I can't stay here anymore (not ryl.. my life). Please please please, just let me get out.

xxjuliexx 06-07-2010 08:51 AM

evening all

I'mJustMe 06-07-2010 08:56 AM

Laura and Jill- please hold on both of you, think of what you have held on for this long. There are people who care, we all do. I don't know what else to say right now, but please don't doa anything stupid. You're both strong people and have held on this long.

*Massive hugs*


risenfromperdition 06-07-2010 09:13 AM

hey owen, how're you?
hi lia [?] :)

i spies mark and laura

Doikers 06-07-2010 09:18 AM

*Hugs Helen* I'm so glad you had a happy moment :-)

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Waves to Owen*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs April , Oliver, Luke, Hannah,taz,Crimson,Jessica, Julie *

*Hugs To everyone else*(Sorry I missed you)

As for me, after hours of not sleeping the urge finally got too much and I cut last night , not too bad though , I Felt numb after and weird, This morning it's just like MORE scars :( *sigh*

Sorry I didn't do individual replies.

Doikers 06-07-2010 09:36 AM

I have an Appointment at the volunteer buero at 10.15 so I have to leave in 10 minutes , Don't really want to go , I want to sleep , not depressed when I sleep :S sorry

xxjuliexx 06-07-2010 09:39 AM

-gives mark jars of hugs-

Doikers 06-07-2010 09:45 AM

Thankyou Owen , *Takes a Hug out of the Jar and Hugs it*

shadowedsoul 06-07-2010 11:23 AM

Thanks lia, sorry to worry u. Don't worry I'm fine okayish Hun. huggles

Hug Laura tightly but gently lia right we need to hang on, hope your okay.

MammaMia 06-07-2010 11:25 AM

*hugs everyone*

Everyone needs to try hold on, I know it's really horrible & rough & hard and everything. But it'll be worth it when you come out the other side.

Scarletdreamer 06-07-2010 11:42 AM

*cuddles all*

i'm not feeling the best this morning, really sad and low and weird because i've had to cut the dosages of 2 of my meds in half... and one of them is my "mood stabilizer" (Abilify) that is really an antipsychotic. so i've been a bit psychotic at times which is really ****ing annoying. can't cope. can't can't can't. want to cut sooo badly. :'(

laura, sweetie, what's going on? pm me if you want, 'kay? i'll try & respond...

hels, so glad that you had that bit of happiness last night, even if you are down low again this morning. just try & remember what being happy felt like, & that's what recovery will feel like - not all the time, not saying you're going to be happy happy happy, but some of the time. and keep holding on to that. :)

lia, how are you doing this morning?

mark, so sorry that you cut... i wish i could help you, stop you somehow, help you learn to love yourself... i don't know, just something. :( but i can't. i'm thousands of miles away (grrrrrr!!!!!!) and can't do anything but support online... *extra cuddles*

luke, how are you doing this morning?

hannah, taz, nicole, julie, jk, kathryn, oliver, crimson, hayley, jill, heather, jess, & anyone i missed... how are you all doing??

i should just shut up. :'( forever.

Scarletdreamer 06-07-2010 11:51 AM

r/v updated... if anyone cares... :'(

MammaMia 06-07-2010 12:01 PM

People care about you sweetheart *cuddles tight*

Doikers 06-07-2010 12:24 PM

Was Talking to Anne the volunteer lady about how Low I felt and it came to the subject of how I cope when I'm so low and I said I will tell you another time and she asked to guess and I said Okay and she Guessed Self Harm!! I was stunned but she wasn't freaked out by it at all and now I have another person to talk to when I need too . Then I got to my flatAnd my Dad pops by and wants to know where I've been this morning and what I'm doing this afternoon like I'm a child! And he said I seemed low and I said I've been low for weeks , He said I seemed okay at the weekend and I just wanted to scream I WAS WEARING THE HAPPY MASK!!!! , Grrr
1) I Have someone to talk to which is not their job but she seems geniually to care
2)Angry at Dad , not his fault .
I'm sorry ,I'm so frustrated now , and conflicted

Great , I just had the realisation that I am going to have to put on the happy mask whenever I see any of my family , which with my Dad is 2-3 times a week , just to conform (Right word?) convince maybe that I'm ok . Thats gonna be Mentally and emotionally exausting

Oh and April I e-mailed you , and read your R/V thread . Not in that order :)

shadowedsoul 06-07-2010 12:33 PM

Hugs April, I looked at your vent hun, but as always I have got no idea how to help.just wanted to let you know I care Hun, take care

Hug u tightly but gently.

shadowedsoul 06-07-2010 03:55 PM

hmm I'm feeling very idk today.sorry can't explain. Pointless post again I suck =\

MammaMia 06-07-2010 04:36 PM

Jill, you do NOT suck sweetheart *cuddles tight* Maybe ick is the only way to explain how you feel.

CrazyHayley 06-07-2010 05:56 PM

Oh my goodness, Reggie discovered yesterday that he is big enough to jump up onto the sofa now, this makes my time on the laptop much harder as he can now reach the wires and likes to jump accross the keyboard! I don't think I'll be playing WoW whilst he has his out time!!

Saw the council today regarding my housing situation, got to go back on the 20th. Argh, first time since my injection that I've been anxious in a place, really didn't like it. The lady saw that I was struggling and suggested I got myself an advocate such as a social worker to help me deal with things like this. I've been told that a few times, but I don't feel like I'm bad enough to warrant that, I'm sure there are people in more need than me and I know our social care system is stretched, I think I'd just feel guilty and a nuisance (- spelling?!)

Huggles and waves all round.

CrazyHayley 06-07-2010 05:58 PM


^^ reggie just typed this, lol - I think he's saying hello to the wardies!!

MammaMia 06-07-2010 06:05 PM

Hello Reggie & Hayley =] *gives you both a big cuddle*

Hope it gets sorted soon!! xx

CrazyHayley 06-07-2010 06:08 PM

*huggles Helen* yeah me too as my eviction date is 16th august, but I'm on holiday with eoghan from 5th august til the 20th!! whoops!!! How's your day been so far - still okish?

I spy a Crimson! *huggles*

shadowedsoul 06-07-2010 06:30 PM

Sorry guys can't do this rl and I really need arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!. please make this stop .

PoisonedApple 06-07-2010 06:41 PM

Sorry I have nothing constructive to say for replies but its taken me 2.5 hrs just to read the 6 pages I had missed over the weekend...

*sits and hopes for quicksand to sink away in*

one_step_closer 06-07-2010 06:43 PM

I can't take life any more. :sad:

Kahlia1981 06-07-2010 07:14 PM

*offers hugs to all who are struggling and can accept hugs*
I really wish I could do more.

Hels - *hugs*
Hayley - Good luck. *hugs*
Jill - I wish I could honey. *offers you cuddles*
Crimson - That's a mammoth effort to read. How are you doing? *hugs*
Lindsay - Is it okay if I *offer you hugs*? Do you want to talk about anything?

I got up at about 3 am. I'm freaking out about having to leave the house to see my psychiatrist in 4 hours. *screams silently*

Doikers 06-07-2010 07:21 PM

Lol Hello Reggie :)
*Hugs Hayley* My social worker came with me to my benefits interview , I guess he was acting as an advocate , I think that if it makes you that anxious and from what you say it does you should ask for an advocate , I really think it would help you with your situation Hayley. I'm really sorry I haven't been on WoW latley ,I'm a "bit" low hopefully later in the week we both will be online together.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Kahlia*

I wish I knew what to say / do to make it all better :S

PoisonedApple 06-07-2010 07:33 PM


Crimson - That's a mammoth effort to read. How are you doing? *hugs*
Well, my mother in law killed my daughters birthday, made her cry more than once and then berated her for it... I kinda feel guilty about it because she told us she was going to take her to forest faire and instead took her to the house she's housesitting at and had her helping clean it. We agreed to let her go to forest faire or we would have taken her to a place out of the house that she wanted to go to (she wanted chuck e cheese, the zoo or a place called bouncing bears)... on top of which she kept lying to her and telling her it wasn't her birthday, etc etc etc and actually yelled at me and d because we let her know when her b-day was and when my sister called from across the country to with her a happy b-day i let her talk. my sister is 5 time zones away. i'd explain more but it'd be a rant. *note* we did have a in home bday party and her friend even got to come over (wih very short notice but they made it over) at the end she had fun and was happy. because of how her day started though we let the kids all stay up late and let her friend stay and play till midnight.
And my brother in law called to let us know (yesterday) that instead of being deployed to iraq in a few months he's being deployed this morning and going straight from iraq to afganistan and it'll be a total of a yr and 5 months of deployment instead of a solid year total. My husband wants to go now to protect him.

I'm conflicted on how I feel about it all but I'm hoping now that my daughter's b-day is over my mil will actually stay at the place she's house sitting and move out of my place because i don't think i can take much more of this.

MammaMia 06-07-2010 07:33 PM

Hayley - Oh dear, really hope you do then. Fingers crossed. Where you two going??? My day's been up & down. Sorry I missed your post...

I'm soooooooooo excited =D

SoMuchMore 06-07-2010 07:53 PM

*hugs april* I care. I always read your r/v thread, and you should not just shut up, if you did we would definitely miss you.

*hugs helen* I'm sorry that your lowness is back. Try to hold onto that happy feeling, do something nice for yourself. Oo.. wait i just refreshed the page and saw you were excited! yay! why you excited?

*hugs lia* How r u today?

*hugs mark* I'm sorry about feeling like you have to wear a happy mask all the time around your family. Its good that you found someone you can talk to about self harm though. Its nice when you find someone that doesnt "freak out" or anything like that.

*hugs jill* thanks for the hugs. You can make it through this hun.

*hugs hayley* hope the stuff with your housing gets sorted out. Hi Reggie!

*hugs crimson* I'm sorry about your daughters birthday and about your brother in laws deployment. Sounds like things aren't really slowing down or getting easier for you. :-/ *extra hugs*

*hugs kahlia* I hope that your psychiatrist is helpful and that you are able to make it there. I wish there was something more I could say that would help with the anxiety.

*gently hugs lindsay* is there anything we can do? need to talk about anything? we are here to listen you know.

*hugs heather* and *waves to owen*

I don't really feel like I can take much more. I feel so confined. Stuck between places where I don't have anything. I went out for a walk last night at like 11pm, thinking that maybe if I walked long enough I might forget or walk out of my life or something... obviously that didn't work, b/c no matter what, I am confined to the streets of this city. I'm kind of a mess today still. Have to go to work in 2 hours though. So somehow i'll have to pull it together.

MammaMia 06-07-2010 07:54 PM

My moods keep switching (incase you hadn't already noticed). I'm excited because I'm going to Alton Towers tomorrow for an RYL meet. It's a theme park & a good one at that aha =]

Sorry you're struggling so much sweetheart *cuddles tight*

SoMuchMore 06-07-2010 07:59 PM

Oo that sounds really fun Helen! I wish I could come to the meet up lol. *catches a virtual airplane*
*cuddles back*

I'mJustMe 06-07-2010 08:06 PM

****, ****, ****! So ****ing pissed off. I don't care! I don't care anymore! I hate my life here and just want to be gone! This anger's going to turn into tears and I can't cry. Just why?! Even the smallest things...Why can't I have the smallest thing? I give up.

MammaMia 06-07-2010 08:07 PM

Wish you could come too, it is lots and lots of fun *cuddles*

Lia, why can't you cry sweetheart? Do you want to talk about why you're so angry???

SoMuchMore 06-07-2010 08:08 PM

*cuddles lia tightly* Don't give up please! Hang in there, you can get through this. What happened hun?

I'mJustMe 06-07-2010 08:12 PM

Nothing. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry, I'm being crap and unsupportive at the moment. I'm so sorry.


PoisonedApple 06-07-2010 08:22 PM

epic fail = knowing you only have amonth to finish 3 exams and 3 essays, rushing through a test and failing so now you have to take extra time to redo the test and on top of that can get a max of 70% now *buries head in sand*

MammaMia 06-07-2010 08:29 PM

It does matter if it's affecting you Lia. We're here if you want to talk about it, if not, we're still here :)

I'mJustMe 06-07-2010 08:41 PM

What's the point anymore? Just why, why, why, why...

*Runs until can't run anymore, then collapses in a sobbing heap.*

I have to get out. Away from here, away from everything! I just want out. Out, out, out.

MammaMia 06-07-2010 08:53 PM

*cuddles tight*

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