*hides*

i cant do this....i dont want to have to think and feel anymore, i dont! i can't handle it, my head hurts where there so much going on in there, so much pain, i dont want it! i dont wanna fight this anymore! please..........?
*cries*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole tight*

*Hugs Sarah*What book do you have? :)

Well I forced myself out of bed at 11am , Such an effort *sigh* My parents are coming to town for lunch and are picking me up , why is it so hard to get up at a reasonable time ? depression and sedative meds I know :(

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Lindsay*How are you ?

I'm a bit low today. I ended up telling my team leader that I don't think I can be assistant team leader any more, or do anything in life, and that I want to die. She said that I am great in the role and that I need to speak to people about wanting to die. I do. They just overlook it because they're so used to me feeling that way.

How has your day been, Mark?

*hugs lindsay, mark, nicole, sarah, helen, and everyone else* sorry its not more.

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you feel so low

*Hugs Laura* How are you?

I spent the afternoon in bed after only getting up at 11am and back to bed at 2pm hmmfp , Triggered:(

Ive been better Mark.

Sorry that you are so triggered today. Here if you want to talk.

*cuddles everyone* Today my mum has been a douche with me, being so intentionally hurtful and spiteful and such. She slapped me when we were just joking about, and she insulted my fiance, thank god she doesn't know we're engaged. Now I feel just terrible but I know there's no way out until next year and, well, ugh. Just so upset and angry right now ><

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry your Mum is being so awful to you :(

*hugs anyone who wants*
sorry am useless atm :/
ergh, i realised i have ONE friend irl... god im pathetic =s
see, no one like me 'less they gonna feel guilty if do bad stuff =s
should go eat lunch but i already had crap for breakfast that adds up to cal amount that not scary and GAH.
and have so much to do next week but no energy and i only have an a in one of my 3 classes and =[

I just want to sleep already , I've no motivation , none whatsoever ,I just want to sleep so I'll not feel low but it's ridiculous , I wasn't up untill 11am and was in bed in the afternoon *Sigh* sorry to moan :(

*Hugs Heather *

Well , yet again I've had it with feeling low today so I'm off for a (very) early night , I hope tomorrow is a good day for us all :)
*Hugs my wardies*

Hey all.

*Hugs everyone*

I've just been watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince :'( Dumbledore.

*lays down on the floor*
Can we paint the roof with little constellations so I have other stuff to think of?
How is everyone else?
*hugs everyone that comes by*

That'd be lovely. I have a swirling picture made of the first 400 decimal places of Pi on my ceiling to stare at to take my mind of reality.

Feeling terrible, my joints are agony, had to use my stick again today I was that bad :(

I just want to disappear. Losing hope that anything will ever feel any better. I tell people that it will get better all the time... what a hypocritical loser i am.

crimson - painting sounds nice. *hugs*

*hugs sarah and mark too*

*huggles everybody*

The stuff I need for my suicide plan has now arrived at my house. I'm struggling because I know logically that I need to destroy or throw it away, but I can't. I haven't yet spoken to my housemate about it and it's making me uneasy. ...

I spoke to my housemate about the urge/desire to run away the night before last and he was hugging me when I started to talk about it, and then he pulled away from me. When he did I thought two things: firstly, that I had upset him; and secondly, that he was abandoning me. I guess that probably seems really stupid but I sort of feel like I'm fighting this battle completely on my own.

I spoke to my psychiatrist yesterday about the running away part and he said that he thinks it's because of an OCD type reaction to my being unwell physically and it will just disappear in the next 10 days or so. I don't know why but that doesn't feel right. I don't think that my housemate is convinced that is the answer either. Still, the psychiatrist is going to see me again in two weeks and we'll see what happens then.

I don't know what it is but all these psych doctors like to assume that I have some form of OCD. *sigh*