*comes over to Helen and hugs* whats up?

*hugs MammaMia *

Can't do it anymore. Can't take this lowness anymore. Scared of getting suicidal. Am overdue an episode of it. Feels like the only way I can reach happiness (even if it is for a matter of days, if that!) is to be really low & then suicidal. I can't do it again. The last time I was like that, was the worst I've ever been. I never want to go back. I don't want to die anymore, like I used to. I want to live & be happy. But I don't see how I'm ever going to be happy like I used to be. They keep telling me I'm fine. I'm so tired of hearing it & trying to fight for help. Something's wrong. Or I'd be happy majority of time, I wouldn't struggle to do simple things, I'd be excited about things..I...I...I :'(

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry I dont have many words at the moment, but hold onto the fact that you want to be happy and you want to live, because that is very important.

Is it?

*hugs oliver and mummamia (who i think is named helen) wave at and hugs Kahlia1981*

yes helen it is very important, because without that you dont have anything to hold onto
*hugs Julie*

I am Helen yeah :) *hugs Julie*

I suposse you're right Oliver..

Crimson, sweetie, I can totally empathize with what you're saying. I don't have many friends IRL, only one really good one (whom I refer to as my "bestie" in here, in case you were wondering), and the ward folk are my next closest batch of friends. I feel like my life is pathetic too. *cuddles close* Things will be okay... *offers you tissues and a bunch of quince flowers*

Hels, it is VERY important to remember that you want to live & be happy, because then, as Oliver said, you have something to hold on to and cling to when the going gets really tough - like right now. *holds you gently*

Oliver, I'm sorry to hear about how poorly you're doing. I wish I could help somehow. :( I'm glad that you have support where you need it though... i.e., your counselor & then the college welfare office people (I hope I got that right). Please don't do anything "stupid" and please keep fighting as hard as you can... I know it's tough but you are a tough person, strong, like all of us here. We're like oak trees. Deep roots, tough wood, together we can make it. *cuddles*

I'm feeling really shitty right now... have only had half the Klonopin I normally take in a day and I'm beginning to feel it... muscle cramps, my back is all tight and tense, and tomorrow is going to be hell with only one or two mg of Klonopin to take. Jarrod thinks that I need to go off it entirely, have my NP help me get weaned off it, as my body's become accustomed to more and more of it. I used to take 0.25mg/day and now I'm up to 4mg/day... so yeah. I don't know... I just want to cry and give up. :'(

*hides in a hole*

*hides with April*

That's good Owen :)

why does one little thing stress me out so damn much.
*stomps off*

What little thing, Oliver? I dunno what it is but perhaps because you're under so much stress lately? *cuddles* *stomps with because she is also upset and angry and worried*

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyPCC_mdwzE&feature=related[/ame]

*rocks out*

whats up with you April?
its just we've been put in horn quartets by my teacher, who is also head of horn, and I've been put with the 3 first years, so feel like she thinks i am rubbish, I know its stupid and know I'm in one of my moods where I dont care about anything, dont care about college or life, I just want to die.

*stops stomping for a moment to hug April and wave to Owen, then continues to stomp*

*cuddles everyone*

I'm so tired of fighting. Want to give up.

*hides where she cant be found*

*looks around for Helen and can't find her, but realises he has a special way of communicating with all his wonderful ward friends* tells Helen she is wonderful and cant give up, because she is a great person to have on the ward, keep fighting, i know its hard, but keep going.

Thanks Oliver :crying: