Awh Joc... *gentle cuddles* Why are you so triggered? is there anything that I/we can do to help? I understand the urge to self-destruct, have it at the mo myself, but can't/won't do anything to give in to it... it's so difficult.

I think a nap would be a good idea... *more cuddles* ♥

I'm working on uni stuff... an assignment on ethics. Have to post about it in a moment... not looking forward to that as it bends my brain a bit and I hate that!! I emailed my health psych prof about the SF-26 so hopefully he'll respond in time for me to do it prior to lab... eek. :-X I don't want my first lab assignment to be lacking but I'm afraid that it will be... :(

*hides*

*hugs everyone*
I'm so sad everyone's feeling rubbish :(
I hope you all feel better soon.
I'm still really tired, despite a fab night's sleep...I need to do some work but I always end up doing the stuff I like first. 's probably a bit of a mistake because I'll end up with a massive pile of stuff I hate/don't understand, and not enough time left to do it.
argh.
*hides in a corner with a blanket*

*hides with LauraFriend*

Have a ton of stuff to do myself... don't want to do any of it!!!! so sick of uni. Just want to up & quit but can't as I am so close to being done with it...

*sigh*

*disappears for a bit into her mind* :(

same! *hugs april* i tried sorting out what i'm doing after uni yesterday....and it's scary! i'm kind of excited but i dunno what's gonna happen really which makes me worry about it, and then i cant concentrate and it's all a vicious cycle. *sighs* it WILL be ok. it WILL be ok....*hums to herself, rocking back and forth* lol

*more cuddles for LauraFriend* I feel so stuck... I hate uni so much, heh, but I will get this stupid assignment done!!! :( I just won't get the best grade on it as I am missing one assessment & it's a pretty major one I think... dunno... it's the first assignment & I'm feeling rubbishy so yer. Going to have to talk with my profs about how I'm doing... which is not so well.

Am still angry at my therapist... don't want to see her but will be going back on Monday. It's just not fair!! that she can be so "mean" but be intending to challenge my "cognitive distortions" - how is it cognitive distortions if I am actually having flashbacks & urges to purge and cut?!??!

I think I need to post in my R&V thread... :(

curls up in corner under a blaket. i feel so numb, and completely lost, no idea how i should be feeling, sad angery he is my granda, but he a complete arsh. **** cant do this . cyrs

hows the work going april? any progress? *squishes* sorry this is so bloody tough right now, be gentle with yourself. In future could u pretend to do it about urself but actually base it on someone elses answers so its not so personal and difficult for u?

I'm sorry ur so angry as well :-( did ranting help? could u try destructing something? like a piece of paper or a plate or something to get the rage out?

*hugs shadow* sorrry my brains mush and i cant remember ur name sweetie. I'm sorry ur feeling like this. I can relate to how ur feeling though :-( Family members are still human and therefore can be arseholes like the rest of us. Idk what happening or anything but im sorry and you can do this! You are stronger than u feel, u can get through this patch *wipes tears and offers chocolate* x x

*sends everyone cuddles*

Am back, getting annoyed, they haven't activated my new phone and it's already been 24 hours, hurry up you bastards :(

*cuddles everyone* sry there have been a lot of posts since yesterday.. and i dont have capacity to respond to everyone.. but i read them all and am thinking of u all.

I just want things to get easier.. It feels so dumb that they aren't

*cuddles everyone*

Jill, I agree with what Joc said. Family members are still human & can still be arses. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much lately, though... is there any way that you can take a little bit of time for "me time"? just to relax & treat yourself to something special?

Joc, I got everything done (almost) that I had to get done... urgh. I hate uni... heh... I know I keep saying that & I also know that I need a better attitude about all of this, but it's so ****ing hard!!! I am still angry & destroying something might help, but I'm not sure what. My NP was not impressed with my therapist's way of viewing me at the mo. Ugh. I definitely need to post in R&V. I'll do that after this post.

Helen, that sucks about them not activating your phone sooner... but it's cool that you got a new phone!! Which one is it/what does it look like? I have the "old" flip-phone, got it in Sept. 2008 so it's a bit old but still works like a charm. :)

LauraStar, I wish that I could do something to make things better for you... :( I really do. IS there anything that I/we can do? what's so bad? anxiety? *gentle hugs*

'Kay, going to my venting spot... :-X

sorry guys, but iam i wrong for feeling this way. my granda in hospital he has caught some viris and his kiddneys are not working and he has a bad heart, my anuite has said he getting worse, but i dont know mabye he needs to get worse before he gets better. but i feel noithing but anger, he treated us like **** for months and months, god i sound like a cold hearted bit*h, curls up in corner and crys

It's Samsung S5600, had to ring them twice before they'd help and it's finlly working now :D

hope everyone is feeling a little bit better *hugs*
I'm not going out. i have no distractions and i can't talk to my friends. I want a drink so bad and I swear i'm not an alcoholic. i want to hurt myself and i don't want to feel like this. sorry.
*hugs everyone and sits down to cry*

I had stopped harming for 6 years.

Today, I relapsed. And I'm still ...

i'm back from hospital ... in the same shape that I went in. They did jack-diddly-****ing-squat and sent me home suicidal. Isn't our health care system great.

*cuddles kahlia* im so sorry that they didn't help you. Try to stay strong hun.

*hugs annie? (is that ur name?)* don't think of it as a relapse. 6 years is amazing. It was just a slip up. Try to learn what triggered it and move on if u can. Hope you are alright.

*hugs laurafriend* sorry that you are having such a bad time right now.

*hugs helen* glad that ur phone is working now. I love getting new phones :-)

*cuddles shadowedsoul*

*hugs april* i read your venting spot. I'm sorry that you are so angry right now. Try to relax, do something nice for yourself.

So my friend that i had the spat with over the weekend is speaking to me again.. sort of... We are very very cheerful to each other (too many smiles... it feels fake) i think we are both trying not to upset each other. Still tho, my boyfriend has been trying to "fix" her situation.. and it just can't be fixed.. and he is spending all his time on that.. and i dont want to be selfish.. but ive seen him a total of maybe an hour in the past 3 days.. and they are getting to talk to him 24/7... idk maybe im still being stupid.

That's our name, Annie, yes. We don't know what to do ... we're going insane, we don't know how to hide arms and legs from Partner ... we see him tomorrow ... he suspects nothing and we don't know how to tell him Annie is one body but many inside during an episode, never herself, and then there's the cuts ... we're screwed. In so so so much trouble. That just makes us spiral further down.

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia, so sorry that you got rubbish help!! That sucks so much. I hope that you feel better soon, keep posting on here if it helps. *gentle hugs*

LauraStar, how're you doing this morning? Sounds like an uncomfortable position with your boyfriend helping another girl - maybe talk to him about it, tell him how it makes you uncomfortable? Open communication = one of the best ways to keep a relationship going. *hugs*

LauraFriend... I wish I could help you more. :( I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time at the mo... keep posting - if it helps - then we can support you.

Helen, awesome that your phone is finally working. :D I can't wait to get a new one whenever... heh... not soon but perhaps this coming fall/winter? I dunno. :) How're you feeling? any plans for the day?

Annie, 6 years is amazing!! Don't look at it as a relapse, just a lapse or a slipup. You will be fine & will make it... *gentle hugs*

Jill, you're not a bad person. If someone's treated you & your family awfully there's no doubt in my mind that you would hold some harsh feelings towards him/her. Especially if s/he is a family member, like your grandpa... *gentle hugs* Hope things get figured out soon.

If I missed anyone, I'm sorry... :o

I'm doing okayish. Have to leave for uni soon as I'm walking... no ride today as my dad had a doctor's appt and my car isn't working right still (I don't think, anyway - I'm going to be taking it in on Tuesday). GRRRR. Thankfully it's only about a mile there so not too bad. I just don't want to have to transfer all of my stuff to my backpack, what a pain in the arse!!

Still angry at therapist. Ugh. I hate being angry but at least this time I'm really FEELING it...

*hides*

*curls up and cries*

Not doing so good.

Jill, I don't think its healthy to be as angry as u are but its normal and i dont think that is wrong. i think its a stage u have to go through before dropping and forgiving them. U can still hate what they did but love them. du see what i mean. give urself time and try to relax like April said *hugs*

Helen, yay for the working phone! Why aren't u feeling good whats up hon?

Laura friend, I felt the same way last night and did something that ended up making me feel really ill and horrible. How did u get on hon. Are u feeling better now?

Annie *hugs* Im sorry that u relapsed but its part of recovery. I relapsed after 3 yrs because i hadnt delt with the underlying issues. How u doing sweetie? Does your partner know anything about what ur going through? It might help to tell them if u can? Are u seeing someone who u can tlk to about it?

Kahila, I'm sorry that they didnt help :-( have u got a home treatment team for a while or something? Ur health system sounds v similar to ours!

April, have u tried my idea? I always want to do it when i get angry but end up hurting myself instead :-/ Sorry u have to walk, what a pain! I hope uni goes well. I'm glad u got most things done!

Feeling crappy after taking stupid meds (not my own) last night to try and make me sleep. Had a bad reaction to them, i feel reall sleepy but not able to sleep and slightly ill and sick and agitated :-( i should have just drunk. Silly Jocelyn! I dont really know hwat to do with myself. If i feel as bad as i did last night tonight i'll just want to die again :-(