How rude, she does sound strange but in a good way :) Thanks for the good luck :D My boyfriend just extended my smile. Awww!! We've only been together just over two weeks. He makes me so happy. Anyway, he just text me to ask what got me upset last night (must have seen my pathetic status), so I told him & he was like let me come round after work & I'll chill & cheer you up =D

*grins* He really does make me happy. LOL, if I'd told my last boyfriend this, he would have been like 'oh' LOL!!! *squeals happily*

yes she is strange, but I guess in a good way, I think one of her strangest moments was christmas day last year her first conversation was on how she wanted to die by heart attack and then went on about it for a very long time and she talks for England and at a very loud volume as well!!

I'm glad your boyfriend is being supportive, he sounds like a great guy and its good he makes you feel better.

Bless her!! If you get me going enough, I can also talk for England!!! :p I'm glad he is too :) He is a great guy. We've been friends for nearly 3 years anyway & he was there for me a lot in 2007 & 2008, we were close. Then didn't talk much for ages & last few weeks been talking much more. Now we're together lol =) But still friends tooo.

Long chit chat with my best mate over, it was ok, she wanted some financial advice and help with budgeting and prioritising. So that's ok, when I'm sane I have a good head for things like that. I was worried she was having relationship problems or problems with the kids that'd get me all worried or anxious. Tis ok though. *smiles*

*huggles Mark* Happy st.georges day to you too! Thanks for popping in whilst at your parents. Hope things go well for you there.

*huggles Oliver and Helen and passes them both a mug of hot chocolate*
I never used to drink tea or coffee, it was only in the summer of 2008 when staying with Eoghan's Gran whilst he was in Afghanistan that I discovered how I could cope with the taste of coffee! Gran kept taking me to pensioner coffee mornings and I felt a bit rude just eating the biscuits, so I tried coffee numerous ways until I found one that was ok and I could drink! I was also in desperate need of the caffiene and gran didn't have things like diet coke in her flat. It was also with Eoghan deploying to Afghan that I discovered camomile tea. Before that my only hot drink was hot chocolate. Though now I'm vegan, hot chocolate is a little more complicated to make!

Helen - I'm glad your new boyfriend is supportive and makes you happy, long may it continue! Oh and good luck with the other phone company now.

Oliver - good for you being determind to get on with your day. I meant to say last night when reading your post how in awe I am of your musical talent. I used to play the clarinet, I only got to grade 4 though. I still miss it sometimes, but my focus was just too split on too many things and something had to give. But for you to spend over an hour perfecting 7 bars, well thats true dedication and I always wished I had had the ability to learn peices of music from memory, but alas I never seemed to have that aptitude. Words were definately more my thing to memorise. Anyhoo, just wanted you to know that I have a little understanding of what you say and I think you're an amazing guy. Ooh whats your favourite type of music to play? I remember the first time I played in orchestra and played the star wars main theme - I thought it was sooo cool, lol.

Sorry, major music waffling then....I've been watching the tv series of fame from 1982 again! Oh how I wish I was talented like them....*daydreams of playing clarinet whilst acting and wearing leg warmers!!!!*

*big cuddles* Glad it was nothing serious & that you could help Hayley :D Yes may me & the boyfriend long continue. I think we will :D :D Fingers crossed anyway =) I've struggled having relationships in the past, but I think a lot of that was down to the person I was with last. Some of it was down to me I know that...

*takes hot chocolate- thank you*
thanks Hayley, words were never my thing hence the essay panic, its the performing side I guess I can do, I just love performing. My favourite music to play, now thats a tough one, I love playing in orchestras, especially in a big tutti horn tune, its amazing you get such a buzz, I love playing in my wind quintet(flute, oboe, horn, bassoon, clarinet) if the music is good, although being the loudest instrument you often get told to play really, really quiet, I love wind bands if they and the music are good, hence why I like NYWO(national youth wind orchestra of GB) its amazing and being principal is fun and you get lots of lovely nice solos, then I also love playing solo music, my favourite horn solo music is classical and romantic stuff, Haydn, Beethoven, Mozart, F and R Strauss, plus I like most solo horn music, but those are my favourites. Sorry havn't really answered your question lol, I just sort of rambled but basically I like playing the horn, even if its a really dull part, like the concert I was in yesterday!!

mmm RYL is so distracting, I've been up for a couple of hours, managed to shower, get dressed and have breakfast, but havn't made a start on anything else, I guess it can all wait until after my lecture which is in 50mins.

Helen - you are young still and have been through so much, so relationships in the past have been a learning curve for you. I didn't find Eoghan until I was 25 and as we have looked back there were a few times in years before when we were seperated by as little as a door in a corridor! but the time wouldn't have been right and we wouldn't have been the same people that we were when we eventually met. I truely believe that everything happens for a reason and I am so pleased for you that you are with someone who has been friends with you and understands you. You deserve to be happy and safe. *extra huggles*

*huggles Oliver* I see you! lol

I'm trying to decide whether to get up or just flop on the sofa for a bit.... It's Eoghan's first public gig tonight so I need to be feeling as well as possible for that and be awake and bubbly at 9pm, not getting into my pj's! So I need to take it easy and conserve my energy and not aggrivate my pain levels. But I feel like I'm being lazy if I just loll around, damn my sanity, If I was PMDDin I wouldn't even think twice about getting up, I simply wouldn't! haha! Oh well.... I shouldn't complain, there are so so many worse things, just seems weird is all, when I want to get up, I know I shouldn't....ho hum

*finds a spot near the window so she can relax and rest and still enjoy the spring weather*

Ah Oliver, you posted as I was typing so I didn't see your response! Well I'm glad for you that you love so many differnet types of music and the way in which you play and contribute to the overall piece. It keeps things different and fresh and as long as your passionate and get the buzz thats the main thing. I'm sure you're much better with words than you realise. It seems that a lot of us in here don't have much self belief, we're all too hard on ourselves, over achievers and all I see are amazing, talented, intellegent people around me. Hope the lecture goes well and I'm sure you'll get done what needs to get done.

Oh and yes RYL is such a distraction, but its a good distraction, I know I wouldn't be here today to be friendly and positive if it wasn't for RYL. I think I'm going to watch some more fame actually....

*sings* "Fame! I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly! High!"

mhmm yes it is a good distraction.
have fun watching fame!
*goes out to garden to wonder around*

You're right Hayley. I'm still young still (as are you!!) & have been through so much. I agree, so relationships in the past have been a learning curve for me. Aww that's sweet about you & Eoghan. I always could (and stil can) tell that he makes you really happy :) Thank you for what you said, about being pleased for me & how I deserve to be happy & safe. *snuggles*

I say chill & conserve your energy for later lol. I know it must be hard at times, well I can imagine, to wanting to do things on good days but having to conserve it for particular things & stuff. *cuddles lots* I'll chill with you. I've already given up on doing anything LOL. Although I will have to try attempt to get washed & dressed if I'm going to allow my boyfriend to see me. I wasn't going to because of stuff, plus my Mum will be here. She's had the whole week off, well she would have been off today anyway. But yes, could be fun :P

Fammmmmmmmmme, I wanna live forever & I'm gonna learn how to fly (or something like that anyway!!)

*grumbles and kicks things then curls up in a corner and grumbles*

*comes in finds people and hugs them all, sits in a quiet space, eating his lunch and listening to the Archers*

*takes fame induced leg warmers off*

*huggles Julie* whats up sweetie?

*huggles Oliver* enjoy your lunch, I've just had mine.

Think it may be time for a nap soon.

*cuddles everyone*

What's wrong Julie.

Argh my good mood is faddding. Trying to desperately hold on. Keep having attacks of dizziness, should be used to this....

*cuddles helen* try to keep holding on, sorry your having dizzy feelings, i get them too and they are horrible.

Thanks Oliver :) *cuddles* They suck & are horrible. Passing out isn't much better. Not that I have for a little while. :) Trying to hold onm...

Hi everyone.

Hi Lindsay. *cuddles*

HI All *Group Hugs*
Spent most of the day in Hereford with my Mum , Lil Sis , Bro in law and baby neice , we saw the cathedral which was pretty spectacular and they have a cafe IN the cathedral so we lunched it up big style ( Well soup and an apple :))

Now I'm back at my parents i've taken the laptop into my room ( The room that was mine when I lived here and I'm sleeping in ) , I 'm getting more and more suicidal thoughts . I've thought how , and when(ish) and where and how to get there and about making a will and tidying my flat so it won't be to much for my parents to deal with on top of it all ,and I've thoughtabout how to say goodbye but I can't get my head round that one. I don't feel scared about it all just so so numb :/ I hope that didn't break any rules , sorry ,I just needed to get it out somewhere.

*hugs and sits with Mark* is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel, your parents, or any family members. or can you call a help line.
please stay safe, we all care about you a lot in here and your a great guy.
*extra hugs*