*understands* I am the exact same way. :sad: But here recently, I haven't been comfortable in my own company much at all... *sigh* which is why I've been here so much... :-(

Jess, riding? What kind of riding? Horse back? Cause if it's horse back riding I am SO jealous. :-)

*tackles her RYL mum in a hug*
What's making you feel so needy?

:crying: I feel so alone...

*hugs Blondie*

Awww babe, i wish i new what to say but all i can do is offer *big HUGS*

Bound by though (sorry yet again dont know name) you are not alone

Thanks Nikki
(I'm just assuming that's your name... please forgive me if I'm wrong)

your close enough its Sixx

Sixx??? that's your name? Hmm... interesting...
mine's Amanda... (it's in my sig)

well real names Gil but no one call me it they all call me Sixx

ahh ok... well it's nice to meet ya Sixx

you to Amanda

Hows are you feeling now?

meh... honestly... dreadful...

*catches ally and hugs her back*
*hugs amanda*
*hugs sixx*

It is the whole mourning my parents thing. Continuing to come to terms with the role that my father really played in my abuse.

Of all things that go through my airy blonde head; I go to an aa meeting on Thursday nights, that is mixed men and women. I think I've gotten more hugs from them in the five years i've known them than from my father in 42 years.

That mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly.
It makes me feel so betrayed and so needy.

*hugs Blondie*

*sheepishly walks over and rests her head on her daddy's shoulder*
I just feel so... I don't know... selfish I guess... for feeling needy...
I mean I feel like there are so many more people on here that have
more legitimate needs than mine... more legitimate than my
"I'm depressed but I don't know why so I'm needy" needs... :(

*Shuffles over to her brother and leans on his shoulder*

Everyone else's needs are fine. I'm old enough to be mom to most of you. Shouldn't i be a strong adult about all this?

*starts to cry*
daddy... how did you finally manage to beat your demons?

Stupid ****in method sharin rule!!!
I mean... I know it's in place for a good reason,
but... ARRRGH!!!!!! I am just asking how to BEAT
something... it ain't like I am asking how to kill
myself!!!! ****!!!!!
ok... sorry... I'm shutting up now
*goes to find a lonely corner so she won't
lash out on anybody else*

Amanda, Jeff said that he faced his demon straight on. There are lots of ways of doing that.

I'm doing that right now as I separate from my family. To start with, I give it some distance and use their names instead of their relationship to me. Then I can ask myself would this have really been appropriate not if "mom had done it to me," but if "Julia had done it to Susan."

I'm organised, so i actually list what and why. So I have to own it. That way I face it straight on, like looking down a ladder into hell.

Then it takes a while longer to figure out the emotions. "Mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly" as a description of how I feel about my father is rather new in my life.

I think it is different for each of us. What I'm doing isn't tip sharing, so i'm offering it as my experience.

Thanks Blondie
*hugs*