Thank you Katch :)
Things are still very hard. Beth keeps telling me to kill my cat and the crisis team told me to read a book to keep myself distracted.
Why don't they listen?

Hey zowie sorry they aren't listening, they always tell me to do stuff like that but it can be hard to concentrate can't it?
Is there anything you can do that does help or can yoou speak to them again?

Zowie, you mean other than the fact that they haven't ever been in a situation even close to what you are living with? It's easy to tell folks to do such things as read a book, drink some tea, or take a bath when you haven't lived with an ever present fear/sadness/anxiety/insert-one-of-our-issues-here... I am so sorry they aren't listening sweet heart. I wish I could make them. If I was there believe me I'd give them a piece of my mind (I'm good at it, got it from my ass of a dad). *snuggles* pleas stay strong hun, you know Beth is wrong and you are stronger then her, I know you are.

Sorry guys, I'll respond to the rest of y'all after my exam. I should still be reading my notes as the exam is in 45 minutes:blink: I am SO going to fail:crying:

*hides in the corner....waiting*

*leaves hugs*

Hells, How was your day? was thinking about you?
everyone else I'm gonna start replying but you know me - it takes me a while

Zowie - I hate the fact they don't listen to you - you must feel so alone.Dont listen to Beth - you know you don't want to hurt the cat and you can be stronger than Beth - stay here and chat with us all instead. xxx
Jo, how annoying about the internet - but even if you get cut off we will be here waiting for you when you return. Purple ink - how colourful - that's the sort of thing that I do. Are they still letting you go outside at all? I do hope so - it's not as warm as it has been but it's still good to get outside.

You must be worried about your friend - I'm so sorry that she or her parents haven't been in touch with you - I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that they do. I used to love the bargains at walmart - an up to date map sounds like a good idea for your travels.

Good luck in your exam - hope you do better than you think you will. Let us know how it goes.

Anyone else that I have missed - hugs to you all and catch you later. xxx

My husband found the road atlas. Which means I don't have to add that extra trip on this hot day. The a/c has already come on and it is only 10am. So I'll be off in a bit to get my hair trimmed out of my eyes and get some groceries.
I finally heard from the sister of my friend, a message letting me she'd send me another message.
Ever present work. I'm glad to be gainfully employed.

I came to the psych ward in the hope that there would be a/c here. Susan, I'm dying. I could never be a true desert girl like you. :) Hope you're okay....
*hugs*

Hi guys. Feeling a bit better at the moment. My friend came over and looked after me for a bit, which has made me feel a bit stronger.
Someone from the EIP team is coming over tomorrow and hopefully she'll listen to me and give me some good advice.
Love you all xxx

Hey guys... sorry, I'm worthless atm... first I have to study and now I just feel crap... teary and tired... and it's really my fault because I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I am behind on my uni work, I don't have a job for after graduation and I don't have an apartment... that, and I tend to dwell on things which never makes it any better. Ugh, and I don't want to go to therapy today... nothing to talk about really and I'm just not feeling like it...damn. The temptation to stop taking my meds so I would feel crap enough to kill myself is really looking good right now... there's nothing to worry about when you're dead. Alive and on meds I'm just left lucid enough to realize the mess I've made of my life and that I don't have anything I WANT to do, anywhere I WANT to go... I don't want to go home so here is the best option but I don't want to stay here either... I just want to not exist.:crying:

Dude, we should totally make a real RYL psych ward and we can all live there... I like it here better than real life...

Sorry for the dump y'all, I know it's a lot of whining...

Alyssa,
Your'e not worthless but you probably do have to study. You may not know wat you want from life at the moment - but I know that you hope that one day you will feel like living because you will be happy enough to want to do so. I hope your therapy goes well today - I'm sure it's a pain but I think it will be worth it.
I wish we had a real ward we could go to - where it was just all of us - actually sitting and chatting and most importantly listening. It would be so good.
xxx

Hey guys....Jess wants adopting....and the adoption thread is being rubbbiiissshhhh :/

any takers?;]
hehe

I figured you'd end up doing this :-p

^_^ that is coz you is my wifey :D

Well, I still only have a niece and a daughter - so I could do with another member to my RYL family - let me know if you want - I know you don't know me but I'm nice....

They'll be no takers either :-p

ehhhh:notsure:

Well I have a big RYL family...wanna join mine? :P

*Walks in, bangs head against the floor and then heads to the corner with lots of alcohol*

Today:

I saw my new CPN for the first time today. She was lovely and I felt fairly positive about the whole thing until she made one stupid comment, one which I know is true but now I hate her. It's ridiculous. I hate this whole love/hate/love/hate thing I do its retarded and at the same time as hating her, I really don't want her to hate me.

I also heard from the wife (and an ex friend sort of) of the guy I slept with and ended up living with when I was 17 for a year. I really really cared for this guy and the whole situation got so complicated. I miss the friendship with his wife (she got me to stop self harming when I was 16, took me in when I ran away from home and was seriously screwed up), but I also remember how she eventually abused that trust, like really did (before I slept with him). I don't know what to do, I am torn.

I AM SICK OF PEOPLE WANTING STUFF FROM ME, SMALL THINGS LIKE DIARIES, TIME, FAVOURS, FORMS, ESSAYS, PROMISES, ENERGY, EVERYTHING. I want to be left alone. That's all.

EMMA!!!! *pounces*
Im sorry about your CPN hun...you wanna talk about it?
*hugs*