*hugs mark and JK* they were only little cuts, and i cleaned them after but i feel like such a failure :( hopen you're both ok (other than the things you said in your posts)

*thanks Dr Doikers ;)* Have a good sleep hun *tucks Mark in*

*hugs Nicole* good girl. If you're a failure then so are we hun, and I'm sure you don't think that 'k? Give yourself a break and be patient with your recovery.

*cuddles again, hands Nicole puppy sinclair's lead and goes to do some work*

but-you didnt do what i did today :( i was so nasty.

*hugs JK* hope tomorrow/today(very confused with the time differences!!) goes ok.

*hugs Mark* have a good sleep

*hugs Nicole* your not a failure, we all have slip ups, they are part of life, tomorrow is a new day.

*hugs Crimson, April, Laura, Helen, Hayley, and anyone else I may have forgotten*

My hand is still bad, I can't go to the doctors until next week because I'm on this course, but will talk to my teacher when I get back to uni and see if she thinks it is playing related, but yeah another 4 hours of rehearsals today.
I've not been so good, I sat in my room earlier nearly took all my AD's, hich is a lot, I just can't see the point anymore, feeling really unwanted and crap right now.

*cuddles everyone lots*

Hope you sleep well Mark
Nicole, sorry you've had such a bad day sweet *holds you close*
JK =D *big hugs* I'm sorry you've cut too

I don't know how I feel. Been talking about my 21st birthday celebrations...aha

*clings to helen* i told my mum i hated her, i hit her, just so she would hit me back, because when she hits me, it gives almost the same release as cutting. i threw things, i smashed things, i gave my mum a big bruise on her arm. i kicked her, punched her, slapped her and pulled her hair, because i know that if i do it to her, she will do it back. i am an awful person. i dont deserve to be here :'(

*curls up in corner crying*

*comes over to corner, passes nicole tissues and sits next to* your not an awful person

Nicole, listen to me darling, you're NOT an awful person. You're an amazing young woman who's just had a bad day. We all throw strops & arguments at one time or another. Maybe apologise to her when you're feeling calmer? *cuddles you gently* You are not awful. I would tell you if you were :( You do deserve to be here. Very much so.

*hugs oliver and helen, takes tissues* thanks guys. i just feel so awful. i have such a temper at times. and i cant control it :'( helen-i've already apologised to her. i'm banned from the laptop for a week (shes out now, so i've managed to get on it)

Your cats are beautiful *snuggles* Part of being a teenager babe, having a temper. Well I think so. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 20 & still have a few arguments with my Mum ;) Not so much now though.

aaw, thanks, thats garfield. i want another kitten lol. but my mum wont let me. i dont often argue with my mum, but when we do argue, its really bad :(

*cuddles everyone*

Forgot to mention earlier that I have a NP appt tonight... am worried, although not so bad as 3 weeks ago. It's crazy how time flies!! :-X

Am feeling rather stressed and overwhelmed at the moment, have so much to do in the next 3 weeks to get done for uni. Have to give practice presentations tomorrow for senior sem and I don't want to... :'( I'm really scared that people are going to think my talk/paper are **** and that I won't get a good grade on it. :'(

Other **** I posted about in my r/v thread... :crying:

*cuddles april*
i feel........lonely :(

*cuddles April* I'm sure no one will think your ****, and I'm sure you will get a good grade. just wondering whats a NP? hope the appt goes well though

*cuddles Nicole and sits with so she isn't lonely*

NP = nurse practitioner. Almost like a doctor, can prescribe meds (which is what I see her for), but isn't one. I really like her, it's just that seeing her ramps up my anxiety usually as she's the one that has the "authority" to send me to the hospital. :-/ I am almost positive she won't tonight, as I'm passively suicidal, nothing huge, but still... am nervous.

*cuddles Oliver and Nicole, sits next to Nicole so she won't feel so lonely* Oliver, sorry about your hand (and sorry I didn't comment sooner) - is it still swollen/sore? And Nicole, you're not an awful person at all - many people have tempers and sometimes mental health issues can make them worse... glad you apologized to your mum. *more cuddles*

*cuddles all 3 of you*

*hugs April* They will like it, if they don't tough **** ;) You'll fly through these last few weeks. I promise xx

*sits with Nicole* You're not lonely, no matter how much you feel it darling. You have us xx

thanks for sitting with me guys, but-honestly. IRL, i have no friends everyone hates me. :( i feel lonley as hell, because everyone i know has a best friend, and theyre so close and tell eachother everything. i dont have that, i dont even have anything close to that. i spend all my time at home. watching telly or on the computer, because noone wants to be friends with me.

*cuddles April* I hope the appt goes well for you, I understand getting anxious before appointments, I get incredibley anxious before any appointment with dr, uni person, counsellor. yeah my hand is still painful, I'm pretty sure its playing related because it gets more painful when I play, which really isn't good,you can get some serious injuries from playing instruments and then you can't play for ages, its got a support thing on atm and out some anti-inflamatory gel on it.

*cuddles Helen and Nicole*

*cuddles Nicole* You'll find some good friends as you go through life. I promise babe. If it makes you feel any better, my two best friends are people I met online. They don't live near me :( I don't have many real life friends. I don't go out much, spend 90% of my days online & on tv. Pathetic of me. I should be out working, seeing friends, having a life.. apparently. But things prevent that :(