What do you mean Lia?

What kind of something? Big, small?

*Hugs Lia*

i called a crisis line talked a little the lady on the phone was nice
and helpful
my husband is back now
so am safe

That's good to hear, Reaper. How are you feeling now?

Sorry, almost a page or 2 pages of posts since I last posted (can't remember, haha)...

...and sorry about no individuals, although Nicole, I'm worried about you & your foot. Sorry for how dense that sounded, but usually injuries there don't make it go numb (at least, in my experience... guess it can change person to person and where you cut it). I hope it's okay and if it's still like that tomorrow (?) I would have it checked out. :(

I'm really... I don't know... numbish? but angryish? (if you can be an angry numb that's what I am) Just want to do something, anything really stupid. Don't worry, I won't. I'll stay safe and I'll keep others safe and I won't explode at anyone. Hah. As much as I would love to.

Haven't talked with my parents today and probably won't. Really want to just feel normal with them but I don't, I feel raw & exposed instead. And I hate that feeling. I doubt that it will go away anytime soon. Stupid, stupid sister!!!!

:crying:

Something big and scary. Something that wants me to see it. It's going to make me see it.

I'm sorry you feel no better April. I felt like that once. A friend told my English teacher about my harming, and in my English lesson that afternoon, I felt as if I were sat there naked. It was horrible, but the feeling does pass. I was comfortable with her in a few weeks. *Hugs*

x

I don't want to have to wait ****ing weeks to feel comfortable with my parents again. They only live 20 miles away and I am used to talking with them pretty frequently and seeing them frequently as well. I'm sorry, I know it sounds like I'm also having a go but I'm... well, yeah. Not in a good place right now. Thanks for the reassurance, Lia. That had to have been an awful experience as this one is... :(

I just want things to go back to how they were. I don't give a damn about change. I just... want them to go back. Where they - none of my family - knew about the SA.

*hides in the warren where no one can find her and cries*

Sorry.

Aw Lia, I wasn't expressing anger at you. I'm sorry. The tone of my post was all wrong. Nothing you said was wrong. It's just that I am dealing with a mountain of stress at the moment and I guess I really have to be careful what I say. Or at least, how I say it. *tentative hugs?* I apologize for seeming like I was having a go at you or disregarding the feelings of the person behind your post, because you DO matter, don't let that make it feel like you don't. I'm sorry. :(

It's alright, just me taking things in the wrong way again. I do that a lot. *Hugs back*

x

i feel a little bit safer now but i still think am going to do something dangerous trying to keep busy

*huggles Lia* How're you doing now? & what makes you feel/think there's something in your closet? (wish I could be there to check for you) I have had those fears before... even had my mum come and check for me, hah. But it (whatever closet/cubby it happens to be) is empty of everything but my own stuff 99% of the time and the other 1% of the time it's a mouse or something kicking up a racket. *extra comforting hugs*

Go go Reaper, with the distractions!! :) What are you staying busy doing? (if you don't mind me asking) Please keep distracting yourself because I/we really don't want you to do anything dangerous... I'm worried about you, love. Stay as safe as you possibly can. *gentle hugs*

busy being on forums and watching my husband playing games talking with his friends online
looking stuff up on testosterone and listening to the radio

Haha. I don't mean that kinda closet. Although there's probably something in there too. I don't even wanna know what's in my real closet, but anyway. I was on about the skelingtons in my 'closet' if that makes any sense at all.
*Returns comforting hugs and hands tissues.*

xx

Oh whoops, lol, my bad. Gotta admit that's one of the funnier mistakes/interpretations. :P Yeah, I understand what you mean about the "skeletons in your closet" thing. I get that too sometimes. :( It can be scary. If you want to talk more about it, I'm here to listen - real closet or skeletons closet. ;) *cuddles*

Reaper, those sound like good ways to distract yourself. :) Way to go!!

*Hugs Reaper , Lia , April*

Sorry I've not really been in a position to post much , am watching a movie with my parents . Just to let you know I am trying to keep up and reading the posts .:)

Thanks April. I was gonna call you Lia just then- then I remembered that was my name. Wow, we're a clever pair.

Pain pain go away, come again another day. Then again, maybe don't. Please just go now. That hurts to much. I can't deal. Go away before I do. We can't both live in this body together. Go...please...

Wow, now I'm talking to my emotions. I have truly cracked.

*hugs everyone*

I just spoke to someone from the crisis team for over half an hour. I think i'll be safe for tonight because it passed the time and now i'm almost ready to go to sleep but I don't think i'll be safe tomorrow. My support worker is calling me in the morning and then i'm going to the gym with her in the afternoon but if i'm still feeling like overdosing i'll do it in the evening.

Hi Mark. *cuddles* Glad that you're managing to keep up, also glad that you're distracted (are you??) at your parents'. Hopefully you can stop yourself from SI'ing at all when you're there although please don't beat up yourself if you can't. Post when you can, we're here for you. :)

Lia, lol, that made me giggle. Yes, we are a clever pair indeed. ;) I have to admit I've never quite pulled that one - I mean, calling someone else by my name - but I have talked to my emotions before. Doesn't mean you've cracked or are crazy. Just means that you're expressing how you feel. It doesn't really matter how (as long as it's not in a destructive way, although I understand where that comes from too), as long as you manage to do it. Because - as many of us have found - holding emotions in is NOT healthy. :( *cuddles*

Hels, how are you doing now?? *cuddles*

Lindsay, how are you? still managing to fight off the OD urges?? I really hope so... *cuddles*

Whoops, we posted at the same time. :P I'm glad that you're gonna be okay for today... worry about today, today, and tomorrow when it comes. Please try & keep fighting the urges. You deserve health and safety and happiness. Please take care of yourself the best you can and if you can't, phone the crisis team just like you did. (Well done, btw!!)

*hugs*

*Hugs Lia* Talking to your emotions doesn't make you crazy , hmmm I talk to myself all the time and a lot of it I don't even make sense :P

*Hugs April* I haven't harmed today but it's (to use your expresion) driving me bats !

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Reaper*

Yey for not harming today, but no yey for it driving you bats. :( But at least you've been safe. :) That's a plus!! ^_^ I'm happy about that now... hehe.

My stomach hurts. I ate too much for lunch. Stupid'ness. :'(

You're not stupid April. How are you feeling now? I know. That holding in emotions isn't healthy that is, but I can't help it. I have to protect myself. It's explained on my R/V thread. First post. I've been too hurt.

Well done on not harming today Mark, we're proud of you :)

Linday- I'm glad you're safe for now. Please do try and stay that way.

I'm tempted to cut. That will make it the second day in a row.

x

Thankyou Lia , That means a lot :)

*hugs Hels, April, Mark, Felicia, Lindsay, Reaper, Lia, and anybody else*

Just got back from work, urgh. Brother is having a ton of friends over tonight for beer pong. Most of them are alright, but the last thing I want is people over... hopefully I can hide in my room in the basement and not be bothered.

I SI'ed earlier today which I'm kinda bummed about... because it was just out of frustration at the new meds, and how my brain still can't comprehend that they don't mean I'm psychotic... this probably doesn't make any sense so I'll stop rambling now.

I'm sorry Taz, but try not to be so hard on yourself. We all slip and it doesn't make us weak, just human. You can hide in here with us :)

You're welcome Mark :) I actually feel better from talking to you guys. Just in general that is. Not talking about feelings. Not gonna make a habit of that.

x

My best friend is on the mend guys :D :D :D

That's great Helen! Really happy for you *massive hugs* :D

xx

*hugs everyone* I thought there would have only been a few posts, but there's two or more pages. Jeez oh, I can't keep up.

*huggles everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - 5 pages of posts since last night my time ...

Katie - Technically I'm doing a bachelor of Technology majoring in Computing Studies but this study period I'm working for my Minor in Management. So glad to see you. *big hugs*

Mark - If you still are able, can you put my name on the card?

*hugs Lia* Thanks, I'm trying not to, but it's hard... It seems easier to beat myself up over it than to try and stay positive and refocus, if that makes sense.

*hugs Hels* That's great news :D How are you holding up?

*hugs Claire* I've noticed anytime I miss a day on here I'm catching up on 4+ pages of posts :P So no worries. How are you doing?

*hugs Kahlia* How are things?

*spots April and tackles her* How are you doing today?

Thanks guys *cuddles Lia & Taz* I'm hanging in there, but really pleased about my best friend.

*cuddles all*

Lots and lots of pages all busy bees in here, buzz buzz buzz...

There's a sheep on my bed!

And a killer on the roof!

Cuddles all, hmm feeling very low again. Just want to cut and it all to be over. Hmm that kind off messed up. It's how I'm feeling low and messed up. Sorry just wish I could curl up and shut the world out, even for a little while

I spy Taz, Reaper, April, Jill & Lia *cuddles you all tightly*

Oh it's gone midnight here, so means 5 weeks til I see my bestie in person. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs Hels* Keep hanging in there :D How are things going with your other bestie? I think I remember you were angry for a while because she wasn't answering her phone? Sorry if I'm wrong =/

*hugs Lia* Has the killer already killed? If not... how can you deem them a killer? :P

*hugs Jills* I know the feeling hun. Why so low right now?

*tackles Reaper and April*

The killer is getting closer and the sheep just exploded! There's a christmas tree walking on the ceiling!

MOOOOOO!

Taz, I was a little annoyed. I was just being silly. She phoned me back, I missed her twice, phoned her back and she called me back. So we chatted for a while :) Seeing her in 5 weeks time as I mentioned in my last post ^_^ *hugs*

Lia, are you ok???

* hugs everyone *
Voices are back telling me i must die
maybe i should but i cant get to the meds my husband locks them away
i cant keep going like this days like this were all i seem to do is be in pain mentally

Hmm,...that is a good question Helen. A very good and intreging question. And I can't spell.

Cow go ba and pigs go mo. Did you know that? The Christmas tree is dancing. And so's the horse!

Lia... I'm getting a bit worried now. :-/ *hugs*

Hels, that's great news. :) *cuddles*

I'm feeling quite **** myself actually. Debating whether to call my parents or not and I really want to but... I feel raw and exposed in front of them, when I wasn't prepared to be. It hurts like all hell. :crying:

*hides in the warren and sobs*

I Can't Do This! I Can't Be The Only One!

Huggles everbody. Was trying to respond but can't think straight, just feel numb and hmm not even sure anymore.

*Hugs Jill*

Caw! Caw! Caw! Caw!

Puff the Magic Dragon.

I'm so sorry.

April- I know it's too late now, but maybe you should call your parents in the morning, get it over with? *Hands tissues if you're still crying.*

ooo i want my name signed on card ^.^

*yawn* im off... again >.>
love you guysssss.

I don't want to do this anymore.

do what hun? *offers hugs* ugh i proper hafta go now... laptops gonna be closed on me *rolls eyes* but message me and i'll try to reply if i can <3