*hugs you all*

I'm now in a hospital in Manchester, and I'm not sure what is going on, all I've been told is that there are no plans to discharge me yet and I'm allowed some leave.
Sorry I'm not on much don't have much internet.

*hugs Oliver*

Bouncing around, feel quite ambivalent right now about everything and anything

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Matt*

Ok... I guess it's ironic that I am here. Just recently had Psych clinicals... most definitely one of my favorite types of clinicals for school so far. Maybe because I am so vested in it? Idk. It was a great experience, but I just kept thinking to myself that I had no right to be trying to coach psych inpatients when I still haven't figured my own stuff out. I kept thinking that, by every right, I should be locked up in there too. THat if someone were to see through me, they wouldn't have let me leave the building. I just go on hoping that I find a way out of my life, and that I didn't mess up any of theirs. It was therapeutic in a way, to talk to the patients, and help them work out treatment plans, and goals, to separate myself for a while, but in the end, did I have the right to be a fake, to wear my mask, and tell them not to hide, not to keep their emotions closed in, to help them heal, while I cannot?
Now I am just overly anxious. I felt like I was going to explode while I was there, but at the same time, I was so calm outside. It was comfortable to be there with them, to try and make a difference, to see the people who were healing. It was beautiful.
And now I am rambling. sorry

You are not a fake Mousie *Huggles*

*hugs Mousie*

I keep coming so close to losing it... its like looking at the precipice and not falling... I am tired of standing on the edge. Eventually, I guess I will have to let go and see where it takes me I guess. I am tired of being pushed around, told to do stuff like I am a little kid at work (I am one of the youngest at where I work, so that's why lol. Most of the staff is older than me.) I am tired of having to bail people out, and stuff at home is making me rage. I don't have anywhere to go with it. I have resisted so far turning it against myself, but that won't last much longer >.<

*hugs Mousie* You are actually the perfect person to help them if you think about it. You know more of what they are going through than most people who see them. Not a fake. Not at all.

*hugs Mark and everyone else who's been in of late*

excuse me while i have a total meltdown *hides in a corner and lets go of the rest of my mind*

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Mousie*

*Hugs Crimson*

hugs everyone

*Squishes Louise*

*hugs everyone*

I really can't be bothered with life any more.

*Smurks Lindsay*

seeking shelter from myself. Since I can't check into my local ward at this time, here will do for now.

*curls up in a ball on the bed, hides under the covers*
*prays to stay safe*

could someone hum so I can drown out my head please?

*Hugs Mousie*

*Hugs Aura*

How is everyone this Sunday?

on a trip for nursing school.... trying to figure out if this is going to be beneficial or not.... I feel more alone than I ever have been, away from my routines and habits... not so much that I am homesick, just that my OCD is really in high gear right now, but I can't clean other peoples stuff.
idk. Maybe it will be a good time away from everyone at home to reset my mind, or maybe I will really go off the deep end this time. Who knows.
*curls up in the corner*

*Hugs Mousie*

hugs everyone. oh crap the pressure keeps piling on. cant cope and i have only myself to blame.trally want to curl up and die.

hugs everyone