psht :P *pokes you for tackeling me*
Have some chocolate ^_^
*hands you some*

Well done Em :)

Ily x

hey guys. ally, sorry your cut hurts :( glad its been stiched tho.
alexx and helen, how are you??
thanks jeremy. my arm's ok i;m just pissed off with myself cos now i have to wear long sleeves and its hot today. gargh!! my boyfriend says he wants to know how im feeling, but i think i was a bit too down the other night, normally i censor it a bit. but i think he's ok, as far as i know anyway :s how are you?

*hugs everyone who needs it* I'm sorry for being so crap supporting atm.

How do you know if you are having a break down or going crazy? I think I may have made myself crazy. I feel no real emotion, even if I do it feels fake. I keep thinking s'h will help but have work tomorrow so can't. Have been planning tomorrow night. I'd ask why I am so ****ed up? except I don't know, cant even remember why not to ask now or why I wanted to. damn. Can I have some hugs or something please? Sorry, please don't hate me for being such an attention whore.

Oh yeah, and just realised it is another month before I next see my mental health co-ordinator- (who actually understands and helps!)and now over two months since I last saw my CPN. That may be why I am behaving like this. Seriously? What would I have to do to get someone to help me and make me accept that help?

*hugs* i think the thing about feeling no emotion, or feeling fake emotion, is nt crazy, it's just a method of dealing with things we don't really want to feel.

Oh Em, I feel so bad for not texting you yesterday to see how you were, well you know I'm here if you want to talk.

I feel like I've barely read the last couple of days posts in here, maybe it's because I've been so busy the past three days or so, I don't know.

I'm sooooo tired, I had about 2 & half hours sleep on sunday night because I was so excited about going to Drayton Manor yesterday (a theme park). It was fun. A girl, that hates me told me on sunday that she wanted to get on wth me and stuff for that day anyway, and it's werid because she did. I felt like she paid me no attention at times, but I don't know...that brought horrible feelings out in me and it's not ****ing fair.

Yesterday, I feel upset here and there, and I really didn't want to. I felt like crying, but didn't because of my best friend...I didn't have an answer why I was crying if she'd known, so yeah...I went to sleep on the bus on the way home, well the bus back to Birmingham anyway and then we should have all been catching the bus home together. But we didn't. So Pilly (Matt- Hayley's boyfriend) caught the bus back with me (he needed the same one anyway)...I hate catching buses to/from Birmingham anyway, oh well gonna have to get used to it.

Arrrgh I'm gonna rant in my thread...

and then go back to sleep til the guys come to do my mum's car MOT =\

*snuggles Emma*
Hunni I don't think that is uncommon at all. As a matter of fact I think a lot of us have been there. lol It's where I spend most of my time (much to my counselors dismay I think ;-))

How's everyone today?
*makes a tea tray with tea, coffee, cocoa, biscuts, and cake and passes it around*

My cut aches... It's weird, I've never had one bother me this much...

Uni started today... It's a mess, with me not in the classes I need to be cause there's a hold on my account till I get last terms balance paid (heaven forbid they use the extra financial aid from thsi term since I have no money to speak of) :pinch:

I really just want to go home and lay in bed...

C'est la vie.

*finds a corner in the denial tent and knits, denying all that is and needs to be done*

*huggles Emma* I agree with Helen and Ally...its just a coping mechanism hun...you'll get through it. We're here every step of the way.

Oh god...counselling AND doctors today...it was horrible. Dont remember much of counselling...she got this voice in my head to come out and talk to her and it was awful and hard and painful....
and the doctor gave me new, stronger meds to be taken twice a day instead if once a day and said if i feel in danger of OD-ing...to go to the hospital...but thats no help...because then I'd spend pretty much ALL week there...
In fact....i wanna go now...DESPERATLEY ><

I.CANT.DO.THIS

*Hugs Alexx* Why don't you go to the hospital then? For your own safety. <3

I feel dead. I tried to drown myself in the bath and now I just feel like a complete fool.

because....my mum and dad are bacl off holiday on Thursday...and...my nana and grandad are round tomorrow...and...i dunno *cries*
I took my meds...hoping theyd make me feel better...and they havent...

****it...i might as well OD ><

No hun. I feel like I'm going to OD too. We can stay away from the pills together.

i caaannntt :crying: ive been trying to fight this for the past few days...
its just getting worse and worse...

I got Alex to go A&E, I hope she'll be alright :(

Arrrrgh I'm doing so **** >.<

FFFFUUUCCCKKK Why did I do that????? It canes....why??? Why can't i control myself????????

Im checking in for a while how about a month? cos i cant cope like this anymore....

I'm back....
I feel sick, tired, defeated :(
It took aaggggeeesssss to get seen....during which time i sat in the waiting room crying my eyes out like a tw@t, and picking open my old cuts, and biting/scratching myself because there was a lack of sharp objects lying around....
I spoke to a nurse, a doctor, and a crisis team member/psyciatrist...
They kept me in over night and said they'd send someone to speak to me in the morning but when the nurse came to wake me up and then left...
I panicked and split :blink:
I should have just ODed :pinch:
Im soooo exhausted...
and I smell of hospitals...
*Would like to die now*

*EDIT* I've just realised how stupidly easy it is to walk out of a hospital....I was at the end of the corridor before anyone noticed and by the time the nurse had got down to the end...I was already out of the door...or maybe they just don't care about someone like me :pinch:

OMG Alex, that is like dugusting that she woke u up, and then basically told you to go.

Hospital stinks =\

Sooooo proud of you going though.

xx

I managed to sleep last night.
The feeling's not gone. I want to OD.

I'm right there with you, I wanna OD too :(