How might you help yourself through this difficult time?

I really don't know. I think I'm going to stay with a friend for a couple of days, just to get away from things. I know that will make it harder to come back though, it always does. But it should help me relax for a while at least.

I spy a lindsay! *huggles!* sorry to read bout your trip to hospital last night and being triggered.

Hello Claire! *huggles* I do believe we've not met! But I'm an old regular in here, apart from the fact that I was doing well so I was less regular, and then when I needed to get online cos things were crazy I had no time to and was then too unwell to, and then I had a 2week holiday and then I moved flat and had no internet til now! *deep breath to recover!* So yes, Hello and I'm sorry to hear that you're dad is unwell and you're finding it difficult to cope. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but all I can manage at the moment is an extra huggle *huggles Claire again*

A HUGE thank-you to all of you who signed my moving in card - it was sooo thoughtful of Mark to organise and for you all to take part. I had to fight back happy tears. Things are still hetic at the moment with appointments and things to do everyday :( I'm surviving on proplus and extra painkillers which both I seem to be getting a tolerance for now which really isn't good. I just need everything to get sorted so I can spend a week in bed, on ryl and WoW and get back to 'normal' before Eoghan deploys to Afghan. He doesn't need his last weeks with me being an anxious stressed out mess!

Anyhoo, will try and check back later, but I've a million things to do that I really don't want to...well ok, not a million, but it feels like it. Better do them, as they won't go away....

*goes out to smoking shelter first for a fag*
"oh puppy sinclair! You coming to play in the garden?"

Hi Hayley, thanks for the welcome and for the hugs! Things are sounding pretty hectic for you, but they'll calm down eventually.

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as to not stink of fags*

Claire - you're right, things will calm down, I have to keep focused to get things done so to achieve the calm! Oh and I like what your sig. says - very true.

*toddles around ward, checking all the hiding places, holes, corners, padded cell, denial tent and anywhere else she can find to go about giving huggles to all her fellow wardies who she has missed so much*

*huge hugs for Hayley*

EEEP! *Hugs Hayley* Welcome back online :)

* hugs everyone * hearing voices feel unsafe

*Hugs Reaper* What could you do to not hear the voices , could you perhaps put on some loud music ?

*huggles all*
Went somewhere I thought I'd be happy now all gone it's all bad gone crazy bad urgy bad

*Hugs Kahlia*

Off to meet my nurse .........

I hope it goes well, Mark! *hugs*

Reaper, how have you coped safely with the voices before?

Kahlia, do you want to talk about it? Stay safe.

Mark, good luck

Felicia, how are you?

I spy with my little eye someone beginning with H...

Hey all. It wasn't too bad, there was nothing to be scared of. Except the whole damn place felt empty. That might be because it WAS empty, just my year an the year sevens, but it was also because she wasn't there, and never will be again. I can't quite get used to that fact.

Oh heck, I can tell you, you lot won't judge me. Two years ago, I fell in love with my English teacher. And I mean really fell in love. I care about her more than anyone else in the world, and when she said she was leaving the school adn moving 200 miles away, I was...well, I don't have the words, but if I had the choice to bring her back, I wouldn't. She wanted to move to be near her family and if that's what makes her happy...well her happiness matter more than mine. Point is she was the only person who made me feel worth something, she told me I could do it and I almost believed her. She helped me through my nan's death and when I was being bullied.

It's just weird now she's gone. I'll miss the way she put her hands on top of her head when she was trying to remember something, I'll miss the way she was so damn organised, she would have the year's lessons planned by October, yet she was ALWAYS late for class, I'll miss the way she would say this one girl's name, it was triple barraled and she would always say the whole thing and really quickly, I'll miss her sarcastic comments and her routine 'Alright?' when I passed her in the corridor each morning.

It's because of her I'm still her today, and I don't know what to do now she's gone but I'm going to stop talking about this now because it's just upsetting me.

Right, people.

Mark, you would have left by now but I'm sending you luck and I hope it all went OK. *Hugs* I also hope you feel a little better than you did this morning when you get back.

Kahlia- Could you explain a little more? Don't worry if you can't, it took me three months just to confess I fell in love with someone. But what do you mean it's all gone bad? I really hope you don't give up, we all love you hear and I for one couldn't stand for anything to happen to any of you wardies. Please try and stay safe. *Hugs*

Lindsay- I'm sorry to hear about your cutting, but it's good that you went to th the hospital and got it looked after. I know you're strong enough to resist those urges, no matter how hard it may be at times, and just like I said to Kahlia, I would be devestated if anything happened to any of you. We all would. *Cuddles gently*

How are you Felicia? Sorry if you've said, but I've looked at the last page. I hope you're alright. *Glomps*

Reaper- I swear down I already replied...or maybe my mind's making things up again...anyway. Is there any way you can stay safe from the voices? Maybe remove yourself from anything dangerous, or drown them out with something loud? I hope you can stay safe. Try to remember they aren't really there, and they can't really hurt you by themselves.

*cuddles everyone*

Started my college enrolment today, got to go back and finish it tomorrow morning :D But it's all good :) Said I can start right on level 3, so will only be there for two years :D I'm really excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs Lia* I can understand some of what you're going through. There was a teacher at shcool who really helped me through my struggles and when I left school I had no idea how I was going to cope without her, but I did, and you will cope too. I can see that you are a strong person.

Helen, good for you!

Met up with my nurse okay . It was very intense indeed , I asked her to breathalise me with a view to me going back onto my Antabuse and she did and I read a zero so it's not dangerous to go back on it. We then did some "If I drank" exercises and talked some. She said I don't HAVE to S.I. and I'm really going to try not to tonight , I know , good intentions and all that . But she was really pleased with me that I started volunteer work at the Cyber Cafe :)

Way to go Helen :)

Thanks Mark & Lindsay :D

Yay Helen!!!!!!! *super hugs*
Mark, I'm super glad it went well *hugs*
Lia, I too have some idea of what you're going through. I have this English professor that I love dearly (I'm still trying to figure out what kind of love it is) and I have no clue how I'm gonna cope if he leaves this uni or when I graduate... whichever comes first.

To anyone who asked how I am, I'm surviving. I can't explain much of how I feel, except I feel alone and unloveable. I debate a lot about going back to my abusive relationship with my ex fiance... just to have someone to love me. Not that he cared about anything. Not that he cares whether I'm alive or not. But he said he loved me, which is more than I hear from a lot of others.
I don't know. I'm just sick of all my friends getting married, and engaged, and having kids. I pretend I'm perfectly happy in uni, single, etc etc... but I really just want someone to love me.
And If you read this pity party, I applaud you, cause I know I'm being whiny and stupid and juvenile.

I feel exactly the same way Felicia :S...... So I totally empathise , if that helps at all?

*Hugs Felicia* I know it's not in the way you want, but we here all love and care about you in a way your ex never will. You're right, he can never really have loved you if he could hurt you. I for one know I could never hurt the woman I love, not ever. I understand you feeling lonely, I do too, to a point where I have imaginary people to help guide me through. Sam was with me today when I was feeling lonely without my teacher. But you don't need him, you will find someone, someone who really loves you for who you are and would never dream of hurting you. When that day comes you will struggle to see what you ever saw in your ex. I promise it will happen one day. Or you could always do what me and my friends have decided to do and marry each other if we're still single when we're 50 :) *Squeezy hugs*

Congrats Helen, that's great! *Massive hugs*

Mark- I'm glad the appointment went well and I really hope you can not SI tonight. I know you can do it, you're strong enough. *Encouraging hugs* And the same goes for you what I said to Felicia, minus the abusive ex bit.

x

Yeah, Mark, it helps to know I'm not totally alone in these feelings. Since anyone else I talk to just tells me "give it time, there's someone out there for you. You're still young... etc etc"
If there is someone out there, they are in hiding and I don't know where to find them.
But I swear, I'll stop whining eventually. Sorry...

Haha, Lia, I like your idea. I'll bring it up with my best friend! Surely if we're 50 and still single, he'd marry me.

Just checking in for the day, had a good day today, which was a nice change.

*hugs Felicia* You'll find someone who loves you for who you are and that is worth so much more.

*hugs Mark* Glad things went okay, I know you'll make it through tonight, you're strong and we'll all be here for you

*hugs Lia* I remeber a teacher at my college who helped me through so much and I cried for days when I left, but it got easier with time. You'll be okay, you can make it.

*hugs Helen* Thats fantastic news :) Well done!

*hugs for Reaper and Kahlia*

Well it's been months since I knew she was leaving, and it still hurts like hell. She's the first person I ever loved. I hope she's not the last.

I know this doesn't sound like a lot to you, but it's a massive deal for me since I NEVER get to this point. But I trust you guys. I really do. I know you won't judge me on anything I have to say, I know you'll all listen and many of you will understand. I love you lot. *Group hugs*

x

Lia , This is a place where I trust everyone too *Hugs ya*

Lia, I trust everyone here, feel like I can just be myself and everyone will accept me for who I am. Its nice. *hugs*

*joins in the group hug*

Yay hugs :)

awww group hug!

*pounces in on the wardies having a group huggle!*

*group hug and then pounces on Hayley*

We don't judge each other, we just listen & support if we're able to :) I trust and love the ward :D

Thank you for all the congratulations etc :)

Woo, I feel like I've started something. I know this is beyond cheesy, but I've found somewhere I actually belong. *Mass glomp of all wardies*

I'll also have you know that I am never this soppy and open about my feelings. I guess it's a good thing though :)

Want to stay all evening but my new living room isn't bunny proofed and there is no way I can have my laptop plugged in without Reggie chewing through the wires :( and I have to put his needs before mine. So this will just be a brief post to say thank-you for the welcome backs etc and its been nice to see some familiar faces pop up today and I look forward to getting to know the new ones (to me) better too.

Nearly had a meltdown at the front door today just because someone was trying to get me to switch electric companies - which due to only just moving and sorting everything out just seemed too overwhelming. I'd also already had a BT engineer round, the police knocking at my door looking for the previous tennant who is wanted on drug dealing charges and I was waiting for someone to come and fit a new electric meter. So this poor salesperson was just one thing to many, but I feel awful saying no, like I'm a bad person for not listening to them and letting them convince me, but I think when I looked like I was about to cry and was holding my head in my hands, he realised he'd not got me at the best time and went away. My goodness, all I can think when I try and look on the positive side is that at least I'm not PMDD'in otherwise I may have hurt the man!

hmm, I think dinner and a fag may be in order before I'm on bunny duty....

Hmmm I'm sorry you had an overwhelming day Hayley , You go eat , smoke and bunny proof!! *Hugs*

Yea am listening to music loudly ( in head phones )
i can keep myself busy by being online and watching a film
see how it goes

*joins in on group hug* If it's not too late?

no individuals at the moment since the ward skipped 4 pages since I left last night (you were all busy on here :P)

Am doing alright. Got a lot of cleaning and organizing in my room done since I actually had energy. Only took one Q med this morning so that I could get stuff done. SI'ed last night pretty badly thought, felt crap about being an ass to my dad. Not really worrying about it right now though :)

*huggles everyone*

*hugs Taz*

*Hugs Taz* I'm sorry you S.I'd Look after the wounds please ?:S
Just curious , whats a Q med? I've racked my brain and I can't think what it might mean ...........

I'm feeling so, so low. I don't know what to do.

I didn't get the job. Knew I'd stuffed it all up :(
Oh well just have to focus on college like everyone keeps telling me.

*hugs Lindsay* Please stay safe
*hugs Helen* I'm sorry about the job.

*Hugs Lindsay* Like Felicia said , stay safe please.

*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry to hear about the job too.

*Hugs Felicia*

I want to go to bed .
1. Because I'm tired.
2.Because I can't harm whilst asleep and I'm getting urges:(

But it's a bit early , I'm really supposed to consistantly take my Lithium at the same time every night and that time is 10pm but if I stay up that long I'm worried I'll harm , just a little , to take off the edge :S does that even make sense? Sorry.

You make sense, Mark.
I don't know what time it is where you live, but is it going to hurt to take your Lithium early and go to bed?
Sorry... I'm kinda stupid with med issues.

*cuddles everyone*

It's coming up to 9pm , I guess occaisionally taking my meds early won't hurt *toddles off to take meds and get the mornings dose ready*

Right I'll say goodnight , catch you all tomorrow :)

*Hugs Wardies*