*Hugs April*

*Hugs Englishrose* Hi I'm Mark :)

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Oliver* I hope you had a good time :)

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Spots April* You are an Early bird today !

*hugs everyone* hows your weekend been? i had fun camping (apart from a few major panick attacks.) but am glad to be home.

*Hugs Nicole* :) I'm glad you had a good time camping aside from the panic attacks .
I was at my parents friday-sunday , Saw both my Grans and my Best Friend whom I LOVE so that was nice . I just got back from the shops with groceries to put in a hamper I am making for my sister who is moving out , I need some Ribbon to tye around the box. I had my nurse at 12pm today but we didn't do the CBT stuff because she only had a half hour free for me, doing it on thursday now :S

wow, there's lie nearly fifty pages or something since i was last on, will read them all when i get a chance. well, theres lots gone on in the last few weeks. first i was admitted to hospital, and was only meant to be there for 72 hours (sapphire care plan), but when i arrived the hospital i went to doesn't do sapphire yet... so i was in for 11 days. things got worse and worse for me when i was in. i was discharged two weeks ago. then i went straight to my mums, as it was my sister's 21st birthday. i have only just come back today, as he had a baby boy on friday. i was meant to be beck like a week ago, but she ended up going 6 days overdue. feeling a bit crappy today, being back on my own after 3 1/2 weeks of being surrounded by people, but a bit of good came out of being at hospital, as i am going to volunteer at the shop! so i'm back!!! will reply to posts later
steph
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Nicole, I'm glad you had fun camping =) *hugs*
Mark, I'm glad you had fun at your parents'. I'm not sure what to say about the whole situation with the nurse, cause I'm still not sure if i would be relieved/irritated/angry.... or what really. haha.
Steph, *hugs* I'm sorry about the hospital and the feeling crappy.

I am... tired. It's 9 AM, and I have what seems like a lot to do, although I'm not really sure if it's really a lot or if my mind is making it seem like that. Anyway, I cut last night, cause my roommate was in super bitch mode, and it felt like she loathed my presence. So... I cut. Stupid me. Not even in a good hideable spot.... so I'm just hoping I can slip under the radar until it heals, cause I really really really don't want to go through being kicked out of uni housing again. That had to have been one of the lowest points of my life.

*Hugs Steph* I'm sorry you were in hospital , but are you looking forward to volunteering ? I'm going down the volunteering route myself after MUCH pushing by support workers .

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you cut , I hope you can hide it well and keep it clean , sterile etc you know .

*cuddles all* AHHH I was spotted!! :P

So tired. Will try & do individuals later...

I really need to start applying for that job... :-/

Oh & Steph, welcome back. :) *hugs*

*huggles everyone* thanks guys. ugh. i really dont wanna go to my individual today :(

*hugs all who have posted*

Sorry, my back has been really sore for the past 4 days so sitting here at the computer typing up all the individuals would only make it worse :( I'll swing by later and hopefully reply to each of you.

Take care xxx

*Hugs Taz's back*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Nicole* Is it therapy you don't want to go to ?

*hugs mark* yeah it was therapy, but i went, have just got back. i saw my old therapist while i was there, its really made me think about how i was then compared to how i am now....its strange

*hugs everyone that cares for one*
*sits and cries*
There isn't a point anymore.

*Hugs Crimson* Whats the matter ? I hope it's ok to ask

*curls up*

*Scoots up next to the curled up Nicole*

i hate living here. stupid family theyre always being nasty to me.

*hugs Nicole*

I think... I got most everything done, except stuff for the organization fair, but I have to wait for my best friend/la presidenta of our organization to come pick me up to do the stuff. I'm kinda excited about this... I missed her in the oh, I don't know, 3 days we haven't seen each other.

I think I may put my fair pictures on facebook while I wait.

I'll PM you.

*cuddles crimson* There is a point hun. Here if you need to talk.

*hugs steph* welcome back! I'm sorry to hear things got so bad for you and that you wound up in the hospital. I hope that the volunteering goes well though! Its good to have some sort of distraction like that.

*hugs mark* How r u doing today?

*hugs nicole* Did therapy go okay? I'm sorry that you hate living at home. I wish your family would be nicer to you :-/

*hugs taz* I'm sorry that your back hurts. Dont worry about individuals if it is hurting too badly. Hope that it feels better soon.

*hugs april* How r u doing hun? Good luck with the application for that job.

*hugs helen* You haven't really posted lately. You okay hun?

*hugs oliver* Nice to see you! Looking forward to an update from you later. Hope things are okay.

*hugs heather* Oh hun, you are NOT a failure, no matter what you family is telling you. I hate that they make you feel like this. I hope the dinners go well though despite everything. You can find some really healthy alternative meals, and some of kahlia's options sounded really yummy.

*hugs kahlia* glad that your dinner went well and that you scored a kiss from your niece lol. Hope that you got your book today, what's the book for? sounds like its quite a big one since it needs it own coffee table :-P

*hugs felicia* I'm sorry to hear that you cut, good job on getting things done though. I hope that you have a good time with your friend!

*hugs englishrose* hi! I'm Laura!

*hugs everyone else that I may have missed*

So Wednesday i'm going to have to take my graduate school exam. I'm getting really nervous about it, then uni starts and I have to start applications and work and was asked to make 2 websites for clubs on campus... It just hit me how crazy my life is going to get.
I messed up last night too... nothing horrible... but yeah. I don't know. I just wanted to get out of my head for awhile. I tried to put off for like 6 hours of horrible shaking urges, but then just gave in... i guess i failed.

*hugs laura.* you didnt fail, we all slip up, just try again. i feel really bad about moaning about my family, because some people have worse than mine, but the emotional abuse is just messing with my head :(

*Hugs Laura* Sorry you cut but that doesen't make you a failure, it makes you human :)

*cuddles everyone*

Laura, you're not a failure sweetheart, I promise. Loving all the individuals. I'm not doing so well but I'm still fighting on..

*Hugs Helen* oooh you changed your signature pic !

Laura , I'm doing strangley okay today hmmm, I have made many trips to get groceries to put in a box for my gift to my Sister and Brother in law and their baby as a housewarming gift and I've wrapped it up in a wide dark purple ribbon and Gold Bows . It's got tins of veg , pasta , rice , cereal etc in it , stuff you need when you are starting from nothing :)

Also today marks the 1 week S.I. free milestone for me which isn't VERY long granted but it's big for me , it's just sort of happened heh .

That sounds like an awesome gift basket. And one week is big and after a while it just turns into two, then three, and so on. :D Good job. *hugs*

*cuddles everyone*

Heee Thankyou Crimson *Huggles*

Congrats Mark!!! *glomps* :D One week is amazing, especially since you've been struggling so much lately. <3 Oh, and that does sound like a lovely gift basket. :)

Hels, glad to hear that you're still fighting on. Loved what you said on FB the other day, too, on your status. How you'll never give up. Even if you don't FEEL like that now I hope that you will still ACT on what you said. :) *cuddles*

Laura, PM me if you need, 'kay, hon?? The same goes for you, Crimson... wish I could help make it better. There still is a point to many things... I don't know what you're struggling with right now so I can't help you really, but as I said, feel free to PM me as well. <3 to both of you.

Nicole, glad that therapy went okay. :) Is the change that you see a good one? I hope so. *cuddles*

Felicia, I hope that the transition back to uni isn't too bad for you. We're here if you ever need to vent/rant, as you know!! <3 How are you doing tonight? Hopefully you & your bestie have a good time. :) *huggles*

Sorry for those I missed, 'cause I know I missed some... just wanted to get at least a few individuals out there. :-/

GRRRR I am so tired... and kind of pissed off at med side effects. Just want to go punch something, which is rather uncharacteristic of me. Also didn't get a lot done as far as the job app goes, which is another reason why I'm p.o.'d. :'( Feel so damn useless.

In other news, Jarrod & I are going to be going on a date tonight... I think. I hope. It's been awhile since we've been out, together, just us... or at least, a bit, lol. Feels like longer than it actually has been, I guess; I'm not sure why.

I need to update my r/v soon. :(

*hugs helen* im glad to hear that you are fighting despite everything. thats really really good. Very proud of you for that. And thanks, i thought some individuals should get thrown in the mix again, especially since everyone seems to be struggling right now and we all need and deserve support :)

*hugs nicole* nobody should have to deal with any type of abuse though... especially from family. try not to compare situations though, its all relative really.

*hugs mark* great job on 1 week! and that present sounds great. glad that you are doing okay right now.

*hugs april* have you talked to your np or anyone about your med side effects? Im sorry that they are so bad. Hope that your date with jarrod goes well! You are NOT useless in the least though hun.

*hugs crimson* hope you are okay/okay as can be right now.

I know cognitively that slipping up doesnt make me a failure... Its just that I cant seem to stop myself from slipping up ever. I just felt so damn destructive. Wish I wasn't like this sometimes. O well though, can't change it i suppose.
Now im just procrastinating work *tells self to get going*

first of all *massive hugs to everyone*
going to do a few individuals, there's so much gone on, so sorry for missing some people, still havent had a chance to read everything yet...

doikers, well done for the week free!!! a week is a big achievement, keep going!!!

nicole, it's ok to complain, even if other people do have worse families, yours can still get on your nerves at times, and you're getting it off your chest.

laura, you haven't failed. as others have said, we all slip up from time to time, just take a deep breath and start again. things happen, and we deal with them the way we have learnt to, but in time you will find other ways.

scarletdreamer, thanks! and hope your date goes ok. your side effects should ware of soon, shouldn't they? and tomorrow is a new day regarding the job application.

felicia, thanks, i will feel better soon, as they say, time is a healer. sorry to hear you cut last night, your room mate sounds erm... nice... hope you a feeling a bit better.

once again, sorry for not replying to everyone, hope you are all ok.

i slipped up again tonight, had to go to minor injuries. i could have floored the doctor, he was so mean and patronising... urgh. makes me wonder why i go... but start again tomorrow. have beeen playing on my new wii fit, trying to distract myself. told my self i wasn't going to eat, but am going on a massive binge instead, just bought a huge takeaway :/ . i just know i'm going to feel so bad after, but i can't help it... doesnt really help that i have like no food in, cos i was meant to go asda, but ended up going to the hospital instead... but enough moaning.

i'm here if people want to take, and *hugs everyone again*

steph
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*huggles everybody*

Firstly, apologies for the lack of individuals - three pages since I was last on here and I don't want to confuse anyone ...

Steph - Welcome back.

Laura - The book is "Where's Bin Laden: CIA Undercover Edition". I'm also awaiting "Foundation and Empire" (Asimov), "Smoke and Mirrors" (Neil Gaiman) [my parents christmas presents] & "Management 5" (Pearson Education) [for my uni course this study period]. When it finally gets published in 16 days or so I'll also have "I Shall Wear Midnight" (Terry Pratchett) on it's way to me. Sorry that was such a long answer lol.

I'm getting really excited in some ways because I'm getting really close to the 2 year SI free milestone. I know that I can make, now I just have to prove to the world that I am right!!

*cuddles everyone*

Mark, congratulations on one week free :)

April, Laura, thank you ladies. I liked what I wrote too April. I'm not going to let it beat me =]

Kahlia, oh that excites me!!!! I'm nearly 6 months free since I cut & nearly a year since I last took an OD aha.

*huggles all*

Mark: Congratulations on one week free! *hugs you*

Helen: It feels really good to make a "big" milestone - or to even come close to it doesn't it.

But there's one thing we should all remember: Every second, every minute, every hour, every day that we spend free from self injury is an achievement. An achievement that we can look back on and say "I have done this, and I have done this for myself, and I can do this again!".

It really does & I agree with what you've said :D

ugh =\ so i made a relatively healthy dinner, but then ended up binging after =[ and my aunt made grilled cheese for lunch =\ fatgrossicky =s *curls up and sighs*

*hugs laura and everyone else who wants*

god i wish i was going back to uni next week.... =[
even if i do go to community college... still hafta deal with all this sh*t =\

*cuddles heather* I wish i could wave a wand and make all this stuff go away. You are a beautiful, kind, sweet, caring person. Don't you forget i said that.

*hugs helen* wow so close to 2 milestones! great job!

*hugs kahlia* thats a lot of books lol. Sounds like some interesting reads. So proud of you for almost reaching 2 years too. Thats so exciting!

*dusts off the containers of confetti in preparation for both kahlia and helen* I feel like i havent thrown any confetti in awhile, good thing i remembered where it was stored lol.

*hugs steph* im sorry to hear that you slipped up again. Glad that you went and took care of the wound, even though the doctor was mean. Don't let that stop you from getting the help you need though.

Found out tonight that people talk about me an awful lot behind my back.... funny... nobody ever asks me how I am or what my take on any situation is but apparently they speculate a lot. that's just f*ckin great.

Laura: Yeah it's a truckload of books lol. I'm really excited about some of them because I'm going to be able to get my parents christmas presents for the first time in approximately 5 years and one of the books I got them has been "missing" from their collection for years. I cut my teeth on things like the full works of Shakespeare and Asimov's Foundation series so when I heard one book was missing I decided to replace it!

I'm sorry to hear that people are spending so much time talking about you behind your back and speculating about how you are and what you are thinking in situations. :-( *cuddles*

*cuddles Heather* Sorry it can't be more sweetness and delight. I guess all that I can do is echo Laura and remind you that you are a beautiful, kind, sweet and caring person. You are loved, don't forget that.

*Hugs April* Hmmm sorry you are struggling :( ,but enjoy your date with Jarrod tonight :)

*Hugs Steph* I'm sorry you slipped up

*Hugs Kahlia* Nearly 2 years is huge!! Yey for you :)

*Hugs Helen* 1 year and 6 months respectivly are massive , way to go !!

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Laura*

A Huge Thankyou to you all who have congratulated me on my week S.I. free :)

I've had a really bad night. I went to sleep sometime before 10pm, woke up just after 11pm. Then couldn't nod back off to sleep til gone 4am. During all that time, my head starts being wonderfully **** :D Managed to sleep until 7.25am and eventually fell back to sleep about 8.30 until nearly 1pm. Now I'm betting I'll be not sleeping til late again (Y) I'm in a very low mood today. **** it all.

*hugs everybody*

*skoots in and sits quietly watching*

Hi everyone

Oh Helen I'm sorry you had such a monumentally **** night *Hugs*

*Hugs Lex* *Watches Lex Watching me :)*

*Hugs Louise*

*hugs back* i need some cuddles pwease :(

*Extra Super Hugs Lex*

*hugs Lex*

*cuddles everyone*

*hugs all*
sorry i've not replied or updated you yet, but Alex broke up with me last night when I got back to manchester and then found out from a mutual friend he has been sleeping with some woman for the last few weeks, so I'm really ****ed off and angry, plus I found out most of the stuff he said was lies to me, I will reply and update you all soon, just need to get my head sorted