....

I hate it when a sentence starts off with 'I wasn't sure if I should tell you...'

The guy from the housing association phoned my housemate today. He's not been contacted by any private landlords yet, and even better, doesn't seem to think that the council actually has an obligation to rehome us. We have a week on Tuesday until the bailiffs come to throw us out, and we've been shown one. ****ing. House. My housemate is still confident - now that she's calmed down - that something will come up. I just wish I shared her optimism.

She's going to the Citizens Advice Bureau on Monday to see what they have to say about it. Ugh, and I still have my doctor's appointment on Monday, too ;-;

Can I just give up and die yet?

I know, I don't quite understand how the **** they can just go 'LOL WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU HOMELESS COS WE CBA TO GET OFF OUR ASSES =DDD' either, but that's what the guy said.

I also remember Linda suggesting a B&B, but as I mentioned a while back in here, Eve outright refuses to go in one because of Candy. I think for the moment, we'll just have to wait and see what the CAB has to say on Monday -__-

*hugs everyone*

Jem - Glad to hear you're doing well! Hope you have a good night too :)

Katrica - stupid adverts! that's crappy; hope the triggeredness passes, along with the antisocialness and lack of sleep. doesn't sound fun at all *hugs*

Mary Anne - *cuddles back* how'd work go today?

Helen - *cuddles back* hope things get sorted out with your family situation; doesn't sound nice at all.

Secret - hope you have a better night tonite; good for you for going out.

Arwen - hope you have lots of fun tonite; sounds like it should be a good time. What film are you watching?

Hannah - Group hug sounds great! and tea.. mm.. jasmine please? How are things going with you?

Ileana - how are you doing? sounds like you've had a rough day.

Hana - that's too bad about your youth group... i hope things get sorted out soon; it's hard when a relaxing and safe place changes.. *hugs*

Kahlia - hope your visit with your mom and dad ended ok; glad to hear that you're feeling well -- hope it lasts!

Dayna - *cuddles* sorry about your house troubles; that's gotta be incredibly frustrating and upsetting. I hope that the Citizen's advice Bureau is helpful; good luck with that and with your doctor's appointment.

*leaves hugs for everyone else who hasn't checked in yet today*

Kat and Ravyn: Thanks. I'll keep you all updated, both with the docs and the CAB

I've seen that- used to trigger me!! :(

*sends cuddles around for everyone*

Things have been sorted with my cousin :D

Hi everyone,

*hugs Helen* glad you have sorted things :) I have not seen that advert, it does not sound fun!

*hugs Dayna* really hope things go well with the CAB

*hugs Ravyn* how are you? work was okay, day passed quite quickly as I was busy

*hugs Kat* hope the triggering has faded

*hugs Kahlia* hope the knee feels better soon, is you car all fixed?

*hugs Auburn Shadow* well done for getting out

*hugs Ilena* if your plans can wait take some time to yourself, we all need that sometimes

*hugs wildly insane* group hugs sound like a great idea :)

*hugs Zowie* was it a good film? Hope you had/have a good time.

*hugs Secrets* well done on going to the gym, it really can help make you feel better

*hugs Jetforce* how you doing?

*leaves hugs for anybody else coming in*

Had the best night I have had in months, went to a friends house for dinner and watched dvds of ourselves doing burlesque dancing, had the first laugh I have had in I can't remember how long. She has a voodoo doll which we stuck sticks in, took a picture of and sent it to the he-devil!!!!!!
Doctor also deemed me safe enough to be allowed 2 months medication (was only allowed 1 month at a time before).
Going to mum's tomorrow and to ride my horse which is always good (I forget all about my sad life and focus on him when I am riding, he is also very good for cuddles).

Fraggle my cat sends hugs and purrs to everyone (she is actaully on the keyboard right now - typing is a little akward).

*thinking of everyone*

off to bed (it is 12.20am here).x.

Mary Anne, I'm so happy about it too and trust me, you don't want to see the said advert. I'm so glad you've had the best night in ages, sounds like you had fun :)

I did have a kind of rough day...slow, down day I would say...but yes, I changed plans and went shopping. Got wet while walking back home but it was alright. Now I'm tired so I'll go sleep in a corner of the ward (o_o).

*hugs*

Hey there, has everybody got everything they need? are the duvets and tea well distributed?

*hugs Auburn Shadow* stay strong hun, you can do it

*hugs Louise and Kuwairo, Kat, Jet, Zowie and Secrets*

*hugs Ravynsoul* hope things get better soon, a cup of Jasmine tea is at the ready

*hugs Dayna* hope you can have a good weekend and not worry too much about monday

*hugs Mary Anne* am so glad you had a good night

*hugs Mamma Mia* glad everything's sorted with your cousin, I hope you had a good night

*makes sure Ileana is tucked into a nice thick duvet*

I think I did okay today, but I have to be awake again in less than six hours which is not a good start, am going to London for the day as I'm going to see my friend in a pantomime :-D

*hugs all, sleep well*

I did have a good night actually.

Am watching See Hear at the moment online, I love it, it's a programme mainly for deaf people as it's signed but people who are hearing can watch it but wouldn't get the same emotion & enjoyment off it I think :P Now I'm not fully deaf, but do have moderate hearing loss so I love it because I have the best of both worlds for this :P

I am so full of rage right now.
So, so, so angry I'm just on the verge of throwing it all away.
Seriously, when you hate something or someone the way I do suicide is always an option because...how else can you escape what makes you miserable, what causes the rage? Unless you eradicate that very thing...but I can't do that so it comes down to this: It or Me.

I'm obviously not alright and the worst part is that many people where I am will claim they understand but they really don't understand and the implication that they do is sometimes offensive and disrespectful. No one is in my shoes but myself. **** it.

*hugs everyone*

Got about 2 hours sleep last night. I hate this not being able to sleep. Tried nytol last night as well, but it did absolutely nothing. I dunno. Guess I probably ought to talk to the docs about it at some point, cause I have absolutely no energy to do anything anymore. *sigh* I just wish things would go back to normal sometime soon.

Supposed to be going on a walk with a few friends on Sunday, but I think, well if I don't get more sleep before then, I'm going to have to cancel because I just won't have the energy to be able to actually walk anywhere properly, and I love walking so I really don't want to have to do that. *sigh*

Lol. I'm sitting here, feeling tearful, and can't quite manage to cry. I had an idea to try and cut down on my SI, and I don't know if I can be ****ing bothered any more. Bleh. And it fails how I'm listening to a favourite song of mine, and thinking 'oh hey, those lyrics seem kinda fitting' x_o

I pray for something,
A quick demise,
Something, substitute a restless mind,
Call the doctors,
Call the gods,
You can't call anyone,
To save me now

Hey Hana, I love walking too, If you can at all I'd go on the walk because it might give you that energy boost that you need to sleep - I know that sounds bizarre but it might work *hugs* hope you get some sleep though so you do feel a bit better.

*hugs Dayna* stay strong hun *offers another hug*

*hugs Ileana* hope the rage goes, think of the people that care, and don't forget you can always talk to the people who do understand and try and forget those that don't.

*hugs Mamma Mia* glad you had a good night :)

*hugs everybody who pops in* am off to London :)

Yeah, I think I get what you mean, it could just work. Looking at the weather forecast for Sunday though, it looks like we probably won't be going anyways, but I guess we'll just have to see what the day brings. *hugs* have a good time in London!

*hugs Dayna* stay strong sweetie. x

*hugs everyone else*

*hugs Dayna* I've been reading all the updates with housing shiz.Hope it works out. It's just bullshit sometimes hey.

I'm really starting to wonder if we've done something wrong to Mik?? She's up here now getting all her kitchen stuff (and leaving us with nothing pretty much, but we should be getting out own **** but like we can do that when all our money is going to food FFS.) My bf walked out there to get his dinner and said hello, how are you (trying to be civil), and she full on ignored him. It wouldn't have been that she didn't hear him coz I heard from the bedroom. She's there packing all her stuff huffing and puffing away but for god's sake.. what the hell have we done???

The night before we left to go home she left a note on the door saying hope you have a good time blah blah. We had minimal contact throughout the holiday cept for the odd text. She sent me a Text on Xmas day saying Merry Xmas and all that shiz. I didn't send anyone msgs that day hey. I was more worried about how I would cope not about sending msgs to people (sorry if that sounds selfish). Then we get home, and I for one haven't seen her since we got back (probs been 3 weeks now?). Trent has, but she has not said a single bloody word to him whereas he has tried to talk to her.

She was really bitchy and moody when we got back and we didn't find out why till a week later (that the house is going back on the market) but other then that... dunno what else?? I don't know what the hell is her problem. And I feel sad because coz of her, I have hardly any contact with Chris now. We used to be so close but she's such a controlling and manipulative grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Well that ended up being longer than I thought. Basically, I cannot wait to get out of here. There are two possible houses we will be ringing up about on Monday. Fingers crossed. We just have to get out of here.

*hugs Snuffles* Maybe you need to try and talk to her and see whats happened.

*hugs to others* sorry Im too tired to reply individually.

I feel as though I've passed the exam I took this morning, which is good however when I went into town I had a mild panic attack, there were too many people and I couldnt get out. So I came home. Im starting to stress about the next exam now.

Secrets xxx

Sorry, not got much time to reply to people, but thought I'd stop by and leave some hugs for everyone.
Last night was fab. We watched a horror film called Seed and then watched The Dark Knight (Love that film!!) We ordered a chinese and had a great time from 7 to 3.30 :D xxx

Hi everyone,

Just read everyone's messages, sorry not got much energy, just hope everyone is safe tonight.

*leaves lots of hugs for everyone*

Odd day, went to ride Morph but he has cut himself so had to play nurse to a horse instead.

take care everyone.x.

Bleh. I've read through all the posts since my last, but don't really have much motivation to say much, I'm afraid. Sorry about that. If I pull my head out of my ass and stop feeling so damn sorry for myself, I'll check in properly later

Hey Zowie glad you had a good night.

Ravynsoul, hope you're okay, a hug is ready for when you next check in.

Hana, good luck getting out for a walk tomorrow, sometimes I like going out when the weather's bad, it makes me feel more alive, but I also know that sometimes it's the last thing in the world you want to do.

*hugs* Snuggles good luck with everything

Secrets - well done with the exam, keep going, a little at a time and you'll be surprised at what you manage to do *hugs*

*leaves lots of hugs for Katricia*

Mary Anne - sometimes just caring for your horse is as good as riding, sorry to hear about the cut though, hope it's not bad and he gets better soon. My mum is an angel because my horse has really bad mud fever at the moment - her legs are really swollen so mum is spending hours trying to clear it up, bless them. I want to go and visit but I don't know when I next can.

*hugs Dayna* hope things get better.

I've just worked out I've spent about £50 going to visit a friend who I saw for about 2 hours plus 2 hours on a stage dressed as a jester and it was really great to catch up with him, but it's a lot of money. Unfortunately I missed the bus home so had to pay out a full ticket in order to catch the next one, so am now feeling poor. Must find a job.... Plus I ate WAY too much today so am feeling like a lump of lard, must do better tomorrow...

*hugs to everyone and sending out positive, strengthening vibes to everyone that needs a little lift.

am off to bed again - settles down with mug of cocoa and a hot water bottle - tis really foul out tonight :snoozle:

*sends lots of hugs and cuddles and gratefully accepts the ones that were offered*

sorry no words tonite; feeling out of it, drained, and low.

*Hugs Ravyn tightly* Hope you feel better soon.

Nighty night, Wildly, hope you sleep okay

*cuddles Secret* Glad you felt ok about the first exam. Sorry to hear about the panic attacks, they are a bitch sometimes hey. Good luck with ur next one. How many more do you have left? Just take it one a time!

Glad you had a great night Zowie :-D That's excellent. hope it keeps up for you :D

Kat, I hope your doing ok and hope your feeling better *cuddles you tightly*

And Dayna as well, hope your doing better. *cuddles muchly*

Hope your horse recovers quick from the cut Mary Anna =)

*hugs wildly* I despise money, it really gives you the pits sometimes hey. tomorrow i have to get new kitchen stuff and food for a week and a half, and I can only spend $100. Gah.. that will be fun. Take care of yourself..

Ravyn, hope your ok? *cuddles*


I'm ok.. actually, I lie. I'm not ok. I'm struggling really bad with ana thoughts. I fear I'm relapsing >_<

Dayna *hugs back* thank you. How are you doing?

Katie *cuddles back* i'm struggling, but i'll make it through... sorry to hear that you've been struggling too. *hugs* I hope you can stop it before you relapse...

Thanks Ravyn.. *hugs* I think we will both make it through ;) I'll get there.. I think I can stop it.. Not sure.. But I will be ringing my counsellor in the next few weeks.. hopefully she's off her leave lol.

*hugs back* i hope she's off her leave too; good for you for ringing her.

Night all; *leaves hugs*

Thanks, had to cancel our appt before xmas coz I had no money to get there (she's the uni counsellor) and yeah... hope I can see her sometime soon =)

Night Ravyn, hope you have a good sleep *hugs*

My cat keeps dribbling on the keyboard :|

Good morning all [i know it's later for a lot of you; but it's morning here for me]

Zowie - glad to hear you had fun the other night; lol pets are funny like that.. my rats try to climb on the keyboard too.

Katie - Thanks! Hope you're day is going good today.

Hope everyone else is okish. *leaves hugs*

Afternoon all :)

The weather was TERRIBLE las night wasn't it? I had to wait in it for a bus (yes I was in the shelter but still!!) and was peterfied and the bus wasn't coming for ages (as I had to get off desperately to do a wee) so in the end I got fed up and caught a taxi, wasn't too bad in price for once!!! But luckily my boots although they got wet....I couldn't feel it xD

Ugh today I'm just like =/ I was so happy friday night, so hyper all of yesterday and today I'm just like...okay. Dreams didn't help, godammit.

*hugs Helen* Hope today gets better than okay for you. Did you want to talk about your dreams?

aww I love rats, I had such a lovely one...want a rat, and a snake, although not in the same viv obviously ;) although my dad did once fall asleep with the rat out and not realising the cat was in the room, luckily the cat was also asleep. can't have pets in the house plus at least one of my housemates would freak at either of those fantastic little creatures.

*hugs Ravynsoul* hope things are better today

*hugs Helen* mood swings suck, hope the day gets better.

*leaves popcorn and cheesy movies, have job applications to write :P*

Bleugh, I just wrote a big post and my compter crashed, *leaves hugs for everyone*

xx

crying.
sorry.
I can't please everyone.
I finally realise you can never.
*sighs*

I feel like screaming, crying, cutting. Anything.
I was completely right. I asked my 'best friend' if she wanted to come out with me next weekend and she told me that she was busy with everyone else, all the people who are supposed to be my friends. So I texted the guy whos house it was going on at and asked him straight out why I wasn't invited.
He told me that last time I was invited over I got drunk, slept with X and then accused him of rape. X is the guy that started having sex with me while I was asleep. But I hadn't told anyone the truth about that night except my 'best friend', so I asked her why she told everyone what I'd said and if that was why everyone was avoiding me. She texted back 'everyone's just fed up with your behaviour'.
**** them.

Zowie *hugs* I agree with Kat that you don't need people like that (but I see that they are your friends and you don't want to loose people in your life - how I would feel anyway). The image of your cat dribbling on the keyboard made me smile :) Mine likes to sit on the keyboard!

Kat *hugs* hope your mum is doing it in a nice caring way

Helen *hugs hugs* so sorry you are down

Wildy Insane *hugs* was good to hug Morph even tho I could not ride him, he is prone to mud fever too (pink skin), know how your mum feels - washing and picking scabs! How did the applications go?

Ravyn *hugs* how are you getting on? I keep seeing posts from you but I never seem to spot one saying how you are.

*Hugs Snuffles* how are you holding up?

*Hugs Secrets* if I remember right you have another exam tomorrow good luck *leaves Secrets a good luck charm*

*hugs Dayna* how you doing? Hope you are feeling better

*leaves hugs for Kahlia (how are you?) Jetforce, KDoll and anybody else checking in*

Had a quiet day doing housework.
Had the first scary night since living alone - there was a fight outside and someone banging on my door at 1am - I hid under the covers!
Sundays are alwasy a bit of a downer for me as I am alone.

x

*returns hugs given to me today*

I'll be fine again eventually. I just have to ask for help and I'm avoiding it. :S

*hugs everyone* I've read through everything since I last posted, but I'm too tired right now to reply to you all individually, sorry.

*sigh* had an absolutely fantastic time at church, both this morning and this evening, but... well, I'm beginning to feel a bit invisible every time Tom's at home and we don't have people over, because he always seems to just ignore me and play on his 360 unless I ask if I can have a go. Like tonight, we got back from church about 5 minutes ago, and yes, we were at church together but we didn't exactly talk to each other there, because we were talking to everyone else, but as soon as he got home, even before I'd gotten my jacket and shoes off, he was on the 360. *sigh* I just want him to, you know, acknowledge my presence sometimes or something. Or is that too much to ask?

*hugs snuffles* Glad your taking positive steps to try to avoid relapsing, I hope your counsellor helps.

*cuddles Mamma Mia gently* take your time asking for help, you'll find the strength. I agree the weather was awful last night.

*hugs Zowie* I agree with Kat friends like that aren't friends, they aren't worth cutting for though hun.

*hugs Mamma Mia* Sundays were made for doing housework in jamas, and I would have hidden too! My exams tuesday but thanks for remembering.

*hugs Auburn Shadow* churches in my experience are either lovely and friendly like that or cliquey, Im glad you enjoyed yourself. It isnt unfair to ask to be recognised, try talking to him?

I've had a hellish 24 hours, am now stupidly triggered...I don't want to eat either and Im exhausted but cant sleep...I just want a hug from the boyfriend and to hide under a duvet for a while.

I like Sundays, the way I can get out of bed at 11am and not have a panic attack because I've wasted half a day because that's what sundays are for. Have a deep dread about tomorrow though I don't know why. Job applications went well, didn't quite do as much interview prep as I was hoping for but did get a cycle ride in and the weather was lovely, didn't do well again on the whole food front - grr hate food, eat too much.

Hana - did you manage to get out for a walk? hope you sleep well tonight. *offers nice cup of herbal tea to help relax* hope Tom shows you a little attention, men just don't seem to get it sometimes.

*hugs MammaMia* take care hun, be kind to yourself.

*hugs Zowie* they're not worth your tears or anything else, stay strong show them you're better than them.

*Hugs Mary Anne* Sorry to hear about last night, we had random people being scary and ringing our doorbell last night as well, scared my housemate so much she nearly phoned the police. I think I slept through it. *gives tea and a cuddle to help make sunday a bit less of a downer*

*hugs Secrets* sorry to hear you had a bad day, hope tomorrow is better and you get some sleep, good luck revising - don't forget, step by step, little by little, you'll surprise yourself.

*hugs Katricia* good luck with your mum, be strong

*leaves a hug for Ravynsoul when she drops in* hope you're doing okay

*hugs Dayna and Snuffles* hope Sunday went okay good luck for Monday.

*Hannah feels safe here, just going to curl up in the corner and pretend that I don't have to get up tomorrow morning and deal with a monday, the weekend went by way too quickly*

*hugs everyone*

It's Monday again. I dislike mondays. I have to go see my lecturer today about my assignment and I just can't be bothered. I need my bed. I just can't be arsed with Mondays in general. But I have to go, I already missed this meeting once and can't yet again. I am so tired. I'ms truggling but keep going happy. Hmm. Met some great new people at the meet on Saturday who've helped quite a bit today. But I still miss people- I need my dad. I didn't quite have the guts today to ask him if he left because of me...but he'll only worry if I start going on about them splitting for a millionth time and start giving me the "I had no choice and would you rather I'd stayed and people argued and got hurt" stuff =\

ARGH.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want to ask for help.
But I need help.
=/

Nnnrrggghhhhgg. df;gkjdfkgjfdkhgjtkldhjrdkljryh.

In English? 'SHITI'M****INGTRIGGERED'. I don't even know why o_o;.

*Hugs all*

Meep. Getting a little worried about tomorrow. Both my housemate speaking to the CAB and going to the doctor's. She told my dad about my appointment as well, who told my gran, so I bet they're gonna ask about it ._.;;. And depending on how it goes, I ain't gonna want to say. GodI'm****ingtriggereddfklgjrtlkgjeklyjerklyjklrer klger. *Ahem* Anyway. Wish me luck D:

RAWWWWWWWWWR

My ear is being a **** still :(

Huh? What's up with your ear? Sorry if I missed that ._.;

I only just complained about it. I don't even remember posting that?

Oh, well when you said 'still', I thought you'd mentioned it before. Sorry. I'm being a dick atm x_o *hugs*

You're not being a dick hun, I am, don't wory baout it xxxxxx

Noo, you're not either *hugs tightly*

*gives a huge hug to both MammaMia and Dayna* Good luck with everything going on today and the fact that it's monday, have to dash - again - no rest for the wicked ;)

*hugs*