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Oh I was debating whether to see a friend who's having respite care at the moment (I think it's to do with her being suidical and for her severe ADHD and stuff). So I decided to go knowing it'll most likely drain me emotionally as I'm low anyway. Then I was debating what day to go. Decided to go tomorrow, but to text her tomorrow to make sure it's ok (cus I dont want to go all the way to be turned away) or maybe I'll call them. Just really scared you know? =\
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*cuddles* It's not bad to say that at all. It's understandable hunnie. xx
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*hugs Helen and Laura*
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hmmmm :/
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*cuddles Kahlia & Alex*
Fed up. Just **** off please? (This is someone I know online, nothing to do with anyone in here :)) |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!!!
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wayheyyyy :P
thankyou :] *hands helen party poppers and drink* |
WOOOO
ALCOHOL? =D |
champagne!! :P
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Happy Birthday sweetie!!! Hope you have a fantabulous day!!!!
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*jumps on emma and clings*
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whats up hells hun?
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Happy Birthday Alex. :D I hope you have a great day.
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just thought i would pop in to say goodnight. i am off to bed here in my little corner. hugs everyone.
*curls up in a ball and cries self to sleep* |
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Ugh.
My neighbor is giving me a new kitty. He was born a couple of days ago, when he's a bit stronger I'll take him home. Still haven't picked out a name. I haven't been able to sleep well enough. I feel shitty. |
It's 8.15am.
From 7.53am i've been trying to phone my doctors, only to be directed to some crappy emergency doctors, i don't WANT them for **** sake. So i phone at 8.05am and i wait for 10 minutes, with a stupid woman with a horrid voice saying on the other end "Our receptionists are busy at the moment, as soon as we're free we will answer your call", with some ridiculous opera music playing, then a "Thankyou for holding, your call is very important to us" blablabla SHUT UP. So i sat here, rocking back and fourth after spending an hour in dissociation, i'm completely disorientated with my arms in a state. Praying they'll let me have a phone consultation with him. The receptionist says he has none, and i won't beable to talk to him, what do i want another doctor to phone me. No i do NOT want another ****ing doctor, if i wanted another i wouldn't have specified for MY doctor. So i burst into tears, litrali, for the first time in weeks, and i cry "I need help, i suffer with severe depression, i'm not doing well, and i need to speak to him because i've been seeing him for a year and i don't trust anyone else", that is the first time in my LIFE i have admitted that to a stranger - THAT is how ****ing desperate i am. So she says "Right you're on the system he'll phone you later this morning as he's not getting in until 11.30am" - well, why couldn't you ****ing do that in the first place??????? It would have stopped this huge panic attack i'm now suffering from DAMN YOU to hell. Ignorant people. It seems all i have to say is i'm suicidal and they feel all "sympathetic" and get me in on the system. Jesus christ. It shouldn't need to be like that. Damnit. Damn people. I've not slept. I'm so exhausted. Tired. So tired. But can't sleep. Does anyone know if there's something he can give me just for today/tonight?? To calm me down/knock me out? I'm not talking about something like temazepam or crappy diazepam, i NEED something STRONG to work. Please tell me there's something out there for this? PLEASE? Just to get me through today until i see Denise (CPN) tomorrow..just..just until then, then..i can tell her how awful i am. God. Can't do this. |
Ieana - lack of sleep sucks majorly. *hugs*
I really want to cut, but I don't have the energy. Sounds like just about everything in my life at the moment .... no matter what I want to do there just ain't enough energy in the system to allow it. Still waiting on a hospital bed. Not even sure that I care right at the moment. Meh. *hugs everyonee* |
*walks in to say ....
I cooked dinner tonight. I fried four sausages (for me and my friend) and made a greek salad. ... and then collapsed into bed because I'm fricking exhausted* |
*cuddles everyone including Laura lots*
Have had about four hours sleep, feel really tired but awake which is good for me considering. Just got to muster up all the strength I can to get through today, absloutely caking myself about seeing my friend. No idea why. Just nerves I suposse...... |
Helen - good luck *hugs*
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Thanks darling, much appericated. :)
*cuddles* |
*drops by with some alcohol hehe*
Hope everybody is well :-) *squishes ppl* xxx |
Arrrgghhh I have a stalker! He keeps messaging me on myspace and coming round my house to give me things.
He actually baked me a cake! He came round last night and asked if I wanna go for a drink today so I said I'd think about it. Phoned my friend and asked if she'd come with me, and then I can tell him to leave me alone. She said yes, so I phoned him and said I would and then my friend cancelled. So I'm all alone with this creepy guy and I have to tell him to leave me alone. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! |
*hugs zowie* just be tactful and tell him to f* off
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get another friend to cal you so you can leave! :-D
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I think I'm just going to go meet him and tell him nothing will ever happen between us. He's sweet enough but very very annoying.
My dad says going to meet him for a drink is leading him on, but I'm doing it to let him down. I'm not getting his hopes up am I? |
*crawls in with a doona* I'm not coming out til this ****ing awful day is over!!
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*hugs everyone*
Dont have words right now. Today's been pretty horrible. Woke up feeling bad, and it's just gotten worse throughout the day. Wanna cut... but I can't cause I gotta go out tomorrow night. *sigh* |
*leaves hugs for everyone*
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*leaves hugs*
Got through today. It helped a bit. Just feeling so low and my legs are really bad tonight :( I wanna cry, cut, cry, cut >.< |
:( I need to study and I don't want to.
I'm sooooo distracted :( |
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I am rather confused as to weather i want to or not. I so hope that i will get hit by a bus or something out of my control will end it just so its less impacting on people. |
*joins the 'I can't study club'*
I have two seminars tomorrow and have been trying to do the reading for 4 hours but keep getting distracted :( |
Today should have been my Grandpa's birthday but he passed away nearly 6 months ago. On 5th November it will be six months. He was the one person, along with my Grandma I really trust, who helped me no matter what I needed and understood. He knew when I needed a hug and when I needed to be left alone. I didn't visit the weekend before he died and now I'm never going to see him again. I'm struggling today :crying:
And to top it off today is also 6 months since my exboyfriend cheated on me with my friend and for some reason this has been really bothering me for the last few weeks and all I have heard today is about their anniversary celebrations via facebook and mutual friends. I just don't need it. :crying: :crying: sorry to whine x |
I just want to be gone.
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*hugs Iofmany* I don't have words right now but I'm sorry x
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*leaves hugs*
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He didn't call back.
I told everyone he wouldn't. Everyone told me he would, that he wants to help me. Lies, all lies. Another desperate night ahead. That's the last time i ask for help. |
who are you talking about Laura hun? Your doctor? *hugs*
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Yes, my GP.
My "wonderful" GP who heard me this morning in a good amount of distress, begging for help. My lovely GP who said he'd phone the on call psychiatrist to see what he's to do, and never got back to me. Waste.Of.Space. Oh well. |
Maybe he couldn't get hold of the on call psych? He still should have called you back but maybe he wanted to see if he could sort something out rather than call with no news? I don't know. He was still wrong not to call even if he didn't have anything helpful, I was just trying to look at it from his view maybe?
*squishes* |
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xxxxxxxxxxxxx |
GGGRRRRRR!!!! sorry, had to scream for a minute. is there a padded room anywhere in here? i think it would be a safer place for me than where i am right now....
sorry for that outburst y'all, just really pissed right now *returns to corner, to try to stay safe* |
argh. sorry, guys. seems like I never support or anything while I'm here, and I really will rectify that... when I can...
First time in a long, long time, that I've actually had suicidal thoughts, but they're all there, back with a vengeance tonight. I'm absolutely desperate to cut, but... I really don't want to the night before a mate's party... two days before I go to help my nan move house.... it seems so pointless, but so does the rest of life at the moment, so... anyone give me hugs or something to make something seem worth it? |
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*hugs everyone else then crawls under a bed and cries* |
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Extreme language & possibly triggering
G.D. Life sucks. *hugs everyone* |
*hugs you tight*
I really wish I had words to help... or anything. It's 3am here, and I'm not tired. All I can think about is cutting or overdosing. I just want everything to stop happening. Things that happened 5 years ago are coming back to bite me on the bum. The people that have told me to phone them whenever I need, well, they'll be well and truly asleep by now, and I don't want to disturb them, they've got their own lives too, they can't be there whenever I can't sleep. It's all just a stupid mess of me not doing what I should have a long time ago. |
I don't know if anyone else will find this amusing ... but I thought it might bring a smile to someone's face ... and if it does that and helps anyone at all then ...
"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." Carl Sagan |
*drops into the psych ward feeling a bit lonely* :-( sigh
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