-hugs sarah- why does your head feel funny, hun?

*Hugs Sarah* Are you ill dear?

*Hugs Kitty* It's almost 11.00. Time for bed in the not too far future. How are you this evening other than bored (well, night for me, afternoon for you, so I'm not completely sure where evening came from).

-hugs lia- Evening is a nice in-between of night and afternoon. And I'm fine.. How are you?

Just a bit spaced out, feels like nothing is real. Like being in a dream. Sorta like that. *cuddles Kitty and Lia*

I think I am going to go watch a movie...I will be back later.. -hugs ward-

-sighs- nevermind..I'm back..

What happened lovely?

*huggles all*

sorry i haven't been around. not been doing too well.
trying to work out what to do. haven't told anyone irl yet. don't want to upset/hurt them. things just getting a little out of control. have a psych doc appointment on the 19th and a gp appointment on tues. think i'll have to talk to the gp about it but don't really want to. am scared they will want to send me ip and i really don't want/don't think i can handle going ip. i know it's stupid and i should be putting my life first and thinking about what effect it can have on other people but the hospital scares the life out of me...

sorry. :-(

Nothing happened. I'm just in one of my off moods today. I go through periods like this where I am extremely bored. I constantly look for something to do but nothing sounds good. Then when I decide on something to do I change my mind because either it's not really what I want to do or my husband won't do it with me (i.e. play games, watch movies, etc.) and I lose interest. When I get like this I often want to find something to do with someone else so I don't have to do it alone...

-sighs- I wish I could just go to sleep and stay that way forever..

-hugs kahlia if ok- I'm glad you weren't able to go through with the plans. You should definitely talk to either your psych doc and/or gp about it. They would want to help you.

Khalia hun, I'm here if you ever need to talk *cuddles tightly*

Poor Kitty, I still want you to wake up so we can still talk *hugs*

School starts again on Monday, and I'm extremely worried about it. I'm worried that my financial aid might not come in on time because of the fact that I had to medically withdraw from last semester, so I did not meet the credit requirements of financial aid. I am worried that I will not be able to do it. If I don't go to school, I will no longer have a counselor or an MD. I can't go get a counselor or MD elsewhere because I can't afford it and do not have health insurance. My biological mom has mental illnesses as well. She does not work. She has never been able to hold a job. I have never been able to hold a job, either. I'd like to say that I will not turn out like her, but, what's to say I won't? What if I can't do it? I don't even know how I am going to be able to focus on my school work with my issues with dissociating so much. I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know what I can or cannot do. And this scares the crap out of me.

I hope my financial aid check comes in, soon. I have signed up for direct deposit, so as soon as my tuition is paid, the rest of my financial aid money should be deposited into my bank account automatically (provided there are no problems with it). But I need to buy another home pregnancy test. I have scheduled an appointment for a free one at a clinic out of town, but that appointment isn't until next Thursday at noon. I would like a home pregnancy test first, though. Now my cycle is late, and the test would give me better results. And if it is positive, I can tell them I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive.

*cuddles Kitty* I wish I could help more :( I'm here for you though, no matter what happens

-snuggles sarah- thanks hun. Sorry for complaining.

you said you had FS come in earlier right, Kitty? (Assuming I'm thinking of the right person) In your state do you have a specific case worker or a "unit" that handles the caseload?

You can talk all you like here, noone minds lovely :) *cuddles*

So achy, buying new trainers tomorrow to see if I can make my back feel better

*Hugs Kitty Sarah and Kahlia*

Sarah, perhaps you're tired. I get like that when I'm really tired. I disoconncect from everything but it's different to disassosiation because I'm still me, I know what I'm doing and I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't normally do, but I just don't feel like I'm doing the things or speaking the words if that makes sense...?

I'm sorry you're struggling so much Kahlia. I wish there was something I could do, but I'm very glad you didn't go through with you're plan. I know how you feel about being scared too, I came so close once and it scared me. And about not wanting to upset people,it's part of the reason I keep so to myself. My friends always tell me they'd rather know though,and I guess they're right. A pysch or something would be used to this sort of thing.

Kitty, at least school will give you something to do, get you out of your home. I love school, it keeps me sane.

*Hugs Crimson* Sorry, didn't spot you there. How might you be?

Sounds about right Lia, but I've only been up 12h, I shouldn't be tired... Strange.

Crimson, yes my husband and I receive food stamps. Basically it's just the DSHS system that controls it. My husband does have a caseworker, but she is there mainly because he is receiving cash benefits from the state as well. He was receiving food stamps first, though, and he didn't initially have a designated caseworker, I believe.

Lia, school stresses me out to the max. I am really socially awkward, and feel less of a human when I'm around a bunch of people. Then there's the stress of getting homework done, which is more of a problem now than it used to be, due to the dissociation issues. School is far from my friend.

-goes to retrieve her big stuffed dolphin and lays it in the middle of the day room floor and snuggles up with it-

I's ok Lia. Fighting to ignore the headache I've got... but that's about it.

Kitty, the reason I ask is, if it's the same as up here if you qualify for FS or TANF you should qualify for Medicaid as well... Has the caseworker given a reason if they won't qualify you? The amount in your bank shouldn't bar you from it if they already know it's to pay your bills (which I assume they do because of the other assistance you are on)...