I'm back. How are you doing Julie?

How are you Owen?

Ugh , well that was unpleasant , went for a walk , was ok until I popped into a crowded supermarket , Had a mini anxiety attack because of the crowds, had to rush straight back to my flat and take a Diaz:( am all anxious , mind racing :(

*cuddles all who want cuddles, and waves at those who don't*

Lindsay, so glad that you didn't jump. :( You deserve better and bugger those who think that you don't deserve help. They're idiots. Have you thought about going to Mercy Ministries? (sorry it's been on my mind a lot lately) - free residential treatment for all sorts of things, and it seems like things have gotten serious enough for you that it would be good. There's a place in the UK but forget where it is... :-/ Just a thought. I dunno. Probably a stupid thought but I am worried about you... *holds you gently*

Kahlia, so glad that you, as well, did not go through with your plan. *holds you gently as well* Things will be okay... things will look up. Aren't you and your housemate looking to move where there is better healthcare? I thought you'd mentioned that awhile back. Just wondering.

Hels, glad your friend is okay!! Worry like that is never good... :(

Nicole/MID, glad that your housemate got in touch with you. What a terrifying thing for a 15 year old to go through... hopefully she'll be able to get some sort of response prevention type treatment... because otherwise I can see her developing PTSD (who couldn't?!). How are you doing now??

Mark, hope the walk helps you feel better. They usually help clear the mind... so I hope that it works for you. You deserve feeling better than you do most of the time - all of you do!! *squishes*

Owen, sorry that you've been switching so much... how are you doing, and how is Julie?

Sorry if I've missed anyone who posted overnight - there were three and a half pages of posts since I went to bed, lol, so sorry... :o

I'm doing okay. Really tired. Hate being tired. :( We're going over to one of Jarrod's friend's houses for a grill-out today. I'm nervous about that as they get caught up in talking "guy stuff" and I don't have anything to talk about. Or we watch a movie and I can't focus on it because I'm **** at concentrating on something if I'm not doing something with my hands. I'll probably end up SI'ing or something. I don't know. :'(

Thanks for the responses last night, guys... I talked with Jarrod and as hard as it would be he is willing to let me apply to any program I want to, including the free 12+ month one. Ugh. I don't think I would like that very much... being away that long... but it's only 2 states away so I would feel closer to him than I would if I applied to Mercy Ministries. But I really don't know...

:crying:

I just need to calm my mind Owen ,Thankyou for the offer .

April , Please try not to S.I. later on, I know how awful it is to not be able to concentrate *Hugs*

Thankyou for the lavender Owen:)

Oh cool , thankyou so much Owen , *Smells the lavender to help his mind calm*

Night Owen :)

specail lavander pillow see

Ohh , Cool , I want one ! :)

Lavender smells lovely.

Lindsay: This ^^ is the treatment I, and numerous other psych patients, receive from our local, and only available, inpatient, community and crisis mental health services. I was refused admission to hospital once on the grounds that I had a "close relationship to my family" so they would be able to stop me committing suicide as family is a strong protective factor. I had to explain to the team that this was inappropriate due to a lack of physical contact through my family being in an area of Australia that was removed from myself and had no access via phone or email. They then told me to go home and watch TV or listen to music as the suicidal ideation, thoughts and plans would disappear.

April: Yes, my housemate and I are intending to move to get better healthcare. Unfortunately we have been forced to delay our move in order to get a more sound financial backing. My god-daughter destroying my computer monitor and my friends refusal to pay for it, and also for the dinner that she and her children enjoyed at my expense that she agreed to pay for on our trip to Cairns, has left me $500 out of pocket, and set us back approximately 4 fortnights on our Brisbane fund. *sigh*

Life goes on. The mood is still very low. The suicidal thoughts are still very high. My housemate is now very aware of them. He is concerned, and we are working hard to keep me out of the hospital. We are also working hard to keep him out of the hospital, because they will tar him with the same brush. It will always be a case of "guilty by association" with that hospital.

*sigh*