*snuggles* What's up Amanda?

just missing my hubby
Today is our 1st wedding anniversary... and we are 6000+ miles apart :(

*snuggles Amanda*
That sucks sweetie I'm sorry

yeah and I posted about it in "Support" and no one cares :(

Hunni it isn't that no one cares... Sometimes it just happens that way. It seems to me that everyone is feeling rather crap atm and that tends to make it hard to support...*massive hugs* folks care hun, really.

((((((((Amanda))))))))

We do care but with all of us all over the world, give it 24-48 hours?

Some blonde idiot I know had caffeine waaayyy too late into the afternoon. Then when I tried to go to bed at around 10pm, realized that two pieces of fabric that I had cut into trapezoids should have been drawn and cut as parts of a cone, think angled lampshade. Got my wonderful husband to help out, another gift. Not enough fabric left to do it in one piece, doing each piece as three. So I wouldn't forget, I've already pre-pressed the hems into shape and pinned it ready to go for the morning. Sigh. And I wanted to make a sun shirt for myself too. We'll see. Grumph.

:crying: kinda mean :sad:

it really sucks how everyone is struggling right now.

a guy on my floor likes me. he was hugging me last night and....yeah....obvious signs became apparent, shall we say ;-)

i love my boyfriend. my boyfriend who is coming from the other side of the world to live with me next year.

but i havent had any male contact for soooooooo long. i don't know if i would say no.

**** **** ****. i don't know what to dooooooooooo.

haven't cut so far. my skin itches every day. argh. i want it. my god i want it so much. it would make everything better im sure of it.

(((hugs))) no it won't honey... I promise, in the long run, it won't.

*hugs you Chloe* You said your boyfriend is going to move to be with you so he obviously cares a great deal about you. Don't sabotage that relationship to have sex. You are worth more than that and cutting and so is your boyfriend. Stay safe x

*hugs my new RYL sister Blondie bear* You can get it done sis, I have faith in you! I wish I could sew and make things like you do :)

*hugs everyone else who needs them*

Ally, Alexx, Hells???? Where are you guys?

I am going to Wales again in a bit so will have no net again until late thursday or maybe friday. Will check back in quickly before I go.

------------- *possible SI/suicide trigger*
I slept really badly last night, spent the whole time dreaming about yesterday, about future incidents of SI, I could hear people having these conversations about it, about ODing, cliffs, everything. Then I woke up and felt awful.
I can't look at anything electrical now without imagining electrocuting myself, and whilst it is kind of scary it is also sort of exciting. I want to cut but I will end up in a+e again and I can't today. I keep thinking how easy it would be. I will be driving almost past a huge popular suicide spot today, one I've considered and I really want to go to it. Not to do anything, just to go there, but I'm not sure if I do that I will come back.

Emma,
Sorry to hear that you are in a bad way today - you went through a lot yesterday and them making you wait around like that for nothing at the end of it wouldn't have done you any good. I would stay away from the popular suicide resort - I live near Beachy Head which is also one and no way would I recomend myself going up there right now (plus the fact that only a few weeks ago we through my dad's ashes of it).
It must be hard having all these thoughts about electrocution - and I really don't know what to say to try and help you get them out of your head - but you have to try. You are worth so much more than that - you need to carry on living becuase you deserve to be happy in the future - I know that seems such an impossibilty right now but you can be and I'd hate for you to miss out on that chance.
I am so sorry this post seems so inadequate to help you with the way that you are feeling but it comes with all the love and care in the world. I hope your trip to wales goes OK and I look forward to seeing you back here in a few days. Please take care. xxx

Thanks Katch :) <----- see you even got a smile off of me. I'm so pleased you joined RYL x

I'm glad I joined to - I so wish I had known about this site a few years ago. It really has become a bit of a lifeline and even though I will have to go away again soon and not be on it - I do intend on being a member for ever - asking for help on it when I need it - and when I don't I'm going to come back and be there for as many people as I can - it almost gives a purpose to what I have been through and I plan on coming out a better person for it. I already find myself thinking about all of you when I am not on line - as if I have met you all, and worrying and caring about you all.
Take care and thank you for the smile :) (that's the first one I have ever done of them - you are honoured. xxx

I am severly pissed off with myself.

I woke up about 9am this morning and went back to sleep instead of getting up to do some work. As a result I slept until 20 minutes ago. Now I'm going to have run around like a complete **** til I've got my UNFINISHED work handed in, I've got until 3pm. Why the **** do I make things worse for myself? Seriously? So it means I'll get called back in for either tomorrow or friday.

*cries* This is the last thing I need today. ****ing have ruined the ONE thing I've worked for ALL YEAR. I just hope to gwad that this doesn't ruin my chance of getting into my uni that I want. But my overall grade is relying heavily on this unit *sobs*

Try and get yourself a little bit more relaxed hun - you won't get anything done if you are panicking - first thing you need to do is leave any posts till later - make yourself a drink and sit down and start your stuff. You have an hour now - and if you have to go back in tomorrow or Friday then so be it - just try and get it done, it is important to you so take your time with it - don't rush it. Wish I could do some for you - but if I did you probably wouldn't pass. Good luck with it Hells, and we will see you later when you have finished it. Love you xxx

Thanks, I haven't got an hour to finish it though. I'm at home, travelling will take 30 minutes at the most. So I want to hand it in before 3pm, because I want to go visit my old school which I still plan to do. So I'll see you in 2-3 hours time. Then I'll check my thread then aswell.

Emma, I don't know if you'll read this before you get back....but PLEASE take care hun. So many of us love & really care about you. Me included. I'm really worried about you and wish I could do more for you xx

*massive hugs* Helen, I hope you are able to get things done to your liking luv. Don't worry about uni right now... I am sure you have done better than you think.

Hey, I want Emma in MY RYL family!!!(Ah, and I was sleeping... It was three something in the morning here lol... Hmm, though that might have been one of the thousand times I woke up last night:pinch:)
Having said that :-D... Emma I am SO sorry you are feeling this way luv *snuggles* I really wish I could fix it for you. I love you so much sweetie. Please, please, please take care hun *massive snuggles*

*hugs her RYL mom* I hope you can get your sun shirt done. Sometimes you just need to do something for yourself.

Cloe, sweetie, cutting won't make it all better. As for this guy, maybe it would be a good idea to not spend a lot of time with him. If you love your BF then it's just not worth it.*snuggles*

*sigh* I am exhausted, feel crap, and would really just prefer not to exist any more. It is SO not cool to 'be done' and stuck alive:pinch: