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frenchhorn 10-04-2011 11:44 PM

can i just die now please, this pain has been with me too long and I can't bare it any longer

Billy! 10-04-2011 11:56 PM

*Cuddles Oliver*
No, please fight it. I know how much you're hurting, but we all love you.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice :(

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 12:43 AM

I'm sorry. I'm at my friends house atm so I can't do anything, but I'm planning what to do in a few weeks when i move out of her house.

risenfromperdition 11-04-2011 12:55 AM

*holds felicia close* am here if you need me darling one. <3

ljmeep 11-04-2011 01:51 AM

anyone else feeling slightly abandoned? Spent most of the day at my parents' celebrating my sister's bday and finally get home and get 2 out of 3 kids out and hubby takes off.

I tried to talk to him about it and he just got pissy about it and left in the middle of it cuz he didn't like what I had to say. :(

*hugs knees to chest and tries not to feel so alone*

risenfromperdition 11-04-2011 02:11 AM

*sits with*

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 03:04 AM

I am so ****ing angry *storms around ward and out into garden*

ljmeep 11-04-2011 03:48 AM

I know exactly how you feel, Oliver. Only mix mine up with a lot of hurt feelings and the feeling of being the biggest damn idiot in the world... sigh.

I'm feeling so damn triggered right now it's rediculous... I was listening to my music, but now I have a huge head ache so... no more music for me :(

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 03:52 AM

*cuddles Kelly* sorry I dont have words right now, I'm slightly less angry but not much.

ljmeep 11-04-2011 03:55 AM

it's ok... i don't think there are any words that will really help me right now, but knowing that i'm not alone and that i have awsome friends does help a little... i just with i could count my husband among them right now. he's acting like a total ass and i'm so damn tired of fighting for something he's obviously not willing to fight for as well... and it just makes me want to cut that much more...

BWchick 11-04-2011 03:59 AM

*Huggles all*

Hey, sorry I haven't been here lately. how is everyone?

ljmeep 11-04-2011 04:12 AM

becoming indifferent ... u?

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 04:35 AM

*hugs all* I'm angry still

how dare someone who doesn't know what BPD is question the fact that I have it when I have been diagnosed by a professional, then she asked what it is so I described some of the symptons, like the mood swings, the impulses, the abandoment issues, the paranoia, the anger outbursts, the self harming and suicidal behaviour, the love hate and unstable relationships and she turned around and said while I have some of that so whats so special about you. I felt like killing her, I dont feel special, I hate having BPD, and she just questioned it.

sorry for the rant just needed to get it out. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *stomps around in the garden*

ljmeep 11-04-2011 04:41 AM

no need to apologize, oliver... that would piss me off too. Tell her that when she goes to medical school, then she can question your diagnoses and how it affects you and sets you appart from her! I can only imagin how hard living w/ BPD or any other disorder could be... I've never been formarly diagnosed though if I had the insurance I'm sure I would be with at least some form of depression ... :(

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 04:44 AM

*hugs Kelly* how are you doing?

ljmeep 11-04-2011 04:49 AM

eh... tried to be nice to hubby and got attitude so still not great... i'm less mad and more hurt by it now...

i did get out for a 'lil w/ my bff and got some chocolate and soda and that made me feel a tad better... but it's really only a bandaid on a gapping wound if that makes sense

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 04:51 AM

*cuddles Kelly* I'm sorry about your husband, but I'm glad you managed to get out with your bff (is that best friend forever??) and chocolate sounds good :)

ljmeep 11-04-2011 05:00 AM

yes bff = best friends forever... we've been bff's since 4th grade. There for each other when our kids were born, her for my parent's divorce, me when her dad died... and both of us there to help us through the process of beating SI

frenchhorn 11-04-2011 05:39 AM

*hugs Kelly* thats really great you have someone like that.

I should try to sleep as its 5.40am here, but I'm scared last night I kept waking up covered in sweat from terrifying nightmares

Laura2.0 11-04-2011 08:34 AM

good morning *hugs all* how are you?

*goes to hide somewhere*

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