*april* I wish there was more we could to for each other too but we are all doing our bestest to empathise and support each other . Just think how much harder it would be if we weren't online !. Also CONGRATULATIONS on getting recognised for all your hard work , I don't understand Uni grades from any country but you must have worked harder than you give yourself credit for , and you get to attend a dinner for it ! Free food , always a bonus :)

*hugs everyone on the ward*
*look out for the whirlwind of cleaning , thats Hayley , stand still and you'll get dusted*

*hugs april* a 3.8 is a fantastic gpa! I think u r being a little harsh on urself there. Good luck with ur longish day at uni. Hang in there.

*hugs kahlia* im sry that your GP was so unhelpful/kinda mean. That really sucks.

*cuddles hayley and helen*

Why is it that every tuesday and thurs when i know i have to get up early, i am not able to sleep the night before. I really dont have time for naps, but if i dont take them i might die later. Urgh.. annoying.

I am not doing all that well right now. My thoughts are moving so fast and just making me more confused feeling. On a good-iah note, I was this * * close to SI last night but somehow managed not too...

Anyway, I hope this 80 degree weather is not an april fools day prank. But Knowing the weather here itll be 45 and sleety tomorrow lol.

*hugs mark* Oops, i didnt mean to miss u! lol

*Whoop!* :woot: Hair dyed, bathroom currently covered in bleach to get rid of hair dye stains!

Kitchen super cleaned! :-D

Time to reward myself with a fag break :-p

*toddles out to smoking shelter*

*cuddles everyone*

Today's turning out...okayish at the moment anyway. Well apart from the fact my best friend is back in hospital, really worried about her for various reasons. Worried about my other best friend too. I was up til gone 6am this morning and got less than 6 hours sleep. Ended up writing 3 of my sisters :p a very very long letter. Opps. Trying to pretend I didn't at the moment or I'll freak out about it. Don't feel tired strangely.

Get to see my dad tonight & his girlfriend =)

Trying to make myself eat something >.> My best friend (the one not in hospital :P) told me to look after myself. Bollocks to that, but I'm trying in a weird way I suposse.

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as not to smell of fags and bleach*

*huggles Helen* please look after yourself the best that you can, and as much as its horrid to be in hospital, if you say there are various reasons that your best friend is in there, then I'm sure its the best place for them at the moment.

*puts on rubber gloves again ready to scrub the bathroom from pink back to white!*

You're right Hayley :) *cuddles*

bathroom supercleaned and back to white! :-D

I need to have a break before I continue though as the pain in my back is getting silly and the muscles in my arms are burning. I've just taken more meds and caffiene though, so hopefully a half hour lay down and I'll be good to go again.:-)

*toddles out to smoking shelter taking puppy sinclair with her again - he's picked up the habbit!* :shocked:

*cuddles everyone*

I am so triggered right now... just want to cut. :( But I don't have anything here that I can do that with... "sadly" - I know it's a "good" thing but I'm sure you all understand the pull... :( I feel so stuck. And I don't see my SW again until Monday. I wish that I could text her like I can my NP (who also does therapy, a fact of which I wasn't aware!!)... but nope, uni counselors apparently have more privacy than do private ones. I don't know... I just want to talk with someone who understands, **** it all. :(

I'm at tutoring right now... urgh. :( I hate being here... I feel so stuck... but that's everywhere right now, anyway, and the only place I know I can cut I can't go to right now because there are people there. ARGH!!!!

Sorry no individual replies, although Hayley, I'm sure your hair looks awesome!! :D

*more cuddles*

Updated my r/v thread...

*hides*

*cuddles April & Hayley*

Keeping myself busy or attempting to. Even if it's daily tasks, ah well :S

Thanks April, my hair looks like it does on my profile pic, just instead of red its more a reddy/bright pink. It's meant to be "fire engine red" according to the bottle but for some reason gets more of a pink tinge to it on me!
I do indeed remember the pull all to well of needing to cut. I remember when I used to go into public toilets when I was out and about 'cos I couldn't even get through the day and what it entailed. All I can say that it is a good thing that you can't can't right now, but I also understand that having those urges and being so triggered is only going to make your tutorial harder to handle. I'm just glad that your able to get on here at the same time. Shame we don't have a resident support worker for us when we're all struggling. Wish I had more words of substance for you. *huggles April*

Well I'm still hurting but that's to be expected with my conditons, but I think I can manage supercleaning the living room now. I want to get flat all sparkling and rid of bad stuff so that I can enjoy Eoghan's leave with him and not be freaking out about my cleaning, the germs and dust....eek! I'm busy tomorrow also being sociable whislt I'm still sane...I hope I've still got the energy, though I've still 5cans of diet red bull in the fridge to help me get through today and tomorrow so I should be fine with that and topped up with coffee and cola and the caffiene in my slimming tablets.

:crazy: this is what I look like with no caffiene
Today I've had 375mg of caffiene so far and so I'm....:woot: *chuckles*

*poss ED trigger*
I've only had 4 satsumas and a few handfuls of raisins today - all negative calories - so only my drinks have counted, about 38cal and what with my cleaning spree its all good. I think I'll be able to eat a 'normal' healthy dinner and not feel the need to purge. I've been really naughty with laxatives past few days whilst Eoghan has been away on exercise. Need to get a grip of myself....but I so so want to get rid of my muffin tops....so so ugly :sad:

*thinks positive - reduce muffin tops by supercleaning more!*

ooh just seen you Helen! *huggles Helen!* we're both keeping this place busy today - but its good distraction. You'll get through the day and then enjoy time with your dad.

Sounds good Hayley :P

I'm having a mad clean of my room, haha, won't stay tidy!!! Hoping to hoover my floor, needs doing!!!

Oh & forgot to say, my best friend is home again :D

Glad that your friend is home again Helen - its nice for you to have some positive news rather than worry. *huggles*

*huggles everyone else* How's you all doing at the mo? Any updates?

I've finished super cleaning the living room. Time for a lie down on my bed before my back breaks and then time to super clean the bedroom. Getting there. Cleaning and RYL psych ward = happy day!

I've managed to ruin my happy day:sad: Whilst resting I sent a text to my parents, siblings and best friends. I wanted to share with them that I was having a sane day and sent a 'kiss bug' mms with it and told them I wanted to take the opportunity to say "i love you" as I don't express it often enough....

replies:
best mate 1: aww thats cute
best mate 2: thanks
dad: you only have to say it once (apparently he got the message twice)

umm....no "i love you too" :-(

Well Hayley they probably do love you but aren't repeating it back. Well...I LOVE YOU =D

*squishes tight*

thanks Helen. It's just I know it can be hard to express how you feel - you as in anybody. But I thought with me taking the first step, its much easier to just say "u 2" in a text. I know that I'm not easy to love 'cos of all my problems, thats why on having a sane happy day I wanted to let them know how much they all mean to me.... and now I just feel crummy..... still a lot haven't replied yet, hopefully its not that they're not replying, just that they haven't read the text yet....hopefully.....

Oh and I love you too Helen, really, I love all of my RYL psych ward inmates. I don't know what I'd have done without you all in here the past couple of months. You all hold a special place in my heart.

We'll always be here for you sweetheart. Try not to let it get you good mood down. *squishes*

I love all the inmates too, we're one big family <3

I'm HUNGRY & my dad's running late (not that he was due til 2 minutes time). Ha, never mind. Thank god I ate some biscuits about an hour ago. Want some more now..

*eats and passes around for those who might want some* :D

*mmm dinner* I've done a pasta salad - I was making it for taking with me to the spiritualist church buffet tomorrow (also making a rice & veg dish) so made a bit extra for dinner. The 'salad' bit is negative calories so I only have to count the pasta and extra virgin olive oil - but thats a good fat so not too panicked. yum yum