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*cuddles everyone*
Congratulations Kahlia x |
How are you today Helen? :)
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*throws some confetti around for kahlia*
*cuddles april, mark, helen, and crimson* *sigh* there has to be something better than this... right? |
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Laura, big cuddles hun. Want to talk about it? |
*hugs helen*
I dont know... im just tired of waiting for things to look up and im tired of where i am at. I wish i was someone else. Which is probably the reason why i want to move somewhere far away for graduate school after next year. I want to just erase me and start over. I doubt that would even work tho... i mean, its not like i could move and then all my problems would go away... and i really dont think u can erase anxiety issues... but it really feels like that is what i need to do. Go somewhere where nobody knows me. Right now i just feel like at any moment, everything is going to just come bursting out of me... and i dont think itll be good if that happens. I'm scared of it. I'm sorry, this is ranting and not making much sense probably. |
It makes sense, just wish I could have some supportive words that'd help right now & I don't...*big squishy hugs*
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its ok helen, dont worry about it.. i'll be fine, i always am... thanks for the hugs *cuddles*
hope you are alright. |
Don't believe you, hope you will be alright though *cuddles*
Far from ok, but I'm fine :D |
lol the whole fine but not fine thing... sounds like we have that in common right now... it sucks kinda.
Hang in there. *squishes* |
Mmm. I kow what you mean,.
*cuddles( |
*huggles everyone*
Thanks Crimson, Helen & Laura - I really feel like celebrating. We have a good friend coming over sometime this afternoon for a movie night and I'm tempted to suggest we either get a Black Forest cake (all three of us like them) or something like that. lol *hugs Crimson* - How are you? *hugs Hels* - What's happening hun? I noticed in your reply to Crimson that you said you were "Struggling, worried, yet kinda ok". Is there anything I/we can do to help? *hugs Laura_Star* - Sorry for butting in, but anxiety doesn't tend to go away with a change of location. I can understand the feeling of just wanting to get away to a place where no-one knows you so you can re-invent yourself. .. Just checking, is that kind of what you meant? It's what I understood from what you wrote but I just want to double check that I didn't misread it. And that feeling that everything is going to burst out of you can kind of be a double-edged sword - like you are scared it is going to happen so you try and bottle everything up tightly, which makes it more likely to burst out. Sorry hun, I'm just trying to explain what I've learnt not put you down in any way, so please forgive me if it comes across that way. Please just be careful, and make sure to take good care of yourself. *hugs you tightly* *hugs April, Mark, Hayley and everyone else* - How have things been going with all of you? *hugs everyone, leaves a plate of Kit-Kats on the table and slips into a dark corner for a power nap* |
*hugs kahlia* dont worry I dont think you are putting me down or anything. And yes, the whole reinventing myself is exactly what i mean (even though i know it probably wouldn't work...) And that is kinda what i meant about the whole bursting feeling. I am trying to hold things in... i always have. But I feel like I am having trouble holding them in right now. Which is super scary for me b/c then people would know all about me.. And idk, i dont want to be seen as weak or stupid... which maybe I am... but.. oh i dont know. I'm sorry for talking about all this.
And you should celebrate! 19 months is fantastic! Have fun! *cuddles everyone* |
*hugs Laura_Star* - Sorry I'm stuck in that habit. Cool. I just wanted to make sure that I was reading and interpreting what I had read close to what I thought. I can really understand where you are coming from hun. It really does seem like an easy option sometimes - actually both the holding things in and the reinventing. It's okay to talk about it hun. This is a safe forum for just that reason, sometimes we have to talk about this sort of stuff. Thanks hun. I am totally celebrating today/tonight. :D
*huggles everyone* |
Hi everyone... wow, losts of posts since I've been out & about!! :P
*does a happy dance with Kahlia* Congratulations, love!! That's awesome. :D I would be so so happy if I were you, so do definitely celebrate and let us know how you enjoyed it. :) *hugs* *cuddles LauraStar* Awh, yeh, I wish I could erase me and reinvent myself starting somewhere else too... but Kahlia - and you - are right, it doesn't work that way... *sigh* ...it would be so much nicer if it did, wouldn't it? What's been going on lately that causes you to want to reinvent yourself? anxiety been awful? *more cuddles* *squishes Helen* The F.I.N.E. thing, I take it? :P what's up, love? *cuddles Mark* Awh, I'm sorry that you gave in to the urges but at least you went to bed early and hopefully didn't get up to SI after that. :( But try not to feel bad, it's just slip ups... you can regain your footing... however, I do know how "slippery the slope is" ... so be careful. *squishes* I'm here if you need to talk. Anytime - and the same goes for the rest of you. :) I'm exhausted. I just got up like 20 minutes ago (around 5:45am) but I really could use a nap right now... I have tutoring this morning then classes this afternoon... grrrr... don't want to do any of it!! But I did manage to get the extension on the exam so that's a relief... :) ...it was originally due today but when I told the prof about how bad my anxiety has been lately, he was very understanding and said to take as long as I needed to get it done. WHEW!!!! Anyway. I am getting closer and closer to the edge... :( |
*hugs Kahlia* 19 months is an awesome acheivment , Well done :-)
*Hugs for everyone else to* , sorry for lack of individual replies I just don't have the energy atm . I have to leave the flat to get milk and then for a nurses appointment later which I am dreading , not dreading the appointment just the walking across town part to get to her, she listens and has good advice I am hopeing she will say something that will fix me although I know that it's not that simple and won't happen I can hope right? April*Hugs to you* It goes both ways you know you can talk to me anytime too . I am all too aware how slippery the slope I'm standing on is :( I've had enough of THIS.........enough of feeling the need to harm ugh.......enough of being flat . |
I've had enough too, Mark... but I don't know how to stop it. I really, really want to SI right now... I'm home and won't be going anyplace for awhile, still in my jammies, but, oh, ARGHH!!!!!! :crying: I hate my life so much. Nothing ever seems to work out and right now... well, I need to put that in my r/v thread. Again. It helps sometimes... I don't know... I feel so pointless, worthless, useless, unloveable. :(
I feel like a slob. I haven't even done my hair yet today. :( Not even brushed it out from the braid I put it in at night. Not gotten dressed either - am in my pink flannel Eeyore pants that say "whatever" on them and a striped Aeropostale longsleeve shirt. And my feet are cold. I just want to go back to bed but I don't want to if our landlord will be coming back to finish up our ceiling... :crying: Sorry, that was so disjointed & such a mess... |
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Oh and don't worry about what you landlord thinks about what you look like it's not his buisness to judge you . As for your cold feet try these * Hands April super warming socks* I Read your rant-vent thread , please be safe mate *Extra Hugs* |
I wish that I would just die. Life is too much for me and I want nothing from it.
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*cuddles to all*
I'm really struggling. Just didn't realise how much?? I think just because I had a couple good days, it wiped out all the bad ones before that from memory, if that makes sense. Yet I remember other people (well my best friends) not being okay. But keep trying to block out me not being ok. If that even makes sense? All came to a head on Tuesday night, well Wednesday morning. Was talking to one of my best friends for over 3 hours about how I'm spiralling downwards & so fast, apprantly my best friends are trying to catch me but I'm going too fast & they're worried. They must be right, they are the people who know me the best :) Sorta realised it for myself yesterday. But everything's fine. I'm fine. Don't need any help. I'M FINE FINE FINE :@ :'( Sorry for lack of individual support.. |
*cuddles april* yes it would be nicer to just be able to reinvent myself. There has been a lot going on that makes me feel like this... its just all kinda been building since my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. Thats when i first got this idea that i needed to get out of here, and even tho now I am a lot more okay with the whole situation than i was... that feeling hasnt gone away at all. Plus, Im just so tired of having social anxiety issues ruin my life... I hate it. Like in class or whatever, i'll actually have something legitimate to say and ill try to raise my hand (to get my participation points) and a huge wave of anxiety comes over... not usually a panic attack but still pretty sucky. Idk. I just want out.
Anyway, enough about me... I'm sorry that you are feeling poorly but Mark is right, you are not pointless or useless or any of the other things you said. I'm glad that you professor gave you an extension, that was very nice of him. Keeping hold on, I know its hard, but you can do it! *hugs* *hugs mark* I understand what you mean about wanting someone to say something that will fix you... it sucks that it doesnt really work like that. I always find myself waiting for quintessential moments that never actually happen heh. Anyway, I hope you are okay. *hugs lindsay* I'm sorry things are so hard right now, but you can keep fighting. Stay strong hun. *cuddles helen* Hun, you don't sound fine... Maybe try to let your friends help. Keep talking on here if it helps. I'm sorry i dont have much advice right now. |
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