I can't handle this guys. Any of it. Everything's going wrong, and there's nothing I can do. Well, there's one thing I can do...but I don't want to. Not this time. But what other choice do I have? I can't cope. Nothing helps. I can't do it anymore.

Ugh! I did so bad!
I don't want to talk about it with my mom, because I know she'll tell me,
"You did wonderfully, Ashley."
Even though I know I didn't.
Ugh...

Sorry guys, just a quick drop in to offer hugs. I will try to reply individually tomorrow. Am trying not to freak.

*hugs and blankies*

*offers hugs to all*

My hand is super itchy under the cast .....

*hugs you all, everybody*

good luck to everybody having exams, Secrets YAY for eating :)

sorry to hear you don't feel you did well Ashley, next time I'm sure you'll ace it, we can't be brilliant all the time :)

Arwen, you will find a job, I know it sucks, but you gotta keep trying

*hugs to all the new guys, offers tea and ginger cake*

will start writing individually again but have too much to catch up on right now, so I just hope that you all get through the day okay and keep fighting.

I had a lovely time visiting my friend. I saw wild dolphins :)

*curls up in the corner and cries*

*curls up and dies*

Good luck to everyone who has exams and last min Assignments to do xxx

Im sorry Im not supporting today but I feel totally washed out and very very low :(

Im not sure if its being half on one med and half on another until I totally swap in a couple of weeks time.

Love Jade xxx

You know I'm always here for you Jade. Love you sweetie, you'll be okay, you got me and everyone in here on your side I'm sure :D It's going to be tough but ok xx

secrets... you worked hard towards these exams.. so try and relax and try not to be sressed i know its hard iv been there.. just put in the effort that u done and dont give in...
i used to love exam time... the whole... oooo jesus effect lol

****! I HATE traveling!
Especially with my Gran!

So I haven't been able to cry over having done less than perfect on Tuesday, and so I've been a little short tempered.
Today I just happened to snap because I felt like I was being interrogated and prodded for information,
so I flew off the handle a little bit.
It wasn't even that bad.
I just got really tense and was like "I don't wanna do this! I just want to frikkin eat! I don't want to be interrogated!"
And suddenly to my Gran, I became an ungrateful, selfish little girl, in her words.
So me and mom went and talked about stuff and sorted that out,
and I was able to cry about my performing,
and I come back into the hotel room, and Gran's still bitching.

Lucky me, I still have two days' car ride with her...

My bone in my wrist is definitely broken so it's a cast for me for about 2 months. Therefore I'll only be writing little bits but I'll be reading everything.

*offers hugs to all*

*hugs Ashley* good luck with your gran and all your performances

*hugs Kalia* hope you are okay and I hope the wrist isn't too much hassle

*hugs Secrets* good luck in those exams, take a deep breath and don't panic, you can do this

*hugs Lucy* how are you?

*hugs Helen* hope things are better today

*hugs Jade* was the apprentice fun ;)

*hugs to anyone else dropping by or hiding in a corner*

gotta dash a million and one things to do :P

*IS NEW HERE*

Can't stop crying, wraps my arms around my self imagining it was her- or someone that cared enough to never leave me no matter how insane i am.

my issues all untreated by proffessional help
eating issues
cutting
borderline personality disorder
anxiety
ocd

I dont trust doctors thats why i came to this web page. I dont want to get locked up for real- i have a fear or being volnirable to others.

*sits rocking in the corner crying feeling very alone*

*BANGS HEAD ON WALL*

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

why cant she just be there? WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO PUSH ME AWAY.

Hello Lost Girl *offers a hug* who's pushing you away? loneliness is one of the most horrible emotions to deal with, but you are not alone.

my girlfriend =(

*hugs* relationships are tough, have you tried talking to her about it? Is she struggling with things too?

I have tried talking to her and she just tells me whatever and that she doesnt want to talk about it right now :-(

I'm meant to be at a training course in ten minutes. It's at a place which takes me an hour to get to. Whoops. Don't really want to go to it (even though my horoscope literally said 'travel for a training course)!!!
I think I'll call and say it's not for me.
My dad will be annoyed because it's not like I have anything else to do. But this course looks useless. It just says it helps you with CVs and interview skills. Which I'm fine at.

I hate when people say that, "you have nothing better to do", when people tell me that its like you have no idea what I have or want to do- you just know what you would rather me be doing.

lol Im a loser i cant figure out what CVs means =)

I hate it when people go "so what DO you want to do?" I don't know because I haven't done it yet doh! CV and interview skills, very useful, but there's only so much they can tell you. *hugs Arwen* your dad sounds a bit like my mum lol.

Lost Girl, CVs are Curriculum Vitaes aka resumes

I called them and said it wasn't for me.
I guess I'll have to fib to my dad and tell him they told me I was off the register because I forgot to come today. He'll still be disappointed, because I always forget appointments, but at least this way he can't say I'm being lazy.
Which I guess I am.

sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world just to get motivated to do something, I don't think it's being lazy *hugs*

*hugs wildly insane* thanks for the hugs and support. Good luck with your busy day!

*hugs Lost Girl* welcome, I'm often around if you ever want to talk.

*hugs zowie* you aren't lazy, sometimes things aren't worth the hassle, and you have to be the judge of that. Maybe spend today looking for another course you may find useful?

I'm not doing well at the moment, am trying to pluck up the courage to post though haven't yet managed it.

Kahlia, OUCH, sorry to hear that but I hope you have a speedy recovery ;)

Hannah, errr things are sorta calm at the moment, not flying off the handle so far. But mum & one of my sisters is now in Turkey, lucky sods. But wee Charlie (one of my sister's dogs) is really really really poorly. My sister even is giving me her laptop lead (we have the same laptop) so I can babysit him when my dad's gone again. Am so worried though :(

ARRRRGH how the hell am I going to write 2x1500 words assignments in less than 54 hours or something :/ Have started one, written 12 words so far LOL.

*shuts up*

I'm having a drink with my sister tonight :)

i cant do this its too hard. im at a friends at uni but all i can think of is hurting myself how pathetic am i. seeing the cpn 2moz and psychiatrist monday but its soooo hard. :(

*hugs alliwant* I'm sure you're not pathetic, I hope your visit with the cpn goes well.

*hugs Arwen* hope you have a good evening

*hugs Helen* sorry to hear about the dog, good luck writing those assignments, I'm sure you can do it, it's more a matter of just attacking it, thinking about it is a whole lot worse

*hugs secrets* try to eat hun

me, I've had a little bit of alcohol and am worried about going out tomorrow and am feeling down about job applications, I feel like I'm just getting something so wrong.

feeling like im not worth a thing- I let people in only to regret it

Still no assignments. Only written 12 words. I am nothing but a failure. Charlie is sitll poorly, he hasn't thrown up yet but debating whether to put him into his bed (he's having nightmares so can't move him yet anyway) and go to my bed. Or stay downstairs to keep an eye on him....

Feeling quite **** here. Housemate had to go to hospital today. Had some tests done. ...She's...got cancer. It's early, thank ****, but still :/. It's what killed both her parents. I dunno how I feel, really. She's confident that it'll all be fine, isn't scared/worried/whatever at all. I just feel more...upset, I suppose? She's gotta go to hospital again tomorrow morning, so I'm going with

*hugs Todlich* sorry to hear that hun, I hope your housemate isn't in denial or secretly supressing her fear, hope the trip to the hospital goes okay.

*hugs Helen* whatever you do don't panic it makes everything a whole lot worse, hope th dog feels better this morning

*hugs Lost Girl* you are worth a lot, unfortunately people end up hurting us and we don't understand why, don't stop letting people in, I know it's hard but it's the only way we get anything back.

*hugs everyone feeling low and lonely, hiding in corners or curled up in balls, anyone wanting to cry or to scream or anyone silent or scared*

I didn't get much sleep last night so am a bit tired, but am determined to be positive today. I will care about the people that turn up tonight, not the people who don't. Last day temping moving back in with my parents tomorrow due to lack of funds. So to treat myself I've just reserved to gorgeous baby girl rats I'm picking up tomorrow, am so excited.

*hugs Mammamia* How are the essays coming along this morning? Aim to do them in small chunks and see how you go. Poor charlie, give him cuddles it'll make you both feel better.

*hugs zowie* I hope you had a lovely time with your sister, sounds like fun.

*hugs alliwant* would your friend understand how your feeling? try to be as honest as possible with your cpn and psych.

*hugs wildly insane* i can sympathise with the job applications at the moment, I've been turned down by so many but unfortunatly it's the economy right now you aren't doing anything wrong. Rats sound like fun and a lovely treat!

*hugs lost girl* you're worth more than you think.

*hugs Damnation* your feelings are naturally, going to the hopital with her is really kind.

Things are spiralling downwards, I thought I'd realised but I can't accept it. Ah well revision beckons

I had a nice night. But I became really spaced out, the weird kind where my eyes roll up, and couldn't concentrate. It was really annoying.

The assignments are not going to get handed in, I don't care to be honest, I have to re-take the whole year. Charlie's feeling much better or seems to be. Didn't throw up last night :D So he *should* keep his lunch down today. We don't normally give him any but as he hasn't been eating much (we starved him til 7.30 last night), he gets to have some. Though he does still seem to want to sleep lots....

she does but shes got her own problems. i was in such a hyper today due to lack of sleep and pro plus. my mood is dropping rapidly and i dont want to fight against it i know i should its just hard. just want to run away back to uni. everyone says im looking better but all i can think about is dying :( could do with a hug

*hugs alliwant* maybe sharing them together would help? Have an afternoon nap, it may help your mood.

*hugs Mammamia* is there anyone you could speak to before the deadline to let them know you won't get them in on time?

It's too hot today.

I think I've just about given up

Why do I sleep so much??

right ive come back from uni for the weekend or appointments etc and i find out mum has moved most of her stuff out o the house and into the her fiancee house. and was like yeh i want the house up for sale asap i was like ok then i knew it was happening but it was allways in the future not now. means ive gotta move out of the house ive lived or all my life yes i have extremely bad memories their but that was my house. it all seems to be going at 100 mph i know i am at uni and it wont affect me much apart from holidays. dont get me wrong im glad we are moving but god didn't expect it so quick. my mood is really low and thinking about the future i cant see one for myself. everything is soo hard now even seeing my friends and playing the sports that i love. im panicking and i don't know what to do

I hereby declare 'blah'.

And I want a cigarette. Even though I don't smoke :thumbup:

*hugs cheryl* upheaval is always stressful, not sure what to suggest to you but try to stay calm, sorry im not more help but my head is all over the place
*hugs to anyone else that wants them*

*hugs Mammamia* don't give up, uni wrk won't be forever honey.

*hugs zowie* sleep i good, especially naps. Sometimes your body needs the rest.

*hugs cheryl* I can imagine thats bittersweet, have you spoken to your mum about how you feel about it? hope your appointments went/go ok.

*hugs damnation* blah isn't good, though I do agree today. Its just too hot to do anythin.

*hugs Eclectica* have a lovely week away! And your birhtdya i the day before mine!

I just want to scream right now.

Uni work may not be forever, but life is.

*Hugs back*

Ech, you and me both. Well, with the cravings, anyway. Phantom smoke smell's back =D! So my mind's been like 'getafaggetafaggetafaggetafag' <____<;;;;;;.

You has fun in Bristol with the Blankinator though, yes?

And as for Vetis, do your best to control him. You're better than he is, just you keep remembering that <3

I'm home, and I have decided that I am safe enough to check outta here.
I'll drop by de temps en temps, but I think I'm good to go, for now.

Thanks everyone.
*leaves huggles for all*

:'(

I can't

friday night/early saturday morning hugs for everybody

The evening went well, I was surprised at the number of people that turned up, although was rather stressed at worrying that people weren't enjoying themselves and I couldn't talk to everyone all the time. I'm not the best conversationist so it was difficult to try and keep every one happy. I really hope they had a good night. I did which is good as was really quite worried about it.

Hugs Kat, hope you have fun in Bristol :)

*Hugs Todlich*Hugs Helen*Hugs Secrets*Hugs Arwen*Hugs Shadowedseraph*Hugs Cheryl*Hugs Alliwant*

Sorry I don't have the words right now, I would love to say something to make you all feel better, but I can't, so I can just hope that things get better for you soon, take care, hugs :)

Sounds like you had a good night Han. If you want to talk to Jade, she'll be back in a bit. Fancy chatting on msn though? I'd like to talk to you more :) xxxx