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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Kahlia1981 11-12-2013 04:04 AM

*offers safe hugs to Matt*

Matt: It's good that you are aware you aren't doing crash hot and have been able to try and distract yourself. I hope things get better but please keep talking to us here.

LizzieRose 11-12-2013 12:21 PM

I'm scared of what I might do to myself...

YodaBearInterrupted 15-12-2013 07:22 PM

Thanks Kahlia. *hugs* I have a bad habit of turning in on myself when I get upset or start getting deeply depressed/psychotic... so sometimes it is hard for me to allow people in and to tell them what is going on with me.

*hugs Alexia* whats wrong hun?

I am not doing so well either... trying to write it out in my journal but its not helping very much right now at all

YodaBearInterrupted 16-12-2013 01:18 AM

I feel like I am being watched. Like they are waiting for me to slip up to take me away. I texted a friend some hours ago that I wasn't doing well and he hasn't texted me back yet. I texted him again a few minutes ago telling him he may have to call if it continues to get worse. He took my phone and wrote down the numbers (my old psych and the hospital numbers) last time I was in crisis so he could call them if needed. I hate myself for letting him get those numbers. I am a bad person... always helping others and getting nothing back in return. I want so badly to give up right now

Kahlia1981 17-12-2013 10:18 AM

Matt: *hugs* I think we all turn on ourselves, to varying degrees, when life gets tough or we become extremely unwell. Are you able to write down what is happening when you are not doing so crash hot? I'm wondering if it would be easier to give something written to people during times like that so you don't have to actually speak. I know the feeling of being watched and of people waiting for us to slip up. The good thing is that you have managed to text your friend. I can understand you not being happy with your friend having those numbers but you appear to have at least a little faith in him, that he will only act if you are truly in a crisis. *hugs*

Really not coping now. It's getting worse the closer we are getting to christmas. Never a good time of year *sigh*

YodaBearInterrupted 19-12-2013 10:35 PM

Thanks Kahlia *hugs* yeah, I write quite a lot... sometimes it ends up being like 10 pages in my journal. I do usually include what is going on and how I am feeling as well. I am scared to give them anything cause I do not know what they will do with it since it would kinda discuss about how I have been kinda suicidal at times... and last time the wanted for me to go and get a psych assessment or drive me to Woodburn. Woodburn is a short-term psych hospital. So I really feel caught between a rck and a hard place right now. I dunno what my friend would do either if I were to text him and say that I was kinda sorta suicidal. A few other friends know as well, but they have been pushing hard for me to either go back to seeing a new psych and get back on meds or go to Woodburn and take a "break". They know though, that I would rather attempt suicide first than be hospitalized.

By the way, what happens if you call a crisis center but then get too scared to say anything and hang up? Do they call you back or something?

Kahlia1981 20-12-2013 12:19 PM

Matt: I understand regarding preferring to attempt suicide than be hospitalised. In a lot of respects I am the same. Just a thought but could you re-write some of your journal to remove the parts you really don't want other people to see - maybe write that you have had suicidal thoughts instead of that you have been suicidal - and that may give you something you feel able to pass on. *huggles*

With regards to a crisis center, I can't answer for all of them obviously. The ones I have experience with here in Australia will often hang up after waiting for you to speak and then ring back if the number shows. Others will just expect you to call them back. Most try to get you to say something... anything on the phone, but it can depend on the person on the other end of the phone.

YodaBearInterrupted 22-12-2013 12:00 AM

Thanks Kahlia for answering my question and responding back to me *hugs* I hope you are doing okay as I crash and burn. I might end up calling tonight since its going poorly and I really don't care what I do right now and am kinda unsafe

*hides under a blanket on the couch*

Kahlia1981 23-12-2013 12:48 AM

Matt: *huggles* This time of year I find extremely difficult. Please try and keep yourself safe. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things improve.

YodaBearInterrupted 28-12-2013 03:28 AM

*hugs Kahlia* Hope that you are doing well and this month isn't too bad for you. I am doing okies, not great though.

*puts down smores and cookies on the counter and some milk and water*

Kahlia1981 29-12-2013 04:08 AM

Matt: *hugs*

YodaBearInterrupted 04-01-2014 07:27 AM

*hides in the corner till its safe again*

Kahlia1981 05-01-2014 02:33 AM

*offers blankets to Matt* *huggles*

YodaBearInterrupted 05-01-2014 03:54 AM

Thanks Kahlia, its cold here for the next few nights. I am just tiptoeing the edge of a cliff right now... one slip and its over :(

m0nk 05-01-2014 03:43 PM

im so nervous about this. im about to take the theory test to begin taking driver licence. i cant concentrate almost. i need to read part 4 and 5 in the book "road to driver licence". then any day during next week i might go down to MOT to drop in for a theory test. i dont know where to stand cause im so nervous. if i fail i get suspended for 2 weeks until i can retake the test to pass it. if i dont get it right during before the end or march i have to wait til next october before i can complete the licence 100% cause i need night driving wich i can only take from october to march. wish all of you best of luck in finding focus, concentration and hope you remember and can find yourself to relax inbetween stressing times. remember to breathe if in disarray, it helps. :D

m0nk 05-01-2014 04:42 PM

/me manages to get out of the ward and steals with me a bit of cash to go to the town mall to shop horrendously many different things only your imaginations could explain if you relly needed them at the time you were in desperate need of something and redecorates the ward with shiny walls of hope and glittering furniture that spark a bright day and puts food in the cooler candy on the table aswell as non candy food like fruit on the living room table and removes any trace of sharp items for needed reasons cleans the rooms so that they smell fresh and clean so the air is suitable for a breathable atmosphere. lays card games on the tables, hangs posters on the wall, video games in front of the tv's, tells everyone to get showers and rest, organizes new clothes on the clothes rack, indoor shoes and hats, phluffy stuffed pets for whomever that needs them, and a new attic appears at the end of a 20 stair staircase with lots of warm blankets and a heater in the middle of the room in case people needs to relax, there is now a door bell incase "the wardens" would mind coming visist us for treated medical care everything from right hand lotion to scratches the cat that came with the furniture was misbehaving(naughty carol and clark(yes he's called by supermans human name since he likes to climb lamp poles and jumps from them)), new lamppoles everywhere so that it gets visible during night time so that fright is easily conquered, many mini stereo's so that people can listen to music if down and restless, several new laptops and a high speed internet subscription that the wardens agreed to when they found me strolling around town, magazines about all you can think of reading - atleast one for each and everyone, new time schedule to go walks with the wardens when you feel you want fresh air, new separate time schedule to talk with wardens if you feel you have a heavy heart - non commitable, new arconditioner units in the house - ward - separate rooms, trips in the new minibuss every tuesday and thursday for those who wanna get out and see the hills and the trees on the other side of the mountains, activities ward for those who wanna be handy - everything from small boxes to handmade rugs, saturday is pizza night - stay out or order takeaway or take in\home, theater studio in a separate big room - movie night out monday wednesday or friday at your own choice, shopping service so that if we run out of food items we can call shopping service to shop for us if we are lazy and wanna stay inside the ward, big kitchen if we wanna make our own food - no more warden food, excersize evenings sunday so that we actually sleep to monday instead of stressing about the beginning of a new week so we can sleep cause of tired, new cellphones for everyone just to keep in touch if we get lost or wanna hide from beeing found if in need of hugz or support or care.

YodaBearInterrupted 08-01-2014 08:06 AM

I was bad tonight :(

*goes to the corner and stares at the wall with a blanket*

shadow13 08-01-2014 03:45 PM

I see a lot of new faces. Some of you may remember me from 2010/2011. It's been 3 years, 3 months, 16 days since I've done anything to myself. I'm here today because for the past few weeks I've been thinking about hurting myself again. Or just disappearing altogether.

I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I barely eat and I feel sick all the time. No one knows it's gone this far. So today, I'm back home, here with all of you.

Kahlia1981 10-01-2014 12:00 AM

Shadow13: I'm an old-timer on vets, particularly the virtual psych ward (VPW) and have seen many people come and go over time. Whilst I'm sorry that you need us again, I'm glad that you're able to use this forum to reach out. You've made quite an achievement being SI free as long as you have and I'm very encouraged to see you've reached out for help prior to doing anything harmful to yourself. That alone tells me that you are very self aware. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with thoughts of self harm. Is there a reason you can think of that has rekindled these thoughts? I can understand wanting to disappear altogether. Having trouble sleeping, concentrating, eating and constantly feeling sick may be caused by anxiety and/or depression but it might be worth getting checked by a doctor (GP) just in case something physical isn't quite right. I hope you get what you need here. *safe hugs*

Matt: Firstly *hugs* I realise you did something you have been working to avoid doing but remember that doing so doesn't define who you are. You've been struggling very hard recently and it definitely hasn't been an easy path you've been walking. Still, you are bigger than this event and through it you will learn more about yourself and your own internal strength than you would have otherwise. You are a good person, even if it's hard to see that right now. *walks over and offers blankets and just sits with you*

M0nk: I hope that you are managing to concentrate a bit better on the required theory for your drivers licence test. Good luck if you haven't already taken the test, and if you have then I hope it went well. I'm not sure what else to say but I hope you are doing okay. *safe hugs*

As for me, things aren't going so well. My husband found out that I was intending to completely dump my pdoc and kill myself. He's asked me to see my pdoc one more time and to discuss my reasons for walking away, such as he doesn't listen, dismisses important things, discounts my psychotic episodes as dissociation, believes my nonexistent anxiety is the cause of the psychotic symptoms he acknowledges and doesn't have my best interest at heart. I can't see this as helping in any way but I'll give it a try. It's going to be a massive waste of my time but oh well ... You get that.

*finds a spot under a freezing cold airconditioner and makes a blanket fort for me and my teddy bear*

m0nk 10-01-2014 10:15 AM

airconditioner's not supposed to be cold. hum?!? why are you in the food storage cooler room? its cold there. come sit in the sofa so we can talk with you.

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