*checks in*

It has been a long time since I've checked myself into here. I guess that I won't know most of you, yet I hope to find some relief here.

The last five days my depression has been building. I can barely bring myself to get out of bed in the mornings because each day I am more depressed than I was the day before. A lot of time I end up bawling my eyes out and not even able to tell anyone - even myself - why I'm crying. Lately I've been clenching my jaw in an attempt not to open my mouth because I know that if I do the tears will start to fall.

Dealing with me is hard, but now my fiancee is unwell as well. He's semi-psychotic and the hospital system here is .... well let's just say I can't take him to the hospital unless he's dying. For two days I've been nursing him, treating him with diazepam and xanax to help keep him calm. I don't know how to cope with both of us right now. At least I get some time when he's asleep.

I really don't know what to do right here, right now.

Hey Kahlia, don't worry you're not the only oldie checking in-I used to be RAWWR.
Sorry things aren't going too good for you at the moment, i'm sorry I don't really have any advice-things aren't going too well for me at the moment and my head doesn't work too well anymore, I want to offer my *hugs* and I hope things get better for you you soon.

*hugs for all in here*

*puts some goodies on the table*

Everyone is clamoring at me to get back on meds before I end up getting too much worse... but I dont want to at all, the meds suck. The nightmares continue, I wish they would just stop for one night... and I can hear the voices silently and quietly plotting i n my head...

*hugs all*

I am such an idiot. Why do I keep doing things that I know will be to my detriment. I'm just going to go sit and cry in the corner...:crying:

*checks in, crying*

AlexiaJayy: *offers hugs and tissues*

Mood is dropping further and I'm becoming more suicidal with each passing day. I just want this all to end.

*disappears into a corner crying*

*accepts them with a soft thank you and goes to sit, curled up in a chair as I still cry* I've never felt this suicidal before...

Dark memories will not help you in vain, with time comes hope it helps you to accept the pain - the brightest light exceeding our deepest imaginations, will also radiate for you! for what is there for the light to be lit if darkness does not exist.

Walks in and curls into a ball I can't do this anymore

*crawls into a corner banging her head on the wall and crying*
Why won't this stop??

I'm checking in right now

*offers hugs, blankets and teddy bears to all in the ward at present*

I'm just going to curl up in the corner and cry for a bit...

I'm so done... I need to either die or get help... I can't live like this...

*hugs alexiajayy* help is the better option hun... I know its hard but it will def help you feel better when you have someone to help you

I keep trying to do that, but Mom won't believe something is wrong with me, my boyfriend thinks I'm trying to run away from my problems if I come to live with him, and I have a fear of driving.

*hugs AlexiaJayy* Is there somewhere like Lifeline or The Samaritans that you could talk to in order to get help if those close to you aren't able to help?

*hugs YodaBearInterrupted* You've been very supportive to those in here, how are you going?

I just want to either die or run away from my life right now. My grandparents will be up here by this time next week, and they'll now be here for our wedding, but I know that my grandad will be lucky to live until Christmas. He may not even make the wedding in July.... Although I knew this would happen I don't want to watch my grandpa die, nor to watch my nanna deteriorate and die, especially without him. The real ambivalence... those two conflicting emotions... I love them and I don't want to see them die.... *sigh*

I'm just going to hide in a corner so I can't hurt myself and ruin what could soon be 5 years SI free.

he said it's only thoughts in your head, only thoughts in your head only thoughts in your head.

Hi. I think I'd like to stay in here for a while, if that's ok. I'm scared, and I want to go away. I'll be really quiet and sit really still.

*hugs m0nk*

*hugs nestenheltborte* I hope that is okay... would you like a blanket or some goodies?

*places brownies, cookies, tea and drinks on the table*

*hugs Kahlia* 5 years is a long time and a great achievement. I am sorry to hear abut your grandparents

I am doing okay I guess.. I have my up and down days. Right now its a sucky day with the voices, but I will try to manage at work

Blanket, please, thank you... Very stressed, too much going on, but I don't have time to think, and that's a good thing... Hope work goes well for you, YodaBearInterrupted, and that your day gets better...