susan sweetheart, sometimes god's plan for us hurts so much.... never lose tht hope though. keep believing. keep praying. *hugs tight*

OK WTF it swallowed my post?
Anyway I know ur hurting hunni, I am too.
But you don't want me to do anything do you?
Please keep fighting Jess, the light at the end of the tunnel will come

only thing stopping me is someone fndng me. i don't know what to do. i'm scarig the **** out of myself. *cries*

Use that as a reason to fight?

Please Jess. I don't want to lose you.

Please Jess, fight it. We need you!

I am fine with my sorrow. I just want whatever is best for my friend.

My husband is home. My best friend. My favoritest teddy bear who hugs back.

*makes sure there are plenty of cookies on the plate*

I want to get itno my car and drive far far away. And then hurt myself. forever. hurting. so badly. huting. hurting. can't do this. I cna't. I can't.

*cries and huddles in a corner*

*cuddles jess*

Yes u can do it!!! i have faith in u to stay safe....so STAY SAFE!!

*hugs u again*

I passed out in middle of my room. I have to wait for someone to get home before I can have a shower in case I pass out in the shower. I WANT TO DIE!

you wouldn't miss me that much...

Even tho i haven't seen u in years...i'll still miss u heaps :-(

why? i'm uselss. i'm horrible. i'm a ****ing waste of space. I HATE MYSELF! *cries*

No u ain't useless!! U've got a nice job and about to get married.....

Someone there must love u heaps...so yeah, plz don't do anything drastic there :-(

Don't.do.this.Jess.

Pleasseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I would miss you so badly, you have no idea how much.

But you don't know me, no one knows me.

I've know u for so long, i dunno how long but that's not the point

Please.......can u ring up a crisis team or something jess?

Or would u rather me ring u for a bit..i dunno?

Listen to Jem.

He speaks more sense.

Jess, in the short while I've known you, I've come to love you already lol. Please don't take someone like you away from me

My fiance is home now. Can't do anything. I want to though. Maybe I hsould have a hot bath, it'll make me pass out and then i'll drown.

Gooooood...stay safe there plz :-)

bath time.

ok...

ttyl

stay safe there jess xxx

haha... passed out in the shower.... ouch.

ouch...did u hurt urself?

just banged my head. already have a headache. no big deal. i went to throw myself down the stairs but my neighbor came out. dammit.

*hugs Jess lots*

i don't want to be safe :'( I don't wnt to. boo.

*hugs all of you*

Sorry can't reply properly now, overslept and just got to head out for my driving test in 10 mins. Eek! But I'm thinking of you all.

I know you may not want to be safe right now, Jess, but please, try and keep yourself safe?

I'll be back in a few hours to reply properly to everyone and everything, but for now *huge hugs* and take care of yourselves.

Love to everyone
xxx

had nough. bye now?

*hugs jess again*

i'm not deserving of hugs. i don't think i'm going to be okay to go to work again tomorow. another day off. oh ****. but i'm going to go anyways. hope for the best. ****.

Maybe explain to ur boss ur going thru a rough time atm...and for extra leaway? i dunno

But in the meantime..plz stay safe..if u ever wish to do something stupid (although it might not be stupid to u, but it is) plz ring somebody and talk about it...my number is open to u anytime....that's if u decide to ring

look after urself there xx

i've e-mailed him and otld him i wont be in tis week. i get light headed everytime i stand up. oh dear. *cries* i think next time i go upstairs i'm accidentaly going to trip....

sounds like posture hypotension - ie low BP when u stand up...

it tends to happen when u've taken a OD jess...it's happen to me b4 so yeah...it should go away soon hopefully

xxx

i want to do it again. *curls up* i really want to do it again. hole bottle this time. not just 3 quarters. all of it. eveuthing. all of them.

*hugs*

u'll just pass out for a day or so...

but ur kidneys and liver wont' be happy u did that..neither would i nor ur fiance...so plz tc there and do try and stay safe jess

need out... have to get out... :'(

gotta go to bed. otherwisei'll just do it. ngith.

Jess, just cry it out. *hugs jess*

No word on my friend, but then no one would expect me to be up this early, at 5:00am. Selectively senile Bozo Cat, doing his "feed me" song and dance.

gnite jess...tc there
hope to hear from u soon enuf xx

hey i need to come in for some time!

i cant take it anymore i soooo scared of myself and wat i might do

i dont know wat to do i'm soo confused and scared bout wat could happen if i tell people how i really feel.

Come on in and welcome.
I'm going to see if I can get a few more minutes of sleep. For some odd reason, my eyes are scratchy and icky, like crying off and on all day yesterday.

I know y'all have heard this before...I love that cat.

*hugs everyone*

Don't have words for anyone today... sorry. Bad day. Worse day. WHy is it that the milestomes on me beingfree are the worst?? I thought t was a good omen that my driving test was on my 4 months free. but apparently not.
and my parents arent makingit any easier. Moved back in today because...well my friend doesn't trust me or think I can get better or achieve anything. She thinks I'm being stupid. She said the other day that I'm not going to achieve anything ever in my life, because I'm too damned lazy. I don't mean to be, I just... I can't makemyself do anything anymore. In the end, she just said I couldn't be there if I wasnt going to do anything to help myself. SO yeah, back with my parents, them telling me I'm stupid, worthless, shouldn't be here anymore. And they wonder why I hate them and myself. Sometimes I think... mayb e they are right, maybe I shou;dn't be here anymore.

DSaamnit Icant' see totype antymore. Sorry for going on a bit. Sorry....

*hugs Hana*

Well done on the four months =]

*hugs helen back*

Thanks sweetie. Just doesn't seem worth it anymore. My parents probably are right though. Probably shouldn't be here anymore, Can't do anything right. If I can't even pass my driving test how am I going to pass my private pilot's licence, how am I going to pass my commercial pilots licence? How am I going to achieve my dreams if I just fail at every hurdle. Probably failed my first year at uni as well.

****. Sorry. I'ma go be quiet now.
You ok sweetie?

I took 4 tries on my driving test so dont worry about that. Its mostly a numbers things (the can only pass so many people) usualy only one of the people who goes out within the hour passes.
Have a pillow and a marshmello!

Thanks :) I just... I wouldn't feel so bad if my parents actually cared about the way I'm feeling about it. Or about anything. I just... don't want to be here anymore, and not just because of th stupid driving test. The amount of times they've said 'oh, you're too lazy, you shouldn't bother being alive anymore' Then there was the time my dad went on about my SH... 'oh why don't you just go and slit your wrists again? tell you what, shall I just do it for you? like that would you?'
HATE THEM. I actually do. *sigh* WHy do I ****ing care so much??? Damnit.

I am sooooo bloody annoyed and pissed off and furious and the list goes on :( i feel like i'm going to breakdown so i'm going out i have to or i'm going to go mad.

*huggles everyone*

I think my parents would flip if they found out about me. They get angry enough with me as it is. What really makes me angry at the mo is I am back at my summer job but i dont get a "well done" i get a lecture on how i could take out another job (i alredy have another one!). When i said i dont want/need three jobs mum goes on about how she had three when she was 13 and all this.

wow didnt realise that was going to be a rant...sorry about that guys.

wish I had words foryou... sorry guys. I'll b e better later, promise.

*hugs everyone who wants*

Well fortuntly I have a little bit to hold on to at the mo. I got my results today and i passed everything! I was sure i had failed at least one thing but i actualy got two 2:2s! Just anoyed i cant be as happy as i want about them with being angry at the mo :( but am trying to stay on the possitive.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. 2:2's are great though! I... I won't get there. ****. Sorry turning this back to me again. I... I wish I could help, support, whatever, I wish I could be there for you properly, but again, I'm too damned selfish.

****. Sorry. Hope you're still holding on to the positives.

xxx

sorry bout your driving test! but always keep hold of your dreams you neve know when they gunna suprise you and take flight. (no pun intened)

thats fantastic bout the exams, i think parents are all the same. apparently every parent had like thousands of jobs. and we should do the same. not the fact that we have problems of our own and our own battles to fight.

hugs all and gives out comfy pillows hope i was some use!
x x