Hallo.
*waves*

Wow..i like this place *looks around*
*sets up camp randomly out of the way in some corner somewhere*

*sits on her sofa and hands our RYL teddies and soft drinks for everyone and invites people who need it to come for hugs*`

Hi all :)

I think Kahila's tears have finally started to arrive, been crying for 20 mins :(

I hate myself.
My dad was saying some nasty things to me last night so (I was a bit drunk) I went upstairs and started to cut.
Then he came in the room (I hid my blades and arms) and apologised. I wish I didn't start hurting myself over something so stupid. x

*gently cuddles Zowie*

Hi all.

Helen - I'm glad those tears have arrived ... I was starting to wonder where they must have gotten to.

I feel like sh*t. After four days of being off my medication my friend wanted to put me in hospital. I can understand where he was coming from. I barely moved off the bed all day. The voices were telling me to harm myself and giving me plans to do it, and the only reason that I didn't do anything was because I didn't have the energy.

We went up to the hospital and ........ the f*cking Intake & Assessment nurse was "only half way through an assessment" of a guy who had just admitted to being on a four day bender on amphetamines, and taking his last lot of speed half an hour before. Excuse me for saying this, but WTF were they doing trying to do a psychiatric assessment on him at that point? We waited for an hour an a half but I was clearly getting worse and my friend was getting severly pissed off at the system so we came home. He dosed me up on Valium and put me to bed after I had written an email to my pdoc.

I got in touch with my pdoc yesterday and he was trying to arrange for me to go into hospital. There doesn't seem to have been any luck with that. Half the beds in that psych ward are taken up with people who don't really need to be there anyway. Grrrrr.

After speaking to my pdoc (and getting a script because I'd thrown out everything) I've gone back on one of my drugs plus the Valium. The voices are still telling me to hurt myself and giving me plans .... I still don't have any energy to act on any of them.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of an essay.

On the partly good side .... the shoulder surgery that I was supposed to have two and a half years ago has just been rescheduled for November 12th. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, because I'm pretty sure I'll just get bounced again but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Can I just crash out somewhere for a bit guys ?

*hugs everyone*

Crash out here.

Woah system sucks man and yeah I agree why was she doing an assessment when he was obviously still doped up on them? Anyway I'm glad you've stayed safe and that your friend has been trying to help and stuff.

I hope they don't cancel your surgery, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you hun :)

Oh & thanks for the tears- they lasted on/off for about 15 hours!!! Made me feel worse tbh, but feel like a massive release in my chest now haha.

I'm so anxious about speaking to my sister >.< Wish she'd message me back already!!!!!!!!!

Well I've heart from CATT (community assessment and treatment team) twice today. The second time they were just confirming that they had checked with my pdoc that what I'd said was happening was really happening. The first time I let out a whole lot of angry sh*t at the system and the way it has treated me. Blech.

Still no energy ... don't want to eat, don't want to drink .... just want to lie down and do nothing, but am forcing myself to do things.

Got my paperwork regarding the surgery .... it could still be cancelled ... but maybe I'll get lucky.

*hugs Helen* I hope things are okay.

*hugs everyone*

*cuddles you tight*

It's hard not to get your hopes up I know hunni, bet cha they wont cancel it ;)

Looooooove you!

I don't feel ok. I feel numb and low and like crying. yet I feel so happy. Why am I fooling myself into making me and people believe I'm ok?

*snuggles Helen*

I really, really, really (x infinity) hope that they won't cancel it this time.

Thanks for the hugs and love ... I've been feeling so alone, even when surrounded by people.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling so good Helen. I can't answer why you are doing what my family and friends call "acting", but feel free to let it all out here.

Love you. :x

Had a good day yesterday. Went round a friends house with a couple of girls and watched Saw 3 and 4, drank lots of beer and had a laugh.
Woke up this morning and realised I don't get out much. Most people my age are spending their half term with mates, and I only spent my Monday with some mates and will spend the rest of the week lying on the sofa reading magazines. Sad.

I finally heard back from my pdoc. I'm on a waiting list to get into the hospital. In other words, they'll put me in as soon as they have a bed free. My pdoc says that they will do a full medication review and he's not sure how long I'll be in there for.

Is it wrong that all I can think or doing is cutting or something more harmful?

*hugs Zowie* I have similar issues .... well I did when I was studying, except with me it was reading technical manuals. And I only have like two friends. But anyway, enough about me, just wanted to offer some hugs and silent support.

*hugs everyone else and then escapes under a bed to cry*

*hugs Helen and Kahlia* sounds like your both having a tough time at the moment *more hugs*

*hugs zowie* i'm pretty much the same mate!

*leaves hugs and tiptoes round pining up the odd balloon or two**

Yaaaaaaaay

SO HAPPY

IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!

i want snow!
Why would it snow in OCTOBER?!?!?><

*continues to hang balloons and banners everywhere*

Who knows hun? Besides it seems to be snowing nearly everywhere...even in Wales there's snow (I think)

not in Manchester :/

oh well :]

Hells....Help me set up this table? Im leaving party food for everyone :]

Sorry I haven't been around lately ya'll...
had my internet cut off for like 4-5 days ><
I missed ya'll soo much!!!!
*hugs everyone who wants one*