****ing messed up still. Things have been calm today again....but worried about one of my friends driving to work even though she had a migraine. :( Jess did get my email and it on top of it...wonder what she means? Looks like things are slowly getting better. BRACES OFF IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like no one loves me :-(

Rejected....feeling very rejected hmmm

he is going on a date tomorrow night, I'm happy for him but also scared, I cant see him get hurt again I cant stand seeing him cry, I know the guy is will be with and he is genuine and is really nice but I still get really worried and scared he is like my brother, my best friend and lot more

**hugs emily**

I'm sure ur friend will be okies there...he won't get hurt, coz ur a good friend looking after him!

**hugs carol**

Ur a special person there!

Checking in again...not sure I left the last time...no good to anyone...so sorry.
*searches for her stuffed lamb, blanket and pillow...sets up camp in corner and cries*

I'm a ****ing mess inside.

*hugs Ally and DanceDance* that seems silly to me, you would never hurt them *hugs*

I'm ****ing messed up.

I think I want to ****ing die.

I want the happy me back, that I knew in July.

Feels like she's gone and not coming back.

Everything seems to think things are getting better.

But no, they don't know how I truely feel, they don't see me come home every night since college started and was sad/upset or whatever negative except two/three nights. I can't keep up with my college work when I'm in this state. I'm so ****ing stuipd, I really am.

Why must I mess everything up seriously? I really feel like I do. I keep falling out with friends, some which I will admit maybe weren't worth my friendship in the end. But I need my friends more than ever and they can't give me the support I need I guess. I can't control ANYTHING!

I might be in trouble at college. I'm not sure if anyone who knows about it gives a flying **** as much as I do. Then my parents will find out about that and how much I can be late. Then I'll be in **** with them. My parents don't believe me when I say it's not my fault I don't sleep easily, but relly I can admit to everyone else part of it is...my fault.

WTF am I doing?

I saw one of my support teachers today, and she was like I've improved well in 3 weeks, from being taking out of class in tears to trying to deal with things. ****s sake. She doesn't know about any of the thoughts that enter my head. But she knows most of my **** already (just not my self harm- though she asked about my hand too yay another wondering person. Also she dont know about my suidical thoughts/stuff).

I could tell her, but I can't. Not because it's hard (although that's a reason), I've only known her 3 weeks already. She can't keep any of that to herself if I told her. Plus I'm just going to have to hold it in until monday which I ****ing probs won't be abe to get around to talking about. What is the point in ANYTHING I do? I want the happy helen back, that I knew in July. Every day I feel like I'm living a lie somehow. There are days where I get happy and think it's going to get better. But then something comes along or my bloody mood comes flying back down.

I can't take it anymore, yeah sure I've only ****ing lived 17.5 years and a bit more. Still have so much more to do, see & exprience. But I CANNOT do this. I can't talk to anyone about this **** that's happened in the past week and although it wasn't all ****.

I came out from seeing Jane, feeling really down and **** sake she's just a teacher really and a very good one at that. I know there are people who care and want to help. But the people who could really help, I can't even admit much to. I should be spending my free time at college more I guess doing college stuff. Esp when I go home, not going home, coming online, eating dinner, falling asleep, and eventually going to sleep properly. I have uni coming up aswell and I need to be doing stuff for that too. What's the ****ing point? I'm so bloody stuipd. I can't even keep up with the work I feel, when I'm in this state (well the stuff set by people). Lke I said, I go home every night and since I started college I've felt **** every night bar two or three.

I better go & change now, dry my hair, do my psychology homework & then take a ****ing OD, but don't worry it won't be a high amount but I'll be ill in college tomorrow fun!

**** sake I'm unwell =|

Eh. I'm a idiot. I cut last night. Any real reason for it? no. Why did I do it then? I have no friggin clue. Thats whats pissing me off so much. And the fact that I feel it nssacary to lie to my councler. she's a nice lady too. She don't deserve me lying to her on a weekly basis. Yet I do it anyway. Freaking idiot me.

I od'd.

**hugs DanceDance and TheSuffererComplex**

That's no good for both of u :-( hope u recieved some attention there

medical attention i meant

I didn't get any medical attention on acount of having hardly a ****ing effect. Probs done more damage on the inside :|

I ****ing feel ill and REALLY tired, I keep wanting to sleep even though I kinda slept well this morning.....

*sends warm hugs Helens way* Go and get checked out hun.
I hope you are safe x

I had a nap in the afternoon (yay should sleep ok). I'm not going to get help like I should though.

>.<

*hugs Helen* I dont know what more I can do or say, always here if anyone needs to chat

thanks jetforce... I'll be fine. thanks for the concern =]

I agree, you should go get checked out just in case dancedance...

Thanks Em x

I know I should. :blink:

Feeling more positive

*wonders if she can feel tears* :blink:

*coughs and splutters into room*
i have a disease which is known as freshers flu-i am back for one night only catch me while you can

xxx