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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 09:03 PM

-hugs mark, sarah, felicia and heather- How are you heather?

I just am so tired of my husband treating me the way he does. He gets so pissed off if I don't go to bed when he does. But late at night is when I am more awake than in the day. And I am just triggered. I want to be creative but I can't draw, can't write, can't do anything.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : graphic, triggering
I just want to take my blade and cut the holy hell out of myself. Be creative on my own skin. I want to take my pills and never have to worry about waking up again after I cut. I am not ok today. Extremely suicidal. Sorry.

I have to go now, I'll be back later. -hugs ward- Sorry.

misskitty112 20-12-2010 09:05 PM

Haha, Mark... nooo. Buttercup is terrified of my kitty. My kitty is bigger and meaner than her you see.

Doikers 20-12-2010 09:06 PM

*Hugs Kitty* I'm sorry you feel so wretched , I would miss you were anything to happen to you hun :S

risenfromperdition 20-12-2010 09:06 PM

:( *hugs kitty*
thanks felicia and sarah :)

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 09:09 PM

Poor Kitty *huggles* I can understand how you feel, stay strong my love xx

Doikers 20-12-2010 09:11 PM

Poor Buttercup , Felicia :P

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 09:14 PM

Bless little Buttercup, she is tiny if she's smaller than the kitty cat

Doikers 20-12-2010 09:18 PM

I'm tired , bed I think in 2 and a half songs time , I'll let my Best of Creedence finish first :)

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 09:25 PM

Heh :p hope you sleep well Mark *cuddles*

Doikers 20-12-2010 09:25 PM

Thanks Sarah
*Night Time hugs My Wardies*
Sleep well guys,

risenfromperdition 20-12-2010 10:08 PM

Night mark <3 :)

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 10:26 PM

Ugh I feel terrible :(

FlyingNy 20-12-2010 10:48 PM

*Hugs Sarah* What's up?

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 10:53 PM

Just had a terrible night last night and my fiance keeps telling me I'm just ignoring what he says and letting my mum win. I just feel awful. *cuddles Lia* how are you?

misskitty112 20-12-2010 11:01 PM

*hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lia* How are you?

It's only 6 PM... Damn... this day needs to end.

FlyingNy 20-12-2010 11:01 PM

I'm sorry Sarah. I don't really know what advice to give as I am unclear on the sitation, but please don't do anything harmful to yourself.

I'm not so great, various reasons, but I am waiting for the RAINN hotline atm.

Sorry Felicia, saw your post after I posted. What's wrong? *hugs*

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:07 PM

*cuddles Lia* hope you're okay hun

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Trig ED
I had a rough nighit with mum going on about my weight and after about an hour I was so messed up I made myself sick...

I'll try to stay safe, but my counsellor told me that whenever I SI or anything I let my mum win and when I need to and I slip up I feel so guilty. I just feel so huge and pathetic.

*snuggles Felicia* I'll be here a while yet hun if you need to chat

misskitty112 20-12-2010 11:16 PM

It's nothing huge. The holidays are just messing with me, between my ****ed up family, flashbacks, trying to not SI, and trying to keep the suicidal urges to a minimum.

I really just want today to end so i can sleep and not worry about this.

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 11:16 PM

Im back errybody. -hugs felicia, lia, sarah, and crimson-

Sorry you all aren't doing so well. :(

How you be crimson?

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:17 PM

My fiance keeps going on about how I can't just take his word for things and stop being silly about my weight or depression and things. I keep trying to explain its not that simple but it hurts so much and just keeps making me feel worse. I just wish I had enough of my meds to OD and get out of everything

PoisonedApple 20-12-2010 11:19 PM

*hugs everyone back* Better after talking to a coworker for 2 hours (the time just flew by)... I feel better but then on the other hand I worry that I said too much and was just a nuisance... *sigh* c'est la vie I suppose...

FlyingNy 20-12-2010 11:21 PM

Well I'm glad you don't have enought meds Sarah, you're not pathetic. I'm getting messed up over one tiny could be insult from a stranger. I don't even know if it is insulting, but I'm really insecure about my writing as it is... Well anyway. Random, but does your fiance live with you?

*Hugs Felicia* Sorry you're feeling bad, the holidays mess me up slightly too as I have no distraction of school. I love school, I belong there. *squishes*

*Hugs Kitty* How are you?

*Hugs Crimson*

FlyingNy 20-12-2010 11:25 PM

I'm sorry but I really can't do this.

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:28 PM

My fiance doesn't live with me, its sometimes a blessing when things get like this. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to disappear. I'm sobbing so hard right now I can barely breathe :(

MammaMia 20-12-2010 11:29 PM

*cuddles everybody*

What can't you do Lia?

Work was busier than I thought it would be :) Thankfully!! I'm so tired dude. Going to sleep soon xx

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 11:31 PM

-cuddles erryone who wants to be cuddled-

Wish I knew what to say to make errything better for you guys. :(

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:35 PM

I just wish this would stop. I hate the arguments. I hate myself.

MammaMia 20-12-2010 11:36 PM

*cuddles Kitty and Sarah lots*

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 11:38 PM

-cuddles helen- I'm glad work went well for you.

So bad...so bad....-continues repeating in a hushed tone-

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 11:47 PM

-lays on the floor and just stares into the oblivion as thoughts race through her mind and as she tries to drown out the thoughts and the voices and the noise with music-

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:47 PM

*hides in corner* I feel dead inside, like everything is now just a motion until everything is all over...

MammaMia 20-12-2010 11:49 PM

*cuddles you both again*

PoisonedApple 20-12-2010 11:50 PM

*hugs everyone*
wow the wards moving quite fast right now.

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:51 PM

I'm sorry I can't help anyone else. I just want to cry, but tears won't come. Nothing now, its all blank

PsychoKitty2010 20-12-2010 11:55 PM

know how ya feel sarah...we are in the same boat. just want to die...and I have the means to do so just an arms length away... -cuddles helen again-

-hugs crimson-

Sorry errybody that I am so useless..

SparkleKitten 20-12-2010 11:56 PM

Don't Kitty, I need you :( x

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 12:06 AM

-feels horrible- I had to lie to the lady at the appointment today. She asked me if I was actively suicidal... but as much as I want the help, I can't afford it. Why do I have to pay to live? Its not fair...

SparkleKitten 21-12-2010 12:09 AM

*cuddles Kitty* I'd help you if I could, I wish I could afford to help. Its not fair at all :(

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 12:15 AM

I mean, it's not my fault I'm like this...even though my husband tells me it is. He gets so pissed off when I can't sleep at night but its not my fault. Thats why I don't talk to him about it anymore. And he has turned into a massive hypocrite. Over everything. It's ok for him to do anything and everything, but if I do the same things, he yells and bitches at me. -sighs-

I just want it all to end..

SparkleKitten 21-12-2010 12:18 AM

*cuddles Kitty* is there nowhere you can go for a few days for a break? To stay with family or a friend? This isn't your fault hun, he just doesn't understand I assume, my fiance doesn't.

Just stay strong for me darling x

Edit - I'm heading off to bed again now. Night all *snuggles ward* stay safe please <3

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 12:38 AM

No, I don't have any relatives close. The closest relatives to me are on my side of the family and they are a 2 hour drive away. Thats why I want to move in the summer, if I am still alive by then... :(

Night Sarah -hugs-

Anyone still around at all?

PoisonedApple 21-12-2010 01:18 AM

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 01:28 AM

Interesting video, crimson. I liked it. Couldn't listen to it, just watched it. -hugs-

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 01:40 AM

yous okies crimson? yous quiet..

misskitty112 21-12-2010 03:24 AM

*cuddles Kitty*

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 03:44 AM

-cuddles felicia- how are you doing hun?

misskitty112 21-12-2010 04:06 AM

I'm really shitty tonight.
I'm sorry.

Are you feeling any better?

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 04:08 AM

A little, not really but a little.


What's up? You can rant all you want. If I can't do anything else, I can listen. I am sorry I'm not 100% but I can still listen.

misskitty112 21-12-2010 04:19 AM

It all boils down to I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I'm tired of pretending I don't feel abandoned by my mom when I really do... And I'm so afraid of seeing her on Christmas, of seeing my stepfamily. I know I don't belong. And I don't how how I'll cope.
I just wanna sleep through this part of life.

PsychoKitty2010 21-12-2010 04:26 AM

:( I can relate to that. Honestly, the only part I look forward to is spending time with my husband's family. I get to get drunk and high. Sad, I know. But the majority of time will be spent with my mom and dad (we have to stay for a week...she basically told us that). And she is in denial about everything, doesn't really believe I have issues, etc. She thinks it's all "just a phase", as she likes to call it. I pretend that everything is perfectly fine because that's what she wants to hear...but I'm tired of pretending. So I can relate a lot I think. I'm sorry, it sucks, I know. -hugs again- You don't have to pretend with us, though. This place is the only thing keeping me alive right now, quite honestly. I'm not sure why I'm still alive, though. Still want to die, but at least I have people here who actually give a **** about me. And, if nothing else, I care about you, and I know I am not the only one.

P.S. Sorry it took so long to reply my internet went all wonky.

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