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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

RYUU 30-09-2010 07:04 PM

*hugs everyone *

i cut a few hours ago but the devil want me to cut again i don't know if i can fight him i feel weak

Doikers 30-09-2010 07:08 PM

Lindsay, I'm releived that my Psych Dr saw things my way and releived that my volunteer post at the cyber cafe , making next weeks shift went okay , I said I can do Monday and I said what time would they like me and was told whenever I liked , just show up sometime on Monday . Still worried about my friend but I don't know what to do hmmm.sorry if thats confusing :S

*Hugs Sefka* Do you want to talk?

EDIT

*Hugs Ryuu* you can fight him , you can even though it's tough .

shadowedsoul 30-09-2010 07:11 PM

Cuddles all. Damn it I really want to hurt myself, should have dine it a few days back. And not chickened out. Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Doikers 30-09-2010 07:14 PM

*Hugs Jill* Please try and be strong Jill , you CAN get through this.

nicole94 30-09-2010 08:37 PM

*hides*

Doikers 30-09-2010 08:46 PM

Are you okay Nicole? *Hugs*

nicole94 30-09-2010 08:52 PM

*hugs mark* not really :( i don't think i can take this anymore

Doikers 30-09-2010 08:54 PM

I'm sleepy but I'll stay and listen if you like Nicole :)

nicole94 30-09-2010 08:57 PM

it's ok mark, you can sleep :) it's not fair of me to sit and moan at you lol

Doikers 30-09-2010 08:58 PM

Are you going to be safe?

nicole94 30-09-2010 09:03 PM

uhuh, i'm at my grandads tonight so i can't do anything.

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 09:33 PM

Hey Nicole, I'm here if you want to talk. I don't go to bed for ages yet. *Hugs*

You too Jill if you're still around.

nicole94 30-09-2010 09:35 PM

*hugs lia* are you sure it's ok? i don't wanna like rant at you if your not up to it.

Scarletdreamer 30-09-2010 09:44 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry no indivs, for now at least... am super super tired. It's been a busy day. I went to my parents' house - went to the library and a discount clothing shop with my mum and pretty much had a blast, even though I only bought one thing (aching to buy more but kept finances in mind :P) and also didn't check anything out from the library (which is a HUGE feat in my mind, since I saw sooo many books that I wanted to check out!!!). But it was a lot of fun. Also went to Dunkin' Donuts for coffee and muffins... I had decaf but I FEEL like they gave me caffeinated because I'm anxious. :( But it was tasty :) and made me happy. Also got to spend time with my cat, Daniel, as he's STILL at my parents' house since we STILL have the occasional flea here at the apartment. Eurgh. :( :( :(

Oh, and it's raining like there's no tomorrow here. :( Pouring, even. The drive home was funnn... :( Had to keep the a/c on (cold) so the inside of the windows/windshield wouldn't fog up. Ugh. I hate having to do that and also not having enough layers of clothing on to stay warm!! heh. So I promptly came home, got changed in to warm & dry clothes, and then Jarrod got home. :)

Bleh. Soooo tired. And now to decide if we're gonna go out to eat tonight or stay in... :-/

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 09:52 PM

Sounds like you had a hetic but fun day April :) *hugs*

Sure Nicole, it's fine. I like to be of use. :)

I'm still around btw, just off to my R/V.

nicole94 30-09-2010 10:01 PM

okay thanks lia. *hugs*

i cant handle my family anymore, they've really pissed me off, i have a bruise on my arm where my sister bit me, and a broken finger where she went to kick me in the face, i put my hand out to stop her and she caught my finger, and she has been bullying me all week :( today i was eating my dinner and she says to me 'omg nicole you're so fat, you should just go make yourself sick after you eat that cause you need to loose some weight' and now i'm hungry cause i threw my dinner at her :/ (i couldnt help it, she really upset me!) and my mum is blaming me for all of this!

then today my mum came home after going to a child abuse case about some kids at her pre-school and she just started having a go at me saying that i'm pathetic for self harming and being suicidal because my abuse wasnt even that bad and i should see what these poor kids have been through. i mean i feel sorry for the kids, of course i do, but that doesnt make my abuse any less valid :'(

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 10:09 PM

Of course is doesn't Nicole. You have as much right to react to it as they do and no one can say whose abuse was 'worse' it depends on the individual person and what they are going through because of it. I'm sorry you're having so many family troubles right now, I can relate to that but I won't start a massive rant now. Perhaps you could rethink that moving out thing is they are getting you down so much? I know you wanted to give it another go, but things don't seem to be working out so well. You're not fat, don't listen to what your sister says, and it doesn't even matter if you are, no one here gives a damn and no one who's your real friend should either. *Massive hugs* You can PM me any time.

nicole94 30-09-2010 10:15 PM

*hugs lia* thanks hun. i am fat, i know i'm fat, but i'm comfortable(ish) with it, but i dont like her keep being nasty about it :( i can't move out at the moment cause of money issues :( and i have a REALLY painful finger! thanks for listening to my ramble, feel free to rant at me any time. :D

shadowedsoul 30-09-2010 10:18 PM

thanks lia, im still around. curls up

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 10:27 PM

*Hugs Jill* You alright honey?

*Hugs Nicole* So you should be comfortable. As long as you are, it doesn't matter what they think of you. And your mum had no right to say those things. I'm being pathetic about my 'abuse', if it can even be called that, I know I am, but she can't compare you to other people. Different things affect different people in different ways. It's not wrong to feel the way you do and you can no more help it than I can bring her back. How old is your sister out of interest?

nicole94 30-09-2010 10:31 PM

*huggles lia* you are SO not being pathetic about your abuse sweetie, noone deserves to be hurt. and my sister is 13.

SparkleKitten 30-09-2010 10:31 PM

So tired and run down today, and my back is agony, no idea whats happening with it either, not an injury, just...I don't know, probably just whatever condition they decided I have screwing with me.

*cuddles all* individuals tomorrow x

shadowedsoul 30-09-2010 10:38 PM

hugs lia back not really.

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 10:52 PM

What's wrong Jill?

Sorry you're not feeling great Sarah. *Hugs*

That explains a lot. Your sister's at the 'age of the teenager' where it's cool to be nasty to people. Mine never grew out of that. Not that I'm excusing her bahaviour, just telling you to try not to take it personally, although I know how hard that is. Rememeber though, I love you, no matter what size you are or anything else. *Hugs again*.

Kahlia1981 30-09-2010 10:56 PM

Hello all and *hugs* to those who want and can accept them. Just sneaking a few moment on the computer whilst my housemate is asleep again. I really am struggling without a computer of my own, but hopefully it will only be a few weeks until I will have the money to get the parts for the rebuild.

To be honest though I am beginning to get concerned about the way my thought patterns are going. I am hoping that it is mostly stress related and that it was begin to settle down. Because I really don't want to go back to the days pre-ECT where I was SI'ing, OD'ing and in constant danger of making other spirited attempts on my life in ways that are definitely fatal - the full on no-way-back scenarios.

Looking back I can see how far I've come from those days, and that I don't want to go there again, but I can't help feeling that I'm going to, and in this town there is basically no psych help available. I actually think the head doctor, whose psych med skills are questionable at best, is attempting to commit genecide by killing off the mentally ill - he's succeded in killing five patients in the last year that have made the papers - but anyway it is widely accepted that it isn't safe.

I don't know .... right now I think I just need to remember to breathe and to "take the time to smell the roses". Sorry for taking so much time to talk about me ... I'm probably boring you all stupid on something you don't give a damn about. Mucho apologetica.

nicole94 30-09-2010 10:57 PM

*hugs lia again* i suppose, and i dont think mines ever gonna grow out of it either! aaw, loves you too lia!
hmm, i has a sore nose!

shadowedsoul 30-09-2010 11:11 PM

nevermind. all is good. =]

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 11:13 PM

I have a sore foot if that's any comfort. It might just be me, but whatever my sister does to me, she's still my sister and I would do pretty much anything. That might be pathetic and make me a massive mug, but hey. How's college going?

*Hugs Kahlia* Don't be sorry, I'm sorry you're in not such a great place right now, but you're right, you've come so far since then and I know you can get through this.

nicole94 30-09-2010 11:16 PM

i know, i'm the same, i love my sister so much! and my nose is my own fault XD i got it peirced today, the finger and arm are her fault though XD

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 11:28 PM

My foot just hurts. It does most of the time. Cool, do you like it? My friend has her nipple pierced. Are you feeling any better now?

RYUU 30-09-2010 11:29 PM

i cut again that's twice in one day the devil is winning i have lost control

FlyingNy 30-09-2010 11:54 PM

*Hugs RYUU* The devil isn't winning. You can beat this. There's no shame in slipping. We all do it and you've been so strong in the past. I know you can do this.

shadowedsoul 01-10-2010 12:10 AM

hahahaha hahahaha there is no point to anything anymore, just another load of ****. dont care. hahahahahahaha.

Scarletdreamer 01-10-2010 12:16 AM

I have my nose pierced too, Nicole. :) Which side did you choose? and is it a ring or a stud? Mine's a tiny stud (on the right side)... perfect for me as I didn't want anything huge. :) I was going to have a ring but then thought... meh... studs look nice. I got mine in December and my bestie went with me and said that it was the scariest looking thing ever. ;) Which made me "lol" at the time... :P And I'm sorry about the broken finger - have you been to a doctor's to get a split for it or anything? because down the road fingers that were broken that healed improperly can cause problems. Jarrod knows about that one. :( *hugs*

Lia, how're you doing tonight? *cuddles* Thinking of you!! You're so kind/patient with all of us here on the ward, as are most all of the rest of you. <3

Jill, what's up, hon? *hugs gently*

Ryuu... you CAN keep doing this; Lia's right, all of us slip, but that does NOT mean that the devil is winning. You can keep fighting, you HAVE BEEN fighting and doing so very well. Just keep at it, okay? No giving up allowed. ;) Slips, yes, but no giving up. *gentle hugs*

I am so effing exhausted!!! :( And I'm a little worried for a silly reason - the guild I'm a member of on the Bronzebeard-US server in WoW (it's an all female guild, very nice, I love it) is having what they call "little sister voting" up now. You start out in the guild as a "little sister" which basically means you're a "newbie/noob" in the guild. Then you can be promoted to being a sister if there's enough people voting for you/saying positive things about you. And I'm one of the people that's up for being voted to go up to "sister" now. So I'm a little scared... like... well, a lot of "what ifs" are going through my mind right now. Like... "what if they don't know me?" or "what if they don't like me?" or "what if I haven't been on enough lately?" or... yeah, you get the idea. Maybe. :-X So I'll shut up now... about that at least!!

Umm, what else... ugh. I just... am... I don't know. Exhausted & anxious best fits, I guess. I HATE anxiety. :'( And I'm still depressed, too. Just want to sleep for the rest of forever. Plus, I will probably be getting up at 6am tomorrow instead of 7am... when I'm already super exhausted. Oh well. At least it'll get me up in time to go hear one of my favorite authors speak. :)

*cuddles everyone I didn't mention before*

shadowedsoul 01-10-2010 12:36 AM

erm need some help. curls up

SoMuchMore 01-10-2010 06:48 AM

*hides in the corner*

Sorry everyone... really struggling + extremely busy= no individual replies.

*shuffles out trying not to cry*

MammaMia 01-10-2010 10:40 AM

Wow, ward's been bit dead last few hours.

I'm sorry we all seem to be struggling (or most anyway) so much *cuddles tight* Things WILL get better. You can beat all these urges etc xxx

Scarletdreamer 01-10-2010 11:15 AM

Whoa, only 3 posts since I last posted last night?! O.o

That's unusual. And where's Mark? He's usually on wayyy before I am. :-/ Hope he's okay.

Hels *hugs* Hope you're doing okay as well. :)

Meh. Don't want to be up this early. :( It's 6:15am so not that early, but still, want to sleeeeeeep. Was warm and comfy under my uni blanket. Heh. :-/ *yawns* Oh well. I'll just put up with it. :P

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia1981 01-10-2010 11:20 AM

hello ward.
it looks like we may be able to save my computer by replacing one part instead of the whole core which means it may be up and running by the end of next week at the latest.
today i've been breaking down in tears at the drop of a hat but at least my assignment is almost finished ... two paragraphs to write and 500 words to remove. le sigh

Doikers 01-10-2010 11:28 AM

*Hugs April* Here I am , I just got online , well I just heaved myself out of bed , NO energy or motivation this morning , Grr Depression and Numbing Meds , I'm just a bit blah!

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry you're family are being so mean and that I went to bed early last night :S

*Hugs Kahlia* Thats better news about your computer :)

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Ryuu*

Doikers 01-10-2010 11:31 AM

April , April!! It's October! Don't you start your new job this month?

Scarletdreamer 01-10-2010 11:57 AM

EEEP October, totally forgot that it was the "new month" ... ughhh... yes, I do, and training is in 11 days (it starts on Jarrod's & my 2nd anniversary, grrrr). I AM TERRIFIED!!!!!!!! :'(

I should be excited... but... what if I'm a fail at my job? what if they don't like me? what if I "do it wrong"?! I'M SO SCARED!!! (and I'm not even kidding or exaggerating either, I am [almost] literally scared to death about that... :-/ ...sigh)

Mehhh. Scared scared scared... :(

Sorry, heh. :-/

Kahlia *cuddles* Glad that you may have your comp back soon(ish)!! That's good news... also good news that you've gotten so much done on your uni assignment, yey, go you!! :) I take it that you're still feeling quite like crap though, because of the crying? *extra cuddles* Wish I could help you feel better. :(

Mark, glad you got online, was getting worried. *cuddles* Sorry for the above ^^ freakout about my job, it's just that it is very very scary, probably something like your first shift at the cyber cafe except maybe even a little scarier? I dunno about that but still... eehg. :( Okay, I'll stop now, lol. >_< Any plans for the day??

Doikers 01-10-2010 12:15 PM

*Hugs April* It is TOTALLY understandable that you are scared about starting your training but I bet you will do great :) I was freaked out before my first "shift" at the cyber cafe but I survived and you will too, they will like you , you are very likeable :) You will be the best "paid Friend" North America has ever seen :D Sorry I forgot the right word for your job so put paid friend .

I am visiting my "Paid Friend" at 2pm she is nice still getting to know her though , I'm going to get wet if the rain doesn't stop in time hmmm.

Sorry to worry you :S

RYUU 01-10-2010 12:19 PM

Just back from my cpn he says that should try and not get stressed by everyday things that the voices are nothing but my own inward thoughts
how the **** would he know looks like am getting no help from him

Doikers 01-10-2010 12:36 PM

*Hugs Ryuu*Thats sucks, Can you make an emergency appointment with your Psych Dr?

RYUU 01-10-2010 12:46 PM

I think she feels the same i have no one i can turn to about this feeling like i only have one option

Doikers 01-10-2010 12:49 PM

*Hugs Ryuu* You have more than one option , You can fight this , really you CAN . You've fought it before and you're still here, it will totally get better .

MammaMia 01-10-2010 01:43 PM

*hugs April* You won't fail at your job, you'll be fantastic sweetheart. Oh I need to tell you something, must remember to tell you either via PM or Facebook :D

*hugs Mark tightly*

*hugs Kahlia* Glad you won't have to replace as much as you originally thought :D

one_step_closer 01-10-2010 04:14 PM

*hugs everyone*

How are you, Helen?

Doikers 01-10-2010 04:24 PM

*Cuddles Helen* Hows things?

*Hugs Lindsay*How are you too?


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