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Doikers 28-09-2010 07:35 PM


I truly believe that every one of you in here can live free and happy... i just with I could believe that for myself.
I beleive you will live free and happy Laura *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

Scarletdreamer 28-09-2010 08:01 PM

I also believe that, Laura. <3 *hugs tight* You CAN and WILL beat this monster we know that SI truly is. You are much stronger than you realize... and I mean that. We all are. I think that no one really knows the depth of his/her own strength... because - haven't you (all of you) noticed? - we all keep going. Even when it feels like we can't. Even when things hurt so terribly badly. Even when this, even when that... WE KEEP GOING. :) It's so very encouraging. Keep it up, everyone!!! <3

*cuddles Mark* I understand what you mean about wanting the diaz but not for a "fix." I just hope the doctor understands. Ugh. If s/he doesn't, should I pop on over there (if your teleporter is working, lol) and do some face-pounding? Heehee. No, I'm not violent, I promise, why do you ask? ;)

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that your comp isn't working... I would be lost without a comp to use, especially since I am not working (yet) and all. :( I hope that it can get fixed soon!!! Laura's right, you definitely deserve a break... keep hanging in there. *extra cuddles*

*hugs Jill* What's up, hon?

*hugs Lindsay* How're you, love?

*hugs Hopefulagain, if that's okay?* Welcome to the VPW!! :) I'm April. Glad to see another new face here. We're a very supportive, encouraging, friendly bunch so feel free to grab a chair and join in whatever discussion's going on. ;) Also, is there anything other than "Hopefulagain" you'd like us to call you? Like "Hope," or your first name? If not, that's fine, but just wondering what you prefer to be called. ^_^

*hugs Felicia* Hope you're surviving the wilds of uni. ;) Well, you & Laura both!! I'm so glad to be out of there, lol. How's Banned Book Week going? what book did you decide to read from? And as Laura said, well on you for taking things into your own hands to make yourself a shirt. ^_^ That's kind of exciting, I remember that I used to love tyedying things. :)

*cuddles everyone else* How're you all?

Sorry I didn't post for awhile... meh... I don't know really what I wish, for those who asked (thanks!!). I just... well, there are a lot of things I would wish for if I could. :( Like health/wellbeing for everyone here... and everyone in general... world peace... blah blah blah... the stuff that "everyone" would wish for. But for me personally... I wish that I could stop being so frickin' "up&down" and stop crying so much. :( I haven't cried today, which is surprising... have actually been in this really weird mood... which isn't much better since I'm pretty sure that some people now think I am certifiably nuts. :-X Which I may be... but... ehh. Don't like random people on the street catching me when I'm in weird moods like I was earlier today. :(

Ughhh. :( I feel so... stupid. And ugly. And nasty. And gross. Just... :'(

On the upside... wait, is there one??!... ummm, one good thing, think of one good thing, April, you can do it. Well, I made Jarrod smile/laugh yesterday when I started talking about the "phantom people" in the apartment next to us... because seriously, I have never seen anyone coming in & out of that apartment, yet there's a toddler wailing in there more often than not and people talking and taking showers/baths and whatnot... and then Jarrod pointed out that people don't usually/ever see US. So we're phantom people too!!! Lol.

Okay, I will shut up now. :(

Doikers 28-09-2010 08:15 PM

*Hugs April , my phantom sis:)* OOhh I really should run my teleporter more often April , you could pop over and we we could have tea , british it up for you :)

misskitty112 28-09-2010 08:19 PM

*hugs Mark* that does make sense. I hope you can get the Diaz. Also if your doctor is an ass about it, I will totally teleport up there. I'm a force to be reckoned with. Let me tell you.
*Hugs April* You are not stupid or nasty or any of that. You are wonderful.

So... I made one of my art major friends print me a shirt design. It's got a book on the front and says "Concord University Banned Books Week 2010" and It has a quote from Oscar Wilde. This one: "The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame."

And I tie dyed it.. while other people were tie dying different shirts. I ALWAYS have to stand out.

Doikers 28-09-2010 08:25 PM

I like the quote "Outside of a dog a book is a mans best friend , inside of a dog it's too dark to read" That would be fun on a T-shirt :)
I hope it's not neccesary for you to teleport over here Felicia but I will make extra tea for you :)

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 08:29 PM

erm really triggered again. damn it.

MammaMia 28-09-2010 08:36 PM

*hugs all*

Laura, I see my bestie in 6 days sweetheart :)

Doikers 28-09-2010 08:38 PM

Hey Helen !! *Hugs* I bet you are happy to meet your friend soon :)

MammaMia 28-09-2010 08:38 PM

Not meeting her :P Met her last year. Can't wait to see her again =] *hugs Mark* How you doing?

Doikers 28-09-2010 08:50 PM

Sorry Helen , thats what I meant , the words got confusing as I typed lol . I am worried about my Psych Dr appointment on Thursday ( as I always am with him) and am worried about the houseing benefits people comeing to assess me next Monday but I'm going to ask my Houseing support worker if someone can be here when they come . Apart from that I'm numb but not super depressed today once I managed to get up this morning I don't like being numb but it beats depression I think.

nicole94 28-09-2010 08:53 PM

*huggles everyone then hides*

Doikers 28-09-2010 08:55 PM

*Huggles Nicole*

nicole94 28-09-2010 08:57 PM

heh, suppose i should come out of hiding and ask how you are?

Doikers 28-09-2010 09:04 PM

I'm the same as when Helen asked me ^^ Thanks Nicole , How're you?

nicole94 28-09-2010 09:11 PM

oh right :/ sorry, my head isn't up to much today :/ i'm pretty *****, did no work at college today, SI'ed a lot and cried for no reason :/ sorry, have no idea whats going on in my head latley :(

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 09:14 PM

*Hugs Jill* Please try not to hurt yourself. What is it that's triggered you?

*Hugs April* You're not any of those things April, I love you.

*Hugs Nicole* What's up honey? << Oh well never mind you answered that. I only just saw your post. *Higs again, more tightly.*

*Hugs Mark and Felicia*

nicole94 28-09-2010 09:21 PM

*huggles lia and points to previous post.*

Melanosol 28-09-2010 09:23 PM

Darn, I've been watching this corner for 15 hours, and someone just beat me to it.

*Goes to find a different corner*

nicole94 28-09-2010 09:26 PM

^^ *looks confused*

Scarletdreamer 28-09-2010 09:37 PM

Heehee, I had to smile at what Lia said

*Higs again, more tightly.*
. Not because I'm making fun of you, Lia, but because IT'S THE HIGS AGAIN!!!!!!! :P It was a huge joke over at this other forum I used to post on regularly for a looong time... this guy I kind of liked before Jarrod - yes, before 2004 O.o - said "higs" instead of "hugs" once in a chatroom on the site, and it just carried on... we used to say "higs goodbye!!" or something inane like that whenever we stopped talking with each other. Then he left the site and I haven't talked much with him since... *sadface* Hehe. But it was/is a funny story, hopefully... maybe made some of you smile? :-S

Mmm yes Mark, you do need to get your teleporter working!!! :D I'd love to come over there and have you "British it up" for me!!! ^_^ And Jarrod wouldn't mind me going to your flat either, he'd be glad of me getting out of our apartment. :) Wheee... now... if only teleporters were real. :P *hugs*

Felicia, that shirt sounds awesome. ^_^ Maybe post pics? unless you're gonna post some on FB. :) I love quotes like that, and the one that Mark posted as well. Serious ones, funny ones, I like 'em all. Well, almost. As long as they're not elaborating upon a viewpoint with which I don't agree. >_< If that made sense. Anywho... *hugs* I can totally imagine you being a force to be reckoned with. :P Funny picture that, I have of you, storming into Mark's pdoc's office and poking your finger so hard into his (the pdoc's) chest that he topples over backwards onto his desk, and whilst doing so, smacks his head on his wall of degrees!! (you know how doctors tend to have all of their degrees framed up on the wall... ugh... pretentious and VERY annoying!! :P) Sorry if that offended, but it was just funny to me. :) Hehe, feisty = enough said!! :D

Lia, love you too, sweetie. You're an awesome girl. *hugs gently* How are you doing tonight??

Nicole, wish I could help you feel better. :( *gentle cuddles* Things will end up being okay, just keep talking with the people at college, okay? because they can't help you if they don't know what's going on. And who knows, maybe they might be able to help you figure out what's wrong?

Hels, yey for seeing your bestie again!!! :D That's so exciting. And the countdown is in the single digits now, and has been for a bit. WOOO!!! :) *huggles* How was your day?

Bleeehhh. :( I just want to sleep. I got up at 6am today, which was pretty good considering the past forever bunch of days where I slept in. And no naps either!! Woo. I really should be more excited about that though, meh. :(

Played WoW for the first time in awhile today. I don't want to waste the 60 days I have on my account (well, less than 60 now, but whatever). And yes, that's calendar days, not time spent playing. Gggurgh. I just haven't been "into" it lately, although I did get my main toon FIFTY MOUNTS (finally... been working on that for quite awhile :P) and got an albino drake (dragon) as a reward. :D Woohoo. Next... 100 mounts (I think that's as many as you can possibly get in the game). Bleargh. THAT is not going to be very fun... haha. As a reward you get a dragonhawk (think dragon crossed with butterfly and you kind of have the right thing going). But anyway, sorry to ramble on about something not many of you know much about. :-/ Mark, when was the last time you played??

*curls up in the warren with her journal and some books, and hides from the world for awhile* :(

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 09:38 PM

doesnt matter forget i said anything.

nicole94 28-09-2010 09:44 PM

*hugs april* i suppose, i shouldve gone and spoke to tara today, but i didnt wanna bother her :( ended up going to the toilets to SI, but managed to stop myself when i got to the toilets and just sat and held my blades for a bit. still worried about tomorrow cause i can feel already that my mood is gonna be exactly the same tomorrow :(
*hugs shadowedsoul*

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:09 PM

*curls up*

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:10 PM

curls up in a corner, crys queitly

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:10 PM

*Hugs Nicole* that's brilliant that you managed to stop yourself Nicole. Even if you didn't manage to beat the urges all day, it shows you can beat this and you can resist them. You should feel proud of yourself.

*Hugs Jill* We're here for you if you want to talk honey.

*Hugs April* Lol, that did make me laugh actually. Here I was feeling all **** because I have tiny chickens disease (aka the common cold, don't ask) and then I read that and it made me giggle.

I'm not too bad tonight aside from being slightly ill and tired because I kept waking up last night unable to breathe. Other than that, I am OK. School was good, and I had an argument with the woman in Sainsbury's who wouldn't let my buy cold relief tablets. Still, I have a mug of Horlicks (or at least will when I can be arsed to go and make it) and some English homework that needs doing...Yes, English homework to me is considered a good thing because I am really, really cool.

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:14 PM

*hugs lia* i suppose hun, aaw sorry you've not been well, glad school went ok. and i know the feeling about not being allowed to buy tablets, when i was ODing they were happy to sell stuff to me, but now if i'm ill its like its a major criminal offence :/
can i just give up now? please...............?

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:17 PM

cuddles all, its messed up how many stuiped thoughts that are runnimg through my head, and im actualy looking for something to hurt myself with. im loosing the plot tonight. help, please help.

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:21 PM

*Hugs Jill tightly and refuses to let go so she can't continue her quest* I don't know what to say really, just that you deserve so much more than this and you shouldn't hurt yourself, I know I can't talk, but you deserve better than that. You all do. Please try to resist the urges.

*Hugs Nicole* No, I am afraid you can't. You've come this far, survived OD's, surely you're meant to be here? We'd all miss you too much here if you gave up. Think of something to look forward to everyday and focus on that. What is there to look forward to about tomorrow? It can be anything, a lesson you like, seeing someone you have a crush on, being able to curl up with a movie and a hot chocolate. Find something and everyday remind yourself you have to carry on living just to do that one thing. Same for you Jill and anyone else feeling that low.

*Spies Helen and glomps her* Hey, how are you tonight?

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:25 PM

*hugs lia* i know, i've worked so hard to get here, i just can't handle college anymore :( it's too stressful.

misskitty112 28-09-2010 10:30 PM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2508798)
I like the quote "Outside of a dog a book is a mans best friend , inside of a dog it's too dark to read" That would be fun on a T-shirt :)
I hope it's not neccesary for you to teleport over here Felicia but I will make extra tea for you :)

I may have to take you up on that offer and teleport even if it's not necessary :) I love it when people make tea for me!
Also, your quote made me giggle, I may have to get it put on a t-shirt.

April, that scenario you made up totally sounds like something I would do. I'm not necessarily strong or anything, but I can yell... and threaten to beat people up. Or... I can trip them. Yes.

*Hugs Helen* I'm glad you get to see your bestie soon!
*Hugs Nicole* You can't give up dear. It can't rain forever. It's gonna get better <3
*Hugs Jill*

I just want everyone to know that I finished my paper, minus a few revisions which I am putting off cause I'd rather read stuff. yay!
And... I'm really tired, from working Banned Books stuff... but at least my actual work today consisted of talking to and watching youtube vids with the professor I work for.

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:31 PM

clings tightly to lia, im kind of scared of what i might do tonight, allready tried to do this one thing once before. fu7k my head so messed up tonight. sorry

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 10:36 PM

Try and keep yourself safe Jill. Go bug somebody for company, even if you don't tell them why or say anything at all. Did you know, a normal conversation can also reduce suicidal urges by 50%? Is there anything you can do that makes you happy and provides a distraction? For me, it's writing. That never fails to make me feel better. I love you, please don't hurt yourself.

I thought you love college Nicole? I know it's hard and stressful, I'm doing 5 A-levels and it's pretty murderous, but at the end of the day, it beats being at home :)

nicole94 28-09-2010 10:38 PM

heh lia-i do love college. but i love my sanity just a tiny bit more :( i don't wanna go back to the old me, i wanna stay where i am now, happy and stable and (almost) normal. I love college but i can't handle it :(

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 10:39 PM

im trying lia really hard not to. feels like im fighting a loosing battle, and i feel **** for worrying you. just dont go away please, sorry being pathetic. curls up

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 11:17 PM

I'm not gone, I'm still here. I've been hanging and just taken a peek.

It's not pathetic to need someone, I sometimes want to beg people not to leave, but then they would want a reason that I can't give.

I'm sorry you're finding college so hard Nicole. What is it you're taking? I know you said, but I can't remember. I have a crap memory. Now, I could go into the science of that and how I could remember things better, but I'm sure none of you want a psychology lesson.

FlyingNy 28-09-2010 11:35 PM

Now you're gone without having said anything else and I feel awful. ****. Sorry, I'm sorry.

Scarletdreamer 28-09-2010 11:46 PM

Oooh psychology lesson. ;) April <3s psychology. :) Hehe. And Lia, writing = life for me too, pretty much. *cuddles* I write all the time. I have an online journal PLUS the r/v thread on here PLUS a paper journal (in which I wrote freaking TEN PAGES [and not small ones with big handwriting, either >_<] on Sunday...)... and I used to write poetry even though I don't really anymore... should try to do that soon. :-/ Blehhhh!!! Sorry for the rant, it's just really annoying that my Muse decided to take a vacation for so long. :( Anyway, sorry!!...

I second what Lia asked, Nicole - what about college is so difficult? Not asking that in a condescending manner, just curious... because it is probably good to have somewhere to go and a feeling of purpose in your life, and maybe if you can figure out what is so hard about it, then you could get some more help/support? Just a thought, I don't know how college works in the UK, so yeah. Sorry if it were a dense suggestion... *hugs*

Jill, please keep hanging on, hon. We'll be here, someone will be here if not us... and if you don't want to/can't be online, try & find someone offline to chat to, even if you don't talk about what's really bothering you (although it would be awesome if you could...). *hugs gently*

Bleh. Just... bleh. :(

shadowedsoul 28-09-2010 11:54 PM

hugs lia and april, no need to feel awfull lia. thanks the both of you. curls up
wish i could april, not even sure what brought me to this stage, all i know is how much i want to be stuiped tonight. sorry

RYUU 29-09-2010 12:04 AM

The devil keeps telling me to kill myself i dont feel safe

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:48 AM

*cuddles Jill & Ryuu* Please stay safe, the both of you... try to stay distracted on here, maybe? listen to some music kinda loud but not too loud since it's getting late? read a book if you've got the concentration? journal some or start a r/v (ranting/venting) thread? and if you really really feel unsafe, maybe call the Samaritans or a similar group just so you have someone to talk with, or go to A&E? Sorry if those are crap suggestions, just stuff I could come up with off the top of my head. *extra cuddles for both of you*

shadowedsoul 29-09-2010 12:58 AM

thanks april, cheers, im trying really hard not to,but when you get stuiped thoughts into your head, its hard to get rid of them. trying tho. cuddles you back

needhelp 29-09-2010 01:19 AM

Sorry I haven't been around much lately been in a bad place and thought I should be on my own when all I've really wanted is someone anyone sorry

RYUU 29-09-2010 02:00 AM

I called the crisis team they told me to take an extra 50mg of my meds
I need to cut maybe it will keep the devil quiet for a while

Doikers 29-09-2010 10:51 AM

Sorry for lack of individual hugs but here's a *HUGE group hug*
It was a busy night in here, which is good I guess , just hard to fall out of bed anbd keep up with .

Oh and April I havn't played WoW in yonks! like 2 months , I swear I've forgotten many of the controls hmmm.

xflutterbyex 29-09-2010 10:55 AM

*curls up in atiny ball* thanks for the hugs, im KJ im sorry im late replying i couldnt use internet, really triggered and struggling right now and not coping. Its the anniversary of all the crap coming out and my flashbacka are bad. Really need support

Doikers 29-09-2010 11:26 AM

*Hugs KJ* Hi I forgot if I've introduced myself so , I'm Mark :)

RYUU 29-09-2010 12:15 PM

went to my drs got an extra 50mg of my meds to take just in case i need it them

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:20 PM

Needhelp, I hope that you got through the night okay last night. :-/ I'm sorry that no one was around to help. Sometimes this place gets really busy then really quiet, it's rather odd actually. *gentle hugs if okay?* How are you doing this morning?

KJ, I'm sorry that you're really triggered & struggling. :( I understand the whole anniversary/triggeryness/flashbacks, if that's at all a comfort. I mean, I don't have an anniversary myself, since I can't remember when (what dates) all of the stuff that happened to me, happened (repressed memories suck...), but I do at least understand why it would be upsetting. Geez. I am definitely rambling, heh. But anyway. I'm here if you need to talk, as are, well, most of us. :) *gentle hugs* Do you have any specific plans on how you'll handle today without cutting, if you can? 'cause sometimes that helps.

Mark, how are you, love? *cuddles* Hmm, you probably haven't forgotten most of the controls, but it was a "lol moment" yesterday when I went back to my warrior on one of the servers I play on (I have a level 32 warrior, but this is my level 14 one :P) and was like, "Wait, how do I play her again?!" The same for my death knight (level 80). Heh. That shows just how long it's been... :-/ Kinda sad actually. I should at least do dailies every day on my main so I can get some gold. Bleh. The upcoming expansion will make me want to buy 310% flying (right now I have 250% I think, unless it's 280% but that would make no sense... geez... my brain's not working) but that's 5k gold. So yes. Must. Make. Money. Heh... :-/

Anyway. As I said... I just got up. Jarrod got me up at 7am as I had asked him (otherwise I swear I could've slept for muuuuch longer!! even though I'd debated with myself whether getting up at 6:20am would be a good idea, as I was already half awake...)... bleh. Mind's still kind of sleep-fogged and I've not had my meds yet. Oof. Today's gonna be a "busy" day if I get done all the stuff I want/need to get done. :( Gotta do dishes (and there's a lot to do, yuck yuck), go to the library and reserve a book for Jarrod, and go to Walmart to pick up a few things. Gurk. I don't want to do ANYTHING either but it will be good for me to force myself out of that "I don't want to/feel like" mode that I've been stuck in for so long. Meh. It's just not gonna be FUN, except for the library part. And maybe Walmart if I can muster up enough excitement about frozen vegetables... :-/

*hides in the warren with her journal, some books, & a magical laptop, away from all of the day-to-day things that are screaming my name*

Scarletdreamer 29-09-2010 12:21 PM

Oh Ryuu, meant to respond to you as well, sorry!! I'm glad that you got the meds that you (may) need. That's good... well done. :) What med is it that they think it will help? And also hope that you got through last night okay. *hugs if okay*

MammaMia 29-09-2010 12:43 PM

*hugs ward*

We got let out college earlier than usual :D So means I can get some stuff I really need to get done before later this afternoon :) However, it means going back in the pouring rain soon :(

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