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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 02:10 PM

I'm struggling not to SI on my arms, I have to go to the gym with my support worker on Monday and I don't want to wear long sleeves. It's so difficult.

The One Who 26-08-2010 02:17 PM

What is making you want to SI? Although it will be difficult, can you use going to the gym as a motivation for not SIing?

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 02:18 PM

I don't really know what's triggering me. I won't be able to use the gym as motivation, i'll end up just cutting my legs.

RYUU 26-08-2010 02:42 PM

one_step_closer what else can you do ? do you like art? maybe do something arty get your feelings out that way

Doikers 26-08-2010 03:02 PM

OH! I think I forgot to intrduce myself to Becci :S , HI Becci I'm Mark , *Waves*

misskitty112 26-08-2010 03:25 PM

*hugs everyone*
Maybe this weekend I'll have the time to read and reply. But I'm off to Creative Writing class. Love you!

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 03:45 PM

Reaper, i'm not artisic at all. I ended up cutting and probably will continue to. I'm a mess and no one can help me.

How is everyone else?

RYUU 26-08-2010 04:18 PM

Am sorry you cut

I had a shower but still feel dirty ... i dont feel strong at all i feel weak
cant resist the voices any more

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 04:23 PM

What are the voices saying? You are stronger than them.

taz35 26-08-2010 04:47 PM

*waves to Reaper* I'm taz :)

*hugs everyone else*

Am really not in a good place. My head is a mess. I'm debating about crawling back into bed and saying **** the world until it's all over...

Scarletdreamer 26-08-2010 04:51 PM

Welcome Reaper, I'm April. :)

I spy Taz & Crimson *tackles* How are you two??

Hels, how're you doing?

Laura, you've been awfully quiet lately... how have things been going?

Mark, how you doing now?

Oliver, you've also been awfully quiet... don't blame you after all that's been going on but I/we miss you. :(

Becci, welcome back...

Beki, how are you?

Claire, how're you today?

Jill, what's up, hon?

Julie, are you still about?

Sorry, I think my brain just exploded. >_< I apologize if I missed you, 'cause I know I missed some people... that's why I don't usually do a names-list. Because inevitably I leave some people out & they feel bad about that.

Job interview in a bit over an hour. I am so scared. I know what I'm wearing, I'm bringing along my portfolio (which I had to put together for senior sem this past spring, dunno if they'll care to take a look at it, but hey... can't hurt to bring it along, can it?), but I'm still terrified. I need to find some confidence. :-S

Went with my mum to spin some more this morning. It was fun. My bobbin is almost full of (not quite even) yarn... purple. ^_^ Woot. I wish I could get a spinning wheel but since I'm not good with knitting yet dunno what I'd do with all of the yarn. >_<

*hides in a corner and pretends that she's planning to eat lunch* >_<

The One Who 26-08-2010 04:54 PM

What is the job? Sorry if you've already mentioned it. Remember to breathe! Big deep breaths, and take a few seconds to think of your answer before saying.

I'm a bit better today, I think. Just got a lot on my mind really.

PoisonedApple 26-08-2010 04:57 PM

*waves @ Becci, Reaper and Claire* I'm Crimson!

Sorry guys I may not be able to be on much if at all today but I wanted to let you know... A new volunteer is going to be here to help me (since I'm doing 2 people's jobs right now) and I don't know if he'll be here all day or just an hour or what... Either way I don't want this up while he's here. :(
*huggles and luvells you all*

RYUU 26-08-2010 05:00 PM

They are telling me that i have to cut that i am a failure and that am better off dead

i took more of my chlopromazine to see if that will help with the voices

Scarletdreamer 26-08-2010 05:18 PM

Claire, the job is paid & parttime and is a peer counseling position at a local support center. I was a psych major in uni so I fit the qualifications really well. It would be a "perfect" first-time job, and would also be a wonderful starting position for someone who's still got appts all over the place (lol)... if I get it, I just hope that I can set my own hours. Not sure if I'll be able to do that... but I can hope. Hah.

I'm gonna go get dressed up and read for a bit, then be on my way. I'm so.****ing.scared!!!!

Doikers 26-08-2010 05:24 PM

I know I already said this but GOOD LUCK with your interview!!!! *Hugs April*

*Hugs Reaper*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Claire* You spell your name like my sisters middle name :)

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Lindsay*

The One Who 26-08-2010 05:25 PM

I spell my name the proper way ;)

Really good luck with the interview! Sounds like an amazing opportunity for you.

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 26-08-2010 05:33 PM

Good luck April =)

FlyingNy 26-08-2010 05:41 PM

Hey all

Hi Reaper, I'm Lia. :) Try to remember the voices are just that- voices. They can't really hurt you and you are stronger than they are. *Hugs if that's ok?*

Lindsey, I'm sorry you're so down right now. Try to stay safe for us. *Gentle hugs*

Good luck April! Do tell us how it goes, I'm rooting for you!

Just as predicted I'm out of my poruing my heart out mood. Back to being made of ice. Although it's a massive pain. The bed gets all soggy ;) I think I'm in a good mood right now. Strangely so.


Doikers 26-08-2010 05:45 PM


Back to being made of ice. Although it's a massive pain. The bed gets all soggy ;)
Heh Lia Thanks for making me smile :)

PoisonedApple 26-08-2010 06:03 PM

Good luck April!!!
You can do it! *crosses fingers*

RYUU 26-08-2010 06:08 PM

* hugs everyone *

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 06:10 PM

Good luck April!

SoMuchMore 26-08-2010 06:32 PM

wow almost 5 pages since i last posted... we are moving so fast in here.

*hugs everyone*

Good luck April!

To all the new people I haven't intoduced myself to (becci and reaper.. i think)- Hi! I'm Laura.

One more class and then the week is over (I dont have any class on fridays). I have a feeling this semester is going to be a lot of work.. hopefully i can keep up. Anyway, I am having dinner with the ex tonight. Don't know what there is to talk about, he probably just wants to catch up or something as i havent spoken to him in almost a month. Then i have work and then will probably go out to the bars with co-workers.

Sorry I haven't been posting much, I've been so busy this first week of restarting uni... I've read though. I've also been isolating a little bit when it comes to MH issues... which I know is bad... but sometimes it feels easier to just fake it all the time then be honest some of the time. So, brief overview, struggling quite a bit with SI urges... I don't know why though, other than anxiety, but even when i'm home alone and not anxious at all the urges are still there. I've also got some repetitive thoughts going on... or one repetitive thought i guess...its stuck in my head kind of like a song. I've tried to get other things stuck in there, listening to music, slam poetry, I tried writing it out, typing it out.. but the stupid sentence won't seem to leave. Oh well I suppose.

Anyway, I'm off to take a quick nap. I'm exhausted today for some reason. Don't know why, i got almost 7 hours of sleep, but either way, its nap time.

Doikers 26-08-2010 06:40 PM

Ooh Laura Enjoy your nap and your dinner and your night out :)

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 06:42 PM

I hope you have a good time, Laura.

How are you, Mark?

Doikers 26-08-2010 06:57 PM

I'm triggered Lindsay , still triggered :(
I went 9 days without harming and a little part of me REALLY beleived I had it beat and I got bad news and I've been harming almost daily since :S . I'm so worthless and a little "voice" in my head keep telling me so and telling me I need to harm , I SO want a drink , to blur it all out . I'm sorry I'm so negative

misskitty112 26-08-2010 07:02 PM

So guess what my Creative Writing assignment is on?
"Dancing with the Skeletons in your closet"
So basically, I get to pick a traumatic event in my life, and twist some names, time frames, etc, and write a short story based on it... by Tuesday. Oh ****, where do I even start?

And Mark, you are not worthless. I'm sorry you're triggered *hugs*

Doikers 26-08-2010 07:07 PM

Thankyou Felicia , Good luck with your creative writing short story :)

PoisonedApple 26-08-2010 07:18 PM

Mark hun, please stay safe and don't drink. You are not worthless. *hugs tight*

RYUU 26-08-2010 07:28 PM

Mark mate you are not worthless please dont drink it makes things a lot worse in the long run it is a depressant it will make you see things even more negatively
dont listen to the voices in your head they dont have good advice at all

here if you need to talk

Doikers 26-08-2010 07:43 PM

Thanks Crimson and Reaper *Hugs*

I'm Trying SO hard not to harm watching youtube videos , maybe I'll watch "The Big Bang Therory" Later , that makes me smile :) I don't feel like smileing but I'm trying......

Oh and Reaper , does FTM mean in FTM transexual? Sorry I don't know.

RYUU 26-08-2010 07:47 PM

it means female to male

Doikers 26-08-2010 07:49 PM

Oh okay :)

MammaMia 26-08-2010 07:56 PM

*cuddles everyone and then curls up crying*

SoMuchMore 26-08-2010 08:01 PM

*hugs mark* you are not worthless.. please please try not to drink and keep your harming under control.

*hugs crimson and reaper*

*hugs lindsay* thanks, how r u doing now?

*hugs felicia* good luck with the assignment. I know that things like that can be hard, when i took a creative writing course we had to do an assignment just like that... but really i found that everyone was very understanding and respectful of each other.

*hugs helen* whats wrong hun?

Doikers 26-08-2010 08:11 PM

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Helen* Whats the matter?

one_step_closer 26-08-2010 08:12 PM

*hugs Helen* I'm here if you need to talk.

I'm so low and desperate to overdose. :( I don't want to stay safe.

MammaMia 26-08-2010 08:15 PM

Everything =[ I just want her better :'( I nearly had a go at my other bestie because I'm so tired, stressed, worried and even more sensitive than usual >.< I didn't sleep too well last night. I half napped when I got back in this afternoon. Just letting everything get to me now. Haven't really eaten today either. Weather is so lousy outside. Scared of everything blowing up in my face when it's starting to go right again, bar my bestie being so poorly :(

SoMuchMore 26-08-2010 08:21 PM

*hugs lindsay* Please don't overdose. Keep talking to us here. Being safe is worth it.

*cuddles helen tight* i'm sorry that everything seems to be going wrong and that one of your besties is so ill. I wish I had some advice other than to try to hang in there. Things will work out eventually... and then hopefully they won't blow up again. Someday things won't blow up though... or at least they won't in such a bad way.. Just give it time. (I know that none of these things are particularly helpful for how you are feeling right now though :-/ ) I'm here if you want to talk. You know my PM box is always open.

RYUU 26-08-2010 08:33 PM

one_step_closer please dont overdose it isnt worth it

Doikers 26-08-2010 09:23 PM

Well , I'm going to head of to bed , I have a (For me) early morning as I have to have Lithium bloods taken yet again , I guess they'll tell me when I need to stop . Then 40 minutes later I have my Nurse appointment , I've written down about the S.I. and feeling worthless and stopping my Antabuse and generally being DESPERATE not to be 30 and a harmer , I have roughly 10 weeks to stop , I've been doing it for 15 years . I'm a failure and turning 30 really drives that home :(

Anyway goodnight fellow wardies :) Sleep well and stay safe :)

Doikers 26-08-2010 09:24 PM

I swear I'm still sedated in the morning from my evening Olanzapine , Does anyone else have this trouble with meds?

RYUU 26-08-2010 09:41 PM

night Doikers

The voices seem to have stopped for the moment
hope they stay that way

FlyingNy 26-08-2010 09:54 PM

Night Mark, and I don't take meds,so I don't have a clue.

Scarletdreamer 26-08-2010 10:04 PM

Urf so exhausted, but...

...the interview went well!! I was the first one that they interviewed (dunno what that means? good or bad or neither?) and after the (one and a half hour long) interview, the woman in charge of the program in which I'm trying to get a job told me that I did "very well" or something along those lines (was too frazzled to remember much of anything that was said word for word!!). It sounds like a challenging but good program. I would definitely grow during it, as it practically REQUIRES growth. And recovery. So yeah. I'm a bit hesitant about it but I think that I would be/do okay. I don't know though... They (there were 2 women interviewing me at the same time) told me that I ought to know by the end of next week whether or not I've got the job, if they don't call me I call them. So yeah.

*deep sigh* SO freaking glad that's over though!!!

Also... thanks for all of the good luck wishes you guys!! <3 means a lot.

*cuddles all* Will try & do individuals later, I know I always say that but I do try!!! :-/

Kahlia1981 26-08-2010 10:38 PM

*waves @ Becci, Reaper and Claire & any newbies I might have missed* I'm Kahlia.

*huggles everyone on the ward*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies but there were four (4) pages of posts since I was last in here!!

Sorry to hear that we all are struggling so much, but I'm glad to hear that we are able to share our good moments too.
Our internet is supposed to swap providers (hopefully) today in approximately an hour when "business hours" start so if you don't see me around, that's why.

*leaves huggles and safe love and care packages for all on the table then goes to play with Puppy SinClair in the garden*

RYUU 26-08-2010 10:42 PM

Am off to bed night everyone * hugs everyone *

nicole94 26-08-2010 10:55 PM

*hugs everyone and waves at all the new people*
im scared. what if i cant handle college?

FlyingNy 26-08-2010 11:02 PM

You'll be fine Nicole, there's plenty of help in college. What are you doing there? It might be an oppertunity for a new start, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm scared too. Things are gonna be so differnet now and not in a good way, the one thing I constantly lived for has been taken from me, but at the same time, it's given me my freedom. Are you still moving out?


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