Was Talking to Anne the volunteer lady about how Low I felt and it came to the subject of how I cope when I'm so low and I said I will tell you another time and she asked to guess and I said Okay and she Guessed Self Harm!! I was stunned but she wasn't freaked out by it at all and now I have another person to talk to when I need too . Then I got to my flatAnd my Dad pops by and wants to know where I've been this morning and what I'm doing this afternoon like I'm a child! And he said I seemed low and I said I've been low for weeks , He said I seemed okay at the weekend and I just wanted to scream I WAS WEARING THE HAPPY MASK!!!! , Grrr
1) I Have someone to talk to which is not their job but she seems geniually to care
2)Angry at Dad , not his fault .
I'm sorry ,I'm so frustrated now , and conflicted

Great , I just had the realisation that I am going to have to put on the happy mask whenever I see any of my family , which with my Dad is 2-3 times a week , just to conform (Right word?) convince maybe that I'm ok . Thats gonna be Mentally and emotionally exausting

Oh and April I e-mailed you , and read your R/V thread . Not in that order :)

Hugs April, I looked at your vent hun, but as always I have got no idea how to help.just wanted to let you know I care Hun, take care

Hug u tightly but gently.

hmm I'm feeling very idk today.sorry can't explain. Pointless post again I suck =\

Jill, you do NOT suck sweetheart *cuddles tight* Maybe ick is the only way to explain how you feel.

Oh my goodness, Reggie discovered yesterday that he is big enough to jump up onto the sofa now, this makes my time on the laptop much harder as he can now reach the wires and likes to jump accross the keyboard! I don't think I'll be playing WoW whilst he has his out time!!

Saw the council today regarding my housing situation, got to go back on the 20th. Argh, first time since my injection that I've been anxious in a place, really didn't like it. The lady saw that I was struggling and suggested I got myself an advocate such as a social worker to help me deal with things like this. I've been told that a few times, but I don't feel like I'm bad enough to warrant that, I'm sure there are people in more need than me and I know our social care system is stretched, I think I'd just feel guilty and a nuisance (- spelling?!)

Huggles and waves all round.

qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq1

^^ reggie just typed this, lol - I think he's saying hello to the wardies!!

Hello Reggie & Hayley =] *gives you both a big cuddle*

Hope it gets sorted soon!! xx

*huggles Helen* yeah me too as my eviction date is 16th august, but I'm on holiday with eoghan from 5th august til the 20th!! whoops!!! How's your day been so far - still okish?

I spy a Crimson! *huggles*

Sorry guys can't do this rl and I really need arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!. please make this stop .

Sorry I have nothing constructive to say for replies but its taken me 2.5 hrs just to read the 6 pages I had missed over the weekend...

*sits and hopes for quicksand to sink away in*

I can't take life any more. :sad:

*offers hugs to all who are struggling and can accept hugs*
I really wish I could do more.

Hels - *hugs*
Hayley - Good luck. *hugs*
Jill - I wish I could honey. *offers you cuddles*
Crimson - That's a mammoth effort to read. How are you doing? *hugs*
Lindsay - Is it okay if I *offer you hugs*? Do you want to talk about anything?

I got up at about 3 am. I'm freaking out about having to leave the house to see my psychiatrist in 4 hours. *screams silently*

Lol Hello Reggie :)
*Hugs Hayley* My social worker came with me to my benefits interview , I guess he was acting as an advocate , I think that if it makes you that anxious and from what you say it does you should ask for an advocate , I really think it would help you with your situation Hayley. I'm really sorry I haven't been on WoW latley ,I'm a "bit" low hopefully later in the week we both will be online together.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Kahlia*

I wish I knew what to say / do to make it all better :S

Well, my mother in law killed my daughters birthday, made her cry more than once and then berated her for it... I kinda feel guilty about it because she told us she was going to take her to forest faire and instead took her to the house she's housesitting at and had her helping clean it. We agreed to let her go to forest faire or we would have taken her to a place out of the house that she wanted to go to (she wanted chuck e cheese, the zoo or a place called bouncing bears)... on top of which she kept lying to her and telling her it wasn't her birthday, etc etc etc and actually yelled at me and d because we let her know when her b-day was and when my sister called from across the country to with her a happy b-day i let her talk. my sister is 5 time zones away. i'd explain more but it'd be a rant. *note* we did have a in home bday party and her friend even got to come over (wih very short notice but they made it over) at the end she had fun and was happy. because of how her day started though we let the kids all stay up late and let her friend stay and play till midnight.
And my brother in law called to let us know (yesterday) that instead of being deployed to iraq in a few months he's being deployed this morning and going straight from iraq to afganistan and it'll be a total of a yr and 5 months of deployment instead of a solid year total. My husband wants to go now to protect him.

I'm conflicted on how I feel about it all but I'm hoping now that my daughter's b-day is over my mil will actually stay at the place she's house sitting and move out of my place because i don't think i can take much more of this.

Hayley - Oh dear, really hope you do then. Fingers crossed. Where you two going??? My day's been up & down. Sorry I missed your post...

I'm soooooooooo excited =D

*hugs april* I care. I always read your r/v thread, and you should not just shut up, if you did we would definitely miss you.

*hugs helen* I'm sorry that your lowness is back. Try to hold onto that happy feeling, do something nice for yourself. Oo.. wait i just refreshed the page and saw you were excited! yay! why you excited?

*hugs lia* How r u today?

*hugs mark* I'm sorry about feeling like you have to wear a happy mask all the time around your family. Its good that you found someone you can talk to about self harm though. Its nice when you find someone that doesnt "freak out" or anything like that.

*hugs jill* thanks for the hugs. You can make it through this hun.

*hugs hayley* hope the stuff with your housing gets sorted out. Hi Reggie!

*hugs crimson* I'm sorry about your daughters birthday and about your brother in laws deployment. Sounds like things aren't really slowing down or getting easier for you. :-/ *extra hugs*

*hugs kahlia* I hope that your psychiatrist is helpful and that you are able to make it there. I wish there was something more I could say that would help with the anxiety.

*gently hugs lindsay* is there anything we can do? need to talk about anything? we are here to listen you know.

*hugs heather* and *waves to owen*

I don't really feel like I can take much more. I feel so confined. Stuck between places where I don't have anything. I went out for a walk last night at like 11pm, thinking that maybe if I walked long enough I might forget or walk out of my life or something... obviously that didn't work, b/c no matter what, I am confined to the streets of this city. I'm kind of a mess today still. Have to go to work in 2 hours though. So somehow i'll have to pull it together.

My moods keep switching (incase you hadn't already noticed). I'm excited because I'm going to Alton Towers tomorrow for an RYL meet. It's a theme park & a good one at that aha =]

Sorry you're struggling so much sweetheart *cuddles tight*

Oo that sounds really fun Helen! I wish I could come to the meet up lol. *catches a virtual airplane*
*cuddles back*

****, ****, ****! So ****ing pissed off. I don't care! I don't care anymore! I hate my life here and just want to be gone! This anger's going to turn into tears and I can't cry. Just why?! Even the smallest things...Why can't I have the smallest thing? I give up.

Wish you could come too, it is lots and lots of fun *cuddles*

Lia, why can't you cry sweetheart? Do you want to talk about why you're so angry???

*cuddles lia tightly* Don't give up please! Hang in there, you can get through this. What happened hun?

Nothing. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry, I'm being crap and unsupportive at the moment. I'm so sorry.

xxx

epic fail = knowing you only have amonth to finish 3 exams and 3 essays, rushing through a test and failing so now you have to take extra time to redo the test and on top of that can get a max of 70% now *buries head in sand*

It does matter if it's affecting you Lia. We're here if you want to talk about it, if not, we're still here :)

What's the point anymore? Just why, why, why, why...

*Runs until can't run anymore, then collapses in a sobbing heap.*

I have to get out. Away from here, away from everything! I just want out. Out, out, out.

*cuddles tight*

Hey Mark, how you?
And Crimson and Helen and Lia.

*cuddles Helen*

*curls up and cries*

well a 65% (won't let me retest for a week), a 95% and I have just 3 essays and a typed out ethics exam left to do by 12 August... *snickers at use of the word just* i admit this is my own fault but now i feel totally overwhelmed even with my essays all mostly done. i hate essays... they never look ok to me. never ready to hand in.

*cuddles Helen*

*cuddles you back*

I'll stop being so useless now. Individual replies.

Jill- you don't suck sweetie. How are you feeling now? I'm glad you listened to me :) I am right. I'm always right. Of course :/

Laura- How are you feeling now? *Hugs*

Helen- Glad you had some happiness eariler and I hope you're feeling exited again now. What made you feel low again? Or was it just a random mood?

April- I care out you sweet. I haven't read your r/v. I'm not entierly sure what one it. I can be a little thick. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry, I'm being useless again. And I need to stop apologsing. Sorry :P I hope you feel a little better now. And thanks for the PM invite.

Angelic Monster- Good luck with all the work. I've just finsihed a load of exams and feel as if I failed and am going to let everyone down, but hey.

Mark- *hugs* Glad there's somone else you can talk to. I hope you're alright. Good that the appointment went well.

*Hugs and tea to everyone else.*

I had tea today. At my W/E. It was a little boring today and they wouldn't let me watch a hystorectomy :( and two cats died. Lovely and cheerrful.

Why am I listening to this song? It's upbeat, but the most cheesy thing I have ever heard of. I didn't even know this person sang...

I've been low for a long time, just get bursts of happiness/excitedness.

I'm so cross with my boyfriend, well techically he's my ex but I haven't left him offically LOL. He comes online & was talking. Was going to ignore him but replied. Turns out he only phoned because he wanted to invite me to a BBQ tomorrow which I can't do with being out at Alton Towers. Plus I probably wouldn't have gone, as I'm so angry with him at the moment. Then he was talking about how he wanted to make it up to me & how he knows sorry won't fix it alone. Sounds like bullshit & then just ran off whilst I was eating dinner. No text or anything to apologise....so far. (He left over an hour ago)

Then my best friend just ran off too. Am so worried about her but I know she'll stay safe. She promised & said she was going bed. Plus she was going to go early anyway as we both need early nights for our early starts (she's got a busy day too). Just hope it helps to make her feel better. Can understand why she doesn't want to be low as it's her birthday on Thursday.

*curls up* I feel so alone.

Huggles lea very gently but tightly, your not useless Hun your a caring and lovely person, that deseves happyness.

Me I'm fine, okayish idk *shrugs*

Lol, Helen, because of your DP, I imagine you as a little stick person sat at your computer.

You're not alone Helen, you have all of us and others in your life who do care about you. I know it doesn't feel like it, I don't feel like it (that people care about me that is), but they do (care about you). Right, did you make sense of that?

*Hugs Jill back and Helen. No more arms. Damn. Group hug*

What's up Jill? Glad you're not feeling too bad. And thanks.

xx

Sorry for taking up another post, but I am worried about my mental health. I was suicudal ten minutes ago, and now I'm fine. Does anyone know anything about bipolar disorder...? Mind, I don't have manic highs, just the biggest mood swings...that might be more to do with my time of the month. But then, I'm always like this, even when I don't have my woman issues.

Noithing I'm fine. =\ forget about me, are you okay? I know stuiped question.

Haha. That amused me greatly.

I know I'm not alone. I just feel like it because of my best friend going. I know it's daft as other people care about me too. I did make sense of it :D *hugs you both*

That's quite worrying, do you have any professional support??????

April is probably a good one to ask Lia. Sorry not more helpful but she's the only person that comes to mind right at the second that could give you more info.
You aren't alone Helen, we care and we're here.
Jill, are you fine or f.i.n.e.?

Great. Thanks, that's reassuring.

I'm weird like that. No, I don't and I don't plan to get any as I am only 16, the mother would have to get involved and never will I go there.

You don't seem fine Jill. I know 'nothing' I am an expert on 'nothing' and 'fine'. ANyway, the word fine is banned, it's 'bang-tidy' :)

xxx

Yeah I know fine is banned sorry. just don't know what to say on how I'm feeling. Forget about me,it's you I'm more worried about.

Don't worry about me. I'm...bang-tidy. Ish.

Lol,
Common side effects of other mood stabilizing medications include:
...

• Mood swings < What's the point in that then?!

xx

Hmm okay I will believe you. =p that seams a bit backward and stuiped. Shutting up now.

You don't have to shut up. What do you believe me on?

xx

That your bang tidy. Idk

I'm just confused. I've thought I have depression for ages, I have all the symptoms, but not these mood swings have been thrown in as well. I can go from being suicidal to fine, almost happy even, in a matter of minutes. But I don't have manic highs, and my mood switches by the hour, not weeks. Sometimes I will have a period of day where I am happy for no apparent reason, but not enough for it to be a problem and I'm not doing anything wild, just not as sad.

xx

Huggles Hun, wish I knew how to help. =\

I think that's called fast cycling... or something like that. not all bipolar people have the same speed of transition from one mood to the next some only do a full cycle once or twice a year with other far more frequently, like throughout a day or week...

So no one's going to tell me I'm being thick and of course there's nothing wrong with me...? Well, I know they would be lying.

*Hugs Jill back* Ergh, why do I have to be crazy? No offence everyone else.

xx