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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

I'mJustMe 23-06-2010 10:41 PM

I want to die. There's nothing left for me here.

SoMuchMore 23-06-2010 10:58 PM

JK!!! *pounces on* Its good to hear from you!

*hugs mark, lia, and nicole*

Hang in there. All of you are good people, that can offer so much. Sorry I cant say more than that right now. I'll try to do more individual replies later tonight.

I spy crimson! *hugs*

Kahlia1981 23-06-2010 11:09 PM

*hugs all*

It's about 0800 and I'd rather be in bed. I'll probably go back there. Struggling to find a reason to keep myself up. Tomorrow is a milestone if I can make myself get there ... but right now I have to fight to stay alive, and in the moment. *sigh*

So.damn.over.it.all.

wildly insane 23-06-2010 11:43 PM

*hugs for everybody*

I know it's lame but it's all I can manage right now

keep fighting guys, you can do it, you deserve to get through this and come out smiling, don't give up.

risenfromperdition 24-06-2010 05:05 AM

*snuggles everyone and sighs*

jonikd 24-06-2010 06:43 AM

*Hugs Mark and Laura tight* thanks guys, its nice to be welcomed back :)

Nicole, honey, you need to focus on one thing that's going to get you through this and hold on to it tight ok. I had a conversation with my therapist today kind of on a similar thing and the only 2 things in my life that matter enough to stop me when I'm like that are my wee god daughter and my wee niece. Whoever or whatever your "thing" is get a picture and carry it with you, might be your darling puss cats, or a best friend or even a beautiful flower or sunset. There's gotta be something hun, and no matter how small it is its worth it. Life is worth it, and you have so much cool stuff ahead of you 'k? Keep talking to us here. *hugs really really tight* but not so tight as to squish you.

Hi Lia, I'm the missing JK lol, the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar, and yes that is in my head now thanks. *hugs if that's OK*

Special cuddles for you April, you're having a rough time hun, hang in there, you're a strong chick who will get through this.

Kahlia, Helen, Crimson, Hayley, Oliver, Julie and everyone else I've forgotten in my long absence.....I miss you guys and hope things are 'OK' for you. Keep fighting Kahlia, you've done it before and I know how tiring it is but you know that you can.

Right, off again now, internetless again for a few days so take good care of each other.

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 07:02 AM

*hugs JK back tightly* we'll miss you again.

*hugs heather* you okay?

*hugs hannah* its okay that hugs are all you can manage right now. It's good to hear from you.

*hugs kahlia* Keeping fighting hun. You are such a strong person. What is the milestone for tomorrow?

*hugs lia, nicole, mark, and april*

I'm so confused... and invisible. *hides away* it's probably where I belong anyway

risenfromperdition 24-06-2010 07:07 AM

you dont deserves to be hiding. sup lovely? <3
*squishes laura tight*

im going to beach monday so need shorts... blah.
and had loads of food today :(

jonikd 24-06-2010 08:29 AM

dodgy internet connection works = hooray.

Laura, hun, I won't give up if you don't give up.

Hugs Heather, and Hannah.

Lindsay, I'm so sorry about your Dad, I heard from mine tonight and really felt for you *offers shoulder to cry on and hugs tight*

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 08:31 AM

Not lovely. Ugly and idiotic.

I'm not safe. I feel like a broken record though... always saying that my thoughts are spinning, but that is what they are doing and it really throws me off sometimes, and confuses me.. I'm so confused.. I would try to type some out so that you guys could know what I am saying, but I think that would be a very long and self centered post.

*hugs heather back* I hope that you are able to find some shorts. I understand not wanting to shop for them though... I went shopping tonight and it made me feel huge. You are beautiful though hun, don't let that mentality get to you so much.

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 08:33 AM

*hugs JK* sorry I was typing while you posted. Dodgy internet is no good. How else r u?

I'm trying not to give up..

Kahlia1981 24-06-2010 09:00 AM

Laura - my milestone is 22 months SI free ... at 9am tomorrow morning my time (GMT+10). Almost 2 years free.

*hugs all of you who can accept hugs and wishes she could do more*

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 09:06 AM

Kahlia - *prepares confetti for throwing* wow! almost 2 years, thats great!!

Doikers 24-06-2010 10:50 AM

Kahlia 22 Months is amazing :-) < Breaks out the Grin

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 12:43 PM

wow, a lot of posts since the last time i posted... sorry i haven't been keeping up too well, things have been kind of crazy here. :( i feel bad now...

i'm gonna be working from home today - trying to convince my supervisor that i don't need a sick day, that instead i need to be able to be at home, because
The following content has been hidden - Reason : women's stuff
my period's going on and i don't feel very well because of it.
so *sigh* i hate life at the moment and am very grumpy and icky. :'(

therapy went okay yesterday... it was really tough though. i think i'm going to be sticking with this therapist, as she seems to know what she's doing (lol). we did the two-chair exercise, where the part of me that doesn't want to get better talked to the part of me that does want to get better... it was a little scary to hear how spiteful and angry the don't-want-to-get-better voice was. :-S we also did another exercise that i'm going to try to remember, a centering exercise, focusing on physical and emotional sensations as well as thoughts. it was pretty good actually and she said that it was good i could be as aware as i was. but we talked about the sexual abuse that happened years ago so i came out of there pretty numb. :-X i'm still feeling kind of numb actually...

sorry for the lack of individual replies. :( just am not up to replying to everyone, but i do want to say an early congrats to kahlia. :D

*cuddles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 01:11 PM

and i updated my r/v about therapy... :-X a little more in-depth if you care to read. it's okay if you don't though, i understand.

:-/

wolfos3d 24-06-2010 01:14 PM

Hey everyone. I'm not doing too well right now. Really urgy and miserable. I can barely function. I have read through everything that has been posted though. *huge hugs to everyone*

Doikers 24-06-2010 01:27 PM

*Hugs April* it sounds like you had a really positive meeting with your new therapist and it sounds good that you'll be able to see her weekly rather every 2 weeks :) , I Never did any exercises like that with my Pychologist , we more talked about my problems as it was specifically aimed at my S.I. . Pychologist/Therapist , very different I guess.

*Hugs Jessica* I'm sorry you are feeling so low and urgy , same here so I can relate

Must STOP Absent mindedly pulling sleeves up.
EDIT:I need a disstration and haevn't played WoW in a week so I'll pop out to the shops and then maybe play it for an hour

EDIT2: Ran into Alex from last summers stay in the pysch ward . he asked if I was "With" "That" girl from the ward , I said we were friends, he said not to let her go , I KNOW THAT hmmpf , Triggered from running into him , and annoyed that he still pryed into my life , I don't feel comfortable around him.

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 02:39 PM

am so ****ing angry with myself. have to take a sick day so now my internship extends into wednesday of next week instead of tuesday. :crying:

i just want some hugs, support, encouragement, anything, because honestly i don't feel like i can keep going. :crying:

Doikers 24-06-2010 03:15 PM

*Hugs April Tons* you can do 1 extra day April , you're so close , you CAN do this

nicole94 24-06-2010 03:51 PM

*hides*

shadowedsoul 24-06-2010 04:41 PM

*gives april a big bear hug.* hang in there hun. curls up and hides, just when everthing going not to bad, somthing comes along and messes it up again. damn it i want to cut really badly or worse. im such a muppet. hits head againts the wall hard. stuiped jill, stuiped jill.

Doikers 24-06-2010 05:01 PM

*Hugs Nicole*

*Huggles Jill*you're not stupid at all Jill not at all

frenchhorn 24-06-2010 06:11 PM

*gives you all lots of cuddles*
sorry been absent for a few days, I ended up in hospital!! I was playing football and someones knee collided with my ribs, was in agony and had to go to A and E and then they kept me in because my haemoglobin levels were low and they were worried about my liver being damaged, but I'm fine, just a bit bruised.
Although my girlfriend is out of hospital and is loads better :)
I'm babysitting tonight with her, I've never really looked after little kids before, one is 4 and the other a baby, bit scared.
must dash I've got to go, sorry for the quick visit, shall reply properly when I have time

Doikers 24-06-2010 06:25 PM

*Hugs Oliver* Ouch that sounds painful, Glad your ribs and liver are ok .
I have a baby neice I've not looked after before so I know the anxiety of looking after wee ones , I'm sure you'll do fine and your girlfriend will be there to help right? :)

Doikers 24-06-2010 08:12 PM

I've been all over looking for distractions , I ate( Even though that makes me hate myself more) I researched online for my Mum and my Sister , I Youtubed , I Played WoW but got frustrated by how slowly I'm leveling ( Advice Anyone? please) I took a bath . I went to he (Food) shops .
But I had "The Urge" still after all that. So I gave in and cut, I DO feel a BIT better , less anxious.but the little voice says why stop there , cut again , you DO enjoy it don't you , you'll feel better after .

Why , but I'll have scars.....but that doesn't matter you already have a ton.
*Sigh*
EDIT:- My R/V Link http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...80#post2335180 triggers!

shadowedsoul 24-06-2010 08:23 PM

Damn it I really need to cut, can't distract myself, trying everything, can't keep theses thoughts
Out of my head.the worse thing is I don't
care. so frigging stressed out just want to
Hide and cry. not in a good place tonight.

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 08:24 PM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry its not more. Feeling badly still after last night.

I'mJustMe 24-06-2010 09:52 PM

*Hugs Jill, April, Nicole and anyone else who could use one.*

What's up Nicole?

April, you can hang in there, however impossible it seems. Believe in the impossible, it makes life much more fun. And I would miss you, you're a regular on here and I think we would all feel your absance and I don't think it will just be me who will feel they could have done something.

Selfish moment now. I could really, really use some support. Tomorrow, I have got to say goodbye to the person I love most in the world. I love her with all of my heart, she is my everything and what keeps me going. Tomorrow, it's time to say goodbye and I don't know if I can do it. I don't trust myself not to break down in front of her. I don't trust myself to continue without her. I need her. I can't lose her. Please, help me.

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 09:56 PM

As far as WoW advice goes, Mark, I'd say do dungeons if you want to level quickly. Quests can take quite a bit of time to get done. Also, of course if you're having a lack of concentration, it can be difficult. Once you're past level 15 there's a dungeon finder down on the pane just past where your character tab and talent tree tab is... you are DPS, not a tank and not a healer (lol), so click on that in the random dungeon finder (you get some silver and a package of goodies if you do randoms, but you can also queue for a specific dungeon, like Deadmines)... and ta-daa, leveling faster and meeting people from different realms. :) PUGs (Pick-Up-Groups) can suck sometimes, but sometimes they can be good.

Anyway.

Still not doing too well, cut a bunch of times this morning... stupid me. Stupid stupid stupid me. :'(

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 09:58 PM

*holds Lia* I'll be keeping you in my prayers, love. I don't know what else to say except you're strong enough to do this... if you don't mind, why do you have to say goodbye? is it definitely forever? :( Hang in there and don't do anything "stupid" ... and we're here for you. I'm sorry that I don't have more to say, am pretty out of words. And it's okay to be "selfish" (you really weren't being selfish anyway)... because we ALL need support from time to time. *hugs*

SoMuchMore 24-06-2010 10:14 PM

*hugs lia* You can get through this. I'm sorry I don't have advice really, but we're here if you need to talk/vent/whatever. You aren't being selfish

*hugs april* Sorry to hear that you are cutting so much. Are you taking care of the wounds? Oh and in reply to an earlier post you made, It sounds like your therapist is being helpful, I'm glad that you are going to get to go every week instead of every other.

Scarletdreamer 24-06-2010 11:14 PM

updated r/v...

...and yeah, laura, my cuts are under a bandaid but that's it. so i don't know if that counts as "taking care of the wounds." :-S

i'm really scared. :-S i'm scared that i'm going crazy. like, as in a psychotic break.

wildly insane 25-06-2010 12:03 AM

*huggles for all*

So so tired, tis way past my bed time but neh.

*hugs Heather* hope you enjoy the beach, good luck shopping

*hugs JK* hope the dodgy internet connection keeps working

*hugs Laura* thanks :) my head always goes around and around in circles, sometimes trying to write it down, clears some things up so go ahead spill the contents

*hugs Kahlia* awesome, congratulations, you are a star :)

*hugs Mark* sorry your're so triggered, it sucks when absolutely nothing works, keep fighting please, it won't make you feel better in the long run, it's lying to you.

*hugs April* well done at therapy, sorry to hear you're not feeling so good now though. You can do it, you can make it to Wednesday, yes you can, don't be scared.

*hugs Jessica* sorry to hear you aren't feeling good, hope you feel better tomorrow.

*hugs jill* you're not stupid, nope, not in any way, shape, or form *cuddles gently*

*hugs Oliver* ouch sounds painful, hope babysitting goes well

*hugs nicole* what's up?

*hugs Lia* sorry to hear you have to say goodbye, but remember the good times, you can do this, you can. It's not selfish at all.

*hugs everyone else I haven't seen in a while Julie, Hayley, Helen, Lindsay, Kat*

okay bedtime

Kahlia1981 25-06-2010 12:10 AM

*camly walks in, hugs all who are struggling and can accept hugs, sits down in a comfy chair and says loud and clear "I made it to 22 months!!"*

Would you believe I never thought I would say that again??

*big hugs to all of you*

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 03:57 AM

thats amazing =D go you

UGH. i wanna cut but if i do im almost guaranteed to be found out but deserve it for being so disgustingly huge *cries*
fml.

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 03:59 AM


i was bored earlier, figured you lot would like.

Kahlia1981 25-06-2010 04:44 AM

*hugs Heather* - I hope you have managed not to cut. I don't believe you deserve it. And I don't think you are huge - nor do I think your body size means you deserve to cut. I'm a big girl - a lot bigger than I want/should be - and my meds made me that way and I have to fight hard to get back to how I want/should be, but that doesn't change who I am inside. Sorry, I don't mean to be hurtful or upsetting you, just wishing you didn't feel that way. :-( *big hugs*

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 04:56 AM

you're not being hurtful =] <3
*shrug* i'll try to be good.

SoMuchMore 25-06-2010 05:19 AM

*throws confetti around for Kahlia* YAY! Great job hun!

*hugs heather* I agree with what kahlia said, but you know that already. I hope that you haven't cut at all. Try not to listen to those thoughts, I know its hard, but please try.

Home early from work. Going to try to write stuff out I think. I don't know if it will help or not, but its worth a shot.
*feels invisible*

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 05:21 AM

*cuddles* message me if you want <3

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 06:48 AM

blaaaaah. i want sleep =[

I'mJustMe 25-06-2010 08:19 AM

Heather, is that your name? The picture is beautiful, did you take it yourself? You're not discusting and don't deserve it. You're beautiful and can do this. I have to go say goodbye now. I seem to have gone into shut down mode.

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 08:55 AM

thanks lia =] yeh its my name and yeh i took the pic.

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 08:55 AM

i spy julie =]

xxjuliexx 25-06-2010 09:04 AM

*curls up* soooo full yuk yuk yuk

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 09:16 AM

*cuddles* i know how yucky being full feels, but promise its ok :)
<3

Doikers 25-06-2010 09:53 AM

*Hugs Heather*Wonderful Photo :)

*Hugs Lia* I really don't have any advice other than to stay strong , you do genually come over as a strong person, I Hope it goe's as well as it can.

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Julie *

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Kahlia*22 Months !! Go you!! Congratulations Kahlia.

*Hugs Hannah*

*Hugs Jessica*

*Hugs Tineke*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs JK*

*Hugs Helen*

* hugs all I forgot , sorry to forget you *

risenfromperdition 25-06-2010 10:07 AM

hey =] how're you?
*stares at clock*
*scowls*
:P
[its 5am... yay sleep? o_O]

Doikers 25-06-2010 10:28 AM

I'm anxious Heather . My SW is coming over for the first time in a couple of weeks after he admitted I "Fell Through" the loop , Means he forgot about me but oh well he's remembered me now , So yeah anxious about that .

5am ouch no wonder you need sleep , go to bed and try and get a couple of hours or as much as you can get :S


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