Thankyou for all your kind words guys :) I'm trying to beleive them , I try .
Oh and thanx for the reminder Laura , I did it , I hate doing it , Official phonecalls ick


* Morning (Just) Hugs for all that can accept them *

i spy mark & jess. *cuddles*

i'm low this morning, still, and still angry. dunno why. only 3 days of internship left, thank God, i can't wait to be done with that and with my official report after it. :(

i feel so stupid. so... guuuuuuhhhhhhhh i don't know... :crying:

*sits*
dont wanna go to therapy today.....

Hugs for all who need them*

April, please try to hold on. You should be proud of yourself for almost finishing your internship, and the others are right, you need to decide if all the time away is going to be worth it for you. I know it's hard to think that way, and you will feel selfish, but just sometimes, it's not wrong to put yourself first. Mind, I never could so I don't know what I'm going on about. You're not stupid April, you mean a lot to all of us here, as a fellow regualr, I feel I am getting to know you.

Jess- it's really good that you lasted four days. Try and make that more and more. You never know, we might be congtatulating you on a month and then a year soon! Not to scare you or anything, I know going that long without SI is a really scary though.

Nicole- why don't you want to go to therapy? What's the matter?

*Hugs Kahlia.* It's OK, try to calm down. You're not huge, try not to judge yourself on other people. We all do it and I know how hard it is not to, but you're you, not the person sitting next to you,not the woman on the 345 bus, not the guy walking down the street. I hope you can continue to resist those urges, you're worth it and you deserve to get better.

Laura, I'm sorry about your mum. I hope both you and her are OK. If you need some support, we are all here for you.

*Hugs shadowedsoul gently* How are you right now? Do you feel any better? I'm sorry you feel as low as you do. Is there anything you can do to distract or cheer yourself up? What I find sometimes helps is either watching something like Lee Evans on youtube, or watching kids shows. Like cebeebies. I know it's childish, but it can make you feel better. There's something comfoting about watching Come Outside that you haven't seen since you were five.

Mark- I hope you're feeling better than you were before. Do you know what triggered you to make you feel so low? Please try to believe the words of all those here, we're telling the truth and are all here for you.

To anyone else that needs support, just hold on. You can do this, you can get through this and have us all behind you. Smile- someone might be falling in love with it.

Hmm had a sleep kind off helped, being feeling physically and mentally drained lack of sleep, stuiped thoughts going through my head day and night, very weird dreams that freak me out. I think my mum hit the nail on the head today, mabye I allready knew I was depressed just didn't want to admit to myself. Really don't want to go back for therapy again, walked out of those felling WTF was all that about, didn't help also notreally sure what's making me feel like this again. There is no way I'm going into hospital no way that not going to happen. Anyway sorry for my long post. hide in corner.

i'm so drained, it's ridiculous.

lia, hon, how are you doing? that was a response of epic proportions (as was yours, hannah!!)... thanks for putting out so much effort. :) i'm worried about you though, as you talk about yourself so little and that can be a bad sign at times. *hugs*

jill, i'm sorry that you're not feeling well... but maybe give therapy another go? because maybe a different therapist could help you more. just an idea - that's what i'm doing right now, seeing a different therapist than the one i'd seen for nearly 5 years, and she's helping a lot. it's tough though... but that's also to be expected. therapy was never meant to be easy. *hugs*

nicole, sweet, why don't you want to go to therapy? *huggles*

kahlia, love, don't give in to the ed urges... they are stupid anyway. that's what i keep trying to tell myself, at least. :-/ it doesn't always work but sometimes it does. i'm sure you're not as huge as you think you are but i understand the feeling of gaining weight/size because of meds. :( it's an icky feeling, that's for sure. and having a tiny neighbor talk about weight/bmi/calories/etc... kudos to you for putting up with it as well as you have. *cuddles*

how are you doing today, laura? & how's your mum? i'm worried about you... both of you really... it's been awhile since you've updated us. and i couldn't find your r/v thread? for some reason... so couldn't read that either. :( *holds you gently*

mark, how are you doing today? *cuddles* glad you remembered to order your meds, i also hate making phone calls but it has to be done sometime... hope you're not too low at the moment.

i'm really quite exhausted. it's been a long day of data entering and i'm afraid to ask when i can leave because my supervisor kind of said that she felt guilty for letting me go each day early. and i have no idea if i'm supposed to fill out the entire data form with 339 names and addresses today... or if it's supposed to last the rest of the week? i'm already almost over halfway through it... :-/ but i am so tired of looking and typing, just gahhh!!!!

*hides in the warren* :'(

Shadowedsoul- Sorry, I don't know your real name, it's not on your profile. It therapy doesn't help, then I would advise you not to go back to it, it could only make you feel worse. Is there anything that could make you feel better? You say this isn't the first time, what happened before? Any chance you could do the same thing again? Why don't you want to go to the hospital?

I know how you feel about the dreams. I'm having dreams too. Dreams where I'm in a situation where I just need someone so badly, then I remember the one person I need more than anything isn't there and never will be again and that's when I jerk awake. Worse are the ones when everything's perfect,because then waking up is like losing her all over again. I know how it feels to want to sleep so badly and just being so so tired but not being able to drift off.

I find reading sometimes helps, or writing to get your feelings out. Or do something really really boring that will make you want to sleep.

I hope you feel a little better soon, remember, you've done it before, things can be OK again. I'm always here if you need someone.
xx

Sorry April, I only saw your post after I typed out the other one. Tut tut, talking to us on here when you should be working :P I'm sure you won't be tortured for much longer, they can hardly keep you there all night. Then you can go home with a hot chocolate and marshmallows and watch your favourite movie, the simple life, but I always find the best of times with simple.

I'm OK. Don't worry about me, I just find it hard to talk about my feelings.

xx

i'm a worrybug... so i can't help but worry. :) *hugs*

it's only 2pm here so i could well be here for another 2 hours... well okay, 1:50pm, but close enough. i'm so tired of being here... gahh. oh well. i've entered 190/339 names and addresses so far... i feel like a secretary. this hardly takes any thought at all and i hate it!! but only 2 days left, must keep thinking that!!!! :P

yeah, i know i "shouldn't" be in here when i'm supposed to be working, but my supervisor actually told me to take breaks, so i am. :) i was looking at cello supplies on amazon.com a bit ago, found some really awesome stuff that i want. :) like a new rosin (for the bow), some music books, and an endpin rest. :D they're all relatively inexpensive, the most being $10 i think, so i'll talk with jarrod about buying the stuff sometime soonish. :) he's looking at getting a bass guitar so more supplies for my cello may be put on hold... but that's okay. :) woohoo.

anyway. sorry for rambling on. :-S

*hides again*

*hugs everyone*

Can I hide in here please not feeling to great.

*hugs louise* sure you can. :) i'm sorry that you're not feeling too great at the moment. anything we can do to help?

updated r/v.......... :'(

Hey Louise. What's up sweetie? Sure you can join us, the more the merrier.

April- you sound like me in my ICT lessons. When I was meant to be doing coursework, facebook, writing and fanfiction were much more appealing. I passed the course-just. I very nearly got chucked off it.

Can I share a poem with you all? I prefer to do it here rather than the creative corner, it's a way of getting my feelings across and getting support as well as feedback.

Warning- could be triggering for suicide.

Last Fate


Sadness tugs
At the core of my heart
From you there's no love
No warmth, no hugs.


The loneliness grows
Spreading through me
Diseased and hollow
My soul fights to be free


The break of a plate
Echoes the walls
I shrink back behind it
Cowering in wait.


I wake in the morning
The emptiness is there
As I kneel on the floor
And begin my prayer.


Help me God, please
I can't make another day
Guide me through this
Please show me the way.


There is silence
As I finish my plea
I'm thrown from my safety
completely at sea.


The sparkle is gone
The laughter is dead
Non one hears
What goes on in my head.


I'm all alone now
There's no one up there
No one to see me
To hear my prayer.


I'll soon be free now
That death is soon here
I can feel it coming
I know it is near.


I take one last look
At the world I hate
I smile at the sun
And embrace my fate.

thanks everyone, just feeling pretty low due to my step mum. I hate myself so much I'm so useless.

*hugs everyone*

Lia - that is a lovely poem, very powerful and emotional

*hugs lia* well if you ever do want to talk about your feelings we are all here for you. I like you poem... its sad though.

*hugs april* yay for almost being done with your internship! I read your r/v thread. Sorry that you are not feeling any better at all. Try to do something nice for yourself. Oo and i bet getting new cello stuff would be fun.
I updated my r/v thread too... right after you did actually heh. So if you're still looking for it it should be on that front page for a little bit anyway. But just a warning.. some of it probably won't make sense

*hugs louise* of course you can come in here. you are not useless

*sings to self ~jello, jello, i love jello~ and plays with her food*

*hugs Laura* thank, how are you?

too many pages...way too many pages... *yawns and rubs eyes and neck* Sorry everyone, can't do it, can't catch up..I left on page 1404...so that'd be 18 pages... *cuddles everyone who wants a cuddle*

Do you feel like sharing with us why your stepmum has made you feel this way Louise?

April, I'm so sorry you feel like you do. At least you say you won't kill yourself, hold onto that strength and what is making you feel that you won't end your life. For you to say that, there has to be something keeping you here. Remember all those things you're here for.

How are you Angelic Monster?

xx

Hey Katnovia, how are you feeling?

I am...hmmm... I dunno. Not bad so far today though. *offers jello* it's strawberry banana flavor.and it jiggles :D
Decided to let myself be a kid today if I wanna be as long as my work gets done too so this morning's break was jello-filled fun. lol

How is everyone else doing today? *sorry didn't read all the pages I'd missed this morning*
*leaves hugs and jello shapes on the table for all*

I like your poem Lia , Its very bleak , I hope it's ok to say that. I haven't written a poem in an age, I might if I thought they would be this good

She abuses me calls me names

I'm sorry she's like that, no one deserves to be treated like that.

What do you mean by 'abuses' exactly? You don't have to answer that, I'm just trying to understand a little better. How do you feel about your dad?

x

Oh, and thanks Mark and everyone else who commented on my poem.

She hits me and other things which I find hard to talk about, my dad erm died.

Oh, crap I'm sorry. Well that's my big feet nice and deeply in it. I'm so sorry about that. So it's just you and your stepmum. You know, no one deserves to be abused. I would tell you to tell someone, or something, but I know I couldn't. I know how you feel though and I know I never could.

Do you have any support?

You don't deserve it though, and don't believe it's your fault. I know how easy it is to feel that way.

x

i am in the middle of getting a new councillor, please don't worry about asking me it means a lot that someone listening to me

I'm glad you're getting support and I will always listen. How do you feel right now? Do you ever get along with your stepmum? Do you have any other family?
xx

Possible trigger warning














My cut has stopped bleeding I Think , I feel so sad I want to cry but can't *Sigh*

Sorry I'm really struggling with feeling low latley and I cut and it made me numb but now the lowness is coming back again I CAN'T STAND IT , so soon , I don't even get to go to bed without feel low and I can't cut like THAT everyday .

*Hugs Mark* What's the matter? Do you know what made you feel so low?

Take care of your cuts, clean them so they don't get infected. Do you have plasters and things?

x

I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

*sits and huggles Mark*

*hugs Mark* I have a true story you might like. A friend of mine was telling me that her sister never had a boyfriend until she was 30 and then one day she met a guy in a queue in a shop and he asked her out and now they're husband and wife. When I heard it, it just gave me back a little bit of hope. Anyway sorry to hear you are so low, glad you managed to order your meds, please look after yourself.

*hugs Lia* lovely poem, hope you are ok.

*hugs Louise* sorry to hear your stepmom is mean to you. We're here to support you if you want to talk.

*hugs Crimson* is there vegetarian jello? did you have a good day as a child? Sounds like an awesome idea

*hugs Kat* that is a lot of pages, welcome back, how are you?

*hugs Laura* I never make much sense either, I kinda like it that way :P how are you doing?

*hugs April* hope you get to get those cello bits :) I still haven't managed to start playing my violin again but I will. Good luck with the last few days of your internship, you can do it, keep that chin up.

*hugs Nicole* how did therapy go?

*hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear you're triggered by your neighbour. I don't know if this will help and sorry if it doesn't, but just think she's that thin, counting calories, weight etcetera and she's still unhappy so what's the point. Size doesn't make us it's what's inside that counts and you are a lovely, kind, thoughtful, beautiful person.

Hugs to everyone else hiding in the warren, take care of yourselves.

I'm okay, tired, headache, the gym always gives me a headache it's always too hot in there :P

*cuddles Lia* what's up sweetie, why are you sorry?

*hugs Lia* I have dressing yes , It's pretty tightly bound with presurre to stop the bleeding so I am gonna sleep in that and clean it and redress it tommorow morning ,.

I Have Deppression Lia and honestly I am going throuh a patch of feeling Low just because my mind thinks it's a good idea to torment me . , The old question , How do you escape yourself , at least I got 2 maybe 3 hours releif from this cut .

How are you doing Lia? , you are helping a lot of people tonight .
EDIT:-Why are you sorry Lia , whats up?

*Hugs Hannah*

*Huggles Crimson* I like that story , but thats not going to happen to me , I am in love , I'm just not sure it's requited , plus I have no relationship experience which makes me hate myself

Good, good I'm glad, I need to help people. I need something to keep me here, to make me worth something.

Nothing, nothing, it's OK don't worry about me I'm fine.

Do you have any support Mark? Anyone you can go to besides this site? Remember why you've held on. What keeps you here? Why do you get up in the morning? Think of the answers then concentrate on that and don't let go.

I know why I got up in the morning but it's all gone now. Gone away.

*hugs Hannah back*
In convenient add water and stick in the fridge form? no. I did find a few recipes and vegan "gelatin"s to use with a ggole search. Maybe you can look up a recipe and see what "gelatin" brands are available in your area. Hain seems like a popular brand but the people that recommended that one were mostly in the US.
As for how the day has gone it's only 12:20 so just after noon. I've gotten a good bit done today though and haven't been being too hard on myself today so all in all so far so good me thinks. *nods* Though I think singing to myself, playing with my jello and playing in my chair is making people think I'm weirder than they usually think I am lol. *shrugs* oh well. they can bugger off for all I care.

Crimson, I totally agree with you, am very glad your day is going okay.

Mark, I think you'd be surprised at how many people our age out there have little or no relationship experience, I certainly was, you're not the only one by any means so please try not to hate yourself about it, honestly, as to requited, well we never know what's round the next corner, do we?

I don't know what I got up for this morning Lia :S

I took the dressing off thinking the bleeding had stopped but NOPE, FINALLY got it under control , I hope its stopped by the morning.
I've had about all I can take of today , it seems almost everyday I say that and go to bed .It sucks being lonely hmmmmmm
Goodnight everyone , stay safe and If anyone needs to talk PM me or e-mail me as ever

Someone, someone, someone.

*looks confused*
someone someone someone what? what happened?

Someone here. It hurts, it hurts. I didn't mean to.

I can't remember who asked...but I'm okay I think, had my first half glass of wine in several months...so everything is a bit numb.

*cuddles Lia*

hi just me names Jill, my mum is starting to get on my nerves, why can she give it up. okay I had a small break down, she just keeps going and going. Just want to run and hide, damn it.
The hosiptal my mum said I needed to go to was a psych hospital, I can even tell you how much that scares me. So not happeing.

Hey Jill. Your mum just cares for you. I know being in a hospital scares you, but she's just trying to do whatever she can. Why is it such a scary idea?

I'm never trusting another living soul as long as I live. Everyone who I've let in has let me down. I gave it one last chance. One person swore they wouldn't, and for once, I believed them. I trusted them. More fool me. I'll continue to post here, but only to support others. Never to get it myself. I have to do this alone. I'm never letting anyone in. Not ever. My heart can't take it anymore. Sorry.

I can't do this. I'm done.

Huggles lia, not sure if that's your name? Are you okay? Don't do anything stuiped.
why that idea scares me, hmm I'm shy very queit kind of keep myself. I spend all my time in my bedroom watching tv or DVDs. I find it very hard to express my feeling I hate letting people in. sorry sounds stuiped shutting up.