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beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 01:38 AM

need hugs

missing boyfriend

sorry


:sad:

:-(

:crying:

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 02:08 AM

soo... i'm not sleepy yet and it's just past 9pm. i should be in bed as church is in 12 hours and i need a lot of sleep to function, especially after such an anxious day. :( i ended up not taking a bath, but a shower instead, and our water was being stupid so it wasn't a cool one either, so now i'm warmer than i was when i went in!! stupid temperatures outside... but it's cooler out now so we're cooling down the apartment (with our one window that will open >_< and the screen door). gahhh. sometimes i hate this place... no a/c. at least we're not further south!! :-/

i did the very first step for applying to mercy. i'm scared. i now have the packet to fill out... damn it, it's complicated. if i'm accepted i have to go to the doctor's and get a full physical and std testing (i don't have any, but still, it's gonna be a pain in the bum since i hate urinanalysis... lol). oh well. if it's gotta be done it's gotta be done. i also have the packet for one other place i'll be applying and i'm going to read about the other place i'm planning on applying to shortly. grrrr. :(

lia, good poem. :) sad though, as laura said... i'm sorry that your mum has caused so many hard feelings. :( i wish i could help you more. and i wish that i could help you sleep. i wish i could help me sleep... but it's later there so more important that you get your sleep. :( *softly hums a peaceful song and hands out magical faerie sleep dust* hehe... sorry, am a little silly at the moment.

*cuddles laura gently* 5 hours of an online class... wow. that's dedication!! i couldn't sit and do that... unless it had had had to be done... lol. i get so impatient and frustrated if i have to sit for one hour and do work... please tell me that you took some break(s)? :P i hope you enjoy your evening - quiet evenings are good evenings sometimes, right guys? just keep yourself distracted... (was/am having the same problem...)

*cuddles kahlia* how's your day going so far? did you get any sleep last night?

*hugs beautiful_mistake* sorry, don't know your name... i'm april. :) i'm sorry that you're missing your boyfriend, i know how hard that can be... :( here... *sets a box of hugs out on the table so you can have one whenever you need one* that should help some anyway... hehe.

*sighs and hides*

risenfromperdition 20-06-2010 04:56 AM

*yawn*
*leaves tea and cocoa [cal free obvs] on table*

Kahlia1981 20-06-2010 05:00 AM

Hmmmm yum. Cal free cocoa. Thanks Heather. :-) How are you?

Oh, and April, I slept well both of the last two nights, thanks for asking. :-)

risenfromperdition 20-06-2010 06:25 AM

i hadda say bye to 'my' kids tonight :( they movin to texas :(
and went out to dinner with mate had waaay too much food :/
ick.

how're youu


:)

Kahlia1981 20-06-2010 06:44 AM

Awww, sorry to hear that Heather. :(
Yeah, I'm okay I guess. Still in one piece ... guess that counts, right?

risenfromperdition 20-06-2010 07:22 AM

it does *squish* poke me if wanna chat <3
x

SoMuchMore 20-06-2010 08:27 AM

*cuddles april, kahlia, and heather tight*

I keep trying to type something out but then changing my mind, I suck at talking. Can i have some extra hugs please? Sorry.

risenfromperdition 20-06-2010 08:35 AM

*hugs as much as you want* poke me on fb hun? [im getting offline but get messages on mobile] here if you wanna chat <3

wolfos3d 20-06-2010 09:40 AM

*hugs to peoples*

I told my best friend that I SI. It took me three weeks to do. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed. Ah well, it's done now at least. One more thing out of the way.

Doikers 20-06-2010 10:44 AM

I like your poem Lia , but yeah sad...

My Mum has had her op , will be visiting in shifts later .

My sister called me lazy , well " Lazy Arse" so hmm I could have done without that , did,nt want to walk to the paper shop , tired , neck aches

one_step_closer 20-06-2010 01:08 PM

*hugs Mark*

shadowedsoul 20-06-2010 05:07 PM

Argh it's times like this I hate being a girl, I'm not really
girly and I keep argueing with my mum over stuff to
wear. I'm trying to meet my mum in the middle, but
she Is pushing me to far. Also feel very freaked out
about going to this hen night, as I said I'm not girly
hate this sort of thing I always stand out like a sore thumb.
Just want to hide.

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 05:35 PM

*hides in a hole and cries*

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2362354)
*hides in a hole and cries*


goes 2 the hole where Scarletdreamer is and offers a naked penguin

naked penguins all round i feel i should explain what a naked penguin is... it is a Bourbon people !!!

I'mJustMe 20-06-2010 07:18 PM

Lol, was wondering for a moment.

What's the matter April? Do you feel like sharing?

*Hugs carefully*

xx

Doikers 20-06-2010 08:12 PM

*Hugs Beautiful Mistake*

*Hugs I'm just me*

*Crawls in after April and hugs*

risenfromperdition 20-06-2010 08:15 PM

*sits next to hole and sends hugs down* :)
<3

Doikers 20-06-2010 08:17 PM

*Hugs all in Crawls in after April and hugs*,
My flat tomorow.
Calm.
Feel bad for feeling axious/low when my Mum has severly hurt her foot/ankle and the rest of the family are running around like flys trying to cope :S

SoMuchMore 20-06-2010 08:19 PM

*hugs heather* thanks hun. How r u today?

*crawls in the hole with everyone else and hugs april*

*hugs jess* Its good that you told someone though. I'm sorry he wasn't helpful.

*hugs mark* You aren't lazy, that wasnt very nice of your sister to say. Is your mom okay after the op?

*hugs beautiful mistake* lol a naked penguin...

*hugs lia, lindsay, and jill*

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 08:26 PM

hehe, a naked penguin... but aren't penguins always naked? (i don't think i've ever seen any wearing clothes minus the waiter ones in mary poppins who were in tuxedos :P) anyway... interesting. hehe.

thanks for the hugs and care, everyone. things are really rough right now. i got triggered at church today because the pastor was talking about self injury in his sermon and then there were skinny small girls everywhere and i just felt so huge and horrid... :( so i cut when i go home, almost as soon as i got home. not too bad but still. then i texted my np about it and she told me to go to the hospital and to promise her not to cut again today (because i said i wanted to keep cutting). :'(

needless to say, i can't promise that but i can try. and i'm going to... it's just that i really, really want to cut more, same place where i cut before... i don't know... i know i'm a loser for letting a sermon upset me but it's just... i can't cope right now. and i don't even know what i'm having trouble coping with!!!! :(

sorry for the rant... i'll try & do individual responses later. :(

*keeps hiding in her hole*

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 08:26 PM

thank you Doikers and Fallinstar0317

i needed them hugs
always up for more
i'll share a packet of naked penguins with you ;-)

x

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 08:30 PM

*peeks out of the hole and offers hugs to everyone*

beautiful_mistake, you and i posted at the same time. :) how are you?

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 08:30 PM

im sorry it has been a rough day for you april
and hey you rant away baby
pm me anytime
im always here

love&hugs

b m

;-)

x

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2362694)
*peeks out of the hole and offers hugs to everyone*

beautiful_mistake, you and i posted at the same time. :) how are you?

hey im a bit :sad:

one of my posts got closed
and errm...

im on a break from work til october because of mental health proplems and i cant get any money


And last week i got a letter from my doctor to say ive got to go for a cervical screening test so i go in on friday and make the appointment.
After i come back home im reading the leaftlet they gave me and it says

Quote:
if you have any unusual symptoms, such as bleeding after sex or between periods, you should see your doctor.

Well err yes that happens so i have to ring up and make another appointment tomorrow
thing is i dont want to
but mum and boyfriend are nagging me to
i just want to go for the test
it there is anything unusual it will be picked up on the cervical screening test

i dunno


please highlight if you really want to read this post


:Blush:

I'mJustMe 20-06-2010 08:47 PM

*Hugs to all who want them.*

April, you're not stupid to let that get to you. Talking about self harm can be so triggering and being around others who you view as so much more beautiful than you can too. I hope you don't cut again, but it's nothing to be ashamed of if you do. Everyone slips, no one's perfect.

Hey beautiful mistake. What's the matter? Anything you want to talk about?

Fathers' day hasn't been as bad as I thought. I had a fun day actually, basically acted like a five year old with my sister and two best friends. 'twas fun and a mahusive laugh.

xx

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 10:52 PM

*spies oliver and glomps* :) how are you, love? & how's your girlfriend?

*hugs lia and b_m* thanks for the support. it means a lot, it really does. i haven't cut again yet and actually started filling out my app for mercy, i'm terribly scared though. :( i hate being this way. it really, really sucks. i just wish that i could be okay... for once... instead of being this way for 8+ years.

anyway.

b_m *hugs* i'm sorry to hear about the cervical test... hopefully it will reveal that everything is okay. i will be sending you good thoughts/praying for you (if you don't mind - some people do so PLEASE let me know if you do). i wish i could be of more use right now... but i feel fragile... crumbling... i don't know. sorry. :(

*hugs lia* glad your father's day wasn't that bad. i feel bad about something i said to my dad - it was a good thing and perhaps he wasn't entirely deserving of all that i said, but... i don't know. sorry for rambling on about me again. :( having fun days = mandatory for staying "sane" - lol. hopefully you get to have some more fun days in the days to come. :)

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2363036)
*spies oliver and glomps* :) how are you, love? & how's your girlfriend?

*hugs lia and b_m* thanks for the support. it means a lot, it really does. i haven't cut again yet and actually started filling out my app for mercy, i'm terribly scared though. :( i hate being this way. it really, really sucks. i just wish that i could be okay... for once... instead of being this way for 8+ years.

anyway.

b_m *hugs* i'm sorry to hear about the cervical test... hopefully it will reveal that everything is okay. i will be sending you good thoughts/praying for you (if you don't mind - some people do so PLEASE let me know if you do). i wish i could be of more use right now... but i feel fragile... crumbling... i don't know. sorry. :(

*hugs lia* glad your father's day wasn't that bad. i feel bad about something i said to my dad - it was a good thing and perhaps he wasn't entirely deserving of all that i said, but... i don't know. sorry for rambling on about me again. :( having fun days = mandatory for staying "sane" - lol. hopefully you get to have some more fun days in the days to come. :)

*cuddles everyone who wants cuddles*

*hugs Scarletdreamer back*

thank you april you are so sweet and no i do not mind at all xx
going to make the appointment tomorrow
also i wish we had buddy poke on here it would be rather cool and make everyone smile well i reckon it would


;-)

frenchhorn 20-06-2010 11:53 PM

*glomps April back and hugs her lots* I'm sorry you got triggered and ended up cutting, your not a loser for getting triggered by a sermon, if they were talking about sh, then off cause it could be triggering, it certainly doesn't make you a loser. I'm glad you havn't cut since and hope the form filling out is going well, I know they can be a massive pain.

*hugs BM* Don't believe we've met, Hi I'm Oliver.
I hope the test goes ok and that it comes back all fine. (btw in future could you maybe put why you have hidden something, like say if it is womens stuff, cos I read it not knowing and that stuff it really stresses me out, sorry not having a go, just asking, thanks)

*hugs Justme* don't believe I've met you either, are you Lia? I'm Oliver. I'm glad your fathers day was ok.

*hugs Laura, Mark, Jk, Nicole, Heather, Jess, Hayley, Lindsey, Jill and anyone else, really sorry if I have*

My girlfriend is still in hospital, although she is loads better now and could have got out today, but they needed to do more blood tests just to check everything was back to normal so she will be out tomorrow.
I'm doing ok, except drinking off milk is really not good, feeling ill now.
have also done loads of washing and washing up tonight, starting to sort stuff out, have a house viewing tomorrow evening and I'm really hoping
we can get it sorted, if all 3 of us turn up!!
I'm still slogging along though, trying desperatly to not let my depression really hit me, I know it is there looming over me like a massive cloud, but I'm trying to keep it at bay, although mostly failing at the moment.
I have my psychiatrist appt on wednesday, I'm really nervous about it, its for my gender stuff, its going to be stressful.
thats enough rambling from me, sorry have talked too much.
*wonders off around the ward*

beautiful_mistake 20-06-2010 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2363151)
*glomps April back and hugs her lots* I'm sorry you got triggered and ended up cutting, your not a loser for getting triggered by a sermon, if they were talking about sh, then off cause it could be triggering, it certainly doesn't make you a loser. I'm glad you havn't cut since and hope the form filling out is going well, I know they can be a massive pain.

*hugs BM* Don't believe we've met, Hi I'm Oliver.
I hope the test goes ok and that it comes back all fine. (btw in future could you maybe put why you have hidden something, like say if it is womens stuff, cos I read it not knowing and that stuff it really stresses me out, sorry not having a go, just asking, thanks)

*hugs Justme* don't believe I've met you either, are you Lia? I'm Oliver. I'm glad your fathers day was ok.

*hugs Laura, Mark, Jk, Nicole, Heather, Jess, Hayley, Lindsey, Jill and anyone else, really sorry if I have*

My girlfriend is still in hospital, although she is loads better now and could have got out today, but they needed to do more blood tests just to check everything was back to normal so she will be out tomorrow.
I'm doing ok, except drinking off milk is really not good, feeling ill now.
have also done loads of washing and washing up tonight, starting to sort stuff out, have a house viewing tomorrow evening and I'm really hoping
we can get it sorted, if all 3 of us turn up!!
I'm still slogging along though, trying desperatly to not let my depression really hit me, I know it is there looming over me like a massive cloud, but I'm trying to keep it at bay, although mostly failing at the moment.
I have my psychiatrist appt on wednesday, I'm really nervous about it, its for my gender stuff, its going to be stressful.
thats enough rambling from me, sorry have talked too much.
*wonders off around the ward*

*hugs Oliver back*

hey there pleased to meet you and im sorry
i will put hidden because of ladies things in future
and hope wednesday goes ok

xx

beautiful_mistake 21-06-2010 12:02 AM

well i feel like being a bit random
so im going off on a limb and going to say...

ladies things
and
naked penguins all round

frenchhorn 21-06-2010 12:07 AM

thanks bm and I'm liking the naked penguins, it made me laugh :)

Scarletdreamer 21-06-2010 12:13 AM

updated r/v btw... :-/

(link is in sig)

just want to curl up in a hole and cry, or cut, or both. :'(

frenchhorn 21-06-2010 12:19 AM

*cuddles April lots* read your rv post, sorry your struggling at the moment, just try to remember your a great person who i love having around on the ward, please try to keep yourself safe and look after the wound.

Kahlia1981 21-06-2010 12:33 AM

*hugs everyone*

*big hugs* to all who are struggling and can accept hugs right now.
Sorry for my lack of individual replies. I have been reading and I am thinking of you all.

I finished stage 2 of my Diploma yesterday - signed and sealed. Just awaiting advice on what to do next. Really hoping it comes through shortly as I don't want to lose momentum.

Feeling ... blech. Very urgy in both SI and suicide. *sigh*
So.damn.over.it.all
Sorry.

taz35 21-06-2010 01:05 AM

*hugs all old/new members*

To everyone who's new and I've yet to meet, hi, I'm Taz, and I disappear off here quite frequently.

To everyone in here, I hope you've all been doing... hmm, okay I guess? For those of you struggling, my thoughts and hugs and cuddles and lots of TLC go out to you. To everyone who has something to celebrate or be happy about, I'm spraying you with confetti :)

Take care xx

risenfromperdition 21-06-2010 07:38 AM

*curls up and sighs*

Doikers 21-06-2010 08:53 AM

Okay , so I have caught up at my computer in my flat :)
I got here this morning releived but dreading being alone:S
I read through.
My Mum has had her Op, she will be unable to weight bear on the leg for 6-8 weeks ! but hopefully back home on wednesday
I read your R/V Thread April *MEGA HUGS*
and *Hugs to everyone too*

Hmmm I'll try a naked penguin ..........thankyou.

Doikers 21-06-2010 10:02 AM

Good luck on Wednesday Oliver , with your psychiatrist *Hugs*

one_step_closer 21-06-2010 11:18 AM

I'm starting back on my teambuilding course today. I've missed the routine.

Kahlia1981 21-06-2010 11:38 AM

*hugs/waves at every ward member*

Taz: *big hugs* Hey hun, how are you doing?
Heather: Are you okay hun? Is there anything we can do to help? *offers cuddles*
Lindsay: I'm glad to hear you're starting back on the course. How are things going? *offers hugs* Are things starting to settle down?
Mark: Glad you got back home to your flat. Sorry though that you were dreading being alone. Was there any particular reason behind the feeling? Sounds like your mum got through the op okay, although I bet she'll be sick of not being able to weight bear on that leg by the end of the time period. Hope you are doing okay. *big hugs*

Still sitting on my laurels in terms of the diploma. Been advised to wait for "diploma dude" (Diploma Coordinator) before doing anything else. *sigh* I hate wasting time and I don't want to lose momentum. But, I also don't want to do subject I don't have to do. :-S

*leaves hugs and safe care packages on the table for all*

Scarletdreamer 21-06-2010 02:11 PM

*peeks in and offers hugs to everyone*

i feel like crap. i'm alone at my internship place and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing... my supervisor won't be in for a bit yet and i'm really frustrated by having to wait outside a locked door for a ****ing hour before someone came to let me in. :( i just want to go home... don't want to be here, don't want to take notes, don't want to be alone... damn it all!!!! :'(

plus i'm really really triggered because a friend of mine who has an eating disorder sent me weights on a text, telling me that if she got to XXlbs she would be hospitalized and she's currently not that far off... and it was just TRIGGERING, ****ing triggering, and i don't know what to do about it. i weigh soo much. :'( and i can't be arsed to exercise because... well, i'm so ****ing lazy!! :'(

anyway, sorry for the rant and lack of individual replies... :crying: i am just in a bad place right now...

Scarletdreamer 21-06-2010 02:26 PM

updated r/v... it may be a little si triggery, i'm not sure... :'(

*hides in the warren where no one can find her* :crying:

Doikers 21-06-2010 04:50 PM

I got back from my appoinment with my nurse to find my Dad waiting for me , I knew he was coming but would have got to my flat faster if I'd have known he was likley to be waiting. He asked what I'd be having for dinner like my parents do daily now , I said patsaor cereal ,more likly patsa . and he said I was lazy for eating ceral , 2nd member of my family to call me lazy in 2 days , it's hard to care to cook when you are low as you all know . anyway , cobbleled together a pasta sauce and it's cooking. I don't want to eat pasta , carbs!I need to lose weight .
Am I Lazy , just lazy not low? , who cares?

Doikers 21-06-2010 04:58 PM

Lindsay, I hope you enjoy your teambuilding course.*Hugs*
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Scootles around the warren until he happens on April and *HUGS*

PoisonedApple 21-06-2010 05:50 PM

*sigh* i didn't get to go to the concert *pouts*
and spent yesterday cleaning up the living room and fixing one of the cages up so when the kits are old enough to be weaned thor has his own cage fixed and set up for him... cleared up enough to unclutter the mantle and to open the blinds and window. just for v to expand her stuff and take up more room and cover up the chairs with her crap. on top of that i slept worth a crap last night.

Sorry for no indiv. replies and for talking about myself so much... i just can't be arsed to reply to everyone... can't really focus atm tbh. but i did read everything even if it did take me ages... *feels selfish*
*huggles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 21-06-2010 07:58 PM

*cuddles mark* i'm sorry that you're so low, but no, i don't think you're lazy at all. and i would be annoyed too if my parents kept interfering with my life, especially since you're independent now. *extra special encouraging hugs* i wish i could make things better for you, for all of you... :( but you are definitely not lazy!! <3

*cuddles crimson* aw, i'm sorry you didn't get to go see the concert. that sucks. and i'm also sorry that you didn't sleep well, and that v is being annoying/frustrating/stupid. :( it's okay that you didn't do individual replies, don't get upset with yourself (dunno if you are but sometimes if i'm not up to doing them i do get upset with myself). :)

i'm really tired. it's been a longish day even though i came home from work a little early... just because my supervisor was taking a half day and i didn't want to be the only one in the building - again - so yeah. :-X i had to take notes through a poverty workforce meeting, which was kind of interesting but kind of not. i don't know. definitely not as interesting as the underage drinking group. haha. i just find the psychology of underage drinking to be fascinating... if that makes any sense. :-/

i really really want to cut... and i saw the girl today, my friend, the one i mentioned someplace on here about texting about weight... and she is soo small, and i feel so ****ing huge next to her. :'( yuck. nasty weight, nasty body, nasty feelings in my head. :'(

*hides in a hole in the warren* :crying:

Doikers 21-06-2010 09:04 PM

Thanks April :) ,
April , you are NOT huge by any stretch of the the imagiantion , please try not to cut I know it's hard , I'm battleing the urges myself , we can do this , we can !! :( *Hugs*

SoMuchMore 21-06-2010 09:08 PM

*hugs everyone and hides away*

Kahlia1981 21-06-2010 10:39 PM

*hugs/waves at everyone*

*big hugs and extra safe love and care packages to all who are struggling*
I wish I could do more to help. :-(


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