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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 13-05-2010 07:55 AM

*hugs amy* I would like to visit New Zealand someday. I think it would be awesome. Have fun at your fitness thing!

*hugs crimson* That would be awesome! lol the UK people get to have meet ups.. so we could have a mini get together :-) Too bad everyone in the ward lives all over the world, I think it would be fun to have a ward party.

SoMuchMore 13-05-2010 08:04 AM

*hugs kahlia* sorry hun, I didnt mean to miss you... I got wrapped up in my fake ward party planning lol. How r u today?

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 08:10 AM

le sigh... off to bed I go... or at least so goes the theory. *leaves huggles for everyone who wants one*

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 09:13 AM


Kahlia1981 13-05-2010 09:30 AM

*hugs Laura back* - It's okay sweetness. I'm still alive and kicking. Found myself a new ally in the battle to get some health care. I like the idea of the ward party though. :D

Doikers 13-05-2010 09:40 AM

Nicole I like your necklace ,:) I don't find it triggering :)
Hi Taz , I'm Mark :)

SO my psychiatrist is writing me a perscription for some Diazapam :) sort of going around my GP , At least this has gotten my Diazepam sorted , for this month at least * Crosses fingers and hopes its sorted out *

*Hugs to all who can accept them*
*Waves towards Owen*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies , my mind is racing. Hmmmm.

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 09:46 AM


xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 09:48 AM

*sneakly eats a cookie*

one_step_closer 13-05-2010 11:11 AM

I don't feel safe. :crying:

Doikers 13-05-2010 11:12 AM

* HUGS Lindsay if ok to hug * want to talk about it?

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 11:13 AM


Originally Posted by one_step_closer (Post 2293955)
I don't feel safe. :crying:

*offers hugs* :notsure: :notsure: :notsure: i help

one_step_closer 13-05-2010 11:14 AM

I just don't feel safe from myself today and I don't know what to do. At one level I don't want to be safe. Thanks for the hugs.

Doikers 13-05-2010 11:16 AM

Could you go out for a walk , get away from tools , That might help , Or a warm drink like camomille tea or normal tea to calm if you are anxious ? Sorry if my ideas are awful .

Scarletdreamer 13-05-2010 11:17 AM

I spy a Mark!! *tackles* Lol... how are you feeling? any more calmed down? did you play WoW at all last night? (if not that's fine, it was just a suggestion :D it's just that it is a really good distraction for me) I did play WoW for a bit, on my rogue, then got ready for bed. :)

Erm so yes, not doing so well... I mentioned a few pages back about Mercy Ministries and didn't get any response. I know the ward is busy and all... and I feel selfish saying this, but that is a HUUUGE step for me, it's a 6+ month commitment to being away from home, and it feels like it just got ignored. I'm married and yet I would have to basically move out for 6+ months... which would be very difficult. Plus... well, there really is no "plus" ... except this is the first real time that I'm trying to get better. And it feels like it's just being ignored... Sorry, don't bother replying to this, it's just me moaning. :(

The grades deal still has me angry and anxious... am trying not to think about it too hard... I don't know, I HATE THIS!!!!! And I am uncertain about my internship so yeah, have no idea what I'm doing. :(

*hides in a hole in shame* :o

Scarletdreamer 13-05-2010 11:18 AM

*cuddles Lindsay* I wish I had more to offer you than Mark did... I think his suggestions were pretty good. Often warm drinks can be calming... my mum is always trying to get me to drink warm milk, lol!! But anyway... I understand the not wanting to be safe yet wanting to... but you CAN fight this, love. *more cuddles if that's okay?*

Doikers 13-05-2010 11:24 AM

April I'm sorry I ddn't reply to your post about Mercy Ministrys but I really don't know what a Mercy Ministry is , I don't know if we have them over here but I've not heard of them .Hmmmm It sounds like being away from Jarrod for 6 months would be a struggle for you and I'm sure you'd miss each other terribly , You're not moaning , I feel ignored too sometime when my posts go un-answered , it's an understandable way to feel .

*Find April in her hole " Hmm big enough hole for two I think " Gets in and hugs April*

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 12:16 PM

*hugs mark and then everyone else*

Doikers 13-05-2010 12:26 PM

HEE Thanks Julie *Hugs back*

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 12:35 PM

cant sleep cant sleep

Doikers 13-05-2010 01:15 PM

Why can't you sleep Owen ? You ok?

I spot an April *Pounces*

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 01:19 PM

everything in our head going round and round

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 01:20 PM

i'm going to try sleep now

Scarletdreamer 13-05-2010 01:22 PM

Mercy Ministries is a women's residential treatment program for a lot of different issues, from self harm to substance abuse to unwanted pregnancies. It has locations in the UK and Canada as well as three or so locations in the States. I'd probably be going to either the one in Sacramento, California (ugh), or St. Louis, Missouri, since the Nashville, Tennessee one is reserved for girls 13-17 (I think). It's for 13-28 year old women, and is FREE (!!) of charge. So yeah. There are some other programs that another online friend pointed out that are also free, A Friend's House and Vision of Hope (AFH and VOH) but AFH is a 12 month program, sometimes more, and I would miss Jarrod sooo much, along with all of you guys, since I don't know what kind of internet time I would get. VOH is mostly for single girls/women... so yeah. Mercy sounds like the best bet for me... but I do need to look into what our insurance covers.

I'm sorry that you feel the same way sometimes, Mark... but hopefully what I said ^^ helps you understand what MM is. :) How are you doing?

I'm really tired... but kind of excited since my mum and dad are dropping by and I get to show my mum the new clothes I've got for my internship (business casual, had hardly any before this, lol)... I love one of the skirts I got, although it looks really awful if you look at my legs... they are not "girls' legs" - they are too muscled. :( Women's legs perhaps but I DON'T WANT TO BE A WOMAN!!!!!! I want to stay as a girl... :'(

Sorry if that made no sense...

Need to update r/v thread methinks...

*cuddles all*

Doikers 13-05-2010 01:29 PM

E-ON ( Power company) again , Now for the 1418.13 so called "Debt" that is NOTHING to do with me they've sent me a letter saying if I don't pay within 7 days they will pass my account to an external "Debt Collection Agency"
I feel Nauseous and triggered again , I'm shaking. I don't need this crap , They're just messing with my head so much :(

Doikers 13-05-2010 01:34 PM

*Hugs April* Do you think that the Mercy Ministrys would be of help to you? 6 months away from Jarrod would be a struggle but if it helped you stop self injuring for the rest of your life that would be amazing! I think you need to discuss it with Jarrod thorghuley * Spelling? * . You could think of it as 6 months away from your life and then being put back into your life better off and with lots of healthy tools to cope because I'm sure you would learn lots of ways to cope other than S.I. .
Thats what I think , I hope I came over clear *Bites Lip*

taz35 13-05-2010 02:49 PM

*hugs everyone*
April - That sounds rough =/ I don't think I could stand being away from my family for 6 months. But if it'll help you, go for it!

MammaMia 13-05-2010 03:05 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Doikers 13-05-2010 04:12 PM

*Cuddles Helen*

Louise 13-05-2010 04:15 PM

*hugs everyone*

Then hides in the corner

MammaMia 13-05-2010 04:17 PM

*hugs Mark & Louise*

Louise, want to talk about anything?

Louise 13-05-2010 04:18 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2294333)
Louise, want to talk about anything?

Really struggling

MammaMia 13-05-2010 04:20 PM

Want to talk about why you're really struggling sweet?

Louise 13-05-2010 04:32 PM

Not been sleeping great due to being sexually assault also my mum is shouting at me.

MammaMia 13-05-2010 04:47 PM

Sorry to hear that :( Are you getting any professional support/help sweetheart?

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 04:57 PM

*hugs April* Sorry I didn't answer about MM but like Mark I had no idea really what it was. After a bit of thought, I think for you an outpatient recovery place near home'd be better. Let me explain why... I think being far away from family and friends and a support system you've come to rely on that you would quite possibly be more triggered and anxious and in the end may feel overwhelmed and trapped. I think in general MM is a good idea I'm just not so sure it wouldn't cause you to feel worse rather than better. On the other hand if your insurance doesn't cover outpatient and you are low on finances (aren't we all these days) then MM might be the right move. Is any location close enough that Jarrod can drive to visit you on a weekend here and there? That might alleviate some of the stressors and anxiety if he can.

*hugs Mark* I will read about your "debt" problem in the thread you made on the issue.

Oh and Mark and April and Hayley... I found out that while people in the US can't connect to EU servers in WoW EU people can connect to US servers (dunno why it wasn't explained but just saying if anyone's up for all of us playing WoW together one of these days).

*hugs all* Hope you're feeling better now Lindsay, you too Louise.
Gotta run to cover the front desk sorry for not replying better everyone.

SoMuchMore 13-05-2010 06:17 PM

*cuddles april* I didnt know what MM was either... But I think it sounds like a good program. However, as u and others have said, you have to decide whether or not you can be without your family support system for that time. If you can, I say go for it. Sometimes its good to get away from people for a short time and just focus on yourself.

*hugs helen, louise, julie, crimson, taz and kahlia*

*waves to owen*

*hugs lindsay* im sorry that you are feeling unsafe. Please try not to do anything and keep distracted.

*hugs mark* I'm glad that you got your meds for the time being! At least now you will have time to sort out the other issue with your GP. I'll go read your other thread in a minute.

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 07:42 PM

I found yet another place I must visit on vacation one of these days... ****ing, Austria.

MammaMia 13-05-2010 08:18 PM

*hits things, screams and hides*


Louise 13-05-2010 08:21 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2294375)
Sorry to hear that :( Are you getting any professional support/help sweetheart?

Not at the moment I did have a councillor but had a really bad experience, so scared to go back.

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 08:21 PM

*huggles and sits by Helen*

EDIT~ Sorry Louise you and I posted at the same time :) What was it that made it a bad experience (if I may ask)? If it is uncomfortable to talk to a guy could you ask to speak to a female counselor, or something of the like...? That way you have support but it won't put you in an unsafe place, maybe. If that makes any sense...

Louise 13-05-2010 08:32 PM

He said that he did not believe me also was really sexual with me and he said that is all i came for which was so not.

xxjuliexx 13-05-2010 08:34 PM


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2294716)
*hits things, screams and hides*


helen u ok?

SoMuchMore 13-05-2010 08:35 PM

*cuddles helen* whats wrong hun?

*hugs crimson* All this travel/moving talk is making me want to get out of the midwest US soooo badly lol.

*hugs louise* omg... I'm sorry that you've such bad experiences.. I know it can be scary but it doesnt mean all help is going to be bad.

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 08:43 PM

Louise~ Do you feel comfortable trying again with a woman this time?

Laura~ Sorry but I couldn't help but post that... I mean really a town named ****ing. Its supposed to be pronounced Fooking but still LOL

Hello Julie!

*leaves little hug care packages on the table*

Louise 13-05-2010 08:51 PM


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2294748)
*hugs louise* omg... I'm sorry that you've such bad experiences.. I know it can be scary but it doesnt mean all help is going to be bad.

I know it just scares me


Originally Posted by angelic_monster (Post 2294762)
Louise~ Do you feel comfortable trying again with a woman this time?

I am thinking about it because I really feeling unsafe

*hugs helen* we are here for you

Scarletdreamer 13-05-2010 08:57 PM

*cuddles Mark* Sorry I had to get off of chat so quickly, my parents were at the door and I had to go answer, and then hang out with them for a bit. I'm really sorry... :( I feel bad about that. I hope that you didn't SI... or if you did, that it wasn't too bad. :( Did the diazepam kick in pretty quickly? Oh and yes, what you said about MM made perfect sense. Thanks for replying. :)

*cuddles Crimson* Thanks for your response as well. I'm not sure if getting away from my parents and Jarrod would be a good thing, but it might be something that I HAVE to do in order to get the treatment I need. I would probably form a support network pretty fast wherever I went... did in the past when I went to hospital and whatnot. However, there are no locations close enough for Jarrod to drive down on a weekend or whatever, and I don't think they'd allow that type of thing anyway. At least, at MM. I don't even know what their policy is for married women. :-S It's something I'd have to look at. I know that some other free programs are not very keen on having married women in them... and others are for too long (12 months, for example, although people can be at MM for that long too, if necessary). Oh, and it would be awesome if Mark and Hayley could make toons on some (normal, not PVP/RP/RPPVP) US server... :D

*cuddles Hels* What's up, sweetie?

*cuddles Louise* That's so awful... not all counselors/therapists are like that though, love, I promise. :( But I can understand why you would be reluctant to get professional help now.

*cuddles Laura* Thanks for your response as well. :) If I ever mention something and you don't know what it is, just ask - this goes for all of you - since it's been shown right now that it's not just you not knowing, it's more than just you. :P Lol. It's fine, I don't mind explaining. :) But anyway, thanks for replying. :) You and others do have valid points about going without my family support system, but, well, my response to Crimson says it all. Hehe. How are you doing??

*cuddles Julie* How are you, love?

I think I got everyone that had responded since my last post... if I missed you I am so sorry!!!! *cuddles everyone*

Just got back from my parents' house where we went for lunch after walking/hiking on a river path at a nearby state park. It was lovely and I took some pics... my haircut doesn't look nearly as good now as it did before. But it still looks decent. :) I'm happy with it, hehe, still, which is good.

Daniel (cat) says hello... he's draped over my arm (literally) and being a little brat cat. Lol.

I'm so tired... took a long nap at my parents' but am still tired. And my internship starts on Monday - I think - and I am SCARED. :(


frenchhorn 13-05-2010 09:08 PM

*hugs Louise* I'm really sorry you had a bad experioence with a counsellor, I've had different bad experiences, but now I like my counsellor and have actually got past a 3rd session with him, he is the 6th counsellor I've had so it can take time to find the right one. Yeah maybe a female counsellor would be good for you

*hugs Crimson* ooo I would love to go to Austria too, it always looks so amazing, the towns, cities and the mountains.

*hugs Helen* whats up?

*hugs April* yeah your right part of the reason for me not posting for a while was cos of the fight, but also because I've been so damn depressed that I've not even had the energy to read everythig and type and do adequate replies, so I'm sorry about that, which also meant I missed you say about MM, which I hadnt heard of either. I think its going to be a big decision for you, maybe write a pros and cons list of going, thats what I always do when I have to make big decisions. good luck with your internship.

*hugs Laura* how are you?

*hugs Julie* I spy you!! how are you?

I also spy JK

*hugs all the ward mates who want hugs and waves at the others*

I'm doing a bit better, still really depressed and suicidal, but not wanting to act on it at the moment, although my mood is going up and down very quickly, started new ad's again on monday so am having fun with side effects at the moment, also got my psychiatrist appt through, which is for gender stuff, basically I just have to be assessed by them before I can be referred to the gender identity clinic, so its the first step.
also symphony orchestra concert tomorrow night. my room is a tip and desperatly needs a tidy, plus some serious washing up needs to be done as we have no mugs or cups left its not good, but flatmates who dont do much washing up dont exactly help, so it looks like I will be having a massive washing up session on saturday morning.

jonikd 13-05-2010 09:12 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Helen, sweetie, you ok? *cuddles gently*

Waves to Louise, hi I'm JK.

Morning Julie, hope you got some sleep. I had pumpkin soup for dinner too lol.

Nice to see you here Oliver, and that you're doing a little better. Hang in there hun, it will all be worth it *hugs*

*hugs April* I did worse than the others hun, I didn't even see your post about MM! Sorry. Glad you got out in the fresh air, it makes a difference sometimes I reckon. Please look after yourself, you're a special chick.

*Hugs Laura, Crimson, Mark,Lindsay, Kahlia, Taz*

*wonders where Hayley, Ally & Nicole are*

*wonders who I've missed* sorry

*snuggles into Daniel :)*

I'm OK, just off to an all day conference so will come back later to see how you all are going. Still SI'ng most days but not bad at all so pretty comfortable with it. My psych cancelled on me yesterday so feel a bit unloved but will be alright I reckon.

Love to you all

PoisonedApple 13-05-2010 09:21 PM

*huggles JK* no need to feel unloved :) we love you here.

*huggles Oliver* I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Maybe these new meds are just what you needed.

Sorry for no other indiv replies right now but my dyslexia is running a muck and I'm growing weary of retyping everything...

Doikers 13-05-2010 09:43 PM

*Hugs April* I'm sure you will fit right into your internship , you're nervous about it but that is totally normal and understandable , I would be too.

*Hugs Helen LOTS*

*Hugs JK* Crimson already said it but we here love you :)

*Hugs Oliver*

*Offers hugs to Louise*

*Hugs Laura and Julie , Nicole , Hayley , Taz, MID , and everyone else who needs them .* Sorry If I forgot to hugs you * leaves spare hugs on a stool :)*

*Waves towards Owen*

Yes you helped me earlier April , I managed to get through the day Self harm free :) and I was SO triggered I thought it was inevitble but because of you chatting to me whilst the Diaz had time to work really helped , Thankyou :)

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