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Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 01:23 AM

*cuddles Oliver* Thanks love... you're a great guy. Off to a hot bath with lavendar salts... maybe that will help cool off some of the anger I have built up in me... I have no idea how to even process my emotions... I don't know. I don't have ANY therapist to turn to anymore... and my NP, well, she still hasn't responded to my text from Saturday night so needless to say she's not very responsive... I don't know... Anyway, bath and bed, and maybe I'll feel better in the morning. :-/

*leaves a box of cuddles on the table for those who want them* ♥

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 01:27 AM

*takes some cuddles from the box* thanks April, I really hope a hot bath and bed will help you, I hope you sleep well.
*gives April a big goodnight cuddles and sends her off with a box filled with cuddles*

MammaMia 04-05-2010 02:23 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I'm faaaaaaaaar too hyper. Hahahaha.

SoMuchMore 04-05-2010 03:01 AM

*cuddles april* as oliver has said, you are a beautiful person, both inside and out. We appreciate you so much here hun. I hope that the bath and sleeping help.

*hugs oliver* im sorry that you cut, would it help to talk to your counsellor at all about it? Hope you are feeling better. Im so glad that you are liking your suit!

*watches helen jump around in hyperness* lol... being hyper can be fun sometimes. Is this a fun type of hyper?

I am not doing well right now. I dont feel like i am ever going to get past this point... everything hurts.
*curls up and cries*

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 05:59 AM

um... hi anyone here

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 08:20 AM

um.. hi

Kahlia1981 04-05-2010 09:58 AM

Hi all.

My monitor didn't arrive today. The guys at the store place seem to be insinuating that I'm a moron. They gave me a consignment number for Australia Post, that Australia Post has informed us is in no way a valid consignment number for them as theirs contain a mixture of alphanumeric characters and the one they gave me (apart from being far too long) was only numeric. So I emailed the store asking for a valid consignment number ... they replied to tell me that "the consignment number should be truncated to x numbers". I'm currently resisting the urge to respond to them asking if they think I am stupid. I've bought all the pieces for my computer from them, but after this I am going elsewhere. For god's sake, my IQ is well over 100 and I doubt theirs even makes 50 (combined)! Grrrr.

Sorry, just had to get that out.

I hope everyone is starting to feel a bit better. Sorry I haven't been able to reply to anyone. :(

*hugs everyone who can accept hugs and leaves surprises on the table (they are whatever you want them to be)*

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 10:01 AM

*hugs Kahlia1981*

Doikers 04-05-2010 11:11 AM

*Hugs April* I for one would not forget about you ! and you are a king , lovely person and you will see that someday . I hope you had a nice bath and a good nights sleep and I hope to catch up with you later *Extra Hugs*
*Hugs Kahlia* grrrr I'm sorry you are having problems with your computer supplier , I hope it gets sorted soon :)

I don't seem to be able to get out of bed much before 10.30am everyday and I really try , I really do , I even leave an energy drink by the bed . SO lazy.

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 11:13 AM

-curls up small-

Doikers 04-05-2010 11:20 AM

*waves at Owen*

Just on my way out and the gas maintinence guy rings the bell so I can't go out right now hmmm.
Still hyper Helen ? *Hugs*

*Super Hugs for Nicole* I hope you are coping today Nicole

jonikd 04-05-2010 11:29 AM

Laura - you will get through this point hun, you reminded me of that Everybody Hurts song by REM Thinking about you sweet, please hold on and if it all gets a bit much in here feel free to PM me *cuddles*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : lyrics of song...long!

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
April things will improve , please get the help you need OK? We care so much about you. Please believe us *wraps up away from harm, and hugs*

Helen - glad you were feeling a bit better and that you sorted stuff with your mum. Hope that by the time you read this you're still doing ok *cuddles to make sure Helen is ok*

*squishes Kahlia* how you doing; apart from the ongoing computer issues

Mark & Oliver you guys have been great in supporting everyone over the last few days. And I know you're both hurting too. You're both amazing,look after yourselves to huh *hugs the boys tight*

Julie - being in the Southern Hemisphere does suck sometimes hey hun, waiting for our mates up North to come visit us! Keep talking ok?

*hugs little Nicole tightly* hope you a bit better today honey.

*waves at shadowedsoul, Lindsay, M.I.D and Kat*

*waves at Owen who has just popped in*

*sits quietly and wonders how Crimson and Hayley are doing. And misses them. A lot*

katnovia 04-05-2010 11:36 AM

*skulks in and leaves boxes of clean hankies for all on the table* *skulks off down the many corridors for a sulk*

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 11:42 AM

*cuddles all who want cuddles*
I'm sat here waiting for my mum to ring, she wants to talk to me about my sister, who isn't talking to me anymore and apparently everytime mentions me at home she goes very quiet. don't want to have to do this.

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 11:43 AM

hi kat, Kahlia1981, nicole, Scarletdreamer, oliver
hi all the people i for got-looks at floor-sorry

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 11:44 AM

Hi Owen *waves* howa are you?

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 11:44 AM

I spy a Kat, an Oliver, and a Mark!! :D *cuddles*

Thanks for the concern, everyone - Laura, Hels, JK, Mark, Oliver - I am doing a little better this morning but still REALLY ANGRY... not at anyone here... not really AT anyone at all... just ANGRY. It's really rather scary. :-S I don't know... I also still want to die and Jarrod's going away this afternoon for a bit so I will have opportunity to cut... :-/

Mark, care to have virtual lunch with me again today? :D Anyone else can join us... hehe. I just figured we could plan on it before it's actually lunchtime. Of course, in virtual land, the 5-hour time difference doesn't matter. Lol. :P *cuddles* How you doing? JK is right, you and Oliver have been AMAZING at helping me/us even though you're struggling yourself... please, the both of you, don't feel like you can't post on here how YOU are doing. :)

*cuddles JK* Sweetheart, how are you doing? You haven't posted for us an update in quite a bit... am getting concerned about you. How are things going? roughly? or a bit smoother than they were before?

*cuddles Hels* Good hyper or bad hyper? I hope you're okay this morning as that post is a few hours old...

*cuddles Kahlia* So sorry that the comp place seems to think you're an idiot. :( Hopefully your monitor arrives shortly... that must be SO FRUSTRATING!!! :( But how are you doing other than the monitor issues??

*cuddles Laura* I'm so sorry that you're not doing well, hon... is there anything that I can do? What hurts so much? Can you figure out the root cause? - is it your ex and what he did to you? *holds you gently and rocks back & forth*

*sends out cuddles to Nicole, Crimson, and Hayley, wherever they may be... and misses them too*

*waves at Owen* :)

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 11:47 AM

hi Fallinstar0317 we no meet yet i is owen
i is tired but cant sleep

jonikd 04-05-2010 11:49 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot to cover off me!

Really bad day yesterday with a friend's funeral, very triggered and the closest to SU feelings I've had for 20 years. But got through pretty much in one piece. There's a huge amount going on for me, but I'm hanging in there. One day at a time is all I've got at the moment, but so far so good ;) I appreciate you asking, I just assume noone cares cos that's how I am in real life too *hugs*

Oh and April, please don't hurt yourself hun, you don't deserve it, just stay on here all afternoon and chat to everyone here. Please take care, ok? *hugs goodnight*

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 11:56 AM

jk *tenses shoulders slightly and hugs u* i very sorry bout ur friend

jonikd 04-05-2010 12:00 PM

Awww thanks Owen, I know hugging's not really your thing and I appreciate it :) How you doing? What's Julie up to?

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 12:01 PM

hi oliver i is okish just so sleepy

lynx 04-05-2010 12:03 PM

Can I join? I feel horrible :-( I found an old series of blog entries which have shocked me in a way... I remember knitting the sweater I wrote about, I remember going to Ghent with Wesley, I kind of remember how I went to the psychologist and she told me not to be so hard on myself... I don't remember, however, writing about it and all the crap I found in that blog. I only managed to maintain it for 3 months so I guess it was a fase, but what kind of fase??? I remember going to the psychologist to tell her I was fine. That doesn't make sense? Also I wrote that "now I'm young I want to do stupid things, I don't care if I'm traceable through the internet"??? What the hell?

My eating has been very low lately. Either I binge or I eat little. I'm supposed to be ill today but I know why that is: I ****ed up. Badly. I want to eat oatmeal for breakfast and I want to drink lots and lots of milk and eat fruit, but I need someone to nurture me. I can't go to Tom's because I have to go to work tomorrow. I know I could go, though, but there would be very little sense to make out of that.

For the rest of it I can't stop crying/cutting. I think I'm going to clean up the mess in my room for a bit. Then maybe eat something. I want to get out of here, I want to live my own life whatever the hell that may mean. I want a house and I want my boyfriend here with me. I feel so lonely right now...

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 12:05 PM

hi lynx i is owen -gives lynx a model aeroplane-

jonikd 04-05-2010 12:08 PM

*rolls out welcome mat for Lynx* Course you can come in here, sounds like you need some of our world famous care and support. Hugs are also readily available if you like them. I am JK, and I'm off to bed, but there are lots of others around and no doubt on their way so they will look after you *nods*

Enjoy your stay, *grins and wanders to bed*

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 12:10 PM

night jk

lynx 04-05-2010 12:16 PM

Thanks, JK. Night night. *hug*

lynx 04-05-2010 12:16 PM

Hi, Owen *tries to smile* *hug*

xxjuliexx 04-05-2010 12:20 PM

i... i um -tenses shoulders and wriggles slightly-

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 12:34 PM

HI Lynx, *hugs*
*waves to Owen*
*hugs JK goodnight*

*sits in corner crying*

MammaMia 04-05-2010 12:42 PM

*hugs everyone, but waves to Owen & then sits with Oliver*

What's wrong honey? :(

Welcome Lynx, JK was very right in what she said about us :)

Sorry I'm still not really doing individual replies, but I really do care about each and everyone of you. No harming if we can try please & we're all amazing people. No matter what we ourselves may believe/be told :(

To everyone who asked...it was good hyper :) Kept listening to old songs, as was making a song list for my 21st party. Which isn't for another 10 months yet. Wooops!!! Suposse to be seeing the boyfriend today as haven't seen him for a wee while :( Was going to have my blood taken today, but don't know if I feel up to it. I feel low..

Doikers 04-05-2010 12:45 PM

*hugs April* Virtual lunch it is , I'm having the carb free Virtual Pasta :) what are you having ? Anyone else care to join us for lunch ?

*Hugs JK* It's good to take things one day at a time , baby steps ok , and you will come through the other side , you WILL

*Hugs Oliver* I hope your phone call goes well with your Mum , Sending positive thoughts if ok ?

*Waves at Owen* How are you ?

*Spots a Helen* How are you today Helen?

Doikers 04-05-2010 12:47 PM

*Hugs Lynx* HI I'm Mark , I'm sorry you feel so crappy but we all here will listen to you and help any way we can :) We're a friendly bunch

frenchhorn 04-05-2010 12:51 PM

thanks Mark *hugs*
*hugs Helen*
had the phone call it was horrible, basically my mum had a talk with my sister last night and my sister just basically doesn't want to know me anymore, my mum said she should talk to someone, but my sister refused and shouted at my mum that she must never tell anyone my sister knows. My mum kept saying its hard for Ellie, saying she has lost a sister, yes ok in a way she has, but I'm still here still the same person and its hard for me to.
I hate the fact I have upset her, but someone on another forum said I havn't done anything wrong, which I guess is true, all I'm doing is trying to live my life truthfully, in a way not telling people would be doing something wrong because then I would be living a lie.

sorry for the lack of replies, I can't keep up at the moment, keep just randomly crying and got to go in a minute to my counselling session and got a 3 hour rehearsal tonight, which I am already anxious about and I really don't want to have a panic attack.

*hugs all those who want hugs*
*curls up crying in a dark corner*

MammaMia 04-05-2010 12:53 PM

Mark, I answered your question in the post above yours :P

Oliver, I'm so sorry sweet. Maybe she'll talk again and just needs to process it in her head & stuff? I hope you don't have a panic attack and that your counselling & rehearsal goes well.

I spy April *jumps on*

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 12:56 PM

JK, love, people on here DO care... I'm sorry that you feel like they don't IRL, but we do on here... so I'm glad that you posted & updated us. :) I'm so sorry to hear about your friend & the funeral, and how triggered you were... :( That really is yuck, but at least you're maybe doing a bit better now? I hope you have a good night... *hugs gently* And you're welcome for me asking... I care about you and everyone else in here... quite a lot actually. *cuddles*

I spy a Mark and an Oliver!! :)

*waves at Owen* How're you doing? I have some clay over here if you want to help me make a pot, I really suck at pottery but it's a lot of fun if you have the time. :)

I'm so tired... got up at 6:30ish after dozing from 6ish on... have nothing scheduled today but will be working like a fiend (I hope!!) on my health psych and soc papers. Ugh. I really don't want to do any of that, but... oh well. :( I am so "over" uni it's not even funny... I just want to be done. The end is soo close but I can't see myself getting there. I guess somehow I will? but I am close to being suicidal, so... well, yeah. :-X

I'll try to stay on here a lot today though - WoW is down for maintenance, it usually is on Tuesdays, from 8am-2pm my time, so that gives me plenty of time to work on stuff. My mum might be coming over too, so that would be nice. :) Played WoW this morning with Jarrod's 80 paladin helping my "wittle wogue" (little rogue) who just dinged level 22 and is now halfway through it!! :D And that's not even with the Refer-A-Friend account. So I like having help with quests... lol. She hit level 20 what, day before yesterday? so yeah... :)

I'm worried about tomorrow... I have to go be interviewed by my internship supervisor. I'm pretty much accepted for the internship, I just have to figure out hours and such. Oh, and I also have to let her know that I might have to have my wisdom teeth out during the internship so that may interfere with hours. :-X I don't know though. I am NOT looking forward to that... :-/

Anyway, enough waffling, sorry... :o

*hides in a deep, dark, invisible hole in the corner*

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 01:03 PM

Hels, you must've had your invisibility cloak on again!! :P Shame shame... lol. I'm glad that it was a good hyper. *glomps* :) How are you doing this morning? feeling low, you said... as low as you have been or a bit better? I hope the latter... :)

Mark, what sauce are you having on your carb-free pasta? :D *cuddles* I'll have, ummmm... *thinks hard* Well, I guess I'll go with the breakfast-for-lunch thing and have carb-free blueberry pancakes (the sweetish kind) and cholesterol- and calorie-free tapioca pudding. Lol. :D Anyone else care to join??

Oliver, I'm awfully sorry to hear that about your sister... *holds you gently and rubs your back, if that's okay?* That's really rough. But, as I said, I guess the only thing you can do is give her time. She might come 'round, might not, but it's about YOU, and how YOU live your life... which is also rough to take, I know, but as you said, it's about living your life truthfully, and I'm proud of you for doing that. :) *big bear cuddles*

Nighty night, JK. Pleasant dreams. *cuddles*

Tineke!! *glomps* I'm so sorry that you're not doing too well at the moment... but you can definitely come in here, it moves quickly so try not to be overwhelmed... but I'm glad that you hunted us out. :D Have missed talking with you. *gentle cuddles*

MammaMia 04-05-2010 01:04 PM

Feeling low as I have, I scared myself earlier. I don't know if I meant to do it for the reasons you normally do...but hmmm =/


Doikers 04-05-2010 01:19 PM

Hmmmm Tomato and herb and chilli sauce for my pasta methinks. April I've never had tapioca , is it nice?

lynx 04-05-2010 01:47 PM

*Hugs everyone*

Aw April :-) *hugs*

I had French fries and skimmed milk. Weird combo, I know, but it's better than having loads of sugar. I feel nauseous most of the time and I cry a lot.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : SI trig
I cut in my calf yesterday and it bled a little.

I feel like my life is passing me by...

I had a shower with most of my clothes on and it made me feel warm inside. I'm fairly calm now. I hope Tom is doing well in studying. Might as well be that he's having as large a crisis as I am atm. Idk.

*Hugs all*

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 01:49 PM

Tapioca is delicious. :D It's a little weird at first as it has these bead-like things of gelatin in it, but it is sweet and creamy (except for those) and tastes heavenly. :) Want to share a bit of mine? *spoons some into another bowl to share if he or anyone else wants to try it* And yum, tomato/herb/chili sauce... *unladylike drool* Lol... :P

Hels, what do you mean you "scared yourself"? *holds you gently* Please don't do anything "stupid," hon, okay? *rocks back and forth with you*

Zippedeedoodah, zippededay, my oh my what a tired day... *sings softly to self* :(

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 01:51 PM

*cuddles Tineke* I'm sorry that you've been feeling so awful lately; can you pinpoint a cause or anything like that? I hope so... eventually, anyway. Sorry if that's too much of a "fixit" thing and not a "feelings" thing... Have you talked with Tom lately? and how've things outside your head been going? We haven't talked in awhile. :) (Sorry if it sounds like I'm discounting what's going on INSIDE of your head, not that way at all. I do care. *more cuddles, if that's okay*)

MammaMia 04-05-2010 01:55 PM

It was something 'stupid'. I'm fine...

Love that song so much..cry every time though.

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 02:08 PM

Hels, sweetheart, don't say you're fine if you're not. It is okay to NOT be fine. *holds you gently and rocks back and forth* Things will get better... we've just got to have faith. You're such a strong person... you can make it through this rough patch. I wish that I could be there for you IRL... :( even on MSN or whatever, but MSN doesn't work on my comp for whatever reason. *holds you some more*

I spy a Tineke and a Mark!! :D *cuddles*

lynx 04-05-2010 02:10 PM

April: I can't really pinpoint one cause, no. I do know, though, that at the day I started crying on "Ave Maria" I had been seeing images all day of me cutting myself open... And yeah, I do talk to Tom. A lot. He's there whenever I need him although he has his own issues himself.

I still have a job, I still have a boyfriend. Oh wait... My mother has been very touchy, maybe that's the problem. I already told her to stay the hell off of me, numerous times, and she keeps persisting as if she wants me dead. This kind of stuff is where my issues came from in the first place so I'm NOT liking at all.

I'm just doing very badly at the moment. Feeling horrible. *Complains* *Cries*

Wčččh. I hate this.

MammaMia 04-05-2010 02:16 PM

April, bless you sweetheart. I do have to say I'm fine. Most people seem to get fed up with me when I repeatedly say I'm low etc :( So I lie. It's kinda better that way. Only a small few people see through the mask ;) *clings*

Doikers 04-05-2010 02:21 PM

*Hugs Helen* You don't have to lie and say you're fine to us in here , we do genuinally care about each other. We all have bad times sometimes and are here to listen and support the best we can :)

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 02:22 PM

*group huggle time... holds Hels and Tineke gently* Hels, sweetie, you don't have to lie here... God knows I don't... and no one's fed up with me for saying that I'm low so much - or are they? Please be honest with us at least, I don't think that anyone here minds you saying you're low. Let us help you.

Tineke, I'm sorry that you've been having those thoughts... they are so difficult to cope with. Are you taking care of the cut that you mentioned in your last (or so) post? *cuddles* It's fine to vent in here, let it out in a healthy manner... I will be stuck at the computer most of the day and so will be coming in here at various times, so I'll be able to respond relatively quickly. Please try & take care of yourself... do the best you can, anyway. What are your plans for the rest of the day??

I spy a Mark and a Laura!! *cuddles* :)

Scarletdreamer 04-05-2010 02:27 PM

Hey Mark, what's your favorite Delain song? Just wondering... I LOVE "Frozen" and "April Rain." :D Listening to "Frozen" now... :) Can't wait to order their album(s)...

Ugh, I hate writing this sociology paper!! but at least I have (barely) three pages now... a third done. :)


lynx 04-05-2010 02:30 PM

I don't have to take care of the cut. It hurts a little when I touch it but it's not bleeding or whatever. It's superficial and it's nothing to be worried about.

I hope I'll be able to go to my grandma's. I think mum's coming home at 5 so I have about an hour and a half to decide.

I was actually gonna go to Ghent to fetch books for my store now that I have money but I was so ill yesterday that I decided to stay in bed. I think I may be doing that again later today.

Work tomorrow at 1pm. Should be fine. Plenty of time to recover from today's crisis.

Edit: I was also planning to go look for my old Pokémon stuff as Tom and I had a lot of fun with a pseudo Pokéball and a small plastic Pikachu he got from one of his friends.

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