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Detour. Derail 29-08-2009 03:59 PM

This is too much. I cant stop crying.

MammaMia 29-08-2009 04:17 PM

*cuddles you tight*
Don't listen to your mum Alex.
You'll prove her wrong, I know you will <3

pez_barbie 29-08-2009 04:36 PM

feeling very alone right now

SoMuchMore 30-08-2009 01:29 AM

*hugs for everyone*

sorry about the lack of individual replies...
i feel like I'm drowning right now... and trying really hard to hold up a good face for everyone else around me... I think I'm going to drink tonight... i won't be alone... and i'm at school so it'll be excused as just normal partying, but it will be nice to forget everything.

Kahlia1981 30-08-2009 02:44 AM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies but things have been moving so fast around here that I can't keep up.

A big part of me still wants to just disappear for a while.
Another part of me wants to go on a drinking binge .....

Someone point me in the direction of the ward's bar facility please ....

shadowedseraph 31-08-2009 03:03 PM

Hi guys im back from my holiday, and almost predicatably feel like shi* can i have a cuddle please?

MammaMia 31-08-2009 03:49 PM

*cuddles tight*

SoMuchMore 31-08-2009 03:52 PM

*cuddles shadowdseraph* Hope your holiday was good, i'm sorry you feel badly.

Feeling a little better today. Have to run some errands, go to class, and go to work so hopefully i'll stay busy enough that I don't get all down again. Although I guess I'm not really up either... I'm just here i guess.

*hugs for everyone*

Katey-lou 31-08-2009 05:12 PM

*pops in to say hi*

sorry not bene here for few days not been so good and been at a crisis unit

*hugs* eveeryone hope all ok x

zowie 31-08-2009 07:42 PM

*Hugs everyone*

My party went well - I had a great time :)

Love you all xxx

~Grace~ 31-08-2009 08:47 PM

really pleased your party went well Arwen xx

I need a place to rest for a while, so if its ok I will snuggle up in the corner

MammaMia 31-08-2009 09:38 PM

I'm soooooooooooooooo angry.

Just come back from hospital AGAIN

Kahlia1981 31-08-2009 11:47 PM

*hugs everyone*

I've been told to leave off my sling for my shoulder and now have the wrist splint on during the day but off at night. It's much more comfortable and I can type much quicker.

*cuddles shadowedseraph*
*hugs Laura*
*hugs Katey* ~ I hope that you are feeling better
*hugs Arwen* ~ I'm glad the party went well
*hugs Grace* ~ Sure pick a corner. I hope you start to feel better soon
*hugs Helen* ~ What's happening? Are they not giving you access to treatment or a safe place??

MammaMia 01-09-2009 12:17 AM

Bollocks they are. All they're going to do is sort my CBT referral out for me. I POURED MY HEART AND SOUL OUT TO THEM. I TOLD THEM I AM SO ****ING DANGEROUS. YET THEY *STILL* SENT ME HOME *rolls eyes*

I didn't even get told my blood test results, they'll come back normal I know but STILL :/

frenchhorn 01-09-2009 12:22 AM

feeling very low and unsafe at the moment, could do with some hugs.

Country Girl 01-09-2009 02:16 AM

*HUGS* everyone....
I am getting very impatient waiting/trying to find a thereapist who can see me....i'm afraid of what might happen if I have to wait too much longer....
*curls up in corner to be alone*

PapaBear 01-09-2009 03:28 AM

hi all. still here, struggling. very weak and tired. still set up in the middle of the horses' paddock. they know something is wrong, they're oddly quiet and haven't moved more than 10 feet from me since i set up out here.

just typing this is exhausting, i'm going back to sleep.

hugs and love for all

youonlyliveonce 01-09-2009 08:23 AM

hugs shayne
hugs mamamia hope u get the help u need soon well done for pouring ur heart out i know its tough when they dont help.
hugs kahlia thats really good news chick.

cud do with sum hugs really struggling so gonna go bk to sitting in a padded room as im not particularly safe so much happening at once cnt cope

MammaMia 01-09-2009 10:33 AM

*offers cuddles to all*

In so much pain today, the irony of it all >.<

zowie 01-09-2009 11:50 AM

Thanks Rowie :) *Offers cuddles*

*Hugs Helen* Sorry the hospital weren't any help - I remember many times when they were so useless to me, it just makes you feel worse!

*Hugs Kahlia* Glad to hear your arm is become easier to deal with!

*Hugs frenchhorn* Hope you feel better soon

*Offers hugs to Rach* How long have you been waiting for a therapist? Hopefully one will come along soon sweetie.

*Hugs Shayne* It's nice that you have your horses with you, I really hope their presence perks you up.

*Hugs Cheryl* Let us know when you're ready to come out the padded room and we'll be here for you.


I didn't get a very good sleep last night. Kept waking up and lying in bed wishing I could sleep. Everytime I did doze off though, I kept going back into the same dream.
Still feeling sickly and ill. I swear I've been like this since I had swine flu - I can't eat, I feel nauseas (sp? :P), tired etc. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it just doesn't seem enough to warrant a trip to the docs.

*Leaves hugs and cookies for everyone*

Kahlia1981 01-09-2009 12:51 PM

*hugs everyone*

shadowedseraph 01-09-2009 02:26 PM

*snuggles everyone* thank you for the hugs i need them at the moment :( what is wrong with me, why can't i retain a normal f*cking mood

MammaMia 01-09-2009 02:54 PM

*hug everyone*

Arwen, I hope you're feeling better soon sweetie.

I'm getting madder as the day goes on, my university haven't emailed me back to let me know whether I've been officaly withdrawn or whetehr I can go back in a few weeks :/ ARRRGH!! Also my WANKER OF A GP hasn't phoned me to see if I'm okay or not. Funny how if my counellor rings/writes to say I'm suicidal, he rings me the same day (usually day after I told her...), however when it lands me in a&e, he takes DAYS to write to tell me to come in *rolls eyes*

SoMuchMore 01-09-2009 03:57 PM

*hugs Kahlia*
*hugs shadowedseraph* sorry your mood is horrible, feel better.
*hugs helen* people can be a pain sometimes, it sucks that you are having a hard time with your university and GP. Hope things start working out.

I wish that i could stay in a good mood for a whole day, i wonder what that would feel like.... Yesterday was ok, until i got home and then my mood just plummeted for no seemingly no reason. and then I just got mad at myself for being so stupid. So there is where i am at now... feeling stupid.

shadowedseraph 01-09-2009 04:12 PM

*hugs MammaMia* your GP sounds like a pain the ass. Hope he calls soon

*Hugs Laura* don't feel stupid i know exactly what that plummeting mood feels like

zowie 01-09-2009 05:31 PM

I still feel really sick, even after a nap. And all I want is a drink.

MammaMia 01-09-2009 05:44 PM

Still no calls or email. Thanks GP. Thanks university.

Oh well, I don't care (I do but I can pretend I don't yeah?)

frenchhorn 01-09-2009 06:58 PM

hugs to everyone

*is just going to sit in the corner for a bit and ty to clear my head*

shadowedseraph 01-09-2009 09:23 PM

*hus everyone before retreating into a corner and rocking* why am i so f*cked up?

Country Girl 01-09-2009 11:34 PM

About a week I guess since the serious search started.....I'm getting impatient...and antsy....I'm afraid that by the time I get in to see the one they want me to see i will have lost my nerve....or something else....
*HUGS* everyone

Kahlia1981 02-09-2009 01:03 AM

*hugs everyone*

I rang the crisis team yesterday to find out what had happened to my request for treatment and was brushed off. They couldn't find my initial request which I put in about three weeks ago then told me that I just have to wait until I can start my six free sessions with a psychologist. I was trying to get help with my medications and so forth but the guy brushed my concerns in that area aside. I'm getting increasingly frustrated by them doing that ..... it makes me mad. I'm trying to ask for help and all they can do is say wait. I have six sessions to become a normal well-adjusted 20-something year old. I can't see it happening especially since it takes me a session or two to even be able to talk because of my lack of trust. And I've been told that I have to look at it the right way and it will cure all my problems. NOT FRICKING LIKELY. I have medication that needs to be looked at because I'm sure my lithium levels aren't right. Not that they care.

MammaMia 02-09-2009 01:20 AM

Oh Kahlia. Mental health professionals all seem one big bunch of wankers and all need a kick up the bum *huggles tight*

Kahlia1981 02-09-2009 06:06 AM

*hugs Helen tightly* ~ Yeah mental health professionals are in line for a kick up the arse...

realflifefaerie 02-09-2009 10:23 AM

*hugs everyone*
I'm back from holiday early, things didn't go according to plan and well, we came home. There's too many to reply individually, sorry

MammaMia 02-09-2009 11:54 AM

*cuddles Kahlia some more and then cudddles Secrets*

Sorry that things didn't go to plan and that you had to come home early :(

zowie 02-09-2009 01:25 PM

*Hugs everyone*
Feeling too bloated and tired to reply to you all.
I was doing the washing up yesterday and a pint glass exploded in my hand (scary!) A shard cut my finger pretty deep, and it was such a shock. I was a real wimp about it, which makes me feel like I wont be able to self harm ever again.
I guess that's a good thing, right?

wildly insane 02-09-2009 04:04 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry I've been so pathetically bad at messaging recently, I move to Liverpool in 10 days and everything is pretty insane. I seem to be holding together though, I am scared shitless :P

*hugs everyone again and leaves home-made cookies for devouring*

SoMuchMore 02-09-2009 04:40 PM

*hugs arwen* o dang! exploding glass is not good! glad that your okay, hope your finger heals fast.
*hugs wildly insane* good luck moving!

I was talking to my boyfriend about him joining the military, or well.. he was talking... i probably really need to tell him what i'm scared about in the air force, but he seems so happy and excited about it, I never get the chance to say anything.
There is too much piling up for me right now, I need to straighten some of it out before I... well... lets say before I screw up again.

MammaMia 02-09-2009 04:45 PM

*hugs everyone*

Uni have finally emailed me back hurray :D Still waiting from phone calls/letters from a few professionals *rolls eyes*

zowie 02-09-2009 05:44 PM

What did uni say Helen? xx

shadowedsoul 03-09-2009 12:42 AM

argh!!!!! screw everthing, i on longer give a sh*t. what the hell is the point. *curls up in ball in corner, crys myself to sleep*

Kahlia1981 03-09-2009 04:58 AM

*hugs everyone*

I rang the crisis team who organise community mental health and they basically are trying to have as little to do with me as possible. They told me I had to get a private doctor if I wanted a psychiatrist through some scheme neither I nor my doctor had ever heard of. My GP went off .... I was glad I was in the room and knew that the crisis team is one of his buttons. It was like a little shower of swearing where basically every second word was a curse word. He was none too happy about doing it - writing the referral I mean.

Why do mental health professionals have to have their heads stuck so far up their arse that they can't see anything?? Is it part of their training or something. Learning how to make their clients lives unliveable. I hate mental health professionals, they make me sick.

MammaMia 03-09-2009 12:24 PM


Originally Posted by zowie (Post 1848593)
What did uni say Helen? xx

Woops, somehow missed this post for over 12 hours :O Anyway they basically said I was reigistered for returning in September and that he would forward on my email to exams & assessments about me re-doing my first year...

zowie 03-09-2009 12:26 PM

My sister came over last night, I thought it was going to be just me and her having a drink. But she invited two of her friends over, neither of which wanted to drink, so my sis decided not to buy any alcohol and just have a few of my beers. I felt completely excluded all night, in my own house. And I was feeling a bit peeved that she just decided that it would be alright for her friends to come over and for her to take some of my beers.
I'm not that annoyed, I guess. Just...My sis and one of the friends who came over are lying on the sofas watching **** TV. I just know they're going to stay there for ages.

zowie 03-09-2009 12:27 PM

Woo! Helen, that sounds like good news! xx

MammaMia 03-09-2009 12:28 PM

Kahlia, mental health professionals make me sick too :/

Arwen, yeah it is :) Just replied to another email from a photographer actually about Tuesday's photoshoot.

Kahlia1981 03-09-2009 03:44 PM

Helen ~ Yay for the uni getting back to you and giving you good news into the bargain. *hugs you*

Arwen ~ I'm sorry that you felt excluded in your own house. *hugs you*

*hugs everyone*

Me and my housemate went out to the uni club tonight for a change. I drank six cups of burbon and coke and two red bulls. I have to try and go to sleep but my head has set itself to keeping me awake. :S

Katey-lou 03-09-2009 04:18 PM

*slips in and goes hides away in a locked room* maybe might be safe there.

*hugs* to everyone sorry not in a great place right now, just waiting to find out if theyre going to drag me back inot hospital or not :( i hate it all so much just want it all to go away :'(

MammaMia 03-09-2009 04:52 PM

Oh ****, I have til MONDAY, to email uni back with my ****ing appeal letter as they have apprantly withdrawn me.

I just don't need this right now...and can't exactly blame my 'depression' when my gp won't back me up (he'd have to...)

Why did I have to **** up so badly...

Katey-lou 03-09-2009 05:04 PM

*hugs* heln. hope that you manage to get the emails in. i can completyl understan i had all that problem with uni wen i ended up in hospital. i really wanted to do it and go bk but then was supposed to go back in april but couldnt so they said theyd put me down to restart this september, but then got told i couldnt it was a mess. but ive decided not to go back, because im not in the right place. hope it all gets sorted for you though xx

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