I just miss her so much. It's my birthday soon, and it's so hard to believe that she'll never be there for any of them. Every special occasion feels hard I guess. It's been four years, maybe I shouldn't be getting so upset; but I'm always so aware of how she's not here, and I think I'll always be hurt by that.

signing in, maybe i'll just stay here and hide from my probs

quickly runs in and leaves hugs

Hi everyone... sorry I haven't be around..
I'm here now.. I think.. not doing too good but oh well :)
I'm off to uni soon so I'll come back later x

*hugs everyone*

Ok if I curl up in the corner please?

*hugs everyone* sorry no individual replies right now but i want you all to know i have read...

I feel there is something ironic and a bit scary about the fact that I have to go get briefed at a psychiatric unit tomorrow about how to handle those with psychiatric disorders. I'm super nervous... esp since the head of psychiatry at the hospital will be talking to all of us who are working for the study individually, i feel like i'm getting screened or something...

*hugs everyone*

I had another event with the crisis team today... They got my GP's letter asking for treatment by a pdoc and have decided that all I need is longterm counselling. I mean full marks for effort but also full marks for pissing me off. And they want the counselling to be done privately, once again showing that they are trying to get rid of me. Well I'm sorry crisis team I don't go away that easily and I will be a thorn in your side for a long time to come...

hi sorry havent been around im inpatient at the mo and not got ne access to internet sorry. big hugs everyone xx

*hugs everyone*

I'm just going to go and sit and cry in a corner until I fall asleep and/or disappear....

can i have a cuddle please? sorry i feel stupid for asking, but i need something.
i had my 20th bday 2 weeks ago, i didnt think id make it this far either zowie, in fact, last year the ICU nurses and doctors said that i wouldnt. but i did. and im scared. its like all of a sudden i have so much to live up to. im doing better now so people dont even notice me, im even gradually LOSING friends through my recovery. that doesnt make sense. even i had a slip up, no one even noticed.

i feel so alone again, i cant deal with this. i stopped my meds and stopped seeing psychs and stuff coz they werent helping. and i WONT go back!!! but i am still scared. im scared of recovery, of reality and of living the life everyone else expects me to live :(

*Cuddles ScarlettAngel*
I lost a lot of friends because I wasn't recovering. Now I'm in a good place they seem to have become too withdrawn to care. Is that what's happening, or are they actually drifting away because of your recovery? If that's the case, they aren't good friends at all - Yes, they may have been there for you when you were unwell, but what sort of friend loses interest when you start to get better?
I was scared too sweetie, and to be honest, I still am a little. But the fear passes when you start to realise how much nicer life can be without mental illness looming over you. I know how it feels, that MH has been part of you and mostly defined who you were and the way your life went. But it doesn't have to be that way. It takes time but once you can start to let go of the negative thoughts and feelings, and the hold that the illness has over you, you can start to enjoy life and see things in a better perspective.
*Cuddles again*
Take care hun
xxx

*hugs everyone*

Thank you for the kind words.

My Voices have gone into Kill Mode, might be getting my Haloperidol raised.

*leaves cuddles for all*
I'm really sorry I haven't being leaving individual replies, I'm too tired at the moment. I'd forgotten how hard it is to look after babies!

*checking in. Wish I could for real :(

*hugs everyone then retires to a corner for a cry and hopes she'll disappear*

*curling up in my corner to cry*
wish i could crawl in a corner for real....
just want to give up....

*cuddles Rach* ~ I know how you feel hon

*hugs everyone and curls up in a corner*

I'm in a good mood :)
I hope it lasts.
I think I'ma spend the day reading my book and drinking blackcurrant squash.
Will check back in during the day to see how everyone is.
Love n hugs
xxx

*hugs Rach*
*hugs Kahlia*
- hope you guys are both alright -
*hugs arwen* I hope your good mood lasts too! Have a fun/relaxing day!

I just want to give up. Tired of waiting for things to turn around. A friend is coming over tonight to talk to me, he feels bad that he didn't listen a few weeks ago when I said I needed to talk to someone. Thing is, I had a major breakdown then... and now I don't know if I even want to talk to him/anyone. It would be so much easier to just let myself fall apart.

I'm so scared, I feel so low, cant keep going.

*continues to sit in the corner*
I think they are avoiding me....not that I blame them....but I do just really need to know they care about me....give me a reason to stay alive....it just hurts so much.....

*hugs Laura* ~ Thanks for caring.
*hugs Imogen* ~ I hope you can fight the low and come out on the other side
*hugs Rach*
*hugs Arwen* ~ I hope your good mood continues
*hugs everyone*

I feel really low. I've had a down mood for a couple of days now with no cause. Nothing has happened that has brought me down, and it's not related to thoughts.... I'm just low and when I get low I start thinking of suicide. I've made it through two nights and now I'm not sure what to do. I think I'll make an appointment with my GP as I don't have a pdoc as the crisis team doesn't think I need medication. I don't know what gave them that idea. I'm in a bad state when I'm not on medication... and they know that. They are just trying to interfere ....

*hugs everyone*

I'm so stupid, disgusting, irrational, ugly... need I go on?
*tries to disappear*

*hugs Laura* ~ Don't disappear hon, we love you here.
*hugs everyone*

I went and saw my GP today. He tried to find a cause for my down mood. He agreed with writing a letter to the Townsville Health Service District to complain about the crisis team. He gave me permission to have an extra lithium a day as long as I didn't have too many. He didn't really want to increase my lithium but has told me that if it gets worse to drop in and see him early next week, or to go to the hospital.

Hugs everyone feeling low and curled up in corners, keep fighting guys you are worth it and people do care.

*hugs Arwen* yay for a good mood I hope it stays

I am still hectically busy, I moved up last weekend and the next three weekends I'm away. The new job has started positively, I just need to go to bed earlier :P

hugs everyone again

I'm home again woooo :P

*hugs to all*

Welcome back Helen :) *Hugs*
How was your time away? xxx

i have a blanket. can i come back? :-(

*waves to helen* welcome back! Hope your trip was good!
*hugs arwen*
*hugs strawberry.bananas* of course you can come in! you alright?

I'm not feeling any less horrible... *sigh* I'm just a stupid person.

thanks hon. not really doing so well. things were going awfully as it was but i was coping by holding onto the fact that i had my relationship, with the guy that i love. now, my relationship has gone. and i can't cope anymore.

*hugs everyone*

Welcome back Helen ... I hope you enjoyed your holiday.

*hugs everyone*

I did enjoy most of my holiday. Had a few really bad blips though and nearly did a bad thing or two. But I'm home. Things are still really ****. But hey that's my life isn't it??? :( I just want my best friends to be okay more than anything :'( Oh and for my doctor to maybe CARE???

Oh & it's my nephew's birthday today. He's 14! Makes me want to cry lol. Don't want him to be that age lol, want him to stay little forever. We've pratically grown up together...

why am i so sad tonight? i had a good day. but my bf is at work tonight, wont be home till morning. that cant be why im upset though... im not dependant on him for my happiness, am i? stupid tears. go away!
i dont want to depend on him, i dont think i do, im fine! arnt i?
argh im so grumpy and tired and sad and depressed and angry and confused and so over everything!!!!

i'll just sit here on the floor, under the table by the wall, cuddling Arnie, my best friend. he may be just a teddy bear to you, but he's the world to me! the only one who's been there by my side throughout every psych admission i ever had.
:'( need a cuddle

Well, it's going to be my last Friday night as a teen tonight. And I have nothing to do, and no money.
That pretty much sums me up.

*crying uncontrollably in the corner*
i think my problems drove one of the only 3 ppl who know what is going on with me away....how do i tell him i'm sorry without sounding desperate or like an idiot?
trying to control suicidal thoughts....but i'm afraid it's not working....
can I get some hugs? :(

im really low im out on an overnight leave at my friends i just wanna be dead. im suppose to be making progress and the first time out on signficant amount of leave i just want to be dead wats wrong with me. i cnt do nething cus she is watching my every move i know i shud be grateful i just dont want to be alive.
sorry for the rant can i cum and hide in the corner can i have a hugs please

*Hugs Rach and Cheryl*
Sorry, I've not got any words. Thinking of you both xxx

feel so low, just want to die, cant do anything without messing it up.

*hugs all*
I'm really sorry I'm not posting often, things are hectic and it just doesn't happen.

*hugs everyone* Sorry I'm too useless right now for individual replies... Everything always seems to hit all at once. Work is bad... bad bad bad. I don't think I can handle it.. I depersonalize really easily there. And there is so much else going on... My friend always tells me that it sucks that I never catch a break... but I just figure that is normal for everything to be going to sh*t all the time. The fact that he keeps saying that tho is making me wonder...

Sorry I know... pointless post..

*hugs everyone*

I'm sorry to hear that a lot of us are struggling. *special hugs to all who need to know that someone cares about them*

My mood is still low. I'm starting to see the world in monochrome. I think I'm just going to hide in here for a bit. Otherwise I think my housemate will send me up to the hospital at some point if my mood doesn't start to lift...

Hugs to everyone.

*hugs everyone then goes and sits in a corner and crying because she can't cry IRL*

*hugs kahlia*

I'm so tipsy right now, its fantastic. First time I've felt ok in awhile... too bad it won't last.

*hugs Laura* ~ I know how you feel
*hugs everyone else*

I've had a slight repreive from my mood - I've become numb. I guess it's a good thing but both me and my housemate are concerned that it's the calm before the storm ...

need to check in - feeling so low right now - cant get through days without crying - have been the strong one for all my mates and im drained - no time for myself no time for my family - money worries stressing me out - just wanna curl up and sleep and never wake up - cant take this any more really cant

*Hugs to everyone*
Sorry I haven't been around in a whilee. But i'm back now and I hope you are all ok :)

My lovely ol' cat Kizzy is keeping me company and keeping me happy.
*Brings Kizzy into the ward*
She's old and fat, but she's so loving and silly - Maybe she can curl up on some of your laps and make you all smile? :)

*leaves hugs and warm blankies for everyone*