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Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 04:55 AM

Sorry your feeling numb Poisonous, and dont worry about being there for others. Just take care of yourself at the moment xxx

Sometimes you just have to put yourself first.

Thinking of you
Jade xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 04:56 AM

I am doing my best. Thank you, Jade

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 04:58 AM

Helen Thats great news 8 months, I hope later on in the week you will feel like celebrating.

Im wishing you a great week < puts protective barrier around you to keep out hurtful people >

Love Jade xxx

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 04:59 AM

Poisonous Keep posting, it might help

Im here to listen

Jade xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:00 AM

Well, I have another two hours before it is my bedtime, so I should be sticking around for a bit yet

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:02 AM

Ok poisonous xxx Your welcome to PM me anytime or I will keep an eye on this thread xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:05 AM

Thank you. I think I will keep posting in here. I tend to respond better to threads than PMs for some reason

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:09 AM

I totally understand < smile > I just wanted you to know that your not alone xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:10 AM

I very much appreciate it. Damnation, I rather wish I did not have to wait until Tuesday for my doctor's appointment. Sometimes, I am too impatient for my own good

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:12 AM

Honey, I know what its like to want to see someone like a doctor and having to wait. < Im impatient too >

I hope today goes quickly for you, and good luck at the doctors I hope they will be very helpful

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:15 AM

The doctor was very helpful last time, so I am certain that he will be again when I see him the next. I am interested to see in what he has to say about these bouts of becoming emotionally 'void'. I think this is the third time it has happened (although the first time was months ago, and the more I think about it, the less I remember. So now I am not even 100% certain that it even happened), and the last two times have been since I saw him the last, when therefore started taking my Citalopram. Two of my friends suggested that it might be a side effect of it. I do not know, but I do not like the way the void seems to kill my personality

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:20 AM

It must be hard being "void". To loose the part of you that makes you, you. Im so glad you have an understanding doctor.

I hope it isnt a side effect of Citalopram. Have you been on it long??? or just when you started to have these " Void " sessions.

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:24 AM

I have been on Citalopram for about two weeks now. I noticed a few side effects (feeling sick, an adult one I would rather not admit to, and perhaps feeling a lot more fatigued than usual), but did not at first think that the void could perhaps be one of them.

As I mentioned earlier, this has happened before. I am uncertain as to whether the first time was even real now, but the last time it happened was on Thursday. And now again today, so I will be mentioning it to my doctor (did I already mention that?). I looked around online for Citalopram side effects, but all that I really found was feeling sick and possibly heightening anxiety at first (which I am thankful for not having). After it wore off and I was back to myself on Friday, I have been half paranoid of it happening again, and half wishing that it would. As odd/creepy as it is, that my entire personality changes/disappears, it is a welcome relief to the crippling depressive spells I have recently had

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:31 AM

I really hope the side effects settle down in time. Its great that you are finding that they are working and you are not getting crippling depressive spells that you have had in the past.

Your doctor sounds like he might be able to get to the bottom of this. Maybe its your bodies way of coping with things, just wanting to shut down for a while.

I hope by posting and talking that it helps. Put yourself first for a change, because you are a lovely caring person xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:33 AM

Well, the sickness has worn off now, the one I do not really wish to go into detail about seems to be getting better, it is just the fatigue now. But I am not entirely certain if the fatigue is part of it. I could merely be overtired.

I do believe it is stress related. I have been under a horrendous amount of stress lately, and it is severely beginning to take its toll on me. I mentioned that I scared a friend, and he is still worried about me, and well it sort of worries me, too. Unfortunately, I cannot say all that I wish to, as to go into as much detail as I like would break the tipsharing rule

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:41 AM

I have been on new medication and they do seem to make you drowsy to begin with, until you have got use to them.

I think Stress can effect you in soooo many different ways. Like I said maybe its your bodies way of handling it.

I too have probably scared a friend by opening up to them yesterday. Probably made them worried which was the last thing I wanted to do. It just all came pouring out. It worries me too.

Its just shows you that they care if they are worried about you and that they are the right friend to have. I think they worry because they cant seem to help you, only by listening to you.


Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:44 AM

So drowsiness is a common side effect of a number of medications?

I think part of it might be the fact that said friend may feel guilty. I do not know if you have seen the posts I made in here earlier, but I had issues with him, and it all came out that he was stringing myself, plus three others along. Saying he loved two of us, bugging for...photographs, that sort of thing. And considering how madly in love with him I was, it hurt. A lot. It still does, if I am entirely honest. I feel that it is that stress, plus debt/eviction/keeping a strong front for my housemate - all of it combined - that is making me go a little...mad now. I do not express stress offline (unless it is to SI), so tend to vent at poor people on here, on other sites, etc

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 05:53 AM

Its sooo great that you do post, and keep talking.

Like I said I am here to listen and you are going through soooo much right now. Of course it must of hurt finding out someone has been stringing you along, especially as you loved him. Its not easy getting over something like that and its not going to happen for a while < big hugs >

Money troubles and eviction cannot help ANY situation. I think you are being so hard on yourself xxx You have major stress in your life and I think you should be proud of yourself that you are fighting this with everything you have got xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:57 AM

*Hugs back* No, to be honest I cannot see myself getting over it any time soon. He and I are getting along better (we still speak on a daily basis, although I refuse to bugger about starting conversations and giving him constant nudges when he decides to fall silent on me), but the vastness of what he did, the fact that it looks like he had been lying to me for a good part of the year (at least half a year? I am uncertain), that still stings. That, and that he had the balls to pretend he still loved me when he did not.

Apparently it is commendable that I am still here. A friend of mine on another site said that most people probably would have given up on life right about now. I must admit, it is very tempting. Thoughts of suicide are frequent, and strong. But it is for my friends that I must struggle on. I sometimes feel as though my resolve is breaking, but I have not yet cracked completely. Although sometimes that feels more like a curse than a blessing

Snuffles 02-02-2009 05:58 AM

Huge cuddles Dayna!! I hope your ok =)

Helen, 8 months, fantastic hun!

I saw my counsellor today.. she suggested I see a welfare officer to try to get a loan, going to see one on Thursday. Still feeling calm about the house buisness. It must work out. Been out all day so didn't get a chance to ring up about 2 places =( Oh well, first thing tomorrow morning (Y) Feeling ok... kinda..

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:00 AM

*Big cuddles back to Katie* I am emotionally void, but aside from that, I think that I am well.

I am also glad that you are feeling calm, and I hope that things work out for you

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:02 AM

It really is his loss that he hasnt got you anymore because you are a lovely, caring and compassionate woman. He doesnt deserve you. You are too good for him, I know you wont think so but you are.

IM glad you have friends keeping you going but they have to be there for you as well as you being there for them. < sometimes put yourself first > You certainly are a fighter and I think your amazing xxx

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:04 AM

Snuffles, I hope you get the loan and good luck with the house hunting

Glad you are feeling okay xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:06 AM

Jade: Heh, thank you. I am uncertain of what exactly to say to that. I guess I am still not quite used to accepting compliments.

My housemate is my priority right now, especially at the moment. She is well on the way to recovery (she has long had depression too, which heightened when her parents died. If it was not for me and our dog, she would be suicidal, she said), but is going through a hard time. She does not have her prescription at the moment, and is going through the weekend without her medication, which is making her very sensitive. That and plus she has lived in this house for 35(?) years and now we have to leave on Friday...Yes. It is perfectly understandable why she is upset.

So I am doing my best to be supportive. I realise that she would want me to talk to her, but I would rather not. I much prefer my role of supporting her, rather than having her support me (that and plus I have issues with talking abotu my problems aloud)

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:10 AM

Awwww You see what a caring lady you are. Supporting your housemate/friend the way you do.

Poor lady sounds like she does need a lot of support < big hugs to her > It must be awful having to leave a home are 35 years. I hope you find something really nice together.

Have you another house to go to ?

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:12 AM

Well, I try my best.

And yes. She is doing a few courses at a place called The Bridge and something at the jobcentre (I cannot remember what exactly) and has made a friend or two thanks to them, so she is getting better, but still needs things to take her mind off everything here.

And yes, we have somewhere to go, thankfully. It was looking extremely grim for a moment, but we went to see somewhere last week

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:21 AM

Im soooooo pleased that you have somewhere to go. I hope you settle in real quick honey because you deserve it.

Im glad you friend is getting out and about and keeping busy.

I wish you all the luck in the world for your move on Friday xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:23 AM

I am expecting to be rather difficult, to be honest. The dog will be unsettled, as will my housemate. She has already warned me that she is likely to be rather emotional at first, but fingers crossed that it will be better than we currently think. I personally am more worried about losing bits and pieces/leaving something behind, especially my 'tool'.

And thank you again, Jade, I truly appreciate your support/good wishes

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:28 AM

Anytime Poisonous xxx I hope nothing gets lost or broken.

That all of you including your dog settles in quickly. I will keep my fingers crossed for you on Friday. xxx

I hope you wont be away from RYL for long. Get your computer unpacked first xxx

Will be here for you anytime xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:32 AM

I am uncertain how long it will take for the dog to get settled (my housemate even surmised that she may take longer than the dog) because she is clingy with my housemate since housemate's parents died. So another big change could be rather unsettling for her.

As for me, I am expecting to settle in quickly (providing I do not stress myself out by losing things). I got settled in here very quickly when I first moved in with my housemate, and the atmosphere here is one that is a damn sight different than what I was used to. It was a welcome change.

As for being online, I will do my best to keep people updated. If (and I do not think it is likely) I am offline for a longish while, I will try and get myself down to the nearest library as often as possible, and/or ask Katrica, if she does not mind, to make the odd post with an update. But with any luck, it will not come to that

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:39 AM

We will be watching out for your posts for updates.

You sounds such a terrific friend/housemate to have. You are lucky to have each other xxx

So pleased that you kept posting and talking. xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:41 AM

Yes, we both are. I shudder to think what sort of state I would be in now if it was not for her (or even if I would still be here), so the least I can do now is to help her too

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:45 AM

Be proud, your a lovely, caring person xxx

Hang in there, honey xxx Keep fighting xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:53 AM

I am doing my best xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:01 AM

Right, it is now 7am and I am getting rather tired, so I will retreat to bed. Hopefully, by the time I pull myself off the sofa tomorrow, I will be back to my normal self.

Thank you yet again for everything, Jade, and I hope that you have a good night

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:04 AM

nite nite honey, Anytime Its what Im here for xxx

Detour. Derail 02-02-2009 10:19 AM

*has decorated the ward for a "well done Helen" party.

8 monthes is mint!!

*hands present*


I feel like *_*

I cant sleep.

Horrible dreams....

Horrible guy-kidnaps-&-tortures-me dreams.

Keep me up.

Waking up crying.

Everyone at home is getting annoyed with me now...

And Im too tired to even function properly...


Kahlia1981 02-02-2009 10:32 AM

Hi all.
I think I'd like to go to sleep now but I can't.
We have put on The Mummy Returns ... after just having watched The Mummy.

*leaves hugs for everyone*

Lyssie 02-02-2009 10:51 AM

*walks in waves* is it okay if i admit myself here??

Detour. Derail 02-02-2009 10:57 AM

*gets lyssie-louba a cushion*

Hello =]

Im Alexx!

Its finnnneeee!!! come in!!! Join us!!!
Make yourself at home!

I hope your doing ok (or as close to ok as possible!)

If you need to talk you can alsways pm me if you like.

Im rambling.
Im sorry.
Im tired.

Jetforce 02-02-2009 10:58 AM

*crash tackles alexx*

Hope ur well there xxx

Detour. Derail 02-02-2009 11:01 AM

arrrrggghhhhh *falls*

Heyyyy Jemmmmm =]

Im tired ><


MammaMia 02-02-2009 12:21 PM


Originally Posted by Jetforce (Post 1397161)
Congrats helen

8months is awful long time to stay safe..well done!!!! xxx

Thank you Jem =)


Originally Posted by Tears of Solitude (Post 1397258)
Helen Thats great news 8 months, I hope later on in the week you will feel like celebrating.

Im wishing you a great week < puts protective barrier around you to keep out hurtful people >

Love Jade xxx

Jade, thank you sweetie, I hope nobody breaks that barrier


Originally Posted by Snuffles (Post 1397304)
Helen, 8 months, fantastic hun!

Thank you sweetie :)


Originally Posted by Voice Of Reason (Post 1397531)
*has decorated the ward for a "well done Helen" party.

8 monthes is mint!!

*hands present*

Thank you babe, those dreams sound awful though :(

Guess who's uni is closed? :D :D :D :D But I need to stop letting what appened on Saturday morning go around and around and arond my headl.

realflifefaerie 02-02-2009 02:25 PM

Secrets says sorry she neglected everyone she was busy volunteering all weekend, and had a busy day sunday at Tough Guy, which was cold and meh.

Congrats Helen, you should be proud...celebrate it by treating yourself on your day off!!!

Welcome lyssie-louba, I hope your ok.

Hi everyone else, Ive forgotten what posts say now.

*leaves hugs and chocolate*

zowie 02-02-2009 04:30 PM

Well done Helen, you're doing really well.

Feeling terrible today, but don't know what to do about it. Tried to sleep it off on the sofa but my sister bitched at me for ages. Voices are telling me to badly hurt her.

Damnation. 02-02-2009 05:39 PM


I think it's finally happening. I'm having a breakdown

Lyssie 02-02-2009 06:15 PM

*Lyssie wanders into padded room and cries*

shadowedsoul 02-02-2009 06:26 PM

walk in to romm curls up in corner and cries, hmm feeling low, hate this had enough.argh

Kahlia1981 02-02-2009 07:06 PM

Lyssie I'm going to have to counteract your signature for a moment and ask someone to please stop the darn rain ... the flooding here is terrible and I'm getting sick of bailing water out so that we can use the main door.

*curls up in corner and goes to sleep - something that she can't do irl atm*

zowie 02-02-2009 07:12 PM

Sorry, no words at the moment. But plenty of hugs for everyone who wants one

Still feeling ****. Was thinking of going to A&E but I don't want to wait for hours. I've got to be at the day hospital tomorrow morning

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